by Free Britney at . Comments

Whether it was the producers' idea, him writing himself into his own screenplay or prompted by genuine emotions, Frank Neuschaefer's move last night was ballsy.

Dumping Ali Fedotowsky for his ex-girlfriend this late in the game? That stings. Far worse than the antics of Justin "Rated R" Rego, who was far more transparent.

Frank was awkward. He was sad. He confused the hell out of us. And he broke Ali's heart. Love it or hate it, this was the watershed moment of the season so far.

Oh yeah, and two guys were also there vying for her heart (and no one else's). THG breaks down Monday's penultimate episode of The Bachelorette below ...

Frank hasn't been frank with Ali all along.

It's really odd how much ABC gives away in previews, not just before the episode airs, but for what's "COMING UP" during the episode. Not everyone reads The Bachelorette spoilers, ABC. We certainly do, but not everyone. Minus 5.

Let's delve right into Frank. He's been obsessed with Ali all season, yet loved this Nicole Caruso girl so much that he chose her after one cheesy heart-to-heart, then flew all the way to Tahiti to break the news? This makes no sense, Minus 14.

Nicole says had no idea one person could complete another. Has she never seen Jerry Maguire? Eh, she looks like she's about 19, so maybe not. Anyway, Minus 3.

Ali is way cuter and seems a lot cooler than Nicole. Just saying. Plus 5.

Not sure if they just need to kill time and stretch this filler into a two-hour show, but the gratuitous Ali bikini shots are off the hook this week. We'll take it. Plus 7.

The majesty of Tahitian scenery soon gives way to despair, seeing as we do not make enough money from these Bachelorette reviews to ever go there. Minus 8.

Ooh, a helicopter ride! That's a new one, Bachelorette! Minus 4.

Ali wears sexy lingerie to dinner with Roberto Martinez. Someone is a little boy crazy ... not that we blame her. Despite sweating profusely, he's a hunk! Plus 9.

Why do they always say the fantasy suite card is from Chris Harrison? Just so we'll laugh and point it out here, while praising the venerable host-pimp? Plus 8.

Bachelorette Ali

Will Ali Fedotowsky choose Chris Lambton or Roberto Martinez?

Roberto has to be the frontrunner heading into the August 2 finale, given his obvious chemistry with Ali. Much of their date could be Cinemax material. Plus 5.

Wait, Chris' mom died? Did we miss that? Minus 6.

Chris' date with Ali involves cruising around on a giant boat, playing in the water and finding pearls in oysters. Cute, but too many obvious jokes missed. Wash.

At dinner on a private island, he sweetly confesses that he can see himself with Ali. Roberto is her infatuation, but Chris might be an even better pick. Plus 12.

Chris says that his mom is looking down smiling right now. Minus 5 for the overkill, and Minus 14 more for the image of his late mom looking down smiling at her first born about to put it to a hot girl also dating someone else on a reality show.

After arriving in Tahiti for reasons known, Frank reflects: "I'm confident in the decision I made, but to hurt Ali and potentially break her heart is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do ... so I wanna talk to Chris Harrison." Plus 56.

Eventually, he "confesses" to Ali and she seems genuinely miserable. Minus 19, 'cause it's very possible Frank and Nicole "broke up" so he could go on the show, knowing full well he could play this card for dramatic effect. He's a writer, after all.

Minus 2 for the annoying way he says "Nicole," and Minus 6 for Ali saying she "gave up everything" to be here for approximately the 458th time this season.

They have the rose ceremony anyway, an unnecessary but nice reminder for Ali that the two remaining guys are light years better than Frank anyway. Plus 7.

TOTAL: +23. SEASON: +166.

Who should Ali Fedotowsky choose?

 

by Free Britney at . Comments

After last week, The Bachelorette had its work cut out for it.

Not only were the stakes high for Ali with hometown dates looming, but the Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi clash made for riveting, must-see train wreck TV.

The hometown dates themselves last night? They all went well. Like, really well. She picked some good guys (mostly). Awesome for Ali, a little boring for us.

Still, there was plenty to like about the episode, and plenty of hometown drama for us to go over here in THG's patented plus-minus rundown of events ...

Roberto Martinez. Baseball uniform. Shameless, ABC. Plus 7.

Minus 3 for the wasted potential of baseball/dating puns (second base? eh?), but Plus 5 for Ali toeing the line between girly and sporty perfectly. So cute.

Beautiful Ali F.

Who will win the heart of The Bachelorette, Ali Fedotowsky?

The Bachelorette star? So what. Roberto Sr. wants to make sure Ali is good enough for his son. Plus 4 for him taking it to her, and for her handling it well.

If Roberto is the favorite, Chris Lambton is a close second. Ali Fedotowsky does seem to be a perfect fit in Chris' Cape Cod home. Bay State 4 life!! Plus 6.

Minus 5 for the slight overkill regarding Chris' mom. Yes, it's a big part of who he is, and he's very sincere. It's the producers who overdo this narrative.

How much do you want to swap your own family for Chris'? Plus 8.

The Lambtons are so, so genuine ... which ABC exploits with the bit about the mom "up there helping orchestrate all this"? It's The Bachelorette!! Minus 7.

Kirk DeWindt's date is the most awkward, as it involves two eccentric families and one taxidermist. But Plus 3, because everyone's really nice. It is Wisconsin.

  • Kirk DeWindt Picture
  • Frank Neuschaefer Picture

At elimination time, you knew it was coming down to Kirk or Frank.

The women in Kirk's life are salt-of-the-earth folks who clearly love Ali. The only problem is Kirk himself. Nice as he is, there's just something missing. Minus 2.

"Sometimes love is a complicated thing." - Frank Neuschaefer. Deep. How can this man not be a writer when contemplative musings like this flow so easily? Plus 5.

Frank really needs a new look. Not only are his glasses too small for his face, is that a cardigan over a wife-beater? He's like Mr. Rogers meets The Situation. Minus 7.

On a similar note, the fancy dresses don't work on Ali Fedotowsky. She can totally pull off anything, but more baseball jerseys, fewer pink flowery gowns! Minus 4.

Plus 6 for the grainy, dream-like flashback footage during host-pimp Chris Harrison's fireside chat with Ali ... makes Roberto and Chris look even more dreamy, no?

Again, Frank. Is that a tux and a sweatshirt at the rose ceremony? Minus 3.

If The Bachelorette spoilers are to be believed, we know who's in the final two. If the promos for next week are to be believed, Ali may be paying a second visit to Kirk's father's basement ... to stuff Frank's corpse in that freezer. Plus 8.

TOTAL: +13. SEASON: +143.

Roses: Roberto, Chris, Frank. Out: Kirk.

Who should Ali Fedotowsky choose?

 

Chris Lambton Biography

Ali Fedotowsky and Chris Lambton Chris Lambton is a contestant on the sixth season of The Bachelorette, starring Ali Fedotowsky. He reportedly makes it a long way this... More »
Full Name
Chris Lambton
x Close Ad