Charlie Sheen

Randy Quaid says it would be a "hoot" to tour with Charlie Sheen. Not sure that will ever happen, but it would indeed be a hoot, among other things.

Quaid floated this screwball proposition to Canada's Globe and Mail this week. "It's apropos to his situation, and apropos to my situation," he said.

Whatever you say, Randy. Whatever you say.

OPENING ACT? This would be the one way to make Sheen's tour crazier.

Quaid, who co-starred with Charlie in Major League II, No Man's Land and The Wraith, wouldn't be able to do U.S. shows, of course. Just Canada.

Randy and his insane wife Evi are living in Vancouver, having sought refugee status there in 2010. This was after they went completely off the rails.

Still, Randy tells E! he'd tour with Sheen in a second, and he'd open with the Johnny Cash song, "Will We Be Together Then," followed by "Star Whackers."

On the latter, penned by Quaid, Sheen would join him on backing vocals: "That'd be great: Have Charlie come out [and sing], 'I'm talking about Whackers!'"

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, there are only so many torpedoes of truth to go around. While Charlie has had special guests, his rep says:

"We're not having any opening acts. The tour is proceeding wonderfully; there are no plans to have an opening act or have Randy participating."

Forget Carmelo Anthony. It turns out Charlie Sheen is the best rebounder in New York.

Following a disastrous performance at Radio City Music Hall Friday evening, the actor returned to the same venue on Saturday and told an enthusiastic crowd: "Friday night got a little f*cking hijacked because I let people get into my magic f**king brain."

Well, sure. That happens to all of us.

Sheen chucked his script from the outset and roamed around the audience a bit throughout the show. He also welcomed a pair of random, special guests on to the stage:

1. Former baseball player Darryl Strawberry.
2. Inside the Actors' Studio host James Lipton.

The latter even asked Charlie one of the questions he poses to guests at the conclusion of every episode: What's your favorite curse word? Sheen's response: "Either f*ck or Denise."

Okay. That's pretty funny.

Charlie Sheen took his live tour to Radio City Music Hall last night.

And while the reception was not nearly as vitriolic as the one he received while bombing in Detroit, fans didn't exactly give the actor a Cleveland-like standing ovation, either.

Taking the stage a few hours after allegedly sending Denise Richards a threatening email that said he'd continue to bash her unless she returned his canine, Sheen donned Yankee attire during his set and was greeted warmly at first.

But things quickly turned sour, as he referred to Richards as a "dognapper" and was booed when he said he had quit drugs. (Seriously, people?!?)

Charlie Sheen and his #winning ways are coming to a city near you. And also to Law & Order: Criminal Intent, when Jay Mohr channels the warlock.

According to Deadline, a classic ripped-from-the-headlines episode later this season will star Mohr as a Hollywood celebrity and bad boy, Nyle Brite.

A "rock star" whose every creation turns to gold, Nyle's penchant for cocaine binges and call girls only boosts his career and "lovable rogue" image:

Sounds eerily familiar ...

Eh, we can see Jay Mohr as a poor man's Charlie Sheen.

Basically, look for Law & Order's case of the week to be a hotel room bender ending with porn star the locked in closet, only Capri Anderson dies.

Sounds like a solid episode to us. In other Jay Mohr news, he's a trending topic on Twitter now. We thought April Fools Day was last Friday ...

Charlie Sheen delivered a live performance in Cleveland last night that echoed that city's motto. Indeed, according to fans there, the actor rocks.

Following a disastrous opening night in Detroit, followed by an improved tour stop in Chicago, Sheen exited his most recent night on stage to a standing ovation.

Charlie Sheen Tour Clips

Among the highlights:

• The crowd going bonkers at the sight of Sheen in an Indians jersey.
• Sheen showing off merchandise that included a "SHEENIUS" shirt.
• The audience chanting "F-ck Detroit" and "F-ck that bitch!" regarding Denise Richards.
• Sheen taking questions from a moderator and those in attendance, some of whom heckled him, to which he again responded that they can leave because "I already got your money."
• Sheen going into detail about his stuttering problem as a child.
• The star saying he'd return to Two and a Half Men because he made them "five billion."
• A shout-out to his father and the movie Apocalypse Now.
• A closing of: "F*ck Milwaukee! We are filming Major League 3 here! Cleveland do u feel like you are winning? I love you all goodnight!"

Miley Cyrus recently returned to Twitter for two reasons:

1. To connect with her fans
2. Charlie Sheen

It seems like the latter may have been the bigger catalyst, too:

"'Do not fear, he Sheenius is here!' I’m not gonna lie. I came back to twitter for 2 reasons,” she Tweeted. “My fans and to follow @charliesheen #winning.”

Charlie, who wasn't on Twitter himself until he went off the rails and got fired from Two and a Half Men, responded by welcoming Miley back with open arms!

“Dear Miley, Welcome back to Twitter!” Charlie Tweeted. “Always felt you were epic… Now you proved it! Thanks for the love! ybh c @gypsyhearttour”

The Chiley love fest didn’t end there, either. Not by any means.

“@charliesheen I always felt the same about you!” Miley wrote the space cadet. “You have taught me everything I know about WINNING. Duh!”

That's pretty sad if true. But we're glad she's back, happy.

Charlie Sheen "plays" Cleveland tonight. Tickets are still available. A lot of them.

The first show of his Torpedo of Truth tour was such a historic debacle, a huge number of people dumped tickets to future dates onto the secondary market.

Also, a large number of tickets remain unsold at all, even after Sheen redeemed himself (sort of) with a better-received Chicago performance (below).

Sheen Live Tour - Torpedoes of Truth

According to online exchanges, the average ticket to Sheen’s upcoming Radio City Music Hall date went for between $125-$150 last week on its website.

Yesterday, that average sale price sank to $80. Today, $50. An Orchestra seat at Radio City can now be had for as little as $24, far, far below face value.

Not that Sheen likely cares.

“I already got your money, dude,” he told a Detroit fan who booed him. “You paid your hard-earned money without knowing what this show was about.”

At least fewer people will be making that mistake now.

Charlie Sheen performed, or did whatever it is Charlie Sheen does, in Chicago last night. Unlike his disastrous Detroit show, it was somewhat organized.

The audience actually seemed to respond positively to Sheen and the second leg of the "Violent Torpedoes of Truth / Defeat is Not an Option" tour, too.

Some of the highlights:

Sheen Live Tour - Torpedoes of Truth

• The crowd starting a "Detroit sucks!" chant, after which Charlie read a poem about how much he hates the city of Detroit. Obviously.
• An interviewer asking him questions, including about his marriages, during which Charlie called Brooke Mueller a "kidnapper bitch."
• Charlie trading shirts with a guy who told him to get naked.
• Charlie claiming he owes Heidi Fleiss $2 million dollars. 

Charlie Sheen kicked off his tour in Detroit tonight, and, the actor got violently torpedoed with boos from a crowd that left before the deranged act was finished.

The show started approximately 20 minutes late, as a random comedian came out and told jokes that made Two and a Half Men seem funny. A sample: "Shouldn’t they call the defibrillator a difibra-now?”

Movie clips then played around 9 p.m., two goddesses made out on stage and Sheen finally appeared. He stood behind a podium and said to the crowd: “I am finally here to identify and train the Vatican assassin locked inside each and every one of you.”

Charlie Sheen Monologue

That was pretty much the highlight of the evening.

Witnesses at the event said Sheen rambled on incoherently, at one point saying: "They took my awesome children... They took my sometimes bitchin job… And when they thought there was nothing left, they tried to take my titanium heart and brain and spine. But they could not.”

The audience grew restless, boos began to reign down and that's when the actor took to mocking those in attendance.

Poor little Bob and Max now know with which troubled parent they'll be spending time over the next few months.

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller hammered out their custody agreement in Los Angeles County Superior Court yesterday, finalizing the following details regarding these twins:

• Both parents much submit to random drug testing three times/month.
• A nanny must be present at all times, no matter who has custody.
• Sheen will watch the children every other weekend for two months; then every weekend for the next two months, culminating in even more time with them if he remains drug and alcohol free.
• Neither Brooke nor Charlie can be photographed with Bob, Max... and any romantic partner. Tough break for the goddesses.