Charlie Sheen

No one on the planet is thankful for the existence of Dr. Conrad Murray... but if anyone could find a silver lining in that physician's involvement in Michael Jackson's death, it's Charlie Sheen.

That's because Murray's arraignment today on charges of involuntary manslaughter overshadowed the fact that Sheen was also in court.

As a result of his Christmas Day confrontation with wife Brooke Mueller, the actor was charged with three crimes in an Aspen court: felony menacing, misdemeanor third degree assault and misdemeanor criminal mischief.

Sheen did not enter a plea.

The judge did relax the protective order that has been in place against Charlie since December 25; he can now communicate and have contact with Mueller.

The couple embraced each other at the conclusion of the hearing and Sheen is due back in court in March.

As if Charlie Sheen's personal life wasn't unusual enough...

The actor's SUV was reportedly stolen early this morning and is currently lying at the bottom of a cliff near Mulholland Drive.

TMZ confirms the actor was awoken at 4 a.m. today with a call from an OnStar-like service. It informed him that his vehicle had crashed and its airbags had deployed.

Sheen relayed this news to his security team, who inspected the home, and found no trace of the SUV. At this time, Charlie called the police and reported it stolen.

Law enforcement officials later found the demolished SUV 400 feet down from Mulholland Drive, having seemingly plummeted off a cliff.

No victims nor suspects have been found yet.

Sheen is due in court on Monday to face a felony charge that stems from his alleged attack of wife Brooke Mueller on Christmas Day. The past six weeks have been even worse for the actor than the awful CBS sitcom on which he stars.

** UPATE: Sheen apparently left the keys in the ignition, and the garage door open, when he returned from work around 8 p.m. He sounds as intelligent as he is peaceful.

"Charlie is fine," publicist Stan Rosenfield said, while police have ruled out anything other than a basic car theft. It's not like Sheen made it difficult for the criminals.

One.

That's no longer just the number of unfunny Two and a Half Men quotes uttered on that terrible sitcom every five minutes.

It's also the number of felony charges Charlie Sheen now faces.

The actor will be charged with a count of felony menacing in association with his alleged Christmas Day assault against Brooke Mueller, according to Colorado police

For reportedly holding a knife against Mueller's knife neck and threatening to kill her, Sheen will also face a charge of misdemeanor assault.

Look for the actor to be arrainged on Monday. He's not expected to enter a plea, but Brooke and Charlie will ask the judge to relax the protective order against him.

Just how much does Joe Fiore support stepdaughter Brooke Mueller? So much that he's willing to tell the world about her problems in exchange (we presume) for wads of cash.

Fiore, who married Mueller's mother six years ago, spoke to Radar Online this week about the Christmas Eve altercation between Brooke and Charlie Sheen. He stands by most accounts of what happened:

"That incident in Aspen was a scary thing," Fiore said. "It does not happen a lot, but it was true, she was definitely attacked, that is not made up, there was no reason for any of that to be made up... Everything was just like it was in the police report."

Despite acknowledging the alleged threats Sheen made toward Mueller, Fiore said he fully supports his son-in-law. Referring to this weekend's SAG Awards, he said:

"I hope he wins, not because he's my son-in-law, but because I think he's great and all the same people win and Charlie should have won a long time ago [for Two and A Half Men]."

Concluding this relatively pointless interview, Fiore confirmed Brooke and Charlie's children are safe and spoke on the couple's possible future together:

"It really is up to [them]; you can't get in their head. I would like to see what ever they want. If they're both in love with each other and positive and they want to work it out that's great. We support them."

For now, Mueller has other things to worry about: she's recovering from an infection and a bout of pneumonia, following wisdom tooth surgery this week. We wish her well.

Charlie Sheen has returned to the place where he feels most comfortable.

No, it's not a bar full of prostitutes. It's the set of his hit sitcom Two and a Half Men.

How has the troubled actor, who is due in court next month on charges of domestic abuse against wife Brooke Mueller, holding up?

"He is doing as well as he can under the circumstances," producer Chuck Lorre told E! News. "Charlie is a consummate professional and... he was 1000 percent there for us from the first moment when we started shooting and it was a great night for us... Charlie was just terrific."

Lorre added that the show's production schedule will remain the same and that the live audience during the taping was "incredibly supportive" of Sheen.

As for Lorre's boss, CBS President Nina Tassler said:

"We're being very sensitive to the fact that this is a very personal and private matter for Charlie. There's been no impact on the network right now. The show is proceeding along its regular production schedule. It's a wonderful show and right now it is business as usual."

While some might see difficult days ahead for Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen's children, following an alleged incident of domestic violent between the couple on Christmas Eve, at least one tabloid sees something wholly different:

Dollar signs.

The latest issue of Star magazine claims to expose the secrets within this "twisted marriage." Among them:

• The pair has engaged in a pair of threesomes with two different A-list stars from Hollywood;
• The Two and a Half Men actor returned to Los Angeles in late 2009 - and immediately ordered a call girl to come over.

As a result of these allegations, an anonymous family friend is concerned over Bob and Max, Mueller and Sheen's twin sons.

“They are caught in the middle. Charlie and Brooke are behaving like monsters — and the children may end up bearing the brunt of it!”

Meanwhile, a source supposedly told The National Enquirer that Charlie and Brooke snorted cocaine until "the morning hours" when their fight began.

Whatever. These claims are all likely false. We just care about the well-being of the couple's children... and about how Jenni Farley supposedly went from a "Tubby Tween To... WOWW!"

A man that has never met Brooke Mueller, and who hasn't spoken to Charlie Sheen in two months has gone on record reagarding the alleged domestic dispute between this couple.

Don't you love when random family members exploit their relatives in exchange for a few moments in the spotlight?

Such is clearly the case with Joe Estevez, Charlie's uncle, who told E! News: "It's a sad situation on everybody's part. Everybody wishes it didn't happen. Hopefully everyone can move on positively."

It would have been fine if the guy stopped there... but he kept going. Without having ever met Mueller, Estevez added:

"There's just as much chance of her being a drama queen as of what she's saying being true...  Let's give the couple the benefit of the doubt. I think it's much ado about nothing."

A police office on the scene, in a sworn affidavit, disagrees.

Estevez (Martin Sheen's brother) went on to point out how well his nephew is taking the charges and allegations.

"He's not crying to anyone; he's sucking it up. I understand he's back at work today. First day back...doing his job, not complaining, not crying to the press. He's just being a man about it."

So, to sum up: Brooke Mueller may be a drama queen, and Sheen is an admirable "man" because he's following advice from his lawyers, remaining silent and not breaking his Two and a Half Men contract.

Makes perfect sense to us... NOT!

Considering his history of drugs and a rumored addiction to pornography, it didn't come as a shock to many that Charlie Sheen would be involved in a scuffle with his wife.

But there's one person that didn't see this alleged side of the actor coming: his ex-girlfriend, Heather Hunter.

“He was a gentleman,” the former adult star said in a recent interview. “I think with life, people see the good side and the bad side of certain people. I never saw the [bad side] of him. I guess it was a fortunate thing.”

Hunter met Sheen at a party in 1994 and enjoyed a brief fling with him. She's truly taken aback by his alleged incident with wife Brooke Mueller:

“It’s crazy because Charlie has had domestic problems and was violent, but I didn’t see that crazy side,” adding that The Two and a Half Men star is “really nice, concerned and compassionate.”

Hunter's advice for Mueller, and any womean going through this sort of situation?

“If someone hits you or hurts you in some way... they’ll do it again.”

We're glad Rihanna has come to that realization finally. We hope everyone else out there does, too.

Despite possibly being held down at knife-point by her husband, Brooke Mueller reportedly wants to reconcile with Charlie Sheen.

Her lawyer refers to the alleged, troubled incident as a "bad night."

When asked about her daughter's desire to continue a relationship with a man that may have attacked her, Moira Fiore told E! News: "I have mixed feelings about it."

We bet she does. Fiore added that Mueller "won't listen" to any advice from her mother, which causes one to wonder if she's truly in love with Sheen or scared for her life. It may be a combination of both.

Hold on to those handcuffs, Brooke. You may need them if you stay married to Charlie Sheen.

Mueller is still in Aspen with her two children, nine-month old twins Bob and Max.

Meanwhile, the Colorado police have wrapped up their investigation into what transpired on Christmas Eve and have turned all evidence over to the district attorney's office. We're asking readers:

Do you think Mueller should divorce Sheen?

The children of Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are just like Rush Limbaugh.

No, they aren't overweight, over-exposed, racist and full of crap. Instead, they are doing okay.

The Pitkin County Department of Social Services interviewed Mueller, the kids, many nannies and others and determined that the offspring of this troubled couple has not been negatively affected by their dangerous antics. Thank goodness.

As for the cops: Aspen police completed their investigation into the happenings early Christmas morning and have officially passed the case on to the Pitkin County District Attorney's Office.

"There is no new information to release at this time," said Aspen Police Department spokeswoman Stephanie Dasaro. "The case is in judicial proceeding, so any new information will either come from the district attorney's office or the Pitkin County courts."

Sheen is scheduled to be in court on February 8 to face charges.