Charlie Sheen

Ashton Kutcher is officially a Two and a Half Men cast member. But he won't be for long, according to the actor Kutcher replaced.

Charlie Sheen doesn't think the sitcom has a bright future, responding to this piece of casting news by saying: "Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB."

Sheen did have something nice to say about Ashton, though. Sort of.

"Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer," he told TMZ. "Oh wait, so am I!!"

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Smart move by Ashton Kutcher.

Having signed a deal to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, the actor's first move was to state up front that the warlock is irreplaceable.

In a press release, Ashton said of 2 1/2 Men: "I can't replace Charlie Sheen but I'm going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people."

"I can't wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in viewers' homes."

Sheen has yet to comment on his replacement.

Chuck Lorre, Men creator and Sheen's archenemy, says that he's elated to keep his "family" intact and "If I could be any happier, it'd be illegal."

According to reports, Ashton spent time with Lorre and the two got along great, something sorely lacking in his seven-plus seasons with Sheen.

Kutcher will NOT be playing the Charlie Harper character (we'd have paid to see that), but someone new who comes into the Men Malibu house.

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A new report says CBS came very close to crossing the Atlantic to find a replacement for Charlie Sheen.

Deadline Hollywood states that Two and a Half Men was oh so close to finalizing a deal with movie star Hugh Grant - for $1 million per episode - until the British actor pulled out due to "creative differences."

While Grant had never been mentioned previously as a replacement, he fits the stated goals of Chuck Lorre and company. He's a big name, he's a very different actor than Sheen.

CBS is hoping to find a new star for the sitcom by the time it presents its fall schedule in New York City next week.

Do you think Grant would have been right for a role on Two and a Half Men?

[Photo: WENN.com]

It's official: Charlie Sheen and Snoop Dogg are "Winning."

With the assistance of producer Rob Patterson, the duo has released much-anticipated duet, with Carmen Electra, Patterson’s fiancee, opening the single by saying: “Oh, good evening Mr. Sheen, are you winning?”

From there, it's on to Snoop rapping about how he's "intergalactic, no prophylactic, raw, uncut." Sheen's voice is digitally altered and heard throughout, uttering his favorite word. Listen for yourself:

Charlie Sheen and Snoop Dogg - Winning

An arrangement of the track is being cut specifically for sporting events, as Sheen’s reps have reportedly contacted Miami Heat officials to convice that team to play the anthem during this year's NBA playoffs.

You know, in case you needed another reason to hate the Heat.

Might Charlie Sheen's entourage soon expand beyond porn stars?

Producer/creator Doug Ellin wants to pair the troubled actor with Vincent Chase and company, having already contacted the star to appear on the final season of Entourage.

"I called his manager and was told maybe I'd get him," Ellin told TV Guide. "But I'm still waiting for Charlie to call me back. I'd come up with something good."

New episodes of Entourage will conclude filming next month June, which would actually open up Jeremy Piven to replace Charlie on Two and a Half Men, if CBS so desires. Chimes in Ellin: "It would be feasible and they'd be lucky to have him."

[Photo: WENN.com]

The Violent Torpedo Of Truth tour is out. An Evening With Charlie Sheen is possibly in.

During a radio interview with a Sydney station, the actor told host Scott Dooley he was planning to revamp his show a bit and take it overseas.

“Why don’t I take this thing on the road to Australia, parts of Europe, parts of Asia. If I pick out six cities over two weeks and if it wasn’t about violent torpedoes and truth seeking but more about an evening with Charlie Sheen, if I told people what to expect maybe they wouldn’t heckle me like the drunk clowns that they are, ” Sheen said.

The man really knows how to woo an audience, doesn't he?

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Give Charlie Sheen credit for not sugar coating details, at least.

The actor says he's teaching his 2-year-old twin boys new words this weekend, like "rehab." That way they'll know where their mom spends so much time.

That particular vocabulary word will also come in handy when and if Charlie himself runs out of tiger blood and has to go back there. Give it a few months.

Charlie says that this is the first time he's been able to spend a weekend with Bob and Max since the judge took custody away from him back in March.

Given the opportunity, he will be spending the weekend expanding the boys' verbal repertoire: "I am teaching them words, because they're speaking now."

"I'm teaching them the word 'rehab' so they know where their mom is."

Ouch. Charlie had settled his custody dispute with Brooke Mueller, but it sounds like there's still plenty of animosity there. Then again, it is true.

At a tour stop in Washington Tuesday night, Charlie Sheen said he was high during all eight years he starred on Two and a Half Men. Considering the source, though, that's hardly shocking news.

But the actor, who is clearly NOT headed back to Two and a Half Men, also claimed he had a new show in the works, one he would only describe as "epic." It might be tough to top his online series, however.

In other, more admirable Sheen news, he touched down in Alabama this week to assess the damage left in that region by a recent tornado. Tweeted the actor: "I'm in Tuscaloosa. it's beyond words."

To his credit (yes, we just wrote that about Charlie Sheen), the star has launched a Torpedoes Against Tornados website to raise money for victims of the natural disaster. The move follows recent charitable endeavors that include contributions to help a bipolar-awareness group in Canada and assisting the family of a beaten San Francisco Giants fan.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are officially single.

Not that it's stopped him from parading around with porn stars and goddesses up until this point, but now he can do so with a clear conscience!

The couple's divorce became official May 1. Charlie and Brooke filed all the papers and worked out the details of their divorce a few months back.

Of course, a lot has changed since then, including both going off the rails, working out a custody deal and then fighting repeatedly over custody.

Sheen was shot down in his bid for sole custody recently. As it stands right now, they enjoy split custody of their two young sons Bob and Max.

Brooke Mueller gets $55,000 a month in child support from Sheen, plus a lump sum of $757,698.70 and $1 million for her share of their home.

The divorce may be final, but similar to Charlie's war with Chuck Lorre, there's a good chance the battle between Sheen and his ex will rage on.

Charlie Sheen says he's never done heroin in his life.

While hard to believe in a sense, he's admitted everything he HAS done proudly, so you have to wonder why he'd lie about it. Why did it even come up?

Because his former boss Chuck Lorre took a thinly-veiled shot at Sheen with his vanity card at the end of The Big Bang Theory on Thursday night.

Lorre made reference to a monkey on the sitcom exhibiting "increasingly erratic" behavior, refusing to work, being "a heroin addict," checking into rehab, etc.

Pretty clear who the CBS producer was referring to, right?

As he has many times before, Sheen reamed out Lorre earlier in the week at the suggestion that Two and a Half Men can exist without him.

He was not pleased with the heroin assertion Lorre made after TBBT, telling TMZ in response "I have never done or tried heroin in my life."

So that's that. Probably. Here's Lorre's vanity card cheap shot:

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