by Mischalova at . Comments

Back when Hulk Hogan was a full-time wrestler, he often took on Andre the Giant.

Now, it appears as though he's raised his daughter to look just like that behemoth.

Shopping Spree

Take a look for yourself. We're not sure who the girl standing next to Brooke Hogan is - but we do know that the talentless singer towers over this woman like the shroud of mystery looming above Jayden James Federline.

We also know that Brooke has cheap taste in shoes.

And that her father wants to beat up David Hasselhoff.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Brooke Hogan is not talented.

But at least she doesn't do drugs.

Photo of Brooke Hogan

"Everyone thinks you need to take green tea or energy pills [to stay up] and then sleeping pills [to come back down], and I don't do anything," Hogan said to TV Guide.

"If you leave your body to naturally handle the stresses, it will. God made your body to be a mechanism to defend itself."

Unless you're Kate Bosworth and God made your body to to disappear.

Ironically, Brooke's biggest musical contributor on Undiscovered is someone who worships the chronic almost as much as Snoop Dogg:

Scott Storch, whose beats are heard on tracks from artists such as Dr. Dre, Justin Timberlake, 50 Cent and Christina Aguilera, and who is the founding father behind Hogan's label, SMC (Storch Music Company). Did Hogan and Storch's respective creative outlets of choice ever conflict in the studio?

"Absolutely not," said Hogan. "My dad would sit in the room the entire time that I was recording so no one ever offered me anything [like that], because they were afraid of my dad."

Also, despite awful album sales, Brooke is satisfied with the final product.

"I'm definitely happy with the album," she said. "When I first stepped into the studio, the best advice I got from someone was to not record everything over and over again, because when you do that you loose a piece of originality every time. When I step back and review it all, I'm proud and wouldn't change a thing."

Even how bad it is, Brooke? Anyway, with the new year here, Hogan isn't pulling a Kristen Cavallari and swearing off swearing. Instead, her goal is as follows:

"Score a platinum record."

Yeah. That'll happen.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Where do you go when your album sales tank worse than Michael Richards at The Laugh Factory?

If you're Brooke Hogan, it looks like you shop at Payless. The talentles daughter of a certain WWE wrestler, the singer doesn't appear too excited about being caught at this less than trendy establishment, does she?

Awful Singer, Dresser

But keep that chin up and those off key songs coming, Brooke. Remember, fashionable doesn't always equate to beautiful anyway. It often translates into downright scary (say hello to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen).

So keep buying shoes that are cheaper than Petra Nemcova. It'll give you something to do other than go back into the recording studio. And we're all grateful for that.

by Mischalova at . Comments

We at The Hollywood Gossip worry about the state of America when Flavor Flav can star in a hit television show.

Sometimes, though, we have faith that fellow citizens can recognize an obvious lack of talent when its CDs are thrust upon the shelves. For instance, no one bought the joke of a Paris Hilton album, thank goodness.

Brooke Hogan Bikini

Now, Americans are fighting back again against wanna-be singers! Sales for the first-ever solo album from Brooke Hogan have only totaled 30,442 this week. It's an apt result for a CD entitled Undiscovered.

But don't give in yet, readers. Your job as talent evaluators isn't finished yet. Yesterday, Kevin Federline finally released is long-awaited piece of crap, Playing with Fire.

Just walk on by when you pass a music store, though. Show some self-control... and show K-Fed that you actually would prefer to play with fire than listen to his so-called rapping.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Of course, with a talentless coat tail follower such a Brooke Hogan on the program, it should've been renamed TR-HELL for the day.

Oh yes. We. Went There.

If it Ain't Brooke ...

We don't hate Hogan because she can't sing (come on, that would mean we'd detest pretty much any Top 40 singer, with the exception of Kevin Federline. We could never hate him.) It's that Hogan can't sing and she's only famous because of her father.

And, seriously, who's named "Hulk" anyway?

Fortunately for host Vanessa Minnillo, she could ignore the loud screeches coming from Brooke's microphone and focus on her impending act with the Pussycat Dolls. Now there's a group that can sing!

Or at least wear less clothing than Courtney Love.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Hey Brooke, 1987 called.

It wants its clothes back.

Brooke and Hulk Hogan Photo

Oh. Snap. Yes, we went there.

Everyone's favorite wrestler's daughter, Brooke Hogan, showed up to a kick-off party for Miami Beach Fashion Week looking less like a fashionista and more like she was going to a Bangles concert at the local mall.

Or maybe she's trying to look like an innocent teenage Britney Spears... you know, before she went all trailer trash on us and begat K-Fed's kids.

Regardless of her intentions, Brooke's outfit brings back the memories of an era when the U.S.S.R. was still around and there was no Dustin Diamond sex tape, only a super-annoying geek named Screech on Saved By the Bell.

But that's neither here nor there at this point. All we can say for sure is that Hogan, the new Miami Beach resident, looked like a tacky tourist in her blue mini skirt, matching velour handbag and Nike shoes as she posed for photographers outside of the Funkshion party.

Here's a fashion tip, girl. Just because you live in Miami Beach doesn't mean you have to always dress for playing in the sand. Ohhhh! Served!

I mean, come on. Even the teens on Laguna Beach are cooler than you.

by Mischalova at . Comments

You need connections to make it in almost any vocation. Few online copy writers can earn a living unless they have a friend in the business, for example.

So it's not the fact that Brooke Hogan has so blatantly ridden her father's large biceps and coat tails to stardom that irks us; it's that she is both talentless and unattractive. Despite that double whammy, the sorry excuse for a singer is this month's FHM cover girl.

Hulk and his Ladies

What do home videos of you performing look like?
There's one of me at 13 in my Catholic-school uniform breaking it down to ". . . Baby One More Time" [by Britney Spears]. I've wanted to be sexy ever since I was little. When my friends were dressing as French maids for Halloween in the eighth grade, I ordered a hot cop outfit from Frederick's of Hollywood. When I put it on, my parents said, "Brooke, go back inside."

How did boys relate to you growing up?
In sixth grade, they ignored me because I had womanly curves like their moms. By eighth grade, they were realizing, "Wait, she has curves." I'd walk around the mall with my mom and she'd say, "People used to look at me; now they're looking straight through me at you." Trust me. I had fun with it.

So you're a tease?
I tease boys to the point where I have to tell them, "Wait, I didn't mean that - back off!" I show it off, but I've never been promiscuous or a little slut. I'm still a virgin. I'll tell you guys that, but I'm not going to bring it up after this because I may change my mind one day."

** THG Note: In a battle of supposed virgins, Hilary Duff would totally kick Brooke's behind.

Why would a guy be lucky to be with you?
There are girls who'll give it up and gold-dig (THG Note: we didn't see that Heather Mills slight coming!) , but I'm the one guys want to marry. So far, I've had about 20 proposals, and they've all been from pretty nice guys. I take care of my guys. I'm affectionate and I give great back rubs.

What do guys get wrong about you?
Guys want to believe that I'm this daddy's girl dying to get out and be mischievous - and they all want to be the one to show me the ropes.

What's the most embarrassing thing your father [WWE legend, Hulk Hogan] has done in front of a boyfriend?
He asked one guy, "Have you had an AIDS test?" I never saw that guy again.

How have you used your sexiness for evil?

I was at Burger King the other day and the guy said, "Damn, you are so fine," and he gave me extra fries. Don't tell my dad, though, because he doesn't want me eating fast food. I'll walk around the house in a bathing suit and he'll say, "Wow, you really look good," or, "You're getting a little chunky there, Brooke."

Which of your father's co-workers do you have a crush on?
Randy Orton's really hot. Whenever I see a guy in tight spandex, I'm like, "Damn!"

Could you ever fall in love with a mustache-wearing man?

I like a bit of scruff, but I couldn't go for a full-blown Fu Manchu - that's my dad, not my boyfriend.

When you found out that wrestling was scripted, was it like learning that Santa didn't exist?
I was relieved because I knew that the other guy wasn't trying to kill my dad. My mom had to explain that to me when I was 6 because I used to freak out. I hated my mom for making me watch him get beat up. I didn't find out the truth about Santa until I was 13.

Do guys try to impress you by ripping off their shirts?

Boys know to stay away from the wrestling subject. If you really want to get to me, be funny and be a gentleman. That's all I ask. Your job and your money don't matter to me. Seriously, I could fall for a guy who worked at McDonald's.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Okay, she's not. The only daughter of Hulk Hogan is actually 18.

But just look at her here! Aside from sporting more make up - at a pool mind you - than most women wear to weddings, Brooke Hogan looks ancient. We know she can't sing, but can't she at least act her age?

Photograph Me, Please!

So, what makes Hogan look so close to menopause? The stress of starring on a reality show? The burden of a future with no singing prospects? Or maybe her role model is just Heather Mills.

We'll probably never know.

by Mischalova at . Comments

As she begins her music career, Brooke Hogan has multiple options of which she wishes to be known as: the daughter of Hulk Hogan? A worse singer than Paris Hilton? Faker looking than Ashlee Simpson?

It looks to be a tough road ahead. Before setting off on it, however, Brooke sat down with IGN Music to see whether or not this Hogan actually knows best ...

Pole Dancer

IGN Music: Now what about the other guests on the album? It's a rather eclectic list featuring Nelly Furtado, Beenie Man, Cam'ron.
Brooke Hogan: Yeah, we have some crazy people on there. It's really amazing 'cause Nelly Furtado wrote one of the songs. Beenie Man's on there. Paul Wall, of course. Then I have some SoBe artists, the company that I'm signed to. I have some of their artist on there, Stax and Knox. So I have a pretty crazy album. It's awesome.

IGN Music: I've heard the single, "About Us." Compared to the last song you released, "Everything To Me," there's a huge difference.
Brooke Hogan: Yeah, there is.

IGN Music: Specifically in terms of style and what not. What can we expect on the album? Is the overall vibe more like "About Us", you know with a decidedly more urban flair?
Brooke Hogan: Stuff is gonna be more like "About Us." "Everything To Me" was a song that I did with the first record label I was with and you know, it was good for me when I was young but now that I'm 18, I love a different style of music now, you know? So I've kind of changed paths.

IGN Music: Now if we can go back to that time before you were 18 -and I'm talkin' way back - it's my understanding that you started playing piano around the age of five…
Brooke Hogan: Yeah, I started playing piano around the age of five and, you know, I fell in love with music.

IGN Music: Did your mom and dad force you into taking piano lessons?
Brooke Hogan: When I was younger, yes. Because even though I didn't know I was gonna be into music they were like 'You need to have a musical background. Our whole family pays piano, so Brooke you need to.' My grandpa and my grandma play it, it just goes way back in our family.

IGN Music: If you can remember back this far, what was the first song you learned to play on the piano?
Brooke Hogan: It would probably be either "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" or probably … I'm trying to remember what it was called, but it was this Indian drum beat song thing [laughs]. I don't know!

IGN Music: Did your parents ever make you dress up in fancy clothes and play the piano for house guests?
Brooke Hogan: All the time! And I'd have piano recitals and stuff and every single time I had a recital I'd mess up [laughs]. I'd end up going off and crying. It was good for me, though, 'cause that nervousness I'd have was so addicting. That's why I love it now.

IGN Music: At what point in time did you yourself realize 'This is what I want to do for a living'? I know you've done a little modeling and a little acting and I can only assume that growing up with Hulk Hogan as your father that there was a little pressure to get in the ring…
Brooke Hogan: There actually wasn't pressure to get in the ring. I think it would have been totally cool and I could've taken everybody in the business, but I just love music and I had to stick with my heart.

IGN Music: So what was the turning point where you said 'This is what I want to do for a career'?
Brooke Hogan: Well I had been taking piano lessons and singing lessons for so long and I started falling in love with the music. Then I saw other people doing it and making it and I said 'That's exactly what I want to do. Oh my God! I have to do this.' So I slammed the phone book down in front of my parents [laughs] and I said 'Call somebody, I don't even care. Call the local modeling agencies or somebody.' So that's what we did.

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