by Free Britney at . Comments

Not from the simple, yet sage words of Lauren Conrad:

  • "I think if a guy after a few months asked if I wanted to move in with him, I'd be like, Whoa." - to Heidi
  • "A good roommate is like a good pair of jeans â€" you hold on to them no matter what." - to Heidi
  • "If you do a really shady thing, be like, 'I was shady.'" - to Jen
  • "You were evil and conniving. It wasn't all Brody; it was you." - to Jen

All these quotes and more stemmed from the drama on last night's episode of The Hills, which featured Lauren's coming of age - and not just because she celebrated her 21st birthday party at Hyde.

Gnarly Heidi Montag

Finally, America's sweetheart is learning to stand up for herself, ladies and gentlemen.

The episode begins with Lauren and Heidi at the homestead. After a brief moment of tension during their discussion of Heidi possibly moving in with that douchebag Spencer Pratt, the estranged BFFs seemed cool again (thus the jeans comment).

And she's right. Who isn't happy to have Heidi Montag back on Team LC! Even better that Heidi was clearly getting along with Audrina Patridge as well, conspiring to plan Lauren's surprise party.

What wasn't all good was Heidi's relationship with Jen, who had the nerve to show up at Heidi's workplace to talk about her fight with Lauren!

Jen, apparently, is, like, best friends with Lauren. So she says. Which is why you hooked up with Brody Jenner behind LC's back, right? Bitch! Still, Jen laments: "I haven't talked to my best friend of 15 years for, like, what? For, like, sloppy thirds?"

Before telling her she had to get back to work, Heidi took the high road and said that she wasn't getting involved and this spat is between Jen and Lauren.

Later, Heidi throws Lauren off the party trail by faking like she was canceling on Lauren for Spencer for the 245th time. Wow, talk about a realistic lie! Lauren Conrad looked like she was about to cry, which was sad, but she was cool with it when everyone surprised her at Hyde.

It was weird, though, with Brody Jenner being back on the scene. And, OMG, going straight to asking about Jen. The guy may be hunky but he has some kind of nerve. It was nice, we think, that he apologized, even though Lauren insisted it wasn't his fault, when it, like, kind of was.

SIDE NOTE: Can you believe when Whitney Port told Lauren at work that she dated Brody once? Has this guy dated every cute girl in Southern California - and how does this not come up at Teen Vogue HQ until right now?

SIDE NOTE #2: What's funnier - the fact that Lauren Conrad is now 21, but has been going to these hot clubs for some time now, or the fact The Hills gals have become big enough stars that we knew about LC's 21st birthday party when it happened six weeks ago?

Anyway, back to reality. When Jen showed up at Lauren's place to apologize (and we use that term loosely), Lauren wasn't having any of it.

"You put yourself in this situation, she said before showing Jen the door.

If only she'd treat the guys in her life with the same determination. At least the legal system isn't as forgiving to Jason Wahler, right?

by Free Britney at . Comments

The Hollywood Gossip is torn.

As LC would say, "We're, like, so torn."

The Plastic Pairing

Or, as Heidi Montag might put it, "torn, torn, torn!"

Apparently that's H-Mont's new thing on The Hills now: to repeat every point she has two to three times. But anyway. While Brody Jenner has been turning on the charm around Lauren, and they've maybe, kinda like hooked up, he's not her boyfriend, okay?! How many times can she say it?

That said, we're not sure she should be allowed to spend a whole episode getting territorial about him when Jen came to town for her birthday and moved in on him. On the other hand, if we spend just 10 minutes crushing someone here at T.H. Gossip and another staff member knows it, we expect them to back the g*d damn hell off.

Which I guess means we are coming down on Lauren's side, like, at least a little.

But let us go on the record stating that either way, Lauren is sooooo better off without Brody Jenner! We all know he's just out to date every celebrity he can so he can get famous.

The feud between Lauren and Heidi all began when Heidi, still hurting from a prior rift with LC over the latter's (justified) Spencer-hating, began joining Spencer's evil scheme to get Jen and Brody to totally hook up!

Wow. This demonstrates the lengths Spencer Pratt is willing to go to piss Lauren Conrad off. But really, as with so many of these things, it's much better in Heidi's words, uttered during a key ladies' room conference with Jen: "Loves you, loves you, loves you," she said of the incomparable Brody J.

Lauren, bless her heart, seemed to take a low-key approach in her passive-aggressive attack on Heidi. All she came up with was being BFF-ish with Audrina Patridge - so much so that we seriously thought there'd be some hot girl-on-girl action. For a second.

Just kidding. Not really.

But Heidi Montag, being Heidi Montag, after all, didn't even notice, since she was so busy pushing Jen on top of Brody. Eventually, the crew â€" Heidi, Jen, Brody, and Spencer â€" decided to retire to Brody's condo for the final sealing of the deal, if you will. And Jen will.

We loved the extra touch - just twist that knife in real deep, girl - of Jen phoning LC from the scene of the crime to ask Lauren's permission to go in for the kill. We are, like, officially siding with our girl LC in this feud now, FYI.

"Is it really worth screwing a friend over for Brody?" the adorable Whitney Port asked the next day upon hearing the story.

She meant it rhetorically, we're assuming, but the Gossip will go ahead and answer just the same: "No."

Later, while Lauren steamed clothes at Teen Vogue with Whitney (finally, a truly intern-worthy duty), she got a call from Jen - and the exchanged the followed proves that the newly empowered, assertive Lauren was here to stay.

"Seriously, Jen, don't be at my apartment when I get home," Lauren barked before hanging up.

Oh snap! If only she had given that treatment to Jason Wahler last season (she got it right in the end, though). Later, at home, she gave it good to Heidi, too.

"I don't feel like you're the friend you used to be," she said. "Spencer has you frickin' brainwashed; it's so sad to see. He's a sucky person."

This is why you're our hero, Lauren Conrad. Rock on, girl.

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We're like, totally over Spencer.

So is Lauren Conrad, whether or not he bought her a dozen roses.

Heidi Montag Nude

Speaking of those flowers, whose intended recipient was in such question, which is sketchier: that Spencer would randomly bring them for Heidi on a lunch date, or that he would bring them for her to give to Lauren to make peace? Entertainment Weekly poses this very valid question.

So while the rift between Lauren and Heidi widened on last night's all-new episode of The Hills, Lauren was hanging with recent Heidi nemesis Audrina Patridge, dissecting the Spencer sitch and eating leftovers.

"Are we eating at the table?" Lauren mused. "Look at us adults."

She then analyzed the relationship between Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag for the 800th time, and predicted (shockingly) that it won't end well.

"I just have the feeling that it's going to be really bad," LC said.

For our part, we seriously can't wait until we can stop talking about that jackass Spencer. Seriously. I mean, even poor, innocent Whitney Port could speak of nothing else during our obligatory Teen Vogue office scene.

The only thing worse? Actually listening to Spencer himself talk. This is a guy who we just learned concocted a scheme in which Brody Jenner would rise to fame by making Nicole Richie eat. We're serious.

Nevertheless, the cameras are fixated on Spencer as he's macking on some more girls. That is, before Lauren Conrad stepped in and had it out with him.

"Heidi gets me and she knows who I am," Spencer shot back.

Take that, LC! Who knows why Heidi comes back for more of his crap, really. But this is The Hills. And incidentally, Lauren - America's Sweetheart - really came into her own sticking up for her friend like that, even if Heidi didn't ask for any sticking up for. Or something.

We're oddly proud of Brody Jenner as well, and not just because he's made it his life's goal to date every reality show star in California. The way he was able to stop trying to get Lauren into bed long enough to defend his friend, creep though he may be, was admirable.

"Of course he was a little bit wrong" Hollywood's most eligible bachelor said of Spencer, "But maybe he feels a little threatened by you."

Then it was back to those pretty, confusion-inducing roses for a few final plot twists. To recap, Spencer shows up with the roses at lunch; then Heidi tosses them to Lauren at home and implies he'd bought them to make amends. Now Spencer blabs to Brody, "Lauren thinks I got her a dozen roses, but it's like, 'Yeah, right, I'm not spending a dollar on you.'"

Then, during the climactic blow-up between Lauren and Heidi at home, Lauren was wondering, "Why would he buy me flowers?" Heidi finally cleared it all up: "I said it like a joke." Ooooh, good one. Apparenly Lauren wasn't so amused either, as this (weirdly) seemed to be the final straw that sent her stomping into her room and slamming the door.

What's to become of the LC-Heidi rift? Is Spencer out of the picture for good? We doubt we'll be that lucky. But here's hoping. Loser.

by Free Britney at . Comments

What was really at the heart of the short-lived relationship between Nicole Richie and Brody Jenner?

He was trying to get her to eat.

A Couple of Hotties!

In a dialogue that is part of a profile of Jenner in the March issue of Details, Spencer Pratt - the boyfriend of Heidi Montag and self-described "manager- slash- publicist- slash- agent- slash- stylist" to Jenner - says to the hunky Prince of Malibu:

"Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you're gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right? You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat. Process that sh!t, bro. You'll be, like, a f*%king hero to America."

The plan, which was devised last August (just when Jenner and Richie did begin dating, briefly forming Bichie), was actually part of Jenner's scheme to ride Richie's coattails and become a more familiar name himself.

It was a drawn-out scheme which, lame and pathetic as it sounds, ultimately proved successful. Here we are talking about him, after all.

A week after Jenner and Richie broke up back in October, Brody forged an unlikely relationship with Lauren Conrad, star of The Hills. That ended quickly. Maybe. We're not sure whether they're together or not.

Brody's take on the situation:

"Basically, I made it, like, my mission to try to go on a date with every girl on The Hills."

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. And Brody, who used to get busy with Kristin Cavallari before any of this happened, is not about to limit his prowess to reality TV show stars.

"Let's see where Lindsay's at, get her up in here," Jenner is quoted as saying as he text-messages Lindsay Lohan, although he says the two aren't more than friends.

Even so, Lohan texted back and showed up later to meet our man BJ at Hyde.

Not that all this scheming and schmoozing doesn't leave the son of Bruce Jenner and step-brother of Kim Kardashian time to be introspective.

"This whole scene, this whole town â€" it's so fake," he said. "It's like a movie set, like my life is a movie set. These people, they all think it's real, but it's not. I wanna meet a girl who has nothing to do with L.A. A nice, normal, real girl."

Then he adds:

"Actually, you now, that's gonna be a component of our new MTV show â€" me leaving L.A. to meet a normal girl. It might be hard, though, with all the cameras."

What's this? A Brody Jenner reality show in the works? Stay tuned.

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ESPN's Bill Simmons, a.k.a. The Sports Guy, is famous for his long-winded, hilarious sports columns, being married to The Sports Gal, and for watching enough television to rot the brains of even the pop culture aficionados at T.H. Gossip.

That said, it's only appropriate that when asked to describe his feelings on Miami, site of tonight's Super Bowl XLI, Simmons turned to a young reality TV star we know and sort of love. Here's what Bill writes...

LC: Lauren Conrad Style

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All I know is this: My assignment for this week was to come to Miami and tell you, the home reader, what it's like to have a Super Bowl here. Right now, we're working on a solid A-plus. The grade could change, but that's what we're looking at right now.

Since I can't sum up my feelings on South Beach in a single sentence, let's hand it over to the great Brody Jenner, who's making a noble attempt on The Hills right now to break the reality-TV record for "most cheesy compliments ever given to a girl while trying to get into her pants."

Two things you need to know about Brody:

  1. He's Bruce Jenner's son
  2. He's already been on two reality shows.

Now he's pursuing the star of The Hills - America's sweetheart, Lauren Conrad - who's far too stupid to realize that Brody called her only because he knew the cameras had just started rolling for Season 2.

You would think she'd catch on after Jason Wahler (her fellow Laguna Beach grad, and last season's nose-itching boyfriend on The Hills) pulled the same stunt on her and she was too dumb to see that one, either.

She's easy prey for a player like Brody, who, since his arrival on The Hills, has been laying lines on her like "you have the most beautiful eyes I have EVER seen."

We're about three more episodes away from having a threesome with him and a 6-foot bottle of Rohypnol. I don't see this ending well.

What does this have to do about anything? Well, in this week's episode, Brody finally lured LC back to his apartment and gave her his greatest line yet:

"There's nowhere I'd rather be than right here with you."

I don't feel that strongly about South Beach, but give me a few more days. We might get there.

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With their respective boyfriends, that is. Although the former Laguna Beach stars, whose ongoing feud is well-documented, have definitely broken up numerous times, in a manner of speaking. We're saying there's no love lost between the Cali cuties!

In any case, Kristin Cavallari (right) has split with boyfriend Brody Jenner, People magazine confirms, while Lauren Conrad (below) has ended things with Jason Wahler, her beau on both Laguna Beach and The Hills, according to Teen People.

  • The Return of KC
  • Lauren Conrad Hairstyle

"Yes, Brody and I broke up. It's just hard right now because I am working all the time. We're still good friends though," Cavallari, 19, said.

The off-and-on couple, who met through Laguna Beach co-star Talan Torriero, originally broke up in the fall, but got back together shortly after.

In between spending time with Jenner, 22, Cavallari was spotted several times with rebound-tang crazed Nick Lachey, but friends say it was never anything serious. Cavallari described her romance with Jenner, the son of Olympian Bruce Jenner and a Guess model, as her first mature relationship.

"He's good-looking and he makes me laugh for hours," she told Teen People.

Cavallari, whose fame has rocketed since the second season of Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County, recently wrapped her film Fingerprints, and is now shooting Spring Breakdown. Both are slated for release next year.

Meanwhile, Lauren "LC" Conrad, 19, confirms she is no longer with Jason â€" even after she made the dubious decision to stay in California with him, rather than take an internship in Paris, on the season finale of The Hills.

On Laguna Beach, LC ended things with Jason, 20, after catching him kissing his ex-girlfriend, Jessica Smith, 18.

But for some reason, the two got back together shortly thereafter, and he was a regular presence on The Hills, her Laguna spin-off.

Lauren's younger sister, Breanna Conrad, 16, heads up an all-new cast of Laguna Beach, which makes its premiere August 16 on MTV.

If history is any indication, the much-anticipated Season 3 should provide tons of drama, some scandalous hooking up, underage drinking, a lot of gossip and ample hanging out at the beach.