Brittany Murphy

Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack, her alleged screenwriter husband, are weeks away from celebrating their first wedding anniversary.

Now Simon has set his sights on another milestone: Cleaning out Brittany's accounts and fleeing to South America Starting a family!

At a W Magazine-Los Angeles Contemporary Museum of Art gala, Monjack, 38, told People: "Please God, next year [we're] having a family!"

"Yes! Yes!" chimed in Brittany Murphy, 30.

"In about a year" they plan to have children. But, joked Simon Monjack (a.k.a. Con-jack) "apparently, according to the Internet, I already have several!"

Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack already have endured plenty of scrutiny - via, as they put it, "the blogs" - over their seedy relationship.

"All these ridiculous people have come out and said all this nonsense when we got married, [but] thank god we had the substance and the history within that to [say], 'Yeah, whatever!'" says Monjack, renouncing celebrity gossip and noting that he's been friends with Brittany Murphy, he claims, since she was 17.

WTF?

"We still don't understand what happened. It's made us laugh, it's made us cry, but it's made us stronger," he added.

Kanye West would be proud.

Brittany Murphy's #1 solution for dealing with all the negativity: getting bad plastic surgery on her lips. Just kidding. Her strategy is no celebrity gossip!

"We did stop using the Internet lately. No blogs. We're a blog-free couple!"

First, bad plastic surgery. Now, an on-set diva?

Brittany Murphy's stock is plummeting by the day.

According to the New York Post, Murphy is driving the crew on her new movie crazy. Her behavior on the set of Across the Hall has gone from bad to worse, in large part due to Britt's outrageous, diva-like demands.

"She's extremely difficult. When she gets to the set, it comes to a grinding halt. She's so hot and cold, you never know," says a spy.

Wow. We never would have pegged ol' Hot Lips for a prima donna, but this is the celebrity news business. Nothing surprises us anymore.

According to the Post, Brittany Murphy insists on having diagonally cut peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crusts removed.

"She needs one every hour. It's painstaking - her assistant takes about a half an hour making each one," said one crew member.

Compounding problems is Murphy's ever-present bad seed of a husband, Simon Monjack, who lurks around the set and intervenes so much that producers had to call a meeting to discuss how to deal with him.

That's bad, but we're just surprised Simon Monjack hasn't found a way to liquidate Brittany's bank accounts and flee the country by now.

We blame Angelina Jolie.

Ever since Shiloh's mom became a star, actresses seem to think they need to get themselves some DSL. And we're not talkin' high-speed Internet here.

Seriously, WTF is the deal with surgically enhanced lips? They're not even attractive! You hear that, Jessica Simpson? Heidi Montag? Anyone?

Ranting aside, we present Brittany Murphy. Look at those things. Call us crazy, but we thought Brittany Murphy was sort of cute at one point. Now? [shiver]

Even Simon Monjack has to be wondering what he's doing with her. Besides looking to steal her millions, change his name and move to Grand Cayman.

Nice lips, girl... not. Yuck! Our only guess here is that Brittany Murphy is planning to try out for the next season of The Real Housewives of Orange County. 

Brittany Murphy loves being married to Simon Monjack.

Really. She's been making this point a lot. In public no less!

Seemingly trying to convince everyone in sight that she's not brainwashed by good ol' Con-jack, the lesser-known Brittany of the celebrity gossip world is happy with Simon Monjack, whose shady past we've documented at length.

At the Sundance Film Festival, Murphy gushed about just celebrating her 10-month wedding anniversary to her British "screenwriter" husband.

Wow, 10 whole months. How did you do it, Brittany Murphy?

Then again, this is Hollywood we are talking about. In this alternate universe, 10 months may actually qualify as an enduring marriage.

Right, Pamela Anderson? Britney Spears? Tracey Edmonds?

It's been a long time since we came across a Simon Monjack picture, and the staff here at The Hollywood Gossip can't help but be surprised at this photo.

Why? Because apparently, his wife, Brittany Murphy, still has her money! Who would have expected our man Con-jack to stick with her a whole six months!

Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack: A relationship built to last.

Who knows. Maybe our staff members - and dozens of former acquaintances who have written us - completely misjudged the character of Simon Monjack.

Or he's just waiting for the right moment to drug Brittany Murphy, purge all of her investments, undergo appearance-altering plastic surgery, change his name and vanish to Zambia. One can never be sure with this man.

Thanks to People for these notes from the world of celebrity romance ...

• Sacha Baron Cohen and his pregnant, longtime girlfriend Isla Fisher were spotted eating dinner with two male companions at Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood. The couple talked and laughed for hours with their meal. At one point, Fisher got up and sat on Sacha Baron Cohen's lap.

• The sexy The Girl Next Door, 24 and Captivity actress Elisha Cuthbert and her hockey player boyfriend, Sean Avery, partied it up at Hyde and looked "really sweet together," holding hands, according to an observer. The pair shared a drink as they chatted up friends and each other.

• On hand to help friend Justin Timberlake, who was hosting the opening of his N.Y. City restaurant Southern Hospitality, Lance Bass made time for another important guy in his life... new boyfriend Pedro Andrade. Once inside the eatery, Lance Bass and his new beau took a seat near Timberlake, chowing down on biscuits and fried onion rings while chatting up one another.

• Actress Brittany Murphy and her new husband, thief / con-artist screenwriter Simon Monjack, kept close company during a screening of the film Love and Other Disasters - which stars Brittany Murphy - as part of Los Angeles' Outfest.

• The Hills stars, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, enjoyed a sunny lunch at Mogan's Café in the Pacific Palisades after returning from Miami Fashion Week. "They were relaxing, enjoying some time together," a source said, adding, "Heidi has been busy recording some songs with David Foster."

A tremendous con-artist.

A notorious fraud.

A pathological liar and thief.

A man with outstanding warrants for his arrest, who has faced deportation as well as myriad financial problems.

Simon Monjack, a.k.a. Con-Jack, has been accused of all this and more by our readers since he secretly wed actress Brittany Murphy in May.

But for all the rumors floating around about Simon Monjack, we've never gotten a first-hand account of his shady, irrational and sick behavior. That is, until today.

An ex-girlfriend of Simon Monjack tells The Hollywood Gossip exclusively - and on the condition of anonymity - some of the highlights (lowlights) of their relationship.

She hopes that the list of some of his actions "helps in setting the record straight... [Simon Monjack] is a nasty man and definitely not someone I would ever want to encounter again."

In an interview with The Hollywood Gossip, our source listed a few of the things Simon Monjack did and said in the two years she dated him.

• He told me he owned the airline Air Jamaica and it was used primarily for drug and gun running
• He told me he'd murdered someone in N.Y., and that's how he's linked to the DEA
• He told me one of his daughters (illegitimate - by a French ambassador's wife - Veronique) was killed in a road accident in 1996. His mother confessed that this was a lie.
• He robbed various people in the UK under a company he exploited called 'Support British Film'
• He told me he was constantly tracked by the Customs & Excise in England - apparently he would tip them off about gun/drug smuggling on his aircraft and Air India.
• This is perhaps the funniest. He told me he had a homosexual affair with Damian Hirst when they lived in N.Y. (Broom Street). When they broke up, Damian gave him a picture entitled "I Feel Fine." Simon's ex-wife, Marcia, had damaged the picture, so Simon repaired it with glue (!?)
• He was frequently calling sex lines in Gambia.
• Prior to moving to the US in 1996 he stole gold and diamond jewellery (and my engagement ring) from his grandmother and pawned it on Bond Street.
• He assured a young L.A. film producer (John) that he could distribute his film (Simon was working for another fraudster - Harry Bloom?) but, in fact, took the guy's reels and stored them in his office
• He told various neighbours and rental agents that we'd been married in Vegas so he was tight with cash and couldn't pay rent.
• I can't begin to tell you how many cheques he's bounced.

And so it continues for Simon Monjack. Will Brittany Murphy see the light, or will she remain oblivious? Will Monjack's troubles with the law catch up with him in time? Stay tuned.

Is someone trying to harm Brittany Murphy?

(Someone besides her crooked husband, Simon Monjack?)

A source who used to work for the clueless star says she talks darkly of "a high-powered Hollywood player" who is allegedly stalking her.

When Simon Monjack, her then-boyfriend who she secretly wed in May, disappeared for a span of 10 days in April, Brittany claimed he was abducted by agents of a mysterious figure.

"When he came back, he had head injuries," says a source close to Brittany Murphy. "He was pale and sometimes had trouble standing."

Moreover, the former staffer also claims Brittany Murphy - who is worth tens of millions, minimum - said she was unable to pay him... because the money had been used for ransom.

However, the alleged kidnapping seems to exactly coincide with the dates reported by The National Enquirer that Simon Monjack, a British citizen, had been detained on immigration charges by federal authorities for overstaying his visa.

Simon Monjack, a screenwriter, is certainly not short of enemies... many readers of this very celebrity news publication among them.

As our readers' irate comments attest, a bevy of sources have posted unflattering stories on the Internet about his past relationships and business dealings.

On June 13, a man identifying himself as Arturo Globenfeldt posted a message on Monjack's IMDB page claiming he owes him $16 million in film investment money.

Globenfeldt, who is from Portugal, did not immediately respond to an e-mail. Reps for Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack also did not respond to a request for comment.

The Hollywood Gossip take: It finally makes sense why Brittany Murphy would marry a man as shady as Simon Monjack. She is also insane! It's a great match!

Brittany Murphy's new husband, British screenwriter-director Simon Monjack, says he has uncovered the secret to a happy marriage:

Take the money and run.
Listen to his wife.

"I've learned one thing in life: A man can only say two things. Yes or no. Everything else is up to a woman," Monjack told People Saturday at the City of Hope gala, held to honor Rock & Republic's founder and CEO Michael Ball.

"It's the only way for a happy marriage. That's why I leave everything up to the boss," he said, motioning to Brittany Murphy. "I simply limit it to yes or no."

Hey, when she saves your ass from getting deported, it's not a bad approach.

The couple, who pulled off a top-secret wedding last spring and a hush-hush honeymoon, are also collaborating on another project: Murphy's new film, The Painting, in which she plays a spy.

Seems like she could do a little spying around the house, don't you think? This guy is significantly shadier than Spencer Pratt, which is saying something.

"It's a very exciting European heist film," said the actress, using a very proper English accent. "I get to be British which I'm excited about! I want to make the British very proud so I want to make sure it's impeccable."

At least one Brit who is impressed is Simon Monjack, who says: "She does a better British accent than I do!"

As for working together, the couple has no issue mixing business with pleasure. Monjack, who has photographed Murphy for several magazines, said marrying a multi-millionaire working together is "fantastic."

Brittany Murphy also calls the experience "Amazing."

"We didn't even have to say anything," she said. "It's like we could read each other's minds."

Either Brittany Murphy doesn't read celebrity gossip sites like this one, or she simply doesn't care what our readers - many of whom claim first- or second-hand knowledge of Simon Monjack's checkered past - have to say.

Readers of The Hollywood Gossip believe Simon Monjack to be an "incredible" con-artist, cheater, pathological liar and all sorts of other nice things.

But as far as his new wife, Brittany Murphy, is concerned, either she has no idea or does not care about Monjack's allegedly checkered past.

Monjack, who secretly wed Murphy this spring, has also had myriad financial problems and reportedly was facing deportation when he and the Clueless star tied the knot.

Con man or not, Simon Monjack sure looks happy in these pictures, with Murphy at the Rock & Republic City Of Hope Event. Aww. Don't they just tug at your heartstrings, these two?

We can only pray that Usher and Tameka Foster find such lasting happiness.