Britney Spears

Thanks to People magazine, as usual, for this collection of some of the funniest and most most memorable celebrity quotes from the past week ...

"She looks at me and says, 'Nice top shelf.' That was one of the greatest days of my life." - Justin Timberlake on Madonna

"He'll have to restrain his hair." - A Waffle House employee, on Kid Rock

"Do not pull them up tight and have your bulge showing. Let it hang!" - Victoria Beckham on the way to wear jeans

"You always want to point out the elephant in the room." - Jim Carrey, dressed as an Dr. Seuss' Horton the Elephant, on American Idol

"She knew her lines better than me." - How I Met Your Mother's Josh Radnor, on Britney Spears' visit to the set

"I had to face some difficult spending decisions and I've had to conduct sensitive diplomacy. That's called planning for a wedding." - President George W. Bush

"I really romanticized being pregnant. Then I realized, this is awful!"
- Marcia Cross, reminiscing about pregnancy

"A little later on I'll be at the Dinah Shore Golf Tournament, of course. That's if it doesn't conflict with my women's basketball games that I go to." - Ellen DeGeneres, leaving a message for Rep. Sally Kern of Oklahoma

"I just don't want to be thought of as a monster." - Ashley Dupre

Britney Spears is glad to be back on TV.

She thinks working on How I Met Your Mother was great.

"Working at How I Met Your Mother has been so terrific," Spears said in a deep, thought-provoking statement.

The singer is scheduled to play Abby, a dorky receptionist, on the March 24 episode of the hit CBS comedy starring Neil Patrick Harris.

"Everyone, including the cast, the crew and the producers, has been wonderful and Abby is such a fun girl to play," Spears said. "I'm having a blast!" Hooray, y'all!

The troubled pop singer, who hopefully didn't spontaneously strip down to no panties on the set, filmed scenes yesterday in L.A.

Her mom, Lynne Spears, was spotted visiting her trailer.

"Britney's not playing a version of herself," How I Met Your Mother creator Craig Thomas said. "I think that's part of what appealed to her."

It is Britney Spears' first return to the small screen since a 2006 cameo on Will & Grace... unless you count last fall's VMA live disaster.

Red Bull? Check. Pack of smokes? Check. Movie? Check. This checklist was all that Adnan Ghalib needed to sail right on through the gates of Britney Spears' Summit Circle compound last night - a bit of a departure from last weekend.

Amid rumors that he had been boinking, or at least sending sexual text messages to Amanda Pagel - a random girl rumored to be dating Perry Ullmann from Bravo's Make Me a Supermodel - Adnan was not allowed in on Saturday.

Brit's beau was denied entry into the compound as the paparazzi surrounded his car and covered the scene in an epic display of embarrassment and rejection.

But Adnan Ghalib is nothing if not resilient.

Looking at this photo, we know why. Britney may get pissed from time to time, but how can she resist the smooth-talkin', easy-ridin', Middle-Eastern love doctor?

Pimpin' ain't easy, but for Adnan Ghalib, it's necessary, beeyotch.

The next music video from Britney Spears' album Blackout may shock you.

No, not because of any topless shots or orgasmic moaning, like in "Piece of Me," or for her parading around bored and forgetting the words she's lip-synching to like at the VMAs while performing "Gimme More."

In "Break the Ice," a smoking-hot, animated Britney Spears works her way through a futuristic environment. Why go the animated route?

"Since Britney Spears has been otherwise occupied this was a creative and fun way to do her next video," a source said, being rather diplomatic about it.

That's a nice way of saying crazy. Anyway, who do you think is hotter: Animated Britney Spears (2008) or real Britney Spears (circa 2001)? 

The great Kevin Federline once guest-starred on CSI. Now it's time for his former spouse to take a turn on one of CBS' hit shows.

CBS has confirmed that Britney Spears will be a guest star on an episode of How I Met Your Mother this spring, playing a secretary.

"I was shocked that Madame Spears was willing to come and do some acting," star Neil Patrick Harris recently told Entertainment Tonight.

"She has not acted in awhile. This is a very interesting role. It is very not like her at all in real life in any of her previous chapters. She plays the secretary to another girl that Ted (Josh Radnor) is after. So, it will be very unlike any Britney we have seen before, and we have seen a lot of Britney recently."

We sure have, Neil. Harris is openly gay, so it's probably not doing much for him, but he's gotta be referring to crotch shots and/or Britney Spears nude pics.

Britney Spears' past acting experience includes the movie Crossroads (1999), and music videos such as "Everytime," where she was quite naked and suicidal. Nice.

Hopefully this role is funny and involves pants. Britney Spears was supposedly on the set of How I Met Your Mother yesterday in L.A., chatting with Radnor.

In other How I Met Your Mother guest star news, the lovely Vanessa Minnillo will also be appearing on the show's March 17 episode!

Britney Spears, who is worth an estimated $100 million, has been approved for a $1,500-a-week allowance, a judge rules on Monday afternoon.

Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Reva Goetz approved the hiring of two specialist attorneys to help the singer and her lawyers sort out her affairs.

One, Jorge Hernandez, will get a $25,000 retainer to be an around-the-clock consultant on all questions pertaining to the co-conservatorship.

The other, lawyer Tom Hansen, will receive $15,000 a month for his services as an entertainment lawyer consulting on Spears' entertainment contracts.

At a separate hearing, lawyers for Spears said that her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, should pay his own damn legal bills. In a manner of speaking, of course.

The court had previously ruled that Spears, 27, has to pay Federline's counsel, Mark Vincent Kaplan, "reasonable" attorney's fees.

He has billed over half a million so far.

Britney's attorney, Stacy Phillips, told a Los Angeles court commissioner that Kapla is only entitled to $150,000-175,000.

Phillips said that K-Fed should foot the bill, mentioning how the rapper once tipped $2,000 on a $365 bill while out dining.

Mark Vincent Kaplan, meanwhile, argued that he is worth every cent of the price due to the complicated nature of the custody case.

"Our fees for the experience and expertise for the practice level are far under market for the package you get when you hire me," he said.

"This is not a simple custody case."

Both Federline and Spears' father (and co-conservator) Jamie Spears â€" who hit the golf course together over the weekend â€" were present for the hearing.

"Mr. Federline answered two or three questions very cryptically and Jamie Spears was a little more elaborate," court spokesperson Allan Parachini said. "The judge has taken the fees arguments under consideration."

Britney Spears news and gossip rarely takes a break. But you can't deny that it's becoming weirder - and seemingly more bogus - of late.

As reported by OK! Magazine, the struggling bipolar babe has recently found herself on the receiving end of a mysterious, obsessed fan.

One who has been sending the star threatening packages. OK! claims to have the details of what has Britney's inner circle and security team running to the FBI.

"It started about six weeks ago with just letters being sent once a week," a source who has supposedly seen the packages reveals to OK!.

"And then it quickly escalated to larger packages that now arrive 2-3 times a week â€" always to the same L.A. address, but never to Britney's homes."

Perhaps this is what Jamie Spears and K-Fed were discussing on the golf course. Either way, it's a good thing the boxes never made it to the singer's door.

What's inside could not be good for her mental state.

"The first thing you see when you open the box is a huge, lavender-colored, battery-operated sex toy, still with the price tag on it."

Gee whiz. Someone done send me ma sex toy, y'all!! 

Alongside the mechanical apparatus are two letters â€" one handwritten and one written on a computer â€" threatening and pornographic in nature.

"The handwritten one is on note paper and it's written in a crazy, all-caps chicken scratch," says the source, who says the five-page letter contains pornographic details of the writer's fantasy exploits with Britney Spears.

NOTE: Is this loser watching music videos form like 2001 or something? No offense to Britney, but these days? Would you hit that? Come on.

NOTE #2: No offense, Adnan.

Perhaps the scariest item is picture of the sender (or just some dude) â€" a white,  middle-aged male with stringy, greasy hair â€" with eyes cut out of the photo.

Oh, and it gets better, believe us. In the photo, the man appears to be squirting some sort of yellowish liquid into his open mouth. Lovely.

"It's like something from a bad movie," says the source. "If I hadn't seen it myself, I wouldn't believe it."

"Insiders" tell OK! that the packages, which all come with a return address in the Minneapolis, Minn., area, are immediately handed over to Britney Spears' security team, who in turn hand them over to the FBI for review.

Sending text messages of a sexual nature to other girls?

Cheating on Brit with some random chick named Amanda Pagel, who freaks out and calls her equally random reality TV beau after the affair is exposed?

In recent days, several interesting rumors regarding Adnan Ghalib's infidelity and general shadiness have been swirling in celeb news circles.

Until now, we assumed this was mere celebrity gossip, as Adnan was still making late-night trips to Britney Spears' residence.

Now, we're not so sure.

Adnan went to Britney Spears' gated community last night and - according to a TMZ video - he got to see her all right ... on his iPhone. Rejected!

Last night, Adnan Ghalib got to see Britney Spears ... well, sort of.

The singer's security detail negged Adnan Ghalib at the gate. Snap. Has he officially been ostracized from Britney's inner circle, much like Sam Lutfi?

We'll have to wait and see, but last night, he immediately had to hear about the dis from the surrounding pack of celebrity news photographers.

Talk about adding insult to injury.

She's not going bankrupt, despite what misleading celebrity gossip sources have reported. But Britney Spears is learning money doesn't grow on trees.

Britney has been ordered to pay her father Jamie, her co-conservator, a sum of $2,500 a week as compensation, as well as lease him a car.

L.A. Superior Court Commissioner Reva Goetz also ordered the pop singer to pay Samuel D. Ingham III, her court-appointed attorney, $58,800 in fees.

In addition, Goetz authorized the troubled star's psychiatrist to hire two other doctors and pay them retainers totaling around $9,000.

Jamie Spears' co-conservatorship of Brit's estate, which was set to expire March 10, was recently extended until July 31. Sweeeeet! Cha-ching!

Just kidding. If you think Jamie's in this for the money, think again. He never made a dime off his daughters, and unlike ex-wife Lynne Spears, never exploited his relationship with them, instead working long hours as a caterer to get by.

Jamie Spears and Britney Spears have long had an uneasy relationship, and were estranged for a period of years. But he has stepped up to the plate big time here.

Jamie and his attorney, Andrew Wallet, were put in control of the singer's finances and estate in February after she was hospitalized for the second time in a month with bipolar disorder and deemed incapable of caring for her own affairs.

Or her children, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Meanwhile, Britney has been hit with even more bills - legal expenses totaling more than $1 million for a five-month period - and Jamie is livid.

According to TMZ, the conservators have filed documents with the court and will appear on Monday, challenging lawyers' fees in the case.

Kevin Federline's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, asked for around $500,000 for the five-month period from October 2007-February 2008 and has filed the paperwork demanding that Britney pay all of his bills.

The court has already formally ordered Britney Spears to pay K-Fed "reasonable" attorney's fees. That's not even all she's on the hook for, either - her last law firm, Trope and Trope, has billed Spears more than $600,000.

Sources say the conservators feel they're being fleeced and the bills are inflated. In particular, they're upset that multiple lawyers on Britney's side have attended various court hearings - they say unnecessarily.

The conservators will argue that the custody case involving Sean and Jayden is rather simple and that bills of this magnitude are outrageous.

It's getting increasingly hard to separate fact and celeb gossip, but reports say the love life of Britney Spears took an unexpected, reality-TV turn in the past week.

Britney Spears and her somewhat shady paparazzi beau were the subject of breakup rumors after he supposedly sent sexy text messages to some other girl.

Whether this actually happened - or whether a breakup actually took place as a result (Adnan has been seen entering her house since) is not confirmed.

The L.A. waitress who supposedly broke up - or almost broke up, who knows - the unrequited love of Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib had a serious beau of her own before hooking up with Ghalib, a celebrity news photographer.

Amanda Pagel, who was photographed last weekend with Adnan Ghalib at her home, had been dating Perry Ullmann from Bravo's Make Me a Supermodel.

It's been a rough ride so far for Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib.

The tryst between Ghalib and Pagel supposedly took place in the past week or two. According to reports, Pagel called Ullmann to break the news about Adnan.

"There is a huge story that has blown up about me and it's not true," she tells him. "I can't talk right now ... this is over."

Amanda Pagel then hung up.

"What the [bleep] was that?" asked Ullmann.