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Who knew that Britney Spears fashioned herself a poet?

On her official site, britneyspears.com, the 24-year old singer posts her "Stream of Consciousness" musings from time to time. Her most recent entry talks about how much she wishes her dumbass husband Kevin Federline would get off his lazy ass and do something with his life. Just kidding. That's not on there, though we have no doubt she thinks it. Often.

Britney Spears Hairstyle

Anyway, the "Love B" section of the site focuses on her recent fascination with the tiger. Quoting poet William Blake, Britney writes:

Tiger! Tiger! Burning bright
In the forests of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

She then provides her own insight.

"In some ways, people are a lot like animals. We all hunger for the same things. Love, lust, danger, warmth and adventure. Like people, animals all have their own rhythm to life... I'm mesmerized by tigers. Their eyes, their stripes, their constant quest for survival. They almost have a sense of mysteriousness about them. They pull you in and make it difficult to look away. They make you wonder what is behind their gaze," Britney writes.

There's more. On May 22, Spears posted an original poem, one she dedicated to everyone who thinks they know her. She forgives all of those people, by the way. Phew. Here's her work, entitled "Remembrance of Who I Am":

No more chains
That you gave me

Enough of pain
Now I'm craving
Something sweet, so delight
How do you stand sleeping at night?

Silly patterns that we follow
You pull me in
I'm being swallowed
By the ones you think you love
They pull you down
You can't see up above

Manipulation is the key
They screw it in
Because you're naive

You come to me now
Why do you bother?
Remember the Bible
The sins of the Father.
What you do
You pass down.
No wonder why
I lost my crown.

You don't see me now
You ask yourself why
My crown is back
And it's way too high
For you to be in my presence
Especially my son
You should bow down
I've only just begun.

The guilt you fed me
Made me weak.
The voodoo you did
I couldn't speak.

You're awakening
The phone is ringing.
Resurrection of my soul.
The fear I'm bringing.

What will you say
And what will you do?
She's not the same person that you're used to.

You trick me one, twice, now it's three.
Look who's smiling now.
Damn, it's good to be me.

There you have it. Draw your own conclusions. We think we know who the one "swallowing her" would be (Federline, that a$$hole), and probably who has been feeding Britney the steady diet of guilt she writes of. But the symbolism of the crown? The voodoo? The resurrection of her soul? You lost us a little there, Brit. But we thank you for the profound imagery.

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Who said Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears were bitter rivals?

No one actually. But this really proves it! In fact, today on MTV's Total Request Live, Jessica declared herself a big fan of Britney, with her favorite Spears track being her hit, "I'm a Slave 4 U." The Gossip approves of her choice. That particular song is considered somewhat of a milestone in Spears' career, as well as a life-altering event for American males ages 15-25.

Steamy Scene

The steamy video and raunchy lyrics fully redefined Britney's public image from innocent sweetheart to... We don't even need to finish that sentence. But we're glad that Jessica is a fan. She even said Britney has "a hot bod." Well, that calls for a Spears pic straight from the "Slave" video. The lengths we go to for our fans.

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Looks like all the drugs Justin Timberlake takes haven't resulted in massive memory loss. The singer, who has been tight-lipped about his first love, Britney Spears, in the past, is jumping on the bandwagon as everyone and their mother drags the pop princess through the mud.

  • Justin Timberlake Golfing
  • A Pregnant Britney Spears

Below, courtesy of GQ, are JT's thoughts on Mrs. Federline… back before she married that white-trash sleazebag:

�I was in love with her from the start," said Justin, who was 11 when he met 10-year old Brit. "Britney grew up on my living room floor.�

The Timberlake take the breakup with Spears:

â��When we initially parted ways, I felt like she had opportunities to just sort of stick up for me, and she didnâ��t… I fought back… I came up with a song,â�� said Timberlake, referring to his hit "Cry Me a River," a scathing account of Spears' infidelity with his pal, Wade Robson.

Who got the last laugh?

�I just hate what she�s going through now,� said a sympathetic Timberlake, who denied advising his beleaguered ex to dump useless spouse Kevin Federline.

While he says he wishes Spears well, Timberlake calls his first love "so high school," and refers to his relationship with Cameron Diaz, 33, as more "adult." He and Diaz have been getting it on since ‘03.

Britney, who plans to renew vows with K-Fed next month, declined comment. Probably.

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The National Enquirer apologized to Britney Spears in its British edition Tuesday for reporting that she was ready to divorce white-trash deadbeat Kevin Federline.

Britney Federline

Articles published by the tabloid on June 5 and June 12 proclaimed: "Britney marriage is over!" and "Britney and Kevin: And now their divorce!" respectively. The stories were based on vague, uncredited sources supposedly close to the couple. Way to drag celebrities through the mud for no reason, a$$holes. You hacks are a disgrace to journalism and blogging.

According to Fox News, a beacon of journalistic standards in its own right, the retraction and apology said that National Enquirer officials "now accept that their marriage is not over and they are not getting divorced. These allegations are untrue and we now accept Britney's position that the statements are without foundation. We apologize for any distress caused."

American Media Inc., the publisher of the Enquirer, agreed to terms on a settlement with Paul Tweed, the lawyer representing Spears in both Great Britain and Ireland. The settlement requires a published apology, but no cash damages.

Too bad, because Federline loves cash he doesn't have to work for.

Spears reportedly pursued action on that side of the Atlantic because British and Irish laws are far more plaintiff-friendly.

The pop princess and the backup dancer / aspiring rapper / mooch of a husband wed in September 2004 and have a 10-month old son, Sean Preston, who will soon grow old enough to realize how f--ked up his life is. She is now pregnant with their second child, who is due to enter the world (and be traumatized) this fall.

"The couple are very satisfied with the Enquirer's prompt and good-faith response," Tweed said.

The apology and retraction was published today in the edition of the Enquirer published in England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales, and will be published Wednesday in the Republic of Ireland version.

The Hollywood Gossip would like to take this opportunity to note that it will never, ever retract a story about Britney Spears. Particularly if it involves nude pics. Thank you.

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In a completely unbelievable attempt to show the world everything's fine with their marriage, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are planning to renew their wedding vows next month during a romantic ceremony in Hawaii.

Spederline

"It's all Brit's idea. She's convinced herself that their marriage is strong and wants to show she's fallen in love with Kevin all over again," a family friend dished. "So she wants to have a big, splashy ceremony with all their family and friends and the baby in attendance."

For the record, the two married on September 18, 2004. Less than two years ago. Who renews their vows after 22 months? Who marries a waste of space like K-Fed at all? Whatever. The two are determined to project an image of perfect harmony, and hoping to kill rumors that their marriage is on life support. Neither goal stands a chance in hell.

The singer, who is pregnant with her second child less than a year after giving birth to poor, innocent, destined-to-be-traumatized-for-life Sean Preston, has vowed to make the marriage work. She is determined, friends say, to reshape Kevin's image from a bumbling slacker to a kind, decent family man.

Yeah. That's happening.

With the notable exception of Pink, Everyone is taking shots at Britney these days. Enter ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake, who recently criticized her for being disloyal. The boy-band star, who split from Spears in 2002 and whose hit, "Cry Me a River," was a thinly-veiled slap at her, is amazed at how quickly their relationship turned sour after the breakup.

"When we initially parted ways, I felt like she had a couple of opportunities to just sort of stick up for me, and she didn't," JT told GQ.

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In case you were wondering, Britney Spears is very pregnant... and feeling just a little uncomfortable with her body these days... and, for some reason, planning to collaborate with deadbeat husband Kevin Federline -- musically.

Britney Spears on GMA

"I'm so proud of Kevin. He's been working so hard on his own album since I got pregnant with Preston. I'm so lucky. He's a doll; he's adorable," she said.

Excuse me? Are we talking about the same person? Did Britney suddenly swap her spouse for someone who isn't a white trash, gold-digging drain on society? Because I swear we were talking about K-Fed here. Look at this man (below). He has no idea what to do with his time, other than walk around spending money and trying to look cool. And now he wants us to think he's a die-hard Yankee fan, too. What a disgrace to the proud tradition of the Bronx Bombers and to America as a whole.

Also in the works for Federline's (far) better half is a line of baby clothes Spears is designing, inspired by 10-month old son, Sean Preston.

"Hopefully, next year we'll have a fashion show, maybe at Disney World," she said.

Well K-Fed show? With both of their kids at that point? And his two other kids with D-List actress Shar Jackson? God help us all.

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The New York Post reports that Britney Spears recently sold her Manhattan apartment for $4 million, after buying it for $3 million in 2002. That's a nice ROI, Brit. Good job. That means return on investment.

It was put on the market back in 2004 for $6 million, and remained unsold until Spears lowered her asking price, which is what we are seeing a lot of in today's turbulent housing market, with mortgage rates on the rise across the U.S. The eight-room condo with three bedrooms, 13-ft ceilings, working fireplaces, a large rooftop terrace and a solarium, was previously owned by Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards and then hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons.

Britney Spears Head Shot

Sources say the apartment has not been used in some time. Britney currently lives in Malibu, Calif., with deadbeat husband Kevin Federline and their baby son Sean Preston. She is reportedly renovating her mother's house in Kentwood, Louisiana, prompting speculation that she may be moving home.

The pregnant pop princess has not been having a good time lately, and that includes how she perceives herself, she told Harper's Bazaar.

Sure, she stripped and appeared buck ass naked on the cover, displaying her pregnant figure for all the world to see. But Spears says she just doesn't feel beautiful a lot of the time.

"It was weird for me at first because of who I am. Wherever you go, they expect you to look a certain way. I'm not supposed to be this big huge pregnant superstar," she said.

Britney vowed to get back in shape immediately after Sean Preston's little sibling is born. Hopefully she hires a better stylist, a team of shrinks and a new PR organization as well.

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Britney Spears' worthless, white trash husband, Kevin Federline, is reportedly in talks with his wife's label, Jive Records.

The former dancer and ever-present drain on society announced plans last year to become a rapper, but has so far failed to land a record contract. Probably because he is a talentless, deadbeat hack. Yet Federline, 28, is hoping Jive will welcome his musical attempts with open arms -- or at least give him a pity deal.

  • Federleezy Fo Sheezy
  • Brit and Sons

"Nothing is definite yet, but it looks like K-Fed is going to keep it all in the family," says an unnamed source, which is probably not real.

Meanwhile, Spears quashed reports she is quitting the music business herself. The 24-year old singer, who took a break when she became pregnant with her first child, and who is knocked up yet again less than 10 months after giving birth, has vowed to make a comeback as soon as possible.

Brit says she can't wait to get back in the studio and on stage, because performing live makes her and baby, Sean Preston, happy.

"At one point I was thinking about becoming a stay at home mom, but when my son sees me dance he lights up. I know that's what I'm supposed to be doing. If mom is happy, baby's happy," the pop princess said.

We would guess that little Sean P., being less than a year old, is happy with just about anything. You know, eating, sleeping, peeing, not getting dropped on his head, etc. But whatever his mom wants to believe is fine with us.

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Hollywood starlets love their Taco Bell. Check out this picture taken of a pregnant Britney Spears leaving the Bell near her Malibu home, as shown on TMZ.com:

Such White Trash

Brit is apparently feeding Sean Preston's unborn brother a steady diet of chalupas and Nachos Bellgrande. What a lucky fetus. But the lovely Mrs. Federline is certainly not the only celeb who can't get enough of the disgusting fast food joint.

Paris Hilton confessed her love for the Nachos Bellgrande to photographers on more than one occasion, while her Simple Life cohort, Nicole Richie was known to make a late night run for the border -- before she stopped eating and morphed into an extraterrestrial goblin freak, of course.

Speaking of mexican food, the Gossip is willing to bet that Lindsay Lohan's new boyfriend, Harry Morton, has been scarfing down his share of the pink taco lately -- if you know what we mean. We mean that he owns the Pink Taco restaurant chain, with locations in California, Las Vegas and beyond.

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No, not us, as in The Gossip. We're talking about Us Weekly, as the beleaguered Britney Spears is reportedly battling the celeb tabloid yet again.

Drivin' Ms. Crazy

In a statement released through her record label, the expectant mother said she and her deadbeat, freeloading husband, Kevin Federline, were outraged and saddened that photos of a recent family vacation in Miami ended up in Us Weekly after being "stolen by an unknown perpetrator."

Although the photos actually depict some happy, decidedly uncontroversial moments for for Mr. & Mrs. Federline (as opposed to Harper's Bazzar's nude Britney Spears spread), the couple is considering legal action against the magazine for publishing the pics without their permission, E! Online reports.

Us Weekly issued a statement denying that the magazine resorted to illegal means in order to obtain the photos.

"Any charge that Us Weekly stole these photos is preposterous. The magazine acquired the photos strictly through legal means," an Us spokesperson said.

This is just the latest in a long-running feud between Spears and Us that has resulted in frequent barbs and court battles. To sum up:

December 2005: Britney sued the publication for $20 million after a column claimed Spears and Federline were worried about a "raunchy sex video" of their exploits would become public. According to the suit, said tape does not exist.

The Rebuttal: The magazine stands by its source.

February 2006: New mom Brit said she was "disturbed" by Us' decision to publish her private honeymoon photos.

The Rebuttal: Us shot back, stating that "Coming from a celebrity who sold pictures of both her wedding and her stepdaughter, it's unlikely the issue here is privacy. Could it be that Britney is seeing red after not seeing the green from these photos? Britney Spears should start a magazine if she'd like to dictate her own coverage."

March 2006: On her website, Spears posted an angry tirade aimed at "false tabloids," calling out Us Weekly, In Touch and Star in particular for printing lies and employing liars.

The Rebuttal:
"Unlike other magazines that pay for access to Britney, the writers at Us Weekly have high journalistic standards and do their own researching and reporting for all stories. Our coverage of Britney has proven to be accurate," the magazine said in a statement.

Yikes. Maybe Spears should just start up her own publication, as she told Matt Lauer she wanted to while being interviewed on Dateline.

"You know what? I need to create my own magazine. These people like â€" I mean, they want stories to sell and they're very good. I need to come up with my own magazine and say the real deal," she said.

We have another idea, Britney. Just read The Hollywood Gossip instead! We have no love for Us (or Paris Hilton, or Ashlee Simpson). Tell you what â€" you can have your own column, and we won't even edit it! Deal?