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The only thing happy these days about the troubled Britney Spears would be the Happy Meals she's picking up from McDonalds (below, left).

But will the walking train wreck try to right her own quickly-sinking ship by rekindling her love for an old flame?

Britney Spears, Jason Trawick Shirtless

Sources say Britney has been trying to phone her pre-FedEx ex, who goes by the name of Justin Timberlake. But he ain't callin' back.

Justin is reportedly not high on the idea of running it back with Britney. You know who else isn't? Cameron Diaz. When she got wind of the calls, she didn't like it one bit - and has even gone so far as to try to get through to Britney's reps to ask her to stop calling JT.

Too bad Brit's manager, Larry Rudolph, doesn't do anything.

One can't blame Cameron for being a little put out, but you don't see her phoning Jessica Biel now, do you? Or maybe you do. We don't want to jump to conclusions here.

Over the weekend, the paparazzi caught Britney engaged in a few of her favorite pastimes. No, not barfing on Isaac Cohen - carrying several small objects and killing herself slowly but surely with the substances she ingests.

The mother of two with the enormous breasts and trouble staying sober was seen going into a recording studio with Marlboro lights, Red Bull and McDonald's grub - a combination that will be known heretofore as the WTBOC (white trash breakfast of champions).

Later, she was spotted carrying some other small items - namely her baby sons Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline! Check out the Jayden James pictures we were able to find! They're not grainy at all!

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Here's what we've all been waiting to see!

Another Jayden James Federline picture!

Usual Britney

Well, sort of. They're a tad grainy.

But we take our hats off to x17online.com just the same. These celebrity gossip gods captured Britney Spears at a Hollywood studio, choreographing her team of dancers and getting into the swing of things herself.

Best of all, x17 spotted Brit with her two little tykes along with her, and if you look closely, you can see little Jayden James with the assistant in the back. Surprisingly (well, not really) he looks like his older brother, Sean Preston.

Then again, so does just about anyone at that resolution:

Hopefully, more terrific Jayden James pictures like this are still to come.

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Well, not exactly. Although he is in this picture, we think, Jayden James Federline appears to be stuffed into a crate. Now that's great parenting.

Britney Spears and her brood are seen here getting off a private jet at Van Nuys airport yesterday, upon returning from her aunt's funeral, which Brit attended in her native Louisiana. No Isaac Cohen though. Here's the pic:

Brit Brit

Spears quickly loaded up little Jayden James and his older brother Sean Preston Federline and headed straight to a rehearsal studio in Burbank. While this is not quite the manner in which we envisioned the first Jayden James pictures, it'll have to do for now.

Just hope the poor thing can breathe in there. Gotta poke holes in the box, B.

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After reportedly spending a day working in a dance studio, Britney Spears stopped in to a convenience store in Studio City, Calif., Thursday for an energy boost (below, left). 

The Circus

Hopefully, that "boost" was just Red Bull, but didn't include any vodka. Otherwise, our girl Britney could be in for another random display of exhibitionism (leading to some tremendous nude pictures), or another sudden bout of "tiredness" akin to her New Year's debacle.

Recently, the singer has been more play than business - as we're sure you know. So much so that she's come under fire from Kevin Federline (really) for not being around their kids, Sean Preston and Jayden James, enough.

Instead, she's been hitting the club scene with new guy Isaac Cohen (above, right) or whom she recently bought some sexy lingerie. Despite rumors that they broke up, the couple appears to be going strong.

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Fed(ex) up.

That's what Kevin Federline is with his estranged wife, according to TMZ and a number of other sources who say the aspiring rapper is worried and pissed off about her hard-partying ways.

Lucky Jayden

Now even he's telling Britney Spears to check her sometimes-covered ass into rehab, STAT - if only for the sake of their kids.

According to both Star magazine and MSNBC, Federline has tried to work "every angle" to get the commando queen to chill the f*%k out and get some help, but it clearly hasn't helped.

First, he threatened taking the kids away via his lawyer. When that didn't work and he had to settle for a temporary custody deal, he resorted to begging.

Finally, Federline even tried to get his mother-in-law, Lynne Spears, to join the fight against the hard-drinking crotch shot crusader. No word on whether he has touched base with Pamela Anderson about making a special plea to Spears.

"He's afraid she's going to hurt herself," says a friend.

For K-Fed, apparently, it's now all about Sean Preston and Jayden James.

"They're being raised by strangers," said the source.

Amazing that, for all the bashing of K-Fed we do, he's sure looking like the better half of Spederline these days. While Britney's out partying all night with new man Isaac Cohen and pounding Red Bull to stay awake by day (below, left), K-Fed is just doing his thing, starring in a new commercial and on the WWE as a recurring character / nuisance. He even shows concern for his kids. Stunning.

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Bodog Entertainment, the online betting enterprise that recently brought us odds on which celebrity would be involved in a DUI arrest, has just posted the official odds something even more intriguing:

Who will be the father Britney Spears' next child?!

Old Skool Britney

Is your life so utterly devoid of excitement that you'd consider putting money on it? We sure would. Here are the primary contenders, and the opening lines, courtesy of BoDog.com, with the photo below of another one of Britney's heinous outfits courtesy of X17Online.com.

Perez Hilton (a.k.a. Mario Lavandeira): 100/1
Brandon Davis (a.k.a. Greasy Bear): 12/1
Former President Bill Clinton: 20/1
President George W. Bush: 28/5
Kevin Federline: 13/3
Mel Gibson: 31/1
Justin Timberlake: 11/2
Isaac Cohen: 5/3
Hugh Hefner: 12/1
Larry Rudolph: 11/5

Personally, we like George W. Bush as a dark horse, although he's going to have his hands full ousting some of the favorites. Kind of surprising that his oversexed predecessor, Bill Clinton, is more of a long shot. We shudder to think how Paris Hilton, Spears' former BFF, would react if her pal Brandon Davis knocked Brit up.

As far as the favorites go, you can never count out FedEx (those boys can swim!), or TimberlakeEx, now that Cameron Diaz is out of the picture. It's interesting that Isaac Cohen, Britney's current boyfriend, is running just about neck-and-neck with her manager, Larry Rudolph, who's seen with her just about as often.

Both Cohen and Rudolph, who may be the worst manager ever, given Brit's slide in terms of public opinion, have shown they're adept at handing the kids she already has, so both would seem likely to impregnate her soon. Well, likely compared to freaking Perez Hilton at least. That mofo likes dudes!

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Britney Spears checked up on - who else - herself, peeping a copy of Us Weekly at a Santa Monica convenience store Thursday. Sadly, there were no print copies of The Hollywood Gossip at that store. Next time, Brit!

The mother of Sean Preston and Jayden James was spotted after dropping off some laundry nearby. Sources say she even did some work on her new album, too.

Britney: 2-on-1

We don't want to jump the gun here, but it sounds like a fairly normal, uneventful day in Britney land! Which can only be a positive change of pace, after all those Vegas jaunts and wild nights. Let Paris Hilton do her thing, girl. Just be yourself.

Needless to say, the Britster read all about herself and new beau Isaac Cohen. The edition of the magazine was probably printed too early to contain any jokes about the trip to the laundromat she was in the midst of, however.

Wait, before you go, we have one! "Well, we know this won't take long... good thing you decided no pants was the way to go last year, right Britney?" [wait for laughter] Is this thing on? Hello? Testing...

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These friendships simply aren't built to last.

First, Britney Spears was barred from appearing in an NFL Super Bowl ad because organizers had already secured Paris Hilton for the spot.

BS Picture

Now the crazy commando clubber has been kicked off the invite list to the Vienna Opera Ball in favor of her former BFF, MSNBC's The Scoop reports today.

Originally the horrible hotel heiress was scheduled to attend the event - the highlight of Austria's social season - with Spears, since they were such good friends and all. But after the pair had a falling out and broke up, an event that no one on Earth saw coming, one of the crotch shot queens had to be yanked.

After much deliberation (from people who somehow don't have better things to worry about), it was Mrs. Kevin Federline who was taken off the invite list.

Hilton is reportedly receiving $1 million for attending, and is the personal guest of wealthy industrialist Richard Lugner, 74, and his socialite wife Christina.

"She is a very good advertisement for the Opera Ball," Richard Lugner explained.

THG NOTE: We assume Courtney Love had a prior engagement.

And why was Britney Spears disinvited?

Christina offered: "They unfortunately do not get along anymore."

What will Britney be doing instead?

We have no idea. But we're sure it involves a lot of clubbing, a healthy dose of Isaac Cohen and absolutely no pictures of Jayden James.

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Oops... did she do it again?

No. And we don't mean throwing up on Isaac Cohen.

Spears On the Move

Britney Spears' friends reportedly believed that the walking baby factory may be - wait for it - pregnant. Again. Granted, that's according to In Touch Weekly, a less than reliable source. But would it shock you if it were true?

Exactly. Her friends' concerns may help to explain why Spears seems not to have lost all of her pregnancy weight, as well as why she has been getting sick lately. In one widely circulated photo, Spears was shown throwing up peanut butter and reports said she had been drinking.

But according to In Touch Weekly, Spears has been skipping the booze.

"Her dancers were indulging in Malibu rum and pineapple drinks and taking shots of vodka," a witness to a January 14 party at a Las Vegas casino told the magazine. "But Britney drank bottled water."

Spears gave birth to her second child, Jayden James Federline, only four months ago â€" but friends point out that she got pregnant for the second time only three months after having her first child, son Sean Preston Federline.

"I've seen her during the last two pregnancies and she has the same look now," a pal who sees Britney every week reportedly told the mag. "She's heavier, but that's not all. It's the sparkle in her eye. She gets that sparkle when she's pregnant, like she's relaxed and happy."

Sure thing, there, In Touch.

That's why Britney Spears' manager, Larry Rudolph, tells Us Weekly exclusively that "Britney is not pregnant," calling the recent tabloid reports claiming that Spears is expecting "absurd."

We hope you never believed this utter nonsense. But if you did, it would undoubtedly lead to the obligatory question: Who's your daddy?

Seriously, would it be by her new man? This Larry Rudolph guy (who might be the worst manager in history by the way). FedEx? That greaseball J.R. Rotem? Stomp The Yard star Columbus Short? Who!?

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In terms of physical appearance, Britney Spears' new man, Isaac Cohen, may be a dead ringer for her estranged ex. We're talking an even stronger resemblance than Lauren Conrad and Christine Taylor here.

But in terms of personality, the Britster's new bandana-wearing bad boy with a love of facial hair and extra-large pants couldn't be more different than Kevin Federline.

Britney Spears, Family

Which is probably not a bad thing.

Isaac Cohen, an actor and model who has gone public as Spears' man ever since a steamy boat ride early this month, has appeared in a national McDonald's ad as well as Payless commercials.
Yes, we know K-Fed is starring in a new ad campaign, but Cohen actually has reputation for responsibility and professionalism.

He even proved himself to be a true gentleman on January 14 when he lent the singer his sport coat to wear during a chilly date to the Cirque du Soleil show in Las Vegas (above).

That may not have been enough to stop her from booting all over him, but that's neither here nor there.

They're going strong. But does this hot new Hollywood couple, who met in late December through her choreographer, Brian Friedman, have what it takes to make it last?

Friends say that Cohen's unassuming, respectful personality suits the 25-year-old mother of Sean Preston and Jayden James well.

"They love the same things: partying, drinking, watching TV and just going crazy together," says a friend of Britney Spears. "She also likes that he is the strong, silent type."

"He gives her all the control but is a bad boy who will protect her," adds the source. And it also helps that he has taken to her kids.

A Cohen friend has another good thing to say about the mystery man:

"He is totally willing to help out and even changes the diapers."

Britney Spears Biography

Britney Spears: Harper's Bazaar Style Wow. Britney Spears is ... just.... OMG. Wow. Just wow. With this girl, that's about all we can say at this point. Once the biggest... More »
Born
Birthplace
Kentwood, Louisiana
Full Name
Britney Jean Spears

Britney Spears Quotes

I miss it here so much! I love it so much! It makes me it's kinda like bittersweet coming here because I used to live here for two years. And when I come here, it's like, man, I wish I had my apartment here still.

Britney Spears [on New York City]

MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs?

Britney Spears
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