by Free Britney at . Comments

We mean cigarettes, of course. We did not mean to apply above that Britney Spears is smoking in the figurative sense - as in smoking hot.

Not that she can't be at times. We've seen plenty of sexy Britney Spears pictures in our lifetimes. Some of them not involving pants. But the images below don't qualify as hot.

Awkward Kissing Scene

As the mother of Jayden James and Sean P. continued her shopping rampage in New York, she apparently forgot she was in the process of quitting cigarettes.

It's a shame, but hey, you know what, it happens. Lindsay Lohan apparently forgot she just got out of rehab when she dialed up a certain skanky sex tape queen on her cell. So yo, don't judge when you peep the pics below.

Bet Britney is wishing she could get her hands on an ice cold beer right about now. Or failing that, maybe Isaac Cohen...

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While Kevin Federline appeared in a Super Bowl ad for Nationwide Insurance (watch it here), his estranged wife took cover from the bitter cold in New York City.

Despite her claims that the single life is awesome and that she doesn't miss being married to K-Fed, Britney Spears couldn't help but think of her former man as his commercial - starring a riches-to-rags FedEx as a fry cook and featuring the Nationwide tagline "life comes at you fast" - aired on Super Sunday...

Britney's Hot Body

It sure does, Brit. It sure does. From the looks of it, beer apparently comes at Larry Rudolph (background) pretty fast, too. He looks so f*%king wasted!

Later that day, the parka-donning pantsless wonder raised a plastic cup of beer to Tara Conner and Lindsay Lohan, who regrettably couldn't share in the Super Bowl revelry. They're recovering alcoholics, after all.

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This just in: Britney Spears doesn't miss being married.

Then again, when she was married, it was to Jason Alexander. Then K-Fed. Just saying.

Circus Leader

When asked by People in New York on Friday how she likes being single, the pop star, who filed for divorce from Kevin Federline on November 7, said:

"It's awesome."

Britney Spears grabbed the spotlight Friday while at the fashion show for Baby Phat by Kimora Lee Simmons and KLS Collection Fall 2007, which was held at the Roseland Ballroom in conjunction with Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.

Wearing a slinky black dress, Jayden James' MILF posed for photographers upon her arrival, and was escorted to her seat just moments before the show started.

As the models strutted on an elevated stage wearing sexy their outfits, Spears chatted at times with her assistant. No, not Isaac Cohen.

She applauded along with the rest of the crowd when model Alek Wek flaunted a colorful halter dress that dragged on the floor in back but was a mini-dress in front. "Oh my god," said Spears, who showed no aversion to pants on this night.

After the show, Spears said:

"It was amazing."

She's always good for a memorable quote, that Briney. Kimora Lee Simmons (no relation to Bill Simmons), who was backstage after the show, said of Spears: "Sometimes she gets a hard rap...[But] she is a very talented girl."

Just not when it comes to giving interviews.

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Are the parents of Jayden James Federline officially over?

Maybe not. Britney Spears has been making late-night phone calls to K-Fed in hope of a reconciliation, according to several of Kevin's close peeps.

Britney Spears' New Body!

The friends of Kevin, who understandably requested anonymity, told TMZ that Britney's relationship with Isaac Cohen is a ruse to make Kevin jealous.

But other sources - and surely ones with more brain cells - say Britney is so over Kevin Federline. They say that Britney and Fedex have very little contact, and when they do communicate, it's about their two kids.

The two will continue to share custody of their two young sons this month, following the terms of a January custody agreement, Federline's attorney confirmed Thursday.

The temporary agreement has been extended through February, according to publicist Michael Sands, speaking on behalf of K-Fed's attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan.

Per the terms of that agreement, good ol' Kev will continue to be allowed to visit Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline at Spears' home from noon to 4 p.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

By the way, according to the same sources, recent reports that Britney will ante up a $25 million settlement to K-Fed to end their marriage are ridiculous.

One connected source says the $25 million figure is grossly inflated. About 25 times inflated.

In other words, the bad news is that FedEx will probably become a millionaire.

But the good news is that he won't be a multi-millionaire... at least not from Britney. He's doing well for himself with these fast food gigs though.

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Ready for this one? Ever the religious flip-flopper, Britney Spears has apparently traded in crucifixes and red strings for the Star of David. Is the Hebrew symbol in homage to her new man, Jewish model-actor Isaac Cohen?

Britney Spears was raised Southern Baptist and wore Christian crosses on a regular basis before Madonna turned her on to Kabbalah - and turned T.H. Gossip on by sticking her tongue down Britney's throat - in 2003.

Spears and Trawick Pic

The pop singer began studying the mystical offshoot of Judaism and started wearing the religion's famed red string bracelet designed to ward off the "evil eye." Then, in May 2006, the soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Kevin Federline announced that she was giving up Kabbalah, saying "my baby is my religion."

Yeah. Such a strong religion, in fact, that until this past week, Britney was seldom (if ever) seen with newborn baby Jayden James Federline.

But she appeared to have found a new faith Monday night when she showed off her new Star of David. When Britney Spears and Isaac Cohen were on their way home from the Chateau Marmont, photographers captured the star on her necklace. See below:

Has Britney gone Jewtastic? Does anyone care? We'll keep you posted.

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Paging Dr. Luke!

No not Luke Perry. We're talking about "Dr. Luke" Gottwald, the hot-shot record producer behind some of the biggest pop hits of the last few years. That's who our girl Britney Spears was visiting the other day, according to Us Weekly.

Britney Spears, Jason Trawick at VMAs

Spears' incompetent manager, Larry Rudolph, says she's been recording some tracks for her upcoming album (due out this fall) with the Doc the rest of this week at the Palms Casino Resort's private recording studio.

Dr. Luke is the man behind Kelly Clarkson's hit songs "Since U Been Gone" and "Behind These Hazel Eyes," among other hits. He's also written and produced for Avril Lavigne, Pink and the Backstreet Boys.

Apparently, he's the best. Says a pal of Brit's involved with the CD:

"She's working with the best."

We're told, shockingly, that Britney is traveling with her two boys, Jayden James and Sean Preston, so hopefully that's not too big a distraction.

In other news, Britney was apparently worried that a thin shirt might allow a pack of paparazzi to see a little more than she'd prefer, and made sure to keep her breasts covered up as she emerged from a gas station bathroom yesterday during a road trip with new boyfriend (of practically an entire month) Isaac Cohen.

Allow us to remind you, Britney, that:

  • You have the option of not wearing a see-through shirt.
  • You went through a phase in which you wore no pants and provided us with one great crotch shot after another, so there's really no point in being modest now.

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As Kevin Federline and his estranged wife battle over their divorce settlement, sources have heard from both camps that the couple is seriously trying to settle the case and put it behind them.

That includes the financial end of things.

Meet the Trawicks

It seems like FedEx must have gotten quite a windfall from that Super Bowl ad, because he reportedly just turned down a $25 million settlement from Britney Spears, according to Star Magazine.

We have no clue if that figure is accurate, but the mag says it's Britney Spears' final offer, the catch being that Kevin has to walk away - from her and the kids - once and for all.

And K-Fed, who's shown a greater interest in parenting than his hard-partying, commando queen spouse since their split last fall, ain't having none of that.

"There's no way he's going to disappear from their lives," says Star's source.

Meanwhile, Us Weekly was able to get its hands on the receipt from Brit's recent trip to the food store. Yeah, those guys at Us are dedicated, we'll give them that. And awful writers.

Naturally, as you can see below, an assistant pushed the shopping cart and carried her dogs/kids/personal items as Spears sucked on a lollipop.

Below is a list of what the pop princess bought. Let's just say it fits her usual diet.

We have to give her credit for buying in bulk on the Lean Cuisines to save some dough, but those potato chips and hot dogs are gonna kill you, babe. Then again, at least she's not eating at McDonald's every meal.

  • Hot dogs: $4.19
  • Doritos: $1.88
  • Lean Cuisine One Dish Favorite frozen meal (5): $10.00
  • Diet Coke and 7-Up, 12-packs: $7.79
  • Florida's Natural orange juice (2): $6.00
  • Bib: $3.99
  • Pampers Easy-ups, size 6: (for Sean Preston) $10.79
  • Pampers Swaddlers, size 1 (for Jayden James): $10.49
  • Total: $55.13

Notice there's no underwear on that list. Well, not to worry, fans - Isaac Cohen took care of that!

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We knew he was a decent fellow, but it looks like Britney Spears' new man is bringing one of the most elusive and important things into her life:

Underwear.

Merry Christmas From Britney

Model Isaac Cohen â€" who is still dating the troubled singer after a whole three weeks despite rumors that they split up a couple of days ago â€" was recently spotted at the posh lingerie store La Bra.

Rumor has it Kevin Federline used to buy Brit lingerie too. At WalMart.

Cohen said was looking for a Valentine's Day present for his girlfriend, who as we know from recent nearly-nude pictures could certainly use a good la bra.

He walked out with a black silk La Perla tuxedo shirt that set him back $358 â€" as well as seven pairs of panties, reports a source, who added:

"I guess it was one for each day of the week."

While we applaud Isaac for trying to curtail Brit's crotch shot potential, he's going to be disappointed if he thinks he's shacking up with her every night of the week - the girl's got too kids at home, so she's very rarely free!

Oh wait, that's right
. She's seldom seen with Jayden James or Sean Preston. We must have confused her with a normal parent.

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The only thing happy these days about the troubled Britney Spears would be the Happy Meals she's picking up from McDonalds (below, left).

But will the walking train wreck try to right her own quickly-sinking ship by rekindling her love for an old flame?

Britney Spears, Jason Trawick Shirtless

Sources say Britney has been trying to phone her pre-FedEx ex, who goes by the name of Justin Timberlake. But he ain't callin' back.

Justin is reportedly not high on the idea of running it back with Britney. You know who else isn't? Cameron Diaz. When she got wind of the calls, she didn't like it one bit - and has even gone so far as to try to get through to Britney's reps to ask her to stop calling JT.

Too bad Brit's manager, Larry Rudolph, doesn't do anything.

One can't blame Cameron for being a little put out, but you don't see her phoning Jessica Biel now, do you? Or maybe you do. We don't want to jump to conclusions here.

Over the weekend, the paparazzi caught Britney engaged in a few of her favorite pastimes. No, not barfing on Isaac Cohen - carrying several small objects and killing herself slowly but surely with the substances she ingests.

The mother of two with the enormous breasts and trouble staying sober was seen going into a recording studio with Marlboro lights, Red Bull and McDonald's grub - a combination that will be known heretofore as the WTBOC (white trash breakfast of champions).

Later, she was spotted carrying some other small items - namely her baby sons Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline! Check out the Jayden James pictures we were able to find! They're not grainy at all!

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Here's what we've all been waiting to see!

Another Jayden James Federline picture!

Usual Britney

Well, sort of. They're a tad grainy.

But we take our hats off to x17online.com just the same. These celebrity gossip gods captured Britney Spears at a Hollywood studio, choreographing her team of dancers and getting into the swing of things herself.

Best of all, x17 spotted Brit with her two little tykes along with her, and if you look closely, you can see little Jayden James with the assistant in the back. Surprisingly (well, not really) he looks like his older brother, Sean Preston.

Then again, so does just about anyone at that resolution:

Hopefully, more terrific Jayden James pictures like this are still to come.