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Britney Spears strutted her way back into the music biz with a short, sexy set at the House of Blues in what was her first concert appearance in nearly three years.

The erstwhile pop star, more recently derided as a troubled pop princess for her highly public forays into nude pictures and carousing, appeared to be in top form.

Britney Spears Nude in Esquire

For a little over 10 minutes, anyway.

The 25-year-old mother of two went onstage late Tuesday wearing nothing more than knee-high boots, a short white skirt and a sparkly pink bra top. Hot.

Oh, and the long brown wig, covering the head she shaved in February.

She launched a short set with her classic "Baby One More Time," using a cafe chair as a prop while she pranced around the small club stage backed up by four dancers.

At one point, Spears and her posse performed a raunchy striptease on a male dancer who, dressed in a gray suit, looked vaguely like Kevin Federline.

Let's hope that Suge Knight didn't see him.

"She's so good!" yelled San Diego hairstylist Ally Murray, 29, as Spears showed off her aerobic choreography.

Spears sped through the songs - all standards from her earlier albums - wrapping up after less than 15 minutes. She gave a shy goodbye before an old Madonna song came on over the sound system.

"Thanks everyone for coming," said the possible Howie Day plaything.

The comeback didn't do it for all patrons, some of whom paid upwards of $125.

"It looked like she lip-synched her way through the whole thing," said a shocked, disappointed Morgan Segall, 20, who flew in from San Francisco for the night.

"The M&Ms" had two other concerts scheduled at House of Blues venues - one in Anaheim on Wednesday and the other Thursday in West Hollywood. Where do we sign up?

Don't get us wrong. We'd certainly rather see a half-nude Britney writhing around than watch Roseanne Barr on The View. But these "comeback" shows sound hella lame.

The performance, under heavy club security, was shrouded in mystery. The club marquee advertised a show by "The M&Ms," and it wasn't until an hour after the doors opened that a disc jockey mentioned Britney Spears' name, prompting shrieks from the crowd.

Rumors of a Britney comeback had spread on the Internet and via local radio stations late last week, prompting a run on tickets by die-hard fans (of which, apparently, there are some).

In March, Spears completed a stint at a Malibu rehabilitation treatment facility after a rough period. Photos of Brit's crotch and Paris Hilton's pussy were splashed all over the Internet, along with images of Spears attacking paparazzi members and looking generally insane.

She was seen going out with Paris and Lindsay Lohan after filing for divorce from Federline in November, just two months after giving birth to Jayden James. The pair, who reached a divorce pact in March, also have an older son, Sean Preston, 20 months.

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Britney Spears has lost her mind.

Increasingly overwhelmed by work, motherhood and her turbulent love life, the pop princess was bound to snap. Getting freaky with a tool like Howie Day, we could see. But we never expected her to make a move like this.

Jayden James Federline and Staff

Here, the former Mrs. Kevin Federline is seen offering a nice-looking parking attendant $20 to take her eldest child, Sean Preston, off her hands. Amazing. While the little tyke sleeps, his rehabbing mom plans her getaway. Tragic.

The only reason she's still holding on to her youngest, Jayden James? At seven months old, he's still small enough to cuddle without creating a fuss. As her nanny's diary tells us, Britney gets sick of the whole mom thing around the one-year mark.

Plus, she can still get millions for whoring out Jayden James pictures to the highest bidder. Bet on Brit selling out to Vanity Fair, where Suri Cruise photos sold for millions, then trying to pawn JJ off on some vendor outside Staples Center.

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Could Britney Spears be back with Howie Day?

You know, the troubled rocker she supposedly met in rehab and hooked up with a couple of months ago?

Britney Down Under

Britney was spotted by TMZ Saturday night at Hollywood nightspot Teddy's, and, as Perez Hilton reports, she was with Day, the whiny and annoying crooner she met at Promises Center in Malibu, Calif., during a month-long stint in detox.

Howie Day, you might recall, has been arrested more than once for erratic and dangerous behavior on his tour bus and on an airplane.

He might not be Jason Wahler, but at the same time, this is not the kind of company a rehabbing pop star really needs to keep. 

Plus, his music blows.

Just in case Howie got out of line, though, Britney had a bodyguard the size of a small house with her, so there's no way any funny business was gonna go down.

We can only wonder how J.R. Rotem, another brief Britney fling who's been working with her in the dance studio of late, feels about this rumor.

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A "hurt" and "angry" Britney Spears is reportedly coloring writing a tell-all book about her exes - Kevin Federline and Justin Timberlake - and rumor has it that Britney is getting paid $10 million to tell her side of the story.

A source says that Justin Timberlake, in particular, "will be pi$$ed" when he hears about the yet to be published autobiography.

Picture of Hotness

"Britney blames most of her problems with drugs and alcohol on the pain she experienced years before, during her time with Justin - she couldn't trust him … She felt he became mean toward the end of their relationship," a source close to Britney says. "She said he called her fat and told her she'd need to lose weight before he would have sex with her."

Hey, no one wants a fat girlfriend. Right, Kate Bosworth?

Seriously, though, does anyone actually believe Justin said or did that? Just the same, a source says Britney Spears doesn't have nice things to say about her mom either.

"She'll say [Lynne Spears] is money hungry and just along for the free ride. Britney thinks of her as a meddling, smothering person and blames her for her messy marriages."

There are several other rumors circulating now about Britney, namely that she'll be appearing at the House of Blues in Los Angeles this week, under the guise of the band name The M & M's, and that she's hitting the bottle again.

Really, nothing would surprise the THG staff at this point.

In addition to this tell-all book, both Allure and Vanity Fair are vying for a big interview with Jayden James' and Sean Preston's mama, which will have juicy details from her life and hit newsstands this fall, when her new album drops.

Also, Britney's been wigging out trying to keep her hair piece on as she cruises around in her convertible (see photo). What a tough life.

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The great Britney Spears was pulled over by Beverly Hills police department on Friday. No, not the fashion police, although they've reportedly put out an ABP on Brit - the actual cops.

Spears was allegedly speeding but was let off with a warning, authorities say. The pop star was driving along Sunset Boulevard when she was stopped at 8:45 p.m. Friday.

Still Shackled

"[Britney Spears] was pulled over for speeding," Beverly Hills police Sgt. Mike Foxen tells People magazine. "She was warned about her speeding, but she was let go. She was not cited."

Earlier in the day, Spears had continued her recent trend of doing some intense dance workouts at the Millennium Dance Studio, getting into shape to return to performing.

She also has been in the recording studio with music producer J.R. Rotem, whom she briefly dated. We're talking about one wild night back in December. Yeah. He hit that.

"Everyone talked about how happy she is to be back in the studio," says a source. "She came in focused from the start. She's always been a pro when it comes to her music."

A rumored duet with Sanjaya Malakar would change that perception real quick.

Spears' driving last made news when she was photographed in 2006 driving with her baby son Sean Preston in her lap (see file photo below). Spears later said she made a mistake... the same has said of her marrying Sean's dad, Kevin Federline.

You won't see Jayden James on her lap, that's for sure. Or anywhere else.

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Britney Spears has been a dance class fanatic since leaving rehab, but so far, she's kept fans guessing about when she'll make her big comeback performance.

The mystery widened when the head case and commando queen reportedly pulled the plug on a show in Los Angeles late on Wednesday night.

Nude Britney Spears

The mother of Jayden James was expected to take the stage with her band, the M & Ms, at the hip L.A. club Forty Deuce, where she infamously swapped costumes with dancers in December, but Brit failed to show.

On the club's website, boss Ivan Kane says:

"[Britney Spears] came on stage during rehearsals, looking very hot, with four back-up dancers and sang three songs. They ran through the set several times, the choreography was smokin', and she sounded great."

But Spears decided that she needed more time to rehearse for her comeback show, leaving devotees hanging.

A handful of semi-secret shows are lined up for Los Angeles next week, so stay tuned... unless the former Mrs. Kevin Federline nixes those too.

In other Britney news, Star magazine is reporting another possible business collaboration - this time with booted American Idol joke Sanjaya Malakar.

The magazine claims Britney Spears is eager to work with Idol's hair-raising, tone-deaf sensation. Now that's a good way to resurrect an ailing career.

"Britney started watching American Idol when she was in rehab," Star quotes a source. "She became a huge Sanjaya fan and thinks the two of them can make beautiful music together."

Just give us a nude Shyamali Malakar strumming a guitar, thanks. Sounds to The Gossip like Sanjaya planted this idea in the press in an attempt to eke out a 16th minute of fame.

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An anagram is a type of word play, a result of rearranging the letters of a word or group of words to produce other words, using all original letters exactly once. It's amazing what kind of hidden meanings one can find in a name... for better or for worse.

The names of celebrity gossip mainstays and other noteworthy folk can be worked around to mean any number of things, ranging from the strangely appropriate ...

Old Skool Britney

Brangelina = Brain angle
Hayden Panettiere = Penitent, dear? Yeah.
Kim Kardashian = I am a kind shark
Simon Cowell = "Lemon, I scowl!"
Olivia Mojica = Ciao, I'm jovial.
Kevin Federline = Keen, fine drivel
George Walker Bush = Blush, war ogre geek!
Mario Lavandeira = I am a liar and over
Dustin Diamond = Undid saintdom

... to the highly amusing ...

Christopher Ivery = Oh, rich perversity
Anna Nicole Smith = Slim, innocent: Aha!
Calvin Broadus (a.k.a Snoop Dogg) = Good spark, unsocial vagabond
Stefani Schaeffer = Fat, fish-face sneer
Kate Moss and Pete Doherty = OK, mastered spotted hyena
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes = Hedonist miracles make out
Miss USA Tara Conner = Urinates on sarcasm

... to the purely nonsensical ...

Alec Baldwin = Nice bad wall!
Maksim Chmerkovskiy
= Hmm... is maverick sky OK?
Crazy Joe Simpson = Spicy major zones
Sanjaya Malakar = Am lanky as a jar
Jayden James Federline = Sanely jeered jam fiend
Kingston James McGregor Rossdale = Good morning! Crassest jerks gleam
Kristin Cavallari = Trivia link rascal

... to the suggestive and lewd ...

Axl Rose = Oral sex
Mel Gibson = Big melons
Lauren Conrad = Rude on carnal
Peter Sarsgaard = Grr (as a pederast)!
Michael Jackson = Manacle his jock
Madonna Louise Ciccone = Occasional nude income
President Clinton of the USA = To copulate, he finds interns

... to our personal favorites ...

Britney Spears = Best PR in years
Victoria Beckham = Am abortive chick
The Hollywood Gossip = God! Whoops! Hostilely!

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A cowgirl version of Britney Spears, still apparently wearing no pants, hit the dance studio again yesterday, accompanied by her traveling staff and her two favorite li'l cowboys - 19-month-old Sean Preston and 7-month-old Jayden James.

We think.

A Scary Britney

While one of Britney Spears' female assistants held Sean Preston on the way out of her big workout, another member of her entourage can be seen lugging a carrier that appears to have a baby's arm sticking out of it.

PHOTO CREDIT: TMZ / FlyNet Online

Britney's second child with Kevin Federline was born in September. But the only Jayden James photos seen by the public thus far have been obscured, partial or grainy as hell.

While Suri Cruise celebrates her birthday and seems perfectly comfortable in front of the camera, this celebrity baby remains shrouded in mystery. But for how long!!??!

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The amazing Britney Spears showed up at a tanning salon in Beverly Hills today looking better than ever. Okay, not entirely. Okay, not at all. Check out the pop princess' ridiculous getup:

Britney, Jayden

We're starting to wonder if she's lost her marbles as well as any sort of fashion sense. Who the hell goes out in public dressed like this?

Just when we thought laughing at a Kevin Federline music video was as much fun as we were going to have all day, Britney one-ups FedEx yet again. No wonder Jayden James is never seen out in public with mom. Would you want to be?

Let's run down Britney Spears' "look," shall we?

  • Ratty brown wig
  • No bra
  • Pre-school style jumper
  • Motel 6 gift shop straw hat
  • Elvis sunglasses
  • No pants
  • Bag big enough for Sean Preston
  • Hello Kitty keychain

Yeah. Maybe Suge Knight is right and Britney really is an underdog. One who shops at a thrift store.

Man, and we thought the fashion police had their hands full with Molly Sims.

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Jayden James Federline. The speculation and anticipation continue. Not since Suri Cruise has there been a baby mystery of such epic, cute proportions.

The Hollywood Gossip has been following the life of Jayden James since, er, we thought his name was actually Sutton Pierce. Yeah. Not our finest hour.

A Real Head-Scratcher

So naturally, since he's been alive more than seven months now (Jayden James was born back on September 12) and he's never been seen in public (save for a couple of grainy shots and a pic of his foot), we're wondering what the frickin' holdup is!

There are rumors that the divorce settlement between mom Britney Spears and dad Kevin Federline require them not to expose Jayden in public for the prying paparazzi eyes.

Other sources say they're just waiting for the right time - and offer of ca$h money - to present Jayden James pictures to the public the way TomKat did with Suri.

Regardless, the mystery is ongoing, our celebrity gossip writers are growing rather impatient, and we're officially declaring Jayden James Federline MISSING!

We'd love to see a picture of this little tyke surface one of these days. After all, a site can only run so many Heidi Montag boob job stories without getting bored.

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