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And we're not talking about her old hit single, "Crazy."

This three-minute clip isn't new, but it's worth a viewing nonetheless. Fans may recall this surfacing nine months ago, when Britney Spears was still married to Kevin Federline.

Giving Her All

It seems like forever ago, but before J.R. Rotem, Jason Filyaw, Isaac Cohen and Howie Day, Britney was a happily married, possibly insane housewife.

Here, FedEx films Britney, decked out in classic white trash trucker garb, babbling incoherently, probably high on something, snacking feverishly and waxing philosophical about the human condition, partying and other stuff.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlkzgI_jNUg[/youtube]

It's quite something, really. What a loon. Some of our conclusions after watching this simultaneously terrifying and hysterical video of Britney Spears:

  • She feels like she's missing out on life (how foreboding, considering the months of crazy partying and crotch shot pics to come)
  • Like all of us, the girl seems to enjoy junk food and burping
  • Britney needs a whole team of psychiatrists
  • Kevin Federline is a frickin' moron
  • Crystal meth is bad for you

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The famous celebrity gossip blog and photo agency, X17 Online, has once again tracked down and posted exclusive pictures of Jayden James.

Yes, that Jayden James. Federline. The Son of Britney Spears.

Fighting Couple?

The paparazzi sleuths caught up with Britney and lil' JJ yesterday as she made a visit back to the Malibu home she shared with K-Fed. Ah, memories.

Britney picked up her old friend, Jessica, at the airport and the group (Britney, her cousin Allie, gal pal Jessica, older son Sean Preston, Jayden James, and a huge ass bodyguard) headed over to the Mediterranean-style estate.

The Britney Spears posse arrived around 5 p.m. and spent about an hour there, walking around the grounds and going inside the house.

The house is up for sale, but is Britney thinking of moving back in? That we can't say. But we can say that we're as excited about these as any Jayden James photos we've come across.

He looks a little like Sean P.! Click to enlarge!

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Britney Spears almost lost her new wig while making her way to her second home, Millenium Dance Studio. But luckily, she quickly grabbed it to made sure the blonde polyester mop didn't fall and expose her bald head.

Which is too bad.

Britney Spears' New Body!

While we're glad Britney Spears is awake enough to feel when her wigs fall off, as it means she's probably not drunk or stoned, we would not have objected to a shot of good ol' Cue Ball.

It was a busy day for Spears, who hit up not only dance class but the recording studio, where she did some "work" with none other than J.R. Rotem.

Britney is reportedly gearing up to play the House of Blues in Orlando, Fla., after a string of short, mediocre gigs in Southern California and Las Vegas.

Tickets went on sale this morning for the May 19th show, which will cost "only" $35, compared to triple-digit sums some idiots (talking to you, Lindsay Lohan) plunked down to see the gyrating wigger in California.

Still, that's $35 that's better spent on a pack of smokes, a case of beer, and a bucket of fried chicken. If you ask Kevin Federline, at least.

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What do you do when you're so insane that you shave your head, enter rehab, then launch a comeback but get pissed because your hair won't grow back fast enough and think you look like crap in your ratty wigs that don't even stay on right?

By golly, you send your personal bitch cousin out for some new ones!

Off with the Shorts

Britney Spears' kissin' cousin, Allie, was spotted at The (aptly named) Wig Company in Studio City over the weekend, trying getting a handle on Britney's next look ... which looks like it's going to be half Pussycat Dolls, half Marcia Brady.

Allie, who's got a big-time crush on Luke Walton, is Britney's assistant and part-time driver and Sean Preston nanny.

And now apparently, you can add wig coordinator to her lofty list of titles.

Speaking of Sean P., Britney Spears raised eyebrows this weekend when she pulled over on the side of the road to change his dirty diaper. Or was it Jayden James?

We're not sure. There are no conclusive pics.

Cameras snapped her bodyguard (and Allie, of course) doing their best to keep Britney Spears and the baby hidden from the pack of photographers who quickly swarmed the car after she pulled over, but you know how the paparazzi operates.

When those foolz have a chance to see celebrity babies getting changed, they're all over that like Kim Kardashian on Ray J. Or is it Reggie Bush?

Still. Next time, Britney, you might want to try a rest area for your baby-changing needs. Or, you know, wait until you get home.

Just an idea.

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We've seen a hobo lumberjack.

How, apparently, we've seen a hillbilly cheerleader.

Beaming Britney

Just when you think you've seen it all, she sets the celebrity fashion bar even lower.

Britney Spears, sporting a Posh Spice bob wig that appears to have accidentally gone through the washing machine or been urinated on by Jayden James, rocked her standard Elly May Clampett hat, knee-high socks and a revealing one-piece "top" to complete her "look."

You could that look half high school cheerleader, half Bel Air refugee.

Yes, the red jumper shows off some serious boobs, and when complemented by circa 1988 tube socks, white tennis shoes, a gold purse and sunglasses best suited for Bono, Britney Spears may have set a new low, even by her godawful (and hilarious) fashion standards.

If that's even possible.

Or you can even call them standards.

Looking as absurd as ever, the ex-Mrs. Kevin Federline took a ride around Beverly Hills for a little shopping and coffee. No word if this cowgirl went over to ride Howie day later on.

Yeeeeeee-hawwwwww!

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Sometimes, a gal's hair just doesn't grow back fast enough.

Britney Spears has been perpetually hiding that bald head of clipped hair under a wig, but she's taken her shear regret to a new level - sources say she has asked her dancers to go bald too!

Britney with her Award

One of the dancers on Brit's comeback tour tells the Las Vegas Review-Journal that the pop star asked her four blonde associates:

"Would y'all cut your hair?"

They didn't take Sean Preston and Jayden James‘ crazy mama seriously, of course, because none of them decided to go Cue Ball style.

No word on whether Brit suggested that after their head shavings, the whole crew engage in some gyrating, bald girl-on-girl action on stage.

Still, the dancer, Criscilla Crossland, says that Britney looks "so good" that she could "model" the shorn dome look. Crossland adds that two of the songs off Spears' upcoming album are "amazing."

Meanwhile, Britney Spears, who performed four shows last week, has returned to the dance studio to continue her rigorous workouts.

In fishnet stockings and a cowboy hat, she was seen at Millennium Dance Complex in N. Hollywood Tuesday carrying her 18-month-old, Sean Preston.

Her reps won't comment on whether the pop star has any more shows scheduled in the near future, or whether Howie Day has attended any. But pals say she's not slowing down after her comeback in SoCal and Las Vegas.

"I'm just so happy for her right now," says Pussycat Dolls founder Robin Antin, who saw Spears' show last week.

"She's been working really hard. She choreographed all of those shows herself. She's such a talented girl."

We agree, Robin Antin. She sure is. A bald, insane one

Let's just say you won't see Brit on Shear Genius anytime soon.

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Recently, Britney Spears took time out from her busy schedule of lip-sync rehearsals and dance classes to pick up items for the two main men in her life - her sons, Sean Preston and the mysterious Jayden James.

Britney Spears Family Photo

The bald beauty hit up West Hollywood's Bel-Bambini baby boutique with a gal pal and dropped nearly $1,000 in less than 10 minutes - or about as long as her recent House of Blues comeback shows!

According to a source, the rehabbing pop princess purchased:

  • A $600 toy plane
  • A potty chair fit for a prince
  • Two "Adorable Idol" baby t-shirts emblazoned with an altered American Idol logo (get ready to get sued, Bel-Bambini)
  • Two "Don't ya wish your mommy was hot like mine?" tees (as Asia Nitollano and the rest of the Pussycat Dolls roll over in their graves)
  • One t-shirt Spears did not buy for the kids, but was seen in the store - "My dad is a hunk." Oh, snap. Her ex, Kevin Federline, could have seen that diss coming a mile away, though, after his recent remarks about Howie Day.

With her baby purchases complete, all Britney Spears needs to buy is a wig that frickin' stays on! Oh, and a voice. She apparently needs one of those.

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Hayden Panettiere, step off.

Yes, we know. You're an up-and-comer, as we've seen in some recent photos. But you've got nothing on some of the sex-crazed, attention-craving purveyors of girl-on-girl action seen below. Consider this something to strive toward.

Spencer and Heidi: Not Married

Let's take a look at The Hollywood Gossip's All-Star Team ...

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS: Lauren Conrad (left) leans in to give Heidi Montag some sugar. And this was before Heidi's boob job! There will be no more slumber parties or tickle fights between these former roomies, though. Just real fights. LC and Heidi aren't really friends, mostly because of her relationship with that d!ck Spencer Pratt. The photo at right, of a pre-train wreck Britney Spears going at it with Madonna, needs no introduction.

SISTERS AND PORN STARS: We knew she'd sleep with just about anything, but we didn't expect to see Sienna Miller (left) gettin' freaky... with her sister! Yes, borderline incestual girl-on-girl action, ladies and gentlemen. Let's just hope she didn't slip her the tongue. And while it's probably not fair to include a porn star in this feature (as they get paid for lesbian action), we weren't about to exclude the lusty pride of Broward County, Mary Carey.

BEAUTY QUEENS GONE WILD: Call it (disgraced) beauty queens row. Tara Conner and Katie Blair (left) not only made headlines for winning the 2006 Miss USA and Miss Teen USA pageants, but for hooking up. With each other. Is this a great country or what? Meanwhile, Katie Rees (right, middle) was stripped of Miss Nevada honors after this pic and others like it surfaced. But who are you gonna remember, her or Helen Salas? Exactly.

by Free Britney at . Comments

We love Kevin Federline.

Knowing full well how badly he used to be reviled, and that people called him WT on a daily basis, K-Fed recently declared Britney Spears' rumored boytoy, Howie Day, "trash."

Everytime

K-Fed's slam came when he heard, reports Star and MSNBC, that his ex had a rehab sleepover with musician Day, prompting him to light a smoke and say:

"You have to head to the dump to find trash."

Oh, snap! Britney reportedly hooked up with Howie Day - a very troubled and uber-annoying pop star in his own right - in rehab, and rumor has it the two rekindled the detox flame later after they were released into the outside world.

Ever since Britney went insane, Kevin, who has two kids with her (and two others with Shar Jackson) has kept a relatively low profile, despite rumors to the contrary. But he couldn't resist taking a shot at a chump like Howie Day. 

Nor should he. What's more, says Star, Britney's closest girlfriends are telling her that she shouldn't let Day into her life, but it just fuels Brit's affections.

"It's music to Britney's ears. She likes the drama," says a friend.

No wonder Sean Preston is desperate to escape.

by Free Britney at . Comments

If the California Department of Health and Human Services won't act, then The Hollywood Gossip will have to take matters into its own hands.

The expression on the face of Sean Preston Federline says it all. It says "Help!" The toddler can't take another day of being lugged around by his streetwalker mom, pawned off on countless nannies when she tires of him, and almost sold when he takes a nap.

Britney Takes Kids Shopping

The poor kid's pained expression tells it all. Free Sean P.!

 

If you think custody of Sean Preston and little brother Jayden James should be awarded to Kevin Federline - who, strangely enough, has shown himself to be a relatively stable guy in the last six months - leave us a comment and voice your support. Now is the time to act.

And if you think Britney Spears' train wreck lifestyle, absentee parenting and whorish outfits are harmless, we have two words for you: Dina Lohan.

Enough said. Britney may not be Tom Sizemore, but she's clearly not ready to be raising these kids. Don't let Sean P. and Jayden J. suffer any longer.

Britney Spears Biography

Britney Spears: Harper's Bazaar Style Wow. Britney Spears is ... just.... OMG. Wow. Just wow. With this girl, that's about all we can say at this point. Once the biggest... More »
Born
Birthplace
Kentwood, Louisiana
Full Name
Britney Jean Spears

Britney Spears Quotes

I miss it here so much! I love it so much! It makes me it's kinda like bittersweet coming here because I used to live here for two years. And when I come here, it's like, man, I wish I had my apartment here still.

Britney Spears [on New York City]

MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs?

Britney Spears
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