Britney Spears

Looks like "Mini Britney" has her very own pint-sized "PopoZao," if you know what we're talking about.

We're talking about a little person version of Kevin Federline.

TMZ was at Beacher's Madhouse in Las Vegas this weekend where Terra Jole, a.k.a. Mini Britney Spears, rocked out pretty damn hard to two of Spears' biggest hits, "Toxic" and "Oops ... I Did it Again."

Terra Jole shook that sexy midget booty in her racy Britney-inspired uniforms - a flight attendant and red latex spacesuit.

Even more so than Miss USA Rachel Smith taking a spill at the Miss Universe pageant, it truly must be seen to be believed (click here to watch Rachel eat it).

Mid-performance, a gold-chain, wifebeater-wearing, thugged-out K-Fed look-alike (played by someone aptly named Wee Matt) took over the stage, and just like the couple's colossal counterparts, they argued!

Mini Brit even offered some tender parting words to the lil' guy - "Get the f**k outta here!"

She's good, that little Britney. Wonder who's gonna get custody of mini-Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline.

The amazing Britney Spears took a break from her rehearsal schedule for a family boat trip with baby sons Sean Preston and Jayden James in Marina del Rey on Thursday.

They were joined by Brit's cousin Allie, as well as by her huge breasts bodyguard. There's even a cute Jayden James picture... or at least a glimpse of the bundle of clothes and other stuff he's wrapped in and always covered by.

We bet that Terra Jole, a.k.a. mini-Britney, would be mad jealous of these pics, as it looks like a good time is being had by all aboard. Then again, Jole's career is actually on track.

Anyway, the last time we saw Britney take to the high seas, it was on a boat ride with Isaac Cohen... who she went on many rides with (heh heh) for the few weeks they dated.

This time, it appears it was a family only venture. Which is probably for the best, as Brit hasn't had much luck in the dating department of late. Sorry, Howie Day. You don't cut it.

Maybe she's taking the advice of Simon Cowell and devoting herself to her family. Oh, who are we kidding. At least she didn't offer the paparazzi a crotch shot (that we know of).

If you celebrity gossip readers thought Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack had a monopoly on Brittany-Simon news this week, well, you were wrong.

Never has Simon Cowell been one to shy away from speaking his mind, even when it comes to pressing pop cultural matters beyond American Idol.

The sometimes-surly, always dead-on Brit is offering up some career advice for Britney Spears, telling the pop star to "go home to your family."

In an interview with Good Morning America Thursday, Cowell said that Britney Spears is capable of saving her free-falling career because she's "still one of the most talked about pop stars on the planet."

"She has the X-factor because people want to write about her," Simon Cowell said. "She's not conventional, she's not normal."

No kidding.

At the same time, Cowell says Britney clearly "can't handle the tension and the pressure" that comes from being in the spotlight so she needs to take some time refocus herself at home.

"Lock the door, don't go out with your stupid friends, have some home-cooked food, get back your sense of reality," he says.

"Go lie in the garden, okay? And then say to yourself, 'There's more good in my life than bad. I'm still a rich, talented girl - now I want to get my career on track.' End of story."

Amen to that.

But the interview wasn't all about Jayden James' crazy mama. Simon Cowell also revealed why he believes Jordin Sparks is the new American Idol.

"Jordin Sparks was the most improved over the whole season," he says. "She didn't start the best but midway through, this was the girl who suddenly got momentum."

Still, Cowell feels that Sparks wasn't necessarily the one who deserved the title. "Melinda Doolittle should have won," Cowell said. "She tried the hardest, was consistently the best and had the best voice."

But Cowell's praise doesn't always have the intended effect and he knows it.

"I think about it now... whether I should have endorsed her as much as [I did]," he says. "I think it was the right thing to do."

Forget Terra Jole, the midget "mini-Britney" debuting in Vegas tomorrow. Britney Spears has bigger things to worry about right now.

Like her sagging career. And the rumor that she and Ryan Phillippe hooked up in a bathroom at L.A. hot spot Les Deux last week.

A source told the National Enquirer that shortly after Ryan stopped by the table of Britney Spears, "Britney had her arms around him."

The former Mrs. Kevin Federline is said to have then followed the former Mr. Reese Witherspoon's estranged husband to the men's room.

Her worried bodyguards are said to have later "busted in the door and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing."

Their reps, of course insist they never even spoke at the club.Interestingly, Phillippe was the recently the subject of similar rumors involving himself and another lip-synching blonde, Ashlee Simpson.

Les Deux, in addition to being a favorite Spencer Pratt hangout (as noted on The Hills), was also the scene of an awkward run-in recently between Lindsay Lohan and Sara Kova.

Sara Kova is the model whom Lohan's beau, Calum Best, recently got his mack on with at a Bahamas nightclub. Kova tried to be friendly, but Lohan cut the chat short when someone snapped their picture.

"I didn't even know he was going out with Lindsay Lohan when he grabbed me," Kova told the New York Daily News. "I have nothing but sympathy for Lindsay."

Same here. We hear Georgia Rule is f*%king terrible.

Katie Holmes is reportedly fuming over a young porn star who changed her name to Katee Holmes and plans on losing her virginity on film.

We can only wonder, then, how Britney Spears feels about a vertically-challenged (to the max) Las Vegas performer signed by legendary promoter and impresario Jeff Beacher to "Beacher's Madhouse," his wild variety show.

Terra Jole, a 26-year-old midget who calls herself "Mini Britney," has officially joined this motley Las Vegas crew and become a hot ticket in Sin City.

Personally, we'd prefer to watch a female orgasm contest hosted by the pride of Nevada, Miss Katie Rees. But to each their own, we say.

While Jole's muse, the big Britney Spears, has been a bit underemployed lately (we refuse to acknowledge these 10-minute lip-synching "shows"), Jole's star is rising by the day.

The little person, who was in a Mini-Kiss band, landed a one-year contract in the mid-six figures to portray big Brit on stage. Beacher's show opens Memorial Day at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas.

No word on whether a mini-Jayden James and Sean Preston will be brought to the show and shielded from photographers.

While we don't fault anyone for trying to capitalize on an opportunity to make some cash, wouldn't Angelina Jolie have been a better muse?

Hot off her Miami "concert" (read: shopping and clubbing spree), Britney Spears got back to business at her home away from home - Millennium Dance Studio in North Hollywood.

The troubled pop princess seemed to be in a happy mood as she strutted her slightly pudgy stuff with son Sean Preston Federline in tow.

Really, there's only so much we can say about Britney Spears that hasn't already been discussed ad nauseam. So we just have a few observations about these recent photos:

1. Those are some serious boobs.
2. Those are some seriously bad hair extensions.
3. Just when you think fashion standards can't be lowered any further, Britney proves us wrong with green jammy pants and a blue bandana that appears to feature skulls. Those are some nice boy shorts, though.
4. Britney is holding up two fingers, which may indicate her remaining IQ points, or her number of kids (giving props to both Sean P. and Jayden James Federline). That, or it's some sort of peace gesture.

Britney Spears arrived in Miami on Sunday for a "concert" at Mansion - but she had some important business to attend to first.

Their first stop: A 15-minute visit to No Lines Tanning.

Next up: the Guess store on Collins Avenue, where Spears took shorts, jeans and tops - but no wigs (she's got hair extensions now) to a dressing room.

"She bought quite a few things," an observer said. "She left out the back of the store â€" she seemed happy."

The retail therapy continued at The Mosh Pit.

"They asked if she wanted the store closed, and Britney Spears told them she was okay and not to worry about it," says a source.

Britney Spears, accompanied by her cousin Allie (below) tried on several micro-mini skirts and bought a $180 hand-painted pink corset by Kimikal. "She liked it, bought it and wore it out of the store," says the source.

By 7 p.m. it was time for a sound check at Mansion, where Spears' dressing room was, per her request, already stocked with Diet Cokes, sugar-free Red Bull, apple juice, a fruit-and-cookie plate, vanilla-scented candles, white roses and more.

The most important item, of course - pictures of her two sons: Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline.

As concertgoers got out of the rain and into Mansion, Spears ducked out the club just before 9 p.m. and hit The Atrium Miami Beach for some last-minute shopping. With her assistant, she picked out dresses, shoes, belts and accessories, spending well over $1,500, according to a source.

She then changed into a pink dress she'd just purchased before heading back to Mansion, where she took the stage at 10:30.

After her concert, Spears hit the Raleigh Hotel for an small poolside after-party. But that wasn't the last stop of the evening. Shortly after 3 a.m., she and her entourage arrived at the nightclub SET, where she danced to songs by Fergie and Nelly Furtado before finally calling it a night at around 4:30 in the morning.

Just the way you want to do it when you're fresh out of rehab.

Britney Spears sparked outrage with fellow passengers on a packed plane after she demanded to get off the jet minutes before take off ... because the seats were not leather.

The 25-year-old singer jumped up and told a stunned cabin crew she couldn't make the four-hour flight from Los Angeles to Florida.

The captain was left with no choice but to delay the United Airlines flight 272 to Orlando on Friday for almost an hour so the cabin doors could be re-opened while Britney disembarked.

Passengers were furious that Jayden James' diva mama left it until shortly before take-off before deciding her accommodations were not up to snuff.

Angry passenger Tony Sanchez said:

"It was quite astonishing. The doors had been closed for 10 minutes, everyone was strapped in and the plane was about to taxi to the runway when Britney Spears got up and said she had to get off.

"She just said ‘I don't want to fly on this plane. It hasn't got leather seats.' "I heard everything but most people were left wondering what was going on, so the captain was forced to make an apology to all the other passengers over the [loudspeaker].

"He said a passenger wanted to get off so he had to respect their wishes. He didn't say it was Britney Spears but I guess he couldn't really.

"Some people were getting really annoyed because of the delay.

"Eventually the walk-on tunnel was brought back, the doors re-opened and Britney and her entourage - another girl (possibly her cousin Allie) and two men - all got off.

"Then there was a further delay because their bags had to be found and taken off too. It was a fiasco but she didn't seem to care about anything except getting off that plane. All the passengers were furious."

Sanchez even captured the moment Britney left the plane on his video camera.

"It's not something you see every day," he added.

The ex-Mrs. Kevin Federline, wearing a white top, jeans and blue shoes, was heard saying she would charter a private jet to fly her to Orlando, where she was due to perform the latest in a series of small live "concerts."

Maybe she was tired from a long night of clubbing. In any case, tickets for the show at the House of Blues sold out within five minutes of going on sale. One can only wonder why.

As the "secret" comeback mini-tour rolled into Orlando, Fla., Brit's lip-synching was even more exposed as a backing track faltered, leaving Spears in the lurch.

According to witnesses, Britney had to turn her head away from the audience when the music for a medley of older hits started skipping - making it more obvious she wasn't singing.

MTV UK says that the mishap repeated itself four more times during the concert. Still, the audience ate up the 14-minute "set" at the House of Blues Orlando (see picture of Britney, sporting new hair extensions, performing below), and reviews from concertgoers were more good than bad.

Then again, Lindsay Lohan went to one of the previous shows, so that tells you a thing or 20 about the relative intelligence level of the audience.

Baldness is sooooooo last month, apparently, as Britney Spears' horrific blonde extensions have made yet another appearance on the pop star's head.

The reaction? Let's just say they've received a response only slightly more positive than Simon Monjack got after he somehow married Brittany Murphy.

Despite two days of brutally hard work on the part of professional stylists, Britney Spears' head still looks like a total a mess.

Yesterday, our celebrity gossip staffers reported that Britney's inch-long real hair has been given the extension treatment, and that the wigs have been discarded.

So much for Allie's hard work. But she best not throw out that wig collection just yet, because by the look of things, she's going to need more than a li'l touch-up on those extensions.

Meanwhile, with Sean Preston and possibly Jayden James in tow, Britney Spears hit up her favorite haunts - a fast food joint and the ever-popular Millennium Dance Studio, clad in a tight little black number.

Perhaps she felt morbid after seeing pictures of her hair in the mirror, or was mourning the return of possible man-toy Howie Day to rehab.

Britney Spears' comeback has hit the Internets! The pop star has penned one of her famous "fan letters" and posted it on her site. It reads:

The reason for this letter is to let everyone know that their prayers have truly helped me. I am so blessed that you care enough about me to be concerned and will continue to live in this brighter state with all of you by my side during this trying time. We are all lights of the world and we all need to continuously inspire others and look to the higher power. You are all in my prayers.

Godspeed.
Love, Britney

Aww. *sniff* Thanks, babe. Accompanying the gushy note is this slimmed-down, nearly nude Britney Spears picture, with our gal sporting only a blonde-bob wig and white elbow gloves.

Damn. That's the kind of photo that brings back memories of the old Britney... the girl so hot you wanted to get your Akon on every time "Baby One More Time" got played. Yow. The Michael Jackson thing is a little odd, but we can get past it.

Actually, we stand corrected. TMZ has just informed us that Britney's new long blond locks aren't a wig, but new hair extensions! That's right, Beyonce style!

A stylist from Heavener Salon in Lake Forest, Calif., says spent two entire days setting, matching and dyeing extensions for Britney Spears' almost-bald head.

Spears added several inches to her shaved white dome, which is still only about an inch long. If it would only grow back faster!

The pop star is reportedly scheduled for another touch-up in just a few days, but Britney Spears won't be going to the Orange Country salon to get the work done.

Jayden James' mother doesn't go to the store. The store will go to Jayden James' mother. We clear on this? Good. Just making sure. Thanks.

When the wigger was spotted outside of Millennium Dance Studios on Tuesday, she confirmed that she's... no longer wiggin' out. She's for real. Well, kinda.

Anyway, this may mark the end of the quirky wigs, curtains and cowgirl hats that have marked Britney's whirlwind return to the public eye. Of course, she could go shave her head again tomorrow for all we know. Would it surprise you?