Bristol Palin

They may read like something the THG staff made up, but these spoilers for tomorrow night's Dancing With the Stars premiere are legitimate and pretty classic.

Monday's most shocking debut, from Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas, will be a Cha Cha Cha set to the music of Three Dog Night's "Mama Told Me (Not to Come)."

LOLOLOL. Levi? You listening man?

Sarah might want to run away from tomorrow's performance ...

That would be hilarious enough, but apparently during the dance, Bristol Palin will rip off "tear-away clothes" as her mother, Sarah Palin, sits in the audience.

What a tremendous ambassador for abstinence and teen pregnancy prevention.

This could be amazing stuff. For every routine set to take place Monday, follow the jump for our full list of tomorrow night's Dancing With the Stars spoilers ...

Will Bristol Palin be good, bad or downright embarrassing on Dancing With the Stars? Sources close to her partner, Mark Ballas, say he's fearful of the latter.

Mark worries that Bristol, who canceled Tuesday's rehearsal because she's giving a speech, has been missing so many that their debut could be beyond bad.

Last week, Bristol canceled practice because her son, Tripp, was ill, which us understandable, but she was only able to practice a half day Thursday too.

Has she bitten off more than she can chew? [Photo: ABC]

Maybe not. Other sources say Bristol Palin has been making solid progress and will continue pushing herself hard until the first live TV show September 20.

It's only Dancing With the Stars, too.

If she's terrible, we've likely seen worse over the previous 10 seasons. Besides, an early ouster just means more time to launch her run for mayor of Wasilla.

What happens when someone famous for exploiting teenage pregnancy meets someone famous for exploiting the concept of true love?

Incredibly, the world does not stop spinning, as evidenced by the photo below. It was Tweeted by Jake Pavelka himself, as he ran into Bristol Palin and shared the disturbing news with the world:

"Bristol Palin and I," wrote, a former Dancing with the Stars trainwreck contestant. "She is gearing up for the DWTS premiere on Sept. 20!"

We're amazed that there was enough room in this photo for the egos of both Bristol Palin and Jake Pavelka.

For months, Sarah Palin told journalist to leave her children alone. Now, Bristol Palin is making the media rounds, promoting her appearance on Dancing with the Stars and...

... nevermind. What's the use at this point? If people can't see the clear hypocrisy prevalent in every word out of this family's mouth, we can't help them.

But we can report on Bristol's recent Tonight Show appearance, in which she dished on DWTS and Levi Johnston and came across as sort of charming. A few excerpts:

On changes in Levi: The guy I fell in love with was a hard-working Alaskan man that didn’t want to wear your straight-legged jeans and boots and be chased by Radar and those kind of people.

Is she upset over their latest break-up? I’m not disappointed. I’m not heartbroken... I tried to make it work for my son. It didn’t work.

Levi Johnston is as shocked as we are that Bristol Palin is going to be on Dancing with the Stars this season, but he's got an additional, personal reason:

Throughout two engagements (2008-09, then again briefly this summer) and the entire time they dated in high school, she didn't dance with him once.

Well, with the exception of the horizontal mambo. UP TOP!

Mark Ballas, left, is seen here rehearsing with Bristol Palin this week. Despite Mark grinding on his baby mama, Levi Johnston wishes them luck. [Photo: ABC]

Levi claims he has "nothing but warm wishes" for Bristol, who wants to set an example for moms, on the show. That's nice. So will he take over baby care?

Not remotely. Lil Tripp has moved to Los Angeles with Bristol while Levi works on his own show back home in Alaska. Running for mayor is a full time gig.

Bristol Palin, who has already hired a nanny to watch Tripp as she practices for the September 20 premiere, will probably get a few more votes than Levi.

Dancing With the Stars picking Bristol: Right or wrong?

Dancing With the Stars' Bristol Palin says she wants to set a good example on the hit program for all the moms out there. But is she doing the opposite?

The teen mom, who just broke off her second engagement with Levi Johnston, plans to balance motherhood and work, far away from home in Alaska.

“I’m not the first mom to participate on Dancing with the Stars [but] I want to set a good example for all of the amazing moms out there,” she said.

Bristol Palin: Setting a good example? [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Of the difficult task ahead, the 19-year-old says that “Yes, we can balance work and family, and we can also take on a new and exciting challenge.”

Bristol Palin shares custody with Levi and confirmed that their son, Tripp, will be living with her in Los Angeles during her time on the ABC show.

Bristol Palin was good at moving her hips when Levi Johnston was around - if you know what we're talkin' about! - but how will she fare on Dancing With the Stars?

The 19-year-old, a member of the new Dancing With the Stars cast unveiled last night, says her challenge will be "showing my personality and moving my hips!"

THG NOTE: We were talkin' about those hips clamped down on Levi's Johnston! Then, nine months later, helping to bear his offspring! Okay, moving on now.

As for Bristol Palin signed on for DWTS? [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"I just wanted to do it because it's so fun," Bristol said. "It's so positive and it's a good competition. I wanted to step outside my comfort zone and have a good time."

Her mom, former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, was supportive as well: "She's always been my No. 1 fan. Of course, she'll be here [cheering me on]."

Dancing With the Stars was already quietly amassing a solid roster for its upcoming 11th season, but now it's truly outdone itself - Bristol Palin is on board!

Yes, Sarah Palin's 19-year-old daughter, famous only because Levi Johnston knocked her up in 2008, has joined Dancing With the Stars, which premieres Sept. 20.

David Hasselhoff, Audrina Patridge, The Situation and Brandy are said to be in as well, and possibly Ali Fedotowsky, Roberto Martinez and Kirstie Alley.

Bristol Palin and the rest of the Dancing With the Stars cast will be unveiled officially during Bachelor Pad next Monday. Are you excited that she's going to be on it?

We don't know why we're surprised, but ... Bristol Palin?! Seriously? And he thought her Secret Life appearance was unscrupulously milking her fame.

At this point, even her ardent fans must admit this is a bit much. We know she's getting paid and supporting her son, but does it set a bad example?

Is there a way to put the usual "positive teen role model" spin on this one? You tell us: Is Bristol going on DWTS right or wrong?

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston recently reached a custody deal and agreed to iron out any issues they have privately, rather than bash each other in public.

One such issue? Baby son Tripp’s possible TV appearances.

As we reported earlier this month, Bristol's two-time former fiance just started filming a new reality show in which he is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.

His approval ratings in the Palin household? Not high.

“Sarah can’t stand Levi and it’s gotten worse,” a source said, noting that the Tripp situation has caused increased friction. “She is absolutely opposed to it.”

A problem for Levi Johnston is that he has big problems making the show interesting enough for someone to broadcast it, and people connected to the production wants Tripp in the show to add another dimension to the reality show.

But Bristol Palin wants no part of that for the 18-month-old.

Will she come around? We wouldn't hold our breath if we were Levi, especially after the way their engagement blew up, with rumors of him putting it to Lanesia Garcia and Briana Plum, then mocking the Palins in a Brittani Senser music video.

It was a rough two-week engagement, to say the least.

“Sarah hates Levi,” a source said of the elder Palin, herself the former mayor of Wasilla. “She thinks his desperate grasp at fame is pathetic and doesn’t want him involving Bristol or Tripp in anything he does to try and get famous.”

In other words, anything he does ... at all.

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have reached a deal in their custody battle over son Tripp, and will not be bashing each other in public anymore, either.

For them, this is great news. For us ... boo. What fun is that?

Under the deal, filed with an Alaska Superior Court, Bristol Palin will get primary physical custody of lil' Tripp, who turns two years old this winter.

Levi Johnston will have visitation privileges, taking place between 9:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. on Saturdays and 12-6 p.m. on Wednesdays as well.

Hopefully this doesn't conflict with his mayoral campaign.

The agreement states that Levi has to pay Bristol child support. No amount is stated, but the calculation is based on earnings of $72,000 a year.

Most intriguingly, both parties now legally agree not to "speak badly about the other parent in front of the child ... or to allow anyone else to speak badly about the other parent or members of their family in front of the child."

In other words, no more Sarah Palin talking $h!t about Levi or vice versa. Again, probably for the best, yet a little disappointing for THG staff.

Moreover, if anyone violates this, they're cut off: "The parties  shall not allow the child to visit with, or interact with, any family member who publicly ... or in front of the child, criticizes the other parent or the other parent's family."

Surprisingly, this sounds like a smart, amicable agreement.