by Free Britney at . Comments

In recent weeks we've brought you the ramblings of Bill Simmons, a.k.a. The Sports Guy on ESPN.com. But it turns out there's more to Bill's love of pop culture than we previously believed. His wife, affectionately termed the Sports Gal, weighs in on everyone's favorite brainwashed celeb couple, TomKat, in his latest column! Here's what she had to say:

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Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Image

Last Saturday afternoon I took our daughter to La Cienega Park in Beverly Hills. There was a kid's soccer game going on and I noticed a big circle of paparazzi crunching around two people. So we moved towards them and it was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes!

The first thing I noticed was that they were the same height -- he must have been wearing lifts and either she was wearing flats or he had her ankles removed. No way they're the same height. His hips were five inches higher than her hips. But I ended up feeling really bad for them. The photographers were literally two feet from their face and moving as they moved. They just wanted to watch his kid's soccer game.

Then I was thinking about Katie and what her life is like -- she just lost the baby weight and probably still feels fat all the time, but every time she leaves her house, she has to look good enough to be photographed from two feet away. This would drive me nuts and now I understand why most female celebrities end up being nuts. No wonder Kate Bosworth hasn't eaten since 2003. I also felt bad for the other kids in the game.

They're just trying to play soccer and then 40,000 photographers show up. That's not fair. All the celeb kids should be forced to play in celeb youth leagues so normal kids can play soccer in peace. Celeb kids are just going to be screwed-up adults some day, it's not like they have a chance. Normal kids do.

Anyway, I felt bad for Tom and Katie for two days until Bill showed me how they were sitting in the front row of the Redskins game and obviously hoping to get shown on TV over and over again. Now I'm wondering if they alerted the paparazzi ahead of time about the soccer game. They probably did. I hate Hollywood. We need to get out of here.

by Mischalova at . Comments

This is what we like to see.

First, Bill Simmons - an ESPN online columnist known as "The Sports Guy" - predicted a rather entertaining future for Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.

Now his wife, the "Sports Gal," naturally, has a few choice words for another favorite target of The Gossip: Lindsay Lohan. Chek out the tremendous rant:

There's a new commercial where Lindsay Lohan claims that she uses Proactiv a few times a week for healthy skin. This made me laugh because she lives at the Chateau Marmont and probably gets a facial and massage every other day. Also, this girl can't even show up on a movie set on time, now I'm supposed to believe she remembers to take her Proactiv every day?

I don't think anyone who's famous or wealthy should be able to go on TV and endorse skin products unless they divulge the other "keys" to their beauty routine, like acne extractions every week, microderm abrasion two times a month, two facials a week and La Mer moisturizing products at $200 a pop.

These celebrities spend at least $2,000 a month keeping their skin "healthy." In Lindsay's case, she's a chain-smoking, club-hopping tramp who spends her spare time getting tanning sessions, shopping and forgetting to eat.

She's going to look like a leather purse in 25 years no matter how much Proactiv she takes. She should have to mention that, too. I hate that commercial.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Every couple weeks, ESPN online columnist, Bill Simmons, responds to reader emails. As the Hollywood - and not the Sports - Gossip, such back and forths are typically not reported on here.

However, when one exchange involves the future of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, it's our duty to present it to our fans:

  • Bill Simmons Photo
  • Britney Spears Kevin Federline Pony Tail

Q: After watching the train wreck of a performance from K-Fed at the Teen Choice Awards, I started to think ... is Britney Spears the Mike Tyson of the pop world? Think about it, she got on top of her game at a really young age, blew by the competition and seemed to have peaked at around 21.

Then, she breaks up with Justin Timberlake (which could be Cus D'Amato dying). Then finds K-Fed (who is a mix of Don King, the rape charge, and Buster Douglas all in one). So what's next for my former dream girl?

Simmons: I just enjoyed that you described K-Fed as "a mix of Don King, the rape charge, and Buster Douglas all in one." Sums him up perfectly. But in the spirit of your analogy, I think WrestleMania is next for her. It's the logical next step.

After she pumps out the next kid, K-Fed leaves her for her sister, her next album bombs and she files for bankruptcy for the first time, I could totally see her becoming Triple H's manager for a few weeks and hitting John Cena over the head with her purse at WrestleMania XXVI. Just feels right.

Bill Simmons Biography

Bill Simmons Photo Bill Simmons is ESPN online columnist and pop culture guru. Also known as The Sports Guy. More »
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