by Free Britney at . Comments

It is time, yet again, for The Hollywood Gossip's recap of last night's episode (#4) of The Bachelor on ABC.

As usual, the Sports Gal will do the honors. The wife of ESPN.com's The Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons) does a tremendous job of blogging the adventures of Andy Baldwin, so why mess with a good thing.

Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi Picture

The drama only intensified last night as Andy Baldwin bid farewell to not one, not two, but three aspiring trophy wives who don't seem to mind that this Navy diver and doctor has no sense of humor whatsoever.

Guess with abs like these, who needs jokes? Anyway. Take it away, Sports Gal!

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On Jimmy Kimmel last week, Andy Baldwin came off like someone who had two glasses of champagne at an office party, forgot to eat anything, then ran into his boss and tried to be outgoing and crack jokes, only he came off like a rambling, brain-damaged goofball.

Jimmy Kimmel tried to rescue The Bachelor, but finally just started teasing him at the end. He apparently never had a chance to test his comedy chops growing up in Amish country.

Follow this link to continue reading the Sports Gal's recap of The Bachelor ...

by Free Britney at . Comments

It is time, yet again, for T.H. Gossip to break down last night�s gripping episode of The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman on ABC.

Oh, who are we kidding. We're going to do the usual thing and let the Sports Gal do the honors. The wife of ESPN�s beloved Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons) does a tremendous job, as we know.

Shayne Lamas Pic

She recapped episode 2 brilliantly last week, and the drama only intensified last night as Andy Baldwin bid farewell to more aspiring trophy wives. Without any further delay, we turn it over to the Sports Gal!

We made history on The Bachelor this week! The show started with a drill sergeant waking up the girls and dragging them out for calisthenics. Bill thought the drill sergeant looked like Dick Bavetta on steroids. I'm not sure who he is, but okay.

I was more shocked that none of the girls was wearing makeup during an HD broadcast. They should've had a follow-up show with the girls watching this show in HD. I guarantee half would cry, two would pass out and the rest would flee to the MAC counter.

But that wasn't the history-making part. Running through a set of tires, Bevin wrenched her ankle and ended up with a displaced fracture plus a rose from a guilty Andy. Here was the history-making part:

The other girls became jealous because Bevin got a rose and 1-on-1 time with Andy Baldwin at the hospital. Now others may start maiming themselves for more time with Andy. We might see Tessa throw herself down a flight of stairs within the next three shows.

Obviously, Andy wasn't too upset because he made his first group date at the mud baths. Not a lot of highlights here except that BBBD ("Big Boobs/Bad Dresser") was in heat and kept rubbing mud on Andy as an excuse to molest him.

She's a tramp. Bill thinks there's an 80 percent chance she has a sex tape floating around out there and claims he has never Googled this to find out for sure. I don't believe him.

Follow this link to continue the Sports Gal's unique, in-depth coverage of The Bachelor ...

by Free Britney at . Comments

We've recapped Dancing with the Stars.

We've given you the blow by blow (and Spencer Pratt really blows) of last night's season finale of The Hills.

Courtney Robertson and Ben Flajnik Date

Now it's time for T.H. Gossip to break down last night's third television event, the premiere of the 10th season of The Bachelor.

But we really can't do it justice, so we're turning it over to the Sports Gal, wife of ESPN's beloved sports scribe, the Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons).

She's going to be recapping each riveting episode for ESPN and ABC. We're just passing the word along. Let's get down to business. Take it away, Sports Gal!

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ABC wants the new season of The Bachelor to remind people of Richard Gere in "An Officer and a Gentleman." We know this because they're calling this season, "The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman."

At least they came right out and said it. The Bachelor himself, Lt. Andy Baldwin, isn't as sexy as Richard Gere in that movie, but I liked him immediately and thought he was the cutest bachelor yet. He works as a doctor in the Navy's dive unit with Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner, does charity work and Ironman triathalons and even has a hot body.

Of course, Bill (my husband) was suspicious as soon as we learned Andy's alma mater was Duke. He kept saying, "You watch, you watch, he's going to end up being a [bad word]."

Not even 30 seconds later, we watched Andy get into his fancy sports car, which looked like a DeLorean (do they still make those?) and had those dorky doors that open straight up.

I hate when Bill's right. You should know that my friend Terera and I have a list of things that instantly bother us about guys - like guys who wear man sandals (those leather ones that look like the ones girls would wear, only they're for guys, I call them "mandals"); guys who wear black jeans or black tennis shoes; guys who wear Speedos at the beach; guys who drink daiquiris or frozen mudslides; guys who tuck their sweaters into their pants; and especially, guys who drive weird sports cars (like Miatas or Corvettes). I don't know the name of Andy's car, but it should be called "The Overcompensator."

We watched Andy Baldwin tool around in his DeLorean hoping he'd pick up Doc and head back to the future. Instead, he pulled up to the clock tower, I mean, bachelor mansion, and was greeted by our old friend Chris Harrison.

I like Chris Harrison - he knows his place and never interferes, not even when a girl has too much champagne during the opening cocktail reception and might drown in the pool. Meanwhile, Andy looked so excited to meet the girls, it was uncomfortable. It looked like he was going to burst. Bill described him as "a much, much, much hornier Richie Cunningham."

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Ray J.

Kim Kardashian.

Ben Flajnik Shirtless Image

Some things are just meant to be together.

With this philosophy in mind, ESPN and ABC decided to collaborate with the Sports Gal for weekly recaps of The Bachelor, the new season of which debuts Monday.

Her recaps will run Tuesdays after the show.

Suffice it to say, the Sports Gal's worse half, the Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons) is pretty psyched up about her efforts, which will run alongside his ESPN columns.

He writes:

"She's aiming for four paragraphs per recap. So alert your girlfriends, wives, mistresses and platonic female friends that you're secretly trying to sleep with - on April 2, the Sports Gal returns. In the words of Pete Carroll, I'm as shocked as you guys."

Well put. Like the Sports Gal, T.H. Gossip will be tracking the progress of Andy Baldwin as he attempts to follow in the footsteps of Lorenzo Borghese.

And after what he pulled with Sadie Murray, those are some big footsteps.

by Free Britney at . Comments

ESPN's Bill Simmons, a.k.a. The Sports Guy, is famous for his long-winded, hilarious sports columns, being married to The Sports Gal, and for watching enough television to rot the brains of even the pop culture aficionados at T.H. Gossip.

That said, it's only appropriate that when asked to describe his feelings on Miami, site of tonight's Super Bowl XLI, Simmons turned to a young reality TV star we know and sort of love. Here's what Bill writes...

LC: Lauren Conrad Style

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All I know is this: My assignment for this week was to come to Miami and tell you, the home reader, what it's like to have a Super Bowl here. Right now, we're working on a solid A-plus. The grade could change, but that's what we're looking at right now.

Since I can't sum up my feelings on South Beach in a single sentence, let's hand it over to the great Brody Jenner, who's making a noble attempt on The Hills right now to break the reality-TV record for "most cheesy compliments ever given to a girl while trying to get into her pants."

Two things you need to know about Brody:

  1. He's Bruce Jenner's son
  2. He's already been on two reality shows.

Now he's pursuing the star of The Hills - America's sweetheart, Lauren Conrad - who's far too stupid to realize that Brody called her only because he knew the cameras had just started rolling for Season 2.

You would think she'd catch on after Jason Wahler (her fellow Laguna Beach grad, and last season's nose-itching boyfriend on The Hills) pulled the same stunt on her and she was too dumb to see that one, either.

She's easy prey for a player like Brody, who, since his arrival on The Hills, has been laying lines on her like "you have the most beautiful eyes I have EVER seen."

We're about three more episodes away from having a threesome with him and a 6-foot bottle of Rohypnol. I don't see this ending well.

What does this have to do about anything? Well, in this week's episode, Brody finally lured LC back to his apartment and gave her his greatest line yet:

"There's nowhere I'd rather be than right here with you."

I don't feel that strongly about South Beach, but give me a few more days. We might get there.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The last time we heard from The Sports Gal - wife to ESPN.com columnist, Bill Simmons - she expressed negative views concerning Kristin Cavallari and The Bachelor, Lorenzo Borghese.

The focus of the Gal's latest online diatribe? Celebrity divorces. And any fan of The Hollywood Gossip knows there have been 1-2 dozen recently. Here's her column, paraphrased slightly:

Two big celebrity breakups this month and it's not even Nov. 15!!! I could see Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe coming to the Oscars - Ryan wasn't that happy for Reese when she won, but when Crash won best picture he reacted like his team just won the World Series.

Bill has said for years they would break up because she's much more successful than him and no guy could handle that. I agree and it's never a good sign when you meet on the set of Cruel Intentions. But couples that play together stay together.

After all, if both of you are always traveling around to film movies, how is that a relationship unless you're going out of your way to spend time?

I think this is why Justin Timerlake and Cameron Diaz stay together - Us Weekly always has pictures of them surfing in Hawaii and stuff, it really seems like they like each other. They are my favorite celeb couple.

Anyway, I feel bad for Reese and Ryan because Britney and K-Fed trumped them this week. This was the most inevitable celebrity breakup ever. Any wedding reception that includes the groom wearing a pimp-emblazoned sweat suit and bridesmaids wearing sweat suits with the word "ho's" doesn't have a chance, obviously.

I also think celebrities lose their minds when they become too famous because they get picked apart all the time, so they end up reacting in strange ways. You know, like marrying a white-trash loser with no talent who has a baby with someone else (Shar Jackson). This isn't even worth talking about because it was so predictable.

But I did want to say one thing. Sometimes, Bill makes bets ahead of time for who will win the NFL or NBA. (I can't remember him ever winning, but he claims he's won a few. Whatever.)

I think they should have these bets for celebrity breakups. Every year would be a season and there would be odds for each couple. If they had this when I was in Vegas this summer, I definitely would've bet on Ryan/Reese and K-Fed/Britney.

Now I'd bet on Patrick Dempsey and his wife. When he married her, he was just the guy from Can't Buy Me Love. Now, he's the hottest guy on the hottest TV show and his wife is probably a basket case every time he leaves the house. He'll end up breaking up with her and immediately hooking up with someone awful like Kirsten Dunst.

I am already mad at him and it hasn't even happened yet.

by Mischalova at . Comments

We've tried to come up with a few Halloween costume ideas for our loyal fans and readers. We hope the Nicole Richie suggestion was helpful, for example, but you'd have needed to cease eating 18 months ago in order to ensure its most realistic effect.

Lindsay Lohan From Behind

Now, Bill Simmons (aka The Sports Guy), ESPN's online columnist, has his own recommendation for Halloween.

We'll let him explain the Lindsay Lohan costume in his own words:

Wear a red wig and look completely strung out for about 30 minutes. Then go to the bathroom, fix your makeup, stick a pair of grapefruits in your bra and come back out looking like a million bucks.

Thirty minutes later, go back in the bathroom, mess your makeup up and take the grapefruits out. And just keep rotating the two looks all night and confusing the hell out of every guy there.

Sounds about right to us. Also find the person at the party with the weirdest name and hire your own Rumer Willis for the evening.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Bill Simmons is at it again. Well, actually, it's the Sports Guy's wife we're interested in this time. But if it weren't for Bill, we'd have no Sports Gal rants to report on.

Kristin Films The Hills

Below, Bill's better, funnier half takes aim at ABC's The Bachelor, along with one of Hollywood's most talked-about foxes, Kristin Cavallari...

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I can't watch The Bachelor anymore because they keep selecting guys who shouldn't need a reality show to find a wife.

I liked the first two seasons when they were just nice-looking guys who had normal jobs and seemed normal.

Now the bachelors come on to become famous; they don't care about finding a soul mate. They want to break up with whoever they picked in the Final Rose episode and hook up with Kristin Cavallari at a Sunset Strip club the next week.

It's so easy to see through them. Like, this year's Bachelor is a rich Italian prince (Lorenzo Borghese) who can't speak Italian and went to Rollins College. It's like Joe Millionaire, only without the twist at the end. Why would I root for a fake prince to fall in love?

Instead of picking princes and quarterbacks, I think ABC should go in the other direction. My friend Melissa thinks we have hot homeless guys out here in L.A.; she calls them "the hot homeless."

We can't figure out why there are so many good-looking ones. Maybe they're failed actors, I don't know. But since it's practically hopeless for single women over 30 in L.A., Melissa thinks they'd have a better chance by taking in a hot homeless guy, cleaning him up, getting him a job and trying to turn his life around.

I agree. I'd like to see ABC pick a hot homeless guy as the next Bachelor. They could clean him up and introduce him to 25 girls at once. His whole life could change, right? Although he'd probably fall for three of them at the same time, settle on the slut with the biggest rack, give her a promise ring, then dump her the next week to hook up with Cavallari.

Forget it, this could never work.

by Free Britney at . Comments

T.H. Gossip delights in bringing you the pop culture observations of ESPN's Bill Simmons, a.k.a. the Sports Guy, along with the rants of his lovely wife, a.k.a. the Sports Gal.

In the most recent edition of Bill's mailbag, he responds to reader questions about sports, sure... but more importantly, he addresses the current happenings on Laguna Beach as well as the Screech sex tape. See below.

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Scott (New York, NY): What is Cameron's problem on Laguna Beach? Can't he see that Trish is a thousand times hotter than that wet blanket Jessica? And yes I am 26 years old and watch a show about high school kids.

Bill Simmons: The funniest thing about Cameron (below, right) is that he has no discernable personality at all. There's just nothing there. He's a complete zero. And yet every girl is falling over themselves for him. Hey, guess what, ladies? In 15 years, he'll be a bald guy with a huge head and no personality! Enjoy.

Steve (Menlo Park, CA): Have you heard that the actor (Dustin Diamond, below left) who played Screech has a sex video coming out? What's the title got to be? I'm voting for Saved by the Smell.

Bill Simmons: Is that true? Is that a step up or a step down from appearing in  Celebrity Boxing?

by Mischalova at . Comments

Forget The Sports Guy, sports fans. ESPN's top online columnist may know a thing or two about football or basketball, but his wife owns the entertainment world.

Here's what the Sports Gal had to say recently:

Us Weekly has a feature called "Who Wore it Best?" where 100 people in NYC choose between side-by-side photos of two celebs wearing the same outfits, then the results run in the magazine. I hate this feature because the judges have no credentials and could be homeless or Russian for all we know.

I think Us Weekly is already responsible for enough eating disorders. Now female celebs have to feel bad because they didn't wear an outfit as well as someone who had better posture or bigger breasts? Last week Ashlee Simpson (who's really pretty I think) lost by a 2-to-1 margin to Heidi from The Hills (who's an airhead and a skeleton). Like Ashlee needed to feel worse about herself.

It's bad enough to be caught wearing the same clothes as a bimbo with no work ethic, they didn't need to rub it in.

But what really made me mad was The Rock's wife losing 86 percent to 14 percent to Charlize Theron. She's not even a celebrity!!!! Yeah like that was ever going to be close. If Bill were famous and Charlize trounced me by a landslide in Us Weekly, I'd never attend another red carpet event and probably wouldn't leave the house anymore. Although I guess I'd be kind of psyched that I was in the magazine. I don't know.

Either way, I think Us Weekly owes Mrs. The Rock an apology.

Bill Simmons Biography

Bill Simmons Photo Bill Simmons is ESPN online columnist and pop culture guru. Also known as The Sports Guy. More »
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Bill Simmons
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