Beyonce Knowles

Kids around the country are heading back to school. But they aren't the only ones being graded as summer turns to fall.

Multiple artists have released new albums over the last couple weeks. The critical folks at Entertainment Weekly have taken the time to grade each CD - and those from The Gossip figured it was our duty to present such estimations to readers everywhere:

• Beyonce, B'day: B+. The magazine said you have "search far and wide to find a vocalist who sings with more sheer force ... [while obsessing] over the intersection of love and lucre ..."

• Jessica Simpson, A Public Affair: C. EW accuses Jessica of basically ripping of the 80s, with tracks that sound eerily like Madonna and samples from bands such as The Cars. She does get points, however, for no Nick Lachey-like "confessionalism."

• American Idol, Season 5 Encores: C. Describing a CD as "expertly crafted mediocrity" isn't exactly a recommendations. At least praise is given to Chris Daughtry for singing multiple parts on "Wanted Dead or Alive."

The publication stayed away from the most important grade of all, however: the booty battle between Beyonce and Jessica. What do you think?

Beyoncé hates animals. We're not sure what other conclusion to draw.

First, Jay-Z's fiance was renounced - and stalked - by PETA. That absurd organization took exception for her penchant for wearing fur.

Now? A world-renowned expert on reptiles has written an outraged letter to the former Destiny's Child singer, suggesting that she abused an animal on the photo shoot for her new album, "B'day."

We can't wait for Mr. Beyonce's crazy response to this one!

"There was a shot where I held an alligator. It had its mouth taped - that was my bright idea," Knowles recently told a magazine. "He was really cute, but since his mouth was taped he didn't have any way to defend himself. He was upset so he peed on me. That was an experience!"

It was an abusive experience, claims some idiot with too much times on his hands.

"As a specialist in reptile biology and welfare I'm concerned about your posing with a terrified baby alligator for your new album cover," British biologist Clifford Warwick wrote to Beyonce. "Humans and alligators are not natural bedfellows, and the two should not mix at events such as photo-shoots. In my view, doing so is arguably abusive to an animal."

Well, if it's arguable, allow us to take a stance: get a life, biology boy. Kevin Federline does more harm to our eardrums on a weekly basis than the former Destiny's Child singer did to that alligator.

Oh, and it's just an alligator. Go find a real cause.

If you're Beyonce, which would you prefer:

• Over 6,600 fans banding together and demanding a reshooting of the video for your song, "Deja Vu?"
• Or your estranged father coming to your very strange defense?

Don't worry, fans, if you're a recently engaged diva, you can have both!

For weeks now, people with no life enthusiasts have come together to sign a petition "for the advocacy of having Ms. Beyoncé Knowles, Columbia Records, Music World Entertainment, and all other entities associated with the creative process of creating the long-form music video known as 'Deja Vu' reshoot aforementioned video immediately."

But now Matthew Knowles has something to say to these critics. Uh-oh. He issued the following, confounding, emphatic statement:

"It is apparent that there is a consistent plan by some to create chaos around Beyoncé's "B'Day" album release on September 5 in the U.S ..."

Okay, so far, so good enough. Let's see if it gets any nuttier:

"First, it was a petition against the single, "Deja Vu," then a rumor regarding conflict between Beyoncé and Rihanna, seizures caused by the "Ring the Alarm" video, putting out a single to compete with LeToya's album and now to add to all the ridiculous rumors, is my plan to postpone the release of her "B'Day" album.

What will be next? Beyoncé's cut off all her hair? Dyed it green? Maybe she's singing the songs in reverse with some hidden subliminal message!"

Right. Maybe. But here's what we really wanna see: an overly protective, psychotic battle of the spotlight-craving fathers between Mr. Knowles and Joe Simpson, father of Ashlee Simpson and Jessica Simpson.

Let's ring THAT alarm and see what happens!

Let's just just say that bottles of Andre won't exactly be served at the November wedding of Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z.

The couple, otherwise known as Beyon-J, will be sparing no expense for the nuptials. The current over/under on number of Dom Perignon corks popped is 317.

Reports state that Beyonce and her booty will be shelling out $3 million for the bash on the Caribbean island of Anguilla, a tenth of which - $300,000 â€" will be allotted for the Beluga caviar alone. Also on the menu will be lobster and Italian truffles.

Ashlee Simpson is hoping to snag an invite. Her post-meal vomit would never taste so yummy!

While we don't actually envision the hip hop goddess to be counting that young pop star on a guest, The Gossip has learned of a pair that will be attending the festivities.

Oprah Winfrey and UN Secretary-General, Kofi Annan, will be among the guests. Keep your eye on Kofi, Beyonce. That guy loves his caviar.

A bootylicious battle between two of Hollywood's most beautiful babes? You'd think Beyonce would have this in the bag, right? She did create that term, after all.

But Jessica Simpson and her backside won't go down without a fight (seriously, ask Nick Lachey). We'll leave it to you, the readers and fans. Which singer and occasional actress has the most appealing ass-et?

At least Beyonce Knowles will have more time to try and make up with her father now. Due to terrorist concerns across the Atlantic, the former child of destiny pulled out of her planned promotional trip to Great Britain later this month.

Her label bosses didn't want her flying under such conditions.

"It's not a difficult decision to make in the light of the UK going to critical alert status," said a source. "Beyonce's been told she's not to come to the country so soon after so many trans-Atlantic flights were threatened."

Beyonce's latest single, Deja Vu, is set to premiere in Englad in late August. Therefore, the insider considered this "a blow because she needs to get as much hype going around her new single as possible."

But there was really no choice. Knowles' other half, meanwhile, should still be able to escape to Africa. Jay Z is planning a documentary about water conditions in that poor nation.

Beyonce may have relationship problems beyond her father fairly soon. A few (slightly psychotic and obsessed) fans have begun an online petition to get the pop star to reshoot the video for her latest single "Deja Vu."

You can read the extreme request by clicking here - but the general consensus is that the video "is an underwhelming representation of the talent and quality of previous music video projects of Ms. Knowles." It's been signed by over 1,000 people with too much time on their hands followers.

The petition actually outlines seven points of contention, among them that the editing "causes one to get dizzy and disoriented", the dancing is "erratic, confusing and alarming" and the fashion "unbelievable and ridiculous." Shockingly, there are no fur complaints anywhere to be found.

Meanwhile, fans aren't even pleased with the scenes between Beyonce and real life boyfriend, Jay-Z. The signees believe the sexual themes between the duo are "alarming and show unacceptable interactions between the two."

We're not even sure what that means. But we do know of another singer that recently re-shot her video. You really want Beyonce to end up like Paris Hilton?!?

Daddy dearest? Not when it comes to managing your career. So Beyonce might say, as the diva opened up to Giant magazine recently about her issues with Matthew Knowles - and, yes, apparently there really is a publication known as Giant ... and her father really is simply named Matthew.

What other revelations can fans learn?

Beyonce reveals the duo often fought when she was an up-and-coming star, especially when "I'd say ‘no' to something and he'd book it anyway. Then I'd have to do it because I'd look bad (if I didn't)."

"It took a while for me and my dad to have an understanding, because he thinks everyone's supposed to work like him," she says. "When I turned 18 and started handling my business more, he went into shock."

So, how problematic is the feud? Consider this: Her new album, "B'Day," was recorded without her pop's knowledge. Come on, this is an independent woman!

"‘Don't tell my daddy. Don't tell my mama. Don't tell anybody … [including] the label,'" she admits ordering her studio team. "So two weeks later, I called my dad and said, ‘My record's done.' He was, like, ‘WHAT!?'"

Fortunately, Beyonce's relationship with Jay-Z is drama-free. One MIGHT say they're crazy in live.

"It's very easy. He's so quick. And we respect each other. If I have any suggestions he respects it. If he has any suggestions, I respect it. It's just, I don't know, easy. And fun."

Quick? His wit? His rapping skills? His performance in the sack? That's left to us to decide ...

As far as rolling out clothing lines go, Beyonce Knowles may not be your role model.

First, PETA sabotaged a dinner and laid into the bootylicious babe about her treatment of fur.

Now, Jay-Z's girlfriend has been slapped with a $1.5 million lawsuit by Manhattan businessman Greg Walker. He accuses Beyonce of breaching a contract and not paying him enough for brokering the launch of her clothing line, the House of Dereon.

Walker claims he introduced the former Child of Destiny - and her mother Tina - to Wear Me Apparel, Inc. (which is also named as a defendant) to help her get her fashion enterprise off the ground, but received "only" $25,000 from the family for the introductions.

Now, he wants a piece of the $15 million Knowles received from the licensing deal. While reps for Beyonce didn't comment on the issue, we have this to say:

Her new song, "Deja Vu," is really catchy.

In a protest over fur, Pamela Anderson stripped down to her panties in the window of Stella McCartney's London boutique Wednesday.

In the window, in plain view of passers-by and media, she posted a banner proclaiming "I'd rather bare skin than wear skin."

When asked if there's a need to name and shame celebrities who wear fur, the stacked Stacked star did not hesitate, taking no prisoners among fellow stars.

"I don't think that's glamorous at all... especially the ones that are starting to put them [fur] in their clothing lines like J. Lo and Beyoncé. It's really important for them to be conscious of what they wear, especially as they're fashion icons."

Beyoncé, as many know, loves her fur. The singer was recently confronted by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) at a swanky restaurant in New York. Beyoncé was asked by activists why she thinks it's okay for cute, defenseless animals to die for her vanity. She was not happy.

Anderson is a longtime advocate for animal rights, and an active member of PETA. For her campaign against fur and other campaigns for animal rights, Pam was given the group's first Linda McCartney Memorial Award, named for the late wife of Sir Paul McCartney, an avid animal rights supporter.

Paul McCartney's second wife, the beleaguered Heather Mills, is also an animal rights activist. And, depending on what you read, a former hooker and/or porn star.