by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Bethenny Frankel has described her childhood as marred by alcohol, violence and eating disorders. She's uses this background to garner sympathy from the public.

There's just one problem, according to the reality TV star's mother: most of it isn't true.

Beth Frankel

In an interview with Radar Online, Bernadette Birk says: "She did not come from a broken home  and her father did not leave her at four years old. I left her father when she was two years old and he did not support us with one penny, no alimony."

Birk admits to being "sick" over Bethenny's lies and adds:

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Ashley Greene stars in Breaking Dawn, while Bethenny Frankel is up at dawn every morning to feed her baby daughter.

Okay. We give up. These two celebrities have very little in common, except for this: both walked the white carpet at last night's MTV Video Music Awards.

Greene looked unusually perturbed to be there, while Frankel posed with a big smile on her face, likely wondering: What the heck did I do to earn a spot on this guest list?!? Choose between the pair below:

Bethenny at the VMAs

Who looked prettier at the VMAs?

 

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Bethenny Frankel is out.

The reality TV star has made it clear in a new statement: she's walking away from The Real Housewives of New York City.

“Last season was scary and painful," she told Us Weekly, explaining why she turned down a fourth season from Bravo. “It took all of the joy out of it.”

Bethenny getting another run on The Real Housewives of New York City? Not in the plans.

With a new husband and daughter, Frankel says she "doesn't see any reason to go back."

It probably helps that Bethenny's spin-off series, Bethenny Getting Married?, attracted more than two million viewers for its June premiere, the highest-rated debut for a new Bravo show.

A network insider hopes Frankel does return for a cameo here and there - but don't count on it, readers: "My gut’s saying not to be part of this cast," she says.

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In a photo that was totally not staged, Bethenny Frankel totally did not make thousands of dollars for splashing through the water in a bikini earlier this month in Montauk, New York.

According to Life & Style, it was the first time this reality star donned a bathing suit since giving birth in May and "she looked amazing," said a witness, adding:

"She looked like she'd lost all the baby weight, and she was toned, too. Even her tush was remarkable."

That sound you hear? Jason Hoppy totally slapping that impressive backside. Oohhh yeah!

Frankel says she's lost 33 pounds since squeezing out daughter Bryn this spring. How did she do it?

"There's been no real drastic any thing. I've really been eating, just not like a crazy person," she said, offering up this unhealthy piece of advice: "Taste everything, eat nothing."

We guess that's better than Kim Kardashian and her QuickTrim-based motto for dieting: Eat everything. Crap it all out.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

It's all about balance.

That's what Bethenny Frankel learned on last night's season finale of her reality show, as both business and baby beckoned. As usual, a THG intern has reviewed the episode in depth, sharing her snark with readers below. Take it away!

I have to say that for a finale episode, this one was quasi-boring.  A baby shower cake faux-disaster? Amateur football games on Montauk?  Jason lathering sunscreen on Max?  Bethenny’s much-hyped first trip away for work that we didn’t even get to see?  Baby nurse Gina doling out post-baby sex advice?  Yawnsville.  However, I do love watching the new little family unit in action so that saved it from being a total dud. 

I think the best moments are when Jason, Bethenny, Bryn, and Gina are hanging out around the apartment talking about whatever.  I would prefer a whole show of that.

The Housewives Girl

Tonight’s episode began with my second favorite gal from Real Housewives of New York City, Ramona, coming over to visit Bethenny and the new baby.  Almost immediately the baby gets cranky and Bethenny hands her off to Gina.  Gina rushes the baby into a secluded room.  The women discuss having more than one baby as well as sex post-delivery. 

Ramona is surprisingly tongue-tied as she talks about her own “relations” with Mario after she had daughter Avery.  All in all, I like Ramona a whole lot better on the other show.  Seeing her on Bethenny’s show is a weird experience - it feels like when you were little and you saw your teacher at the grocery store:  startling, uncomfortable, and a teensy bit scary.

Though she just gave birth two episodes ago, Bethenny has already reclaimed her flat stomach. “Look at the body on her, Gina,” says Jason.  He then adds, “I really thought at our age or your age it would be a mess.”  Gina nods knowingly.  Speaking of Gina, one random factoid we’ve learned about her is that she is no fan of men trying to get on their women right after they have babies.  She’s sort of a combo baby nurse/anti-post-pregnancy sex cop.

The day of Bethenny’s baby shower has arrived.  “I’m probably the first mom ever to have a baby shower with the baby already,” says Bethenny, verbalizing something we are all thinking.  Of course poor, poor, poor Shawn is putting this little fiesta together. 

The first order of business is carefully extracting the specially-ordered-from-Los-Angeles cake.  “OMG! (Multiple explicatives).  We have a caketastrophe!” gasps Shawn as he realizes the design on the cake is messed up.  He has a look of true terror on his face as he frantically tries to fix it.  This much fussed-over cake, by the way, is insanely small. 

How many people is this supposed to feed?  Or is it just a centerpiece?  If it’s a centerpiece, then why does it have to be some extra-special cake flown in from Los Angeles?  Such big confusion for such a little cake.  But I digress. 

Freaky NYC Housewife Alex is among the shower guests and surprises everyone by wearing a normal outfit.  Though Bethenny states, “I’m hoping we can have a cocktail and discuss something that doesn’t involve diapers and boobies,” of course this sort of talk is inevitable.  But then, like in every good Housewife show, the conversation moves to sex.   “I’m not having sex and Jason is like a rabid animal.  He’s gonna like mount me the second it starts,” Bethenny says in full listening zone of her mother-in-law.

The shower also involves manicures, pedicures, facials, massages, and other sorts of body treatments.  Having arrived moments earlier, assistant Max is immediately splayed out on a massage table awaiting his turn.  Bethenny is ticked that he went ahead of her shower guests.  Despite being bitched out, Max is oblivious and still wants the massage.

After the shower, Bethenny is stressing about having to go to Chicago on a brief work trip.  “It’s complete trauma and terror and I don’t want to go,” Bethenny says about leaving Bryn for the first time. As usual, Jason is totally supportive and wonderful.  “We’ll be right here when you get back,” he says as he expertly pats the baby’s back.  Gina also gives Bethenny a pep talk before she leaves.  Lord knows if that baby is safe with anyone, it’s Gina.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Last week on the show with the most unnecessary punctuation mark in history - Bethenny Getting Married? - the titular star gave birth to daughter Bryn.

This week, she actually had to take care of Bryn. The celebration of life continued, sure. But would the struggles of caring for a newborn overwhelm her?

Take it away, THG Real Housewives correspondent....

Ah, the sweet and precious introduction of a new reality television star. This time it’s a one-day-old baby who is about as big as an artichoke. 

This is little Bryn Hoppy, Bethenny and Jason’s daughter. She was born five weeks early and is a cute little pipsqueak. Her parents are, of course, totally in love. This episode marked a change in Bethenny - away from non-stop snark and fast-paced sarcasm and towards sweet, goo-goo baby love bliss and sleep-deprived incoherence.  

The Housewives Girl

At the beginning, Jason’s parents came to visit their new grandchild at Lenox Hill Hospital, evidently the hospital where all the rich people go in New York City.

Bethenny announces the baby’s name is Bryn, after Jason’s late brother, Bryan.

Jason’s mom is very emotional and it’s a sweet moment. But then Bethenny makes us laugh again as she and Jason wrangle with the new breast pump.

She says, “I never thought that when I was in da club with Jason that he would be my breast pumping assistant.” I love Bethenny’s ability to keep us laughing, even when she was crying the moment before.

Little Bryn is so teeny-tiny and adorable.

She reminded me of my beloved ‘80s-vintage Cabbage Patch Preemie as Jason gently rubs her back and whispers to her about all they will do in the future—dance classes, yes, but basketball and golf too. “My little chickpea,” Jason calls Bryn.

He makes Bethenny laugh until we fear she’ll pop a stitch.  This new family is definitely in a good place.  No signs of postpartum nuttiness from Bethenny, at least not yet. She doesn’t seem the type to go all Brooke Shields on us.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

In early May, Bethenny Frankel gave birth to an adorable girl named Bryn.

But in the warped reality show universe, this event took place last night, as Frankel went into labor five weeks early on Bethenny Getting Married. It made for some exciting TV, as detailed below in our weekly show recap...

Bethenny went to a baby safety and CPR class with other ritzy Upper East Side mommies-to-be on this episode.  “I don’t like any of this and it scares me,” Bethenny says about all the back blows, chest compressions, and rescue breaths. 

The leaders of this course also teach the participants how to break down a stroller to throw in the trunk of a cab and how to install a car seat in a Town Car.  I am guessing this course does not include a lesson on how to install a car seat in a Kia.

Next, Bethenny’s friend Lauren visits with her baby and baby nurse.  The baby nurse is wearing scrubs and a skeptical smirk.  Evidently this nurse, Gina, will come and work for Bethenny when Gina’s done keeping Lauren’s progeny alive for the first month of life.  (All bets are off on what happens to the poor baby after Gina exits.  Most likely a Russian nanny will step in and take over lest Lauren have to actually do anything for her own baby.) 

Lauren is so thin and trim she looks like she must have had the baby via surrogate.  She has no post-pregnancy bloat or double chin whatsoever. 

“I was curious to get some perspective on what a newborn looks like,” Bethenny says about the purpose of the visit. Lauren tries to get her very fussy baby to stop crying and you can bet that Gina was dying to just grab the poor kid away from its bony mom and calm it down herself.

One early morning that week, Bethenny and Jason wake up to find that Bethenny’s water has broken. She expected a “Niagara falls” gush of water like in the movies but it’s just a puddle in the bed and a trickle down her leg.  Bethenny is still five weeks away from her due date. 

“This is happening?” asks Jason.  Bethenny adds, “We’re not ready.  We have no bag packed, we have no baby’s room, we have no bassinette.  We have nothing.”

While looking over the list of what to bring to the hospital, Jason says, “It says to bring several copies of your birth plan.  We don’t have a birth plan.”  Thinking she might have time to kill, Bethenny packs her book that needs editing.  “Don’t pack thongs,” wisely suggests assistant Julie.  “You’re not going to want something in your vadge after you have a baby.” 

I would have to agree.

Then, Bethenny and Jason run around their bedroom buck naked for a little while.  I’m sorry, but don’t they ever want to tell the cameras to scram and give them two seconds of privacy?  I think showering counts as a time when cameras don’t have to be filming a person.  At least not for a show broadcast on a network other than Cinemax or The Playboy Channel. 

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Bristol Palin is one of the most famous teenagers in the country.

She's the daughter of a Presidential candidate and an unwed mother who isn't just marrying the guy that knocked her up and publicly bashed her family for months on end - she's profiting from the arrangement by selling her story to supermarket tabloids!

Say what you want about Bristol - and, trust us, THG has - but she's the perfect candidate for a reality TV show.

Still, Bethenny Frankel claims she doesn't see the appeal.

Bristol Photograph

Bethenny Frankel thinks viewers are interested in her life, but not that of Bristol Palin. She may be more delusional than Bristol's mother.

"If it was her mom getting married or remarried it would be interesting," Frankel said to E! News yesterday. "If it was Sarah was raising the baby, maybe. But what's the deal with the two of them?

"I don't know what they are and I don't even know who they are. I don't get it. And it would be too awkward to watch them in something L.A. because they don't belong there."

Someone sounds awfully defensive. Frankel can't honestly believe that in this day and age, where anyone with a pulse signs on for a reality show (Mario Lopez?!? Aubrey O'Day?!?), Bristol and Levi wouldn't be the ideal stars of a series. As depressing as that may be.

Let's turn this question over to the readers: Who would you prefer to watch?

 

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

According to multiple sources, TV's Real Housewives are nothing but real, big liars.

First, the man that filmed himself having sex with Danielle Staub had the nerve to call that totally stable, victimized woman a phony.

Now, the mother of Bethenny Frankel is chiming in, saying her daughter has exaggerated the difficulties of her childhood. In an interview with People, Frankel said this month: "I never had a true childhood. There was a lot of destruction: alcohol abuse, eating disorders and violent fights."

How accurate is that statement, according to Bernadette Birk?

"I love my daughter, but what she's saying is killing me," Birk tells Star Magazine, denying that she was ever a bulimic alcoholic.

Birk adds that Bethenny is "the most important person in my world."

Then again, she also confirms she's only spoken to Frankel twice in the last decade. And she was likely paid to give this interview.

So while Bethenny may be milking her life story for attention and sympathy, it's clear her mother isn't exactly the Carol Brady of parental units.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Can we take away the question mark in the title of Bethenny Getting Married? now please? She's both hitched in real life and even on her TV show.

This week, her and husband Jason Hoppy jetted off to St. Bart for their honeymoon, which included skinny dipping, anxiety and more. Also, Bethenny posed for a pregnant nude photo shoot. Take it away, THG Real Housewives correspondent....

With their fabulous wedding behind them and Shawn getting himself cryogenically frozen so he can get some serious rest, Bethenny and Jason jet off to honeymoon on St. Bart’s.  “I’m trying to be the sexy new bride but I’m a disaster,” Bethenny says. 

This statement sets us up for a week filled with immense fun and laughter as well as hormone-induced crying jags and panic attacks, the highs and the lows occurring most likely within two seconds of each other.

The Housewives Girl

Once on the island, they hop into their rental BMW and speed off across the gorgeous landscape.  Of course they are renting a BMW - can you imagine these two in a Ford Fiesta?  They arrive at the resort where they have a private villa with butler service.  Their villa is gorgeous, enormous, and complete with their own huge pool with giant turtles wandering around it, munching contentedly on tropical grasses.

As soon as their luggage hits the floor, Bethenny is immediately topless and she and Jason are in the pool.  “When those doors opened, honestly, you took my breath away,” Jason tells Bethenny about their wedding day. 

They say many sweet things to each other and what little clothes they were wearing end up in a sodden heap pool-side.  Gigantic iguanas look on suspiciously from the bushes. Jason and Bethenny’s entire submerged and naked bodies are blurred out.

Next, the two hit the beach.  “I really feel like a pig that needs to be roasted on the beach at a luau,” Bethenny tells us.  Jason is particularly fond of commenting on Bethenny’s cankles and her “sausage-link” toes and, luckily, she has a good attitude about it all.  She tells us repeatedly that she feels fat and gross but really she must be feeling pretty confident because her bathing suit is essentially a bikini and pretty skimpy at that.  Plus, she looks amazing. 

Sure she’s pregnant but she’s totally toned.  It’s as hot as a seven months pregnant woman can possibly look.  Also, she is sporting a big, floppy fluorescent pink hat and she will wear this hat pretty much non-stop throughout the rest of the honeymoon.

Arriving back at their suite, they find a large, wet animal poop on the floor.  Bethenny dry heaves, runs through the villa, and freaks out.  They are sure it’s one of those huge iguanas done snuck into their bungalow and took a dump but their search turns up nothing. 

Then, they wax a happy trail of dark hair that has developed on Bethenny’s belly.

Bump hair successfully removed, the newlyweds have breakfast (pink hat in attendance) and discuss a number of things, including:

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Bethenny Frankel Biography

Bethenny Frankel Image Bethenny Frankel got a big break as a cast member on The Real Housewives of New York City. Frankel's father is famous thoroughbred race... More »
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Bethenny Frankel
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