by Free Britney at . Comments

Last night's season finale of The Hills was about what you'd expect - equally parts funny, awkward, strange and annoying, partially staged and, well, totally awesome.

Our recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit. Season Four ended with Speidi possibly making its wedding legal, Heidi Montag possibly making up with Lauren Conrad, and Justin-Bobby definitely being the biggest loser on Earth.

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Lo calls everybody "sweetie." Reminds us of our mom. Minus 4.

For all of her supposed animosity toward Heidi, Lauren Conrad seemed pretty genuine during their reconciliation. Plus 13, because as catty as girls can be, this showed us what we've always believed - that LC is a "sweetie" at heart.

During her emotional heart-to-heart with Lauren, Heidi pronounces irreparable "ir-re-PAIR-able." She is the anti-THEE-sis of smart. Minus 2.

Plus 17 for Brent Bolthouse's non-reactions to Heidi's story about marrying in Mexico - like, the "craziest thing she's EVER done!" In all 22 years on this planet, really? Staging your fake wedding after getting hammered? Moron. Minus 9.

Man, Darlene hates Spencer Pratt. We all do, of course, but she really does not like the man. And as convoluted and fake as the show is at times, you can tell just how fearful she is that her daughter will marry this jackass. Plus 11.

Good grief, is Justin-Bobby wearing effing overalls? Minus 3.

Justin offers his brunette babe some ring, but it has no definition. Shrewd maneuver by J-Bobby. This appears to say so much, yet means jack. Plus 6.

But Minus 3 because Audrina continues to date a guy who does not shower.

This has to be explained: After dodging questions about their sham wedding all week, Spencer brought Heidi to a courthouse to make it official, then abruptly changed his mind. She had already said "I do," but when it was Pratt's turn he hesitated. The reason? A sudden epiphany, the need to create a fantasy ceremony for Heidi that would include patching things up with her family, who were disappointed to have been shut out of the couple's union. So basically, this entire thing - the trip to the courthouse (after hours), the MTV promo of only Heidi's vows, their interviews on the subject, the episode's frickin' title - was a setup. Worst. Wedding. Ever. Minus 30.

Much as we are going to miss Whitney Port on The Hills, giving her The City was a good move by MTV. She never meshed with The Hills crowd, preferring to live her own life, and The Hills has evolved into a couple of separate shows as it is. So Plus 25 for The City debuting next week - and The Hills returning for Season Five!

TOTAL: +4. A huge deduction for the wedding nonsense, but a great episode - and season - overall! Leave a comment with your scores!

by Free Britney at . Comments

The Hills was heartwarming, annoying, funny and nearly Audrina-free last night. Our recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit.

When Lauren Conrad learns her parents are moving out of Laguna Beach, she returns home to pack up her old room. Spencer Pratt tries to get sister Stephanie to ditch boyfriend Cameron, and Whitney Port takes a step closer to The City.

A Pimp and His Prize Hoe

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Playing the role of strong, protective big brother, we came dangerously close to giving props to Spencer Pratt. But he would be snide, sarcastic and passive-aggressive to Stephanie even if Cameron weren't being a d!ck, so Minus 1.

Spencer to Stephanie: "Do you know how immature and stupid this relationship sounds from an outside perspective?" Plus 18, because it, like, totally does, but this is equally true of Speidi to the entire celebrity gossip reading world.

Within the first few minutes, LC name-drops the episode title, "Dream boy, dream job!" Minus 2 for lameness and the strong possibility that she was coached to.

At the Diane Van Furstenberg offices in NYC, Elizabeth, Alixe and Whitney Port herself are all wearing tight clothing and high heels at work. This is actually consistent with both the industry and city. Welcome to New York! Plus 3.

At least from what we could tell, Stephanie surprised Heidi and Spencer by bringing Cameron to dinner. Spencer went off on him immediately. Minus 4, because surely Stephanie would have seen that coming. It's Spencer Pratt, people!

How much did you love Lauren Conrad while she was back home in her old room! That scene with LC and Lo reflecting was, like, so real. *sniff* Plus 7!

But Minus 2 because while it would've been beyond ridiculous if Jason Wahler walked in at that moment, we were kinda hoping it would happen.

Okay, this has been bothering us for months: the hosts of the Hills After Show are such losers. Do we have to see them during commercials too? Who the eff dresses that girl? And you know that dude's glasses aren't even prescription. Minus 9.

Of course, Whitney would use a lot of Valley Girl-speak in her interview and of course, no one would bat an eye. If you're Heidi Montag at Bolthouse, this would be annoying as hell. But if you're Whitney Port, it's the name of the fashion game! Plus 3.

Whitney's Australian love interest, Jay Lyon, appears for, like, three seconds to hug her a lot before she leaves for L.A. Minus only 2, because while that was a total sham, we're so psyched to see Jay and Whitney on The City, you don't even understand!

TOTAL: +11. Not bad! Leave a comment with your own scores!

Audrina Patridge Biography

Audrina Patridge in a Bikini Audrina Patridge stars on The Hills. Maybe you recognize Audrina Patridge from that show ... or from those hot nude pics that surfaced... More »
Born
Birthplace
Yorba Linda, California
Full Name
Audrina Cathleen Patridge

Audrina Patridge Quotes

[The role is] giving me the chance to show people [what I can do]. This is why I moved to L.A.

Audrina Patridge [on snagging a movie role]

Lauren Conrad [on a random Les Deux club-goer]: He thinks I like him.
Audrina Patridge: He thinks you like him?
Lauren Conrad: Seriously, I never wanted to stab myself in the eye more.

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