... you know. Oh please. Cut the crap. Do not even act like you don't know what we're talking about or you're above it. We both know you'd go there.
The only question is:
Who would you rather ...
Yesterday's celebrity birthday was followed by an engagement, as supermodel Adriana Lima was proposed to by fair-to-poor NBA player Marko Jaric!
We don't suspect today's birthday girls - The Olsen Twins! - to get engaged to any sports stars in the next 24 hours, although they have dated some.
Anyway. Happy birthday to the former child stars and current train wrecks, who are 22 today. Do us a favor and eat something for a change!
Here's a little gallery of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen pictures our staff put together in celebration of their special day. Click to enlarge them!
Who's coming up next? When does your favorite star celebrate another year of not dying? Peep our calendar of celebrity birthdays now and see.
She gets around like a record and resembles a troll (with bad fashion sense), but peeps still wanna date Ashley Olsen for whatever reason.
According to the New York Post, friends of Ashley are a bit concerned over her newest rumored beau - National Treasure actor Justin Bartha.
No sooner did Ashley Olsen have a romantic dinner with him at Patsy's in New York's Midtown, than stories of his strange behavior emerged.
"He's a little bit psycho-y," said one source who knows Bartha.
"He's a really cute, nice guy, but he was always jumping out of the shot when Lydia Hearst [Bartha's former girlfriend, who went on to date Cisco Adler of all people] was being photographed... It's a little strange that he would go after a girl [Ashley Olsen] who is always having her photo taken."
Is Ashley Olsen in over her head with Justin Bartha?
After Hearst ended her relationship with Bartha, "he didn't take it well" and even went so far as to "scream at her and call her a bitch."
Here's a celebrity fashion showdown where picking the winner may be a bigger challenge than getting one of the celebrities involved to eat dinner.
A fresh-faced Ashley Olsen sported a sleek Calvin Klein jumpsuit to some fashion designer's show back in 2006, while her twin, Mary-Kate Olsen, wore satin shorts this week to an after party for the new Kate Bosworth movie, 21.
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: Always the pinnacle of celebrity fashion.
You tell us, which of the Olsen Twins wore the outfit better ... you can also select "neither" or "I prefer Olsen Twins nude" as options and we will accept them.
You'd think that a man who, despite being born in the Paleozoic Era, gets ridden by a naked Holly Madison on a frequent basis would have standards.
Not the case, at least in regards to his famous magazine. Hugh Hefner reportedly wants naked Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen to pose for Playboy.
The 81-year-old men's magazine mogul - who originally asked the twins to model for him when they turned 18 three years ago - but was turned down - hopes the girls will accept his invitation to appear in a June issue.
The Olsen Twins turn 22 on June 13.
A source said: "Hugh Hefner thinks the twins are every young man's fantasy. But it may not be that easy getting them agree to pose for Playboy. They're all about high-end fashion these days. They want to do Vogue."
NOTE TO HUGH: The Olsen Twins are moderately cute on their best days, sort of resemble trolls and dress like grandmothers. Hayden Panettiere, though ...
NOTE TO FANS: Speaking of the Olsens, don't forget to play this week's new edition of our Caption Contest, featuring the gruesome twosome!
Hef also wants Lindsay Lohan to appear in Playboy and recreate the Marilyn Monroe naked swim from her movie Something's Got to Give.
A new New York Magazine shoot featuring Lindsay Lohan nude paid homage to the sexual icon Monroe. The racy shoot proved so popular that the magazine's website crashed under the massive volume of hits.
NOTE: We had a similar problem with that Vanessa Hudgens naked fiasco.
"Now we hear Lindsay is tempted to continue her nude homage to MM," Liz Smith wrote in the New York Post earlier this week.
"Playboy's Hugh Hefner has offered the young star the chance to re-create Marilyn's nude swim from the unfinished film Something's Got To Give."
We can only hope, fans of Lindsay Lohan naked. We can only hope.
Welcome back, celeb gossip and Hollywood news readers across the globe, to The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, a Friday tradition and fan-favorite.
Who won this version of the contest, featuring the fashion-impaired, increasingly troll-like Olsen Twins? It was a tough call, but we chose Stephanie!
The winning entry appears beneath the photo. Scroll down the page for the full list of replies, and good luck again in this week's all-new Caption Contest!
Mary-Kate: "Help Ashley my hand is stuck in this position from holding a Starbucks cup for so long."
Ashley: "Thats okay, your hand is the least of your worries."
We know Sam Lutfi is frickin' creepy.
We've been covering that fact like it's our job.
Which it is. We are in the celebrity news business.
We have a point, we swear. Osama isn't the only twisted fool making gossip headlines this week - Star Magazine has profiled the messed up Olsen Twins!
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: Some twisted trolls.
Anyway, the new issue of Star digs deep into the weird ass world of the rich twins. One of their bodyguards evidently spoke out on the sisters and dished some pretty good gossip. Hookups! Bad breath! Dirty hair! Sibling rivalry! OMFG!
Hopefully it examines Mary-Kate Olsen's connection to Heath Ledger, and includes juicy accounts of Ashley and Lance Armstrong tanging it a few months ago.
This grosses us out more than the image of Ryan Seacrest and Erica Lancellotti having sex.
Ashley Olsen and Jared Leto - who dated briefly in 2005 â€" held hands and swapped spit at the Art of Elysium gala in L.A. on January. 12.
"They looked like a couple and they were making out," a witness told Us Weekly.
However, an Olsen insider denies the duo are back together: "They aren't back together. They're friends."
The source didn't say anything about the last time Ashley Olsen ate. We're still looking into it.
With Mike Vick and his cohorts safely behind bars, PETA is going after the evil Olsen Twins, dedicating an entire website and MySpace to that effort.
Fittingly, they have dubbed the anorexic former child stars "The Trollsens" and individually named them Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen.
The animal rights group is targeting the
traveling freak show petite actresses for wearing fur and also including it in their individual fashion collections.
A PETA statement reads: "No one would argue that Mary-Kate and Ashley could use some meat on their bones, but the last thing they need is hair on their backs."
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, you just got served. And we're sure as hell not talkin' about a plate of food. Couple of frail, anorexic waifs, these two.
Indeed, the truth hurts. The Trollsens MySpace reads:
"Hi, we're Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen. Like most trolls, we live under a bridge and wait for furry animals to walk by so we can skin them and wear them as hats. Because we're celebrities, we don't have to live by the same rules that ugly people like you do, and if we want to wrap ourselves up in someone else's skin, or drape our bodies in the rotting remains of someone's family, we totally can! And do we ever!"
Of course, these words may fall upon deaf ears. Living in their little troll bubble and only emerging occasionally for naked trysts with Lance Armstrong or Sean Avery, the Olsen twins likely don't give a rat's behind about this. Just saying.
Trying to quell the recent rash of hot, strange dating rumors surrounding him, Lance Armstrong is now denying that he and Ashley Olsen are an item.
The actions of Lance and Ashley paint a different picture, however.
As we reported last week, the odd pair â€" 36 and 21, respectively â€" both booked rooms at the luxe NYC hotel SoHo House and dined a deux at NYC's Waverly Hill after taking in the Broadway play Young Frankenstein October 29.
Meanwhile, Lance Armstrong's ex, Sheryl Crow is trying to debunk Life & Style's claim that she was disgusted by the May-December romance.
The tabloid said that when asked about the Ashley Olsen-Lance Armstrong fling, "Sheryl rolled her eyes and said, 'That's pathetic. Ashley's a kid.'"
But Sheryl Crow, 45, blogged: "Lance and I are friends. I have a lot of respect for him and what he does in the world of cancer. What he does in his personal life ... it is none of my business. Nor would I ever comment on it."
Does this mean Ashley Olsen and Lance really aren't hittin' it? Sad. Here's hoping Mary-Kate Olsen and Stavros Niarchos are still hot and heavy.