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Useless wife Ashlee Simpson is "awesome" in the sack, Pete Wentz told Howard Stern.

"We have an amazing sex life," the Fall Out Boy douchebag bassist said while promoting the band's album, Folie a Deux. "We have such sexual chemistry. If we had been on this show last year, we'd probably be doing it in the green room right now."

"Hopefully, the kid doesn't change it," he added, referring to their newborn son Bronx Mowgli. Currently, they don't have sex - "the kid's a few weeks old," Wentz said - but "we do other fun stuff." Wonder what he means by that.

Wentz said it took some time to convince Simpson to hook up with him. But once he did, it was "the single best sexual encounter I have ever had."

"It was at the Soho Grand Hotel in New York, and I'm looking in the mirrors, thinking, 'Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!'" said Wentz, whose dreams apparently weren't very lofty.

Wentz told Stern that Ashlee Simpson also "loves giving me lap dances. She gives a mean lap dance." She wears thongs and "sexy clothes."

He went on to say that Simpson's body is already hot three weeks after giving birth. Normally she wears a C-cup "but with breast milk, [she's] a D."

Wow, now that's hot. Nothing turns a guy on like breast milk.

She weighed "up to 150 [pounds]" while pregnant, Pete Wentz revealed, but "it's dropped nicely ... it's blazing off her." Funny how that works.

He also said he never fantasizes about equally worthless but significantly hotter sister-in-law Jessica Simpson: "I think about her as my sister," he said.

These days, Jessica is with Tony Romo, the star quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. Pete Wentz said he "can definitely see" a wedding happening.

"There's a connection there," he said. "I think Jess has gone through a lot in the last couple years, and I think she's got her head screwed on straight."

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Maybe it's the name (some would call it the worst in the history of celebrity babies).

Maybe the general economic climate is causing celeb gossip magazines to cut back.

Maybe Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are just kinda lame.

Whatever the reason, the N.Y. Post's Page Six reports that the couple is having a hard time selling the first pictures of new baby boy Bronx Mowgli Wentz.

According to sources, “nobody wants them. Covers of them tend not to sell well.”

We assume them means the two dweebs below. We know nothing moves gossip magazines like celebrity babies, and understandably so. Cute overload!

NO TAKERS: Fret not, Pete and Ash: Douchebag Quarterly may be interested!

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Ashlee Simpson has blogged about her newborn son, Bronx Mowgli, with husband Pete Wentz. Here’s what she wrote on her MySpace page ...

"Hey everyone! Just wanted to write and check in! Motherhood is the most fantastic experience I have ever been thru, [Bronx Mowgli] makes me laugh and smile everyday! I finally left the house for Fall Out Boy’s show on Monday night, which was so good. Their new songs sound awesome live, I can’t wait for their new record! And last night I went to Pete and Bronx’s godfather Travis’ art how. It’s amazing to see how many artistic outlets those boys have! Made me very proud. It was an awesome show and so many of our friends and family came out to support. I hope you guys have a great holiday, I can’t wait to spend it with my new family. Christmas tree goes up tomorrow!

XO Ash"

Ashlee and Pete Wentz

LOVING PARENTS: Ashlee Simpson (now Ashlee Simpson-Wentz) like, could not be happier with her new son. So she decided to scar him for life with his own name.

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What would this traditional American holiday be without family, food, football and reflection upon the things we appreciate the most in life - in our case, some of the biggest turkeys we've had the privilege of covering this year.

With that said, we present our Top 10 Turkeys of 2008 ...

10. John Mayer. A douchebag 364 days a year. Honorary poultry today.

9. Britney Spears. Last year's top turkey falls to #9 by virtue of calming the hell down from February on. The first month of 2008 alone, though? Wow.

8. Miley Cyrus. Anyone who goes topless for Vanity Fair at age 15 and/or celebrates their birthday four months in advance automatically makes the list.

7. Courtenay Semel. She's far from the first E-list celebrity go to great lengths for publicity. Pretending to be a lesbian sets the bar pretty low, though.

6. Adrienne Bailon. Being dumb enough to take nude pics and let them get stolen is one thing. Staging the entire stunt with your loser publicist? Pathetic.

A collection of some of the year's biggest turkeys.

5. Ashlee Simpson. The zenith of uselessness to begin with, Jessica's l'il sis went and named her kid Bronx Mowgli. Just a "fowl" move all around.

4. (Tie) Sarah Palin, for this heartwarming Thanksgiving video, and her #1 fan Elisabeth Hasselbeck, 'cause no turkey gets ruffles feathers quite like her.

3. Alex Rodriguez. Months without a clutch hit. Railing strippers. Divorcing Cynthia Rodriguez. Referring to Madonna his "f*%king soulmate, dude." Gobble, gobble.

2. Eliot Spitzer. The Governor of New York State apparently thought it was worth his job and marriage to give call girl Ashley Dupre a good "stuffing." Har har.

1. Spencer Pratt. The villain you love to hate from The Hills capped off a hilarious year by eloping with Heidi Montag. Say what you will about him, Spencer plays the celebrity gossip game to perfection, 24/7/365. And we love him for it.

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Reese Witherspoon looks wonderful on the new cover of OK! Magazine.

But that's not really what we're concerned with here. Don't get us wrong. Reese rules, and we're glad she's "back on top" from wherever she went. Reese Witherspoon was always and is still an acclaimed movie star, no? Just asking.

Anyway, what we're driving at is the ineptness of OK! - and we're not talking about its shoddy reporting for once! Can you spot the typo in the cover below?

If you guessed "Ashley & Pete" ... you're right! Come on, OK. Technically you should be right and Joe Simpson would be the idiot who screwed it up, but it doesn't work that way. Everyone knows it's spelled AshlEE Simpson. Get it together.

As for Ashlee's newborn son Bronx Mowgli Wentz, that's not a typo. Unfortunately, AshlEE and Pete named their first-born exactly what they wanted.

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For Pete Wentz and wife Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, the decision to give their newborn son the ridiculous name of Bronx Mowgli simply came down to this:

"The Jungle Book was something that me and Ashlee bonded over. It's a cool name," the father of Bronx Mowgli Wentz told Ryan Seacrest on Tuesday.

Pete Wentz refused to reveal the reasoning behind the first name, however.

"We came up Bronx. We've been throwing [ideas] back and forth a while," he said. "It's kind of cool to leave the narrative what it is. People are stoked, pissed or whatever. And you're like, you know what: I don't think anyone has the real story."

Seacrest asked if the name Bronx Mowgli Wentz was actually a joke - and who could blame him for asking - but Wentz insisted that it's real.

"No, no, no, [Bronx Mowgli] definitely is his real name, but I don't think that anybody knows what the real story is of why or how."

Ashley Simpson-Wentz, Pete Wentz

What do you think of the name Bronx Mowgli?

 

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Selena Gomez is confident that Ashlee Simpson's son will grow up to be just like her husband, Pete Wentz.

The singer told Us Weekly that Bronx Mowgli will be the "cutest punk rock kid ever," adding that "he's going to be so well dressed."

Justin and Selena Family Portrait

Let's hope so. Perhaps that fashion taste will distract people from Bronx's name.

Selena Gomez is gaga over Bronx Mowgli.

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Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have welcomed their first child, a boy.

The ridiculously named and scarred for life Bronx Mowgli Wentz - who weighed 7 pounds, 11 ounces, and was 20.5 inches long - was born Thursday night.

"Proud new parents Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz welcomed new son, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, late this evening," their rep said. "Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!"

BABY MAKES THREE: Ashlee Simpson may have zero talent, but she has one husband and one child now after the birth of Bronx Mowgli Wentz (that's not a typo)!

"Carrying a child is the most inspiring, emotional, amazing experience of my life," Simpson wrote on MySpace. "My weight and my pant size are the last thing I am concerned about. I'm only concerned with having a healthy pregnancy and baby."

Bronx Mowgli. Seriously, where do these losers think this stuff up? It's like they're insisting that he become a total douchebag when he grows up.

NOTE: We apologize for our initial misspelling of Bronx's middle name. We blame our sources. Know what other word is hard to spell? Misspelled! The irony.

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Jessica Simpson says her pregnant sister Ashlee Simpson, who is due to give birth any day now, is trying to everything to make that baby come out.

"Different foot massages and stuff," Jessica said on The Ellen DeGeneres Show (airing Wednesday). "She's jumping around trying everything right now."

Jessica Gets Worked Over

Ashlee will likely induce labor, but Jess won't say if it's a boy or girl.

"I can't say because they haven't said," Jessica Simpson said. "I'll stick my foot in my mouth and get in trouble and I won't be a good aunt."

Jessica also told DeGeneres that she's in love with beau Tony Romo.

"He is a good guy, and he's really just helped me along in life and taught me a lot about being comfortable being myself - which is important," she said.

To be the Dallas Cowboys starting quarterback, the alleged singer continued speaking, "there's a requirement. Like, you have to be good looking. Being out there and demanding and commanding that field - that's pretty sexy."

Losing the playoffs? Not so much.

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Ashlee Simpson is due to give birth any minute, Pete Wentz says.

"She is very pregnant," the Fall Out Boy bassist told Ryan Seacrest Thursday. "I am on call permanently right now. She's at the very end, and it could happen at any point."

Wentz adds that Simpson-Wentz, 24, is "excited" to give her pimp, Joe Simpson, his first grandchild and newest client become a mom.

"She feels hot all the time," says Wentz, 29, joking that their thermostat is set to 34. "I think she wants to just be not pregnant anymore... It's a struggle to go up and down the stairs. Going out in public is insane."

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz

Another milestone the newly-married pair is looking forward to is naming their little bundle of the joy – but not until after the birth.

"I want to meet (the baby) first," says Pete Wentz.

"My friend said it – you've gotta have a baby with a name that could be a rock star or a senator, so he'll get work either way."

Ashlee Simpson Biography

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz Oh, Ashlee Simpson, ye of little worth. She is Jessica's annoying, less hot, talentless, plastic surgery-loving little sister. Woo! Yup,... More »
Born
Birthplace
Dallas, Texas
Full Name
Ashlee Nicole Simpson-Wentz

Ashlee Simpson Quotes

I didn't know I'd be getting married right now, but I'm so happy to be! I'm a lucky girl.

Ashlee Simpson

Do I look like I had 10 cheeseburgers or something?

Ashlee Simpson [avoiding pregnancy questions]
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