Anna Nicole Smith

The list of unusual occurrences at the trial currently taking place to determine the burial grounds of Anna Nicole Smith is too long to delve into now.

But we can start with this: the dream of Judge Larry Seidlin is apparently to become the next Judge Judy. He yearns to be on TV so badly that Seidlin has even made a demo tape of cases that were recorded in his courtroom.

If that doesn't work out, he plans to make a sex tape with Kim Kardashian. Just kidding.

Anyway, back to the case: Scummy murderer Howard K. Stern testified that Anna wanted him to look into how secure cemetery ground plots were in the Bahamas because she and son Daniel were "afraid of bugs."

He also said Smith wanted to be buried near Marilyn Monroe in Los Angeles, but it was too expensive. Anna also talked about death often, fearing that she's pass away while giving birth to Dannielynn Hope.

Larry Birkhead is also inside the courtroom. Before entering, he said:

"I just look at a picture of my daughter and that's all I really need to see, to keep me strong."

Someone please give this man the child. He'll make a much better father than Dr. Sandeep Kapoor.

If you have recently procreated with Anna Nicole Smith, have we ever got the shirt for you!

That's right, Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and all the rest - wear your paternal rights with pride.

A clothing company has come up with the shirts pictured here. They may seem disrespectful, but once Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern learns how to read, she'll finally know who to call "daddy." And that's gotta mean something.

Sadly for Jayden James Federline, though, there's no piece of attire to tell him who his mama is. He just has to look for the bald, drunk woman.

Why would Howard K. Stern commit murder?

Millions of dollars, of course.

Now that TMZ.com has obtained the will of Anna Nicole Smith (aka Vickie Lynn Marshall), we can see how much of a role Stern played in it.

The will is dated July 30, 2001.

It was drafted prior to Dannielynn Hope being born; therefore it indicates that Anna only had a son.

The will - which you can read by clicking here - entrusts all of Anna's property and names Stern as executor. There's a lot of legal talk in it, but let's just say that Howard isn't likely to be a poor man after its carried out.

Donald Trump may soon have company on millionaire's row.

Just when you thought the Anna Nicole Smith saga couldn't get any weirder ...

A man currently in prison is now claiming to be the father of Dannielynn Hope Marhsall Stern. But before we get to that nonsense, let's talk about the most recent paternity test.

Prince Frederic von Anhalt has officially filed court papers in Santa Monica, seeking to establish paternity of Dannielynn. The husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor, who's obviously not the least bit of a nut job, said the following in regard to his status as possible papa:

"It could be me, it could be another three, it could be another ten, who knows? ... I know when I have an affair with someone I don't ask what you did yesterday and what you do tomorrow," and added, "those are the rules when you're in bed!"

Naturally. We could've asked Kim Kardashian for those.

As for the latest entry into the Dannielynn Hope father pool, his name is Mark "Hollywood" Hatten. And he's currently serving a seven year sentence in Pleasant Valley State Prison.

In a letter to TMZ.com and the TV show, Extra, Hatten says he donated sperm to Anna Nicole in 2000 when the two were having lots of casual sex dating.

Smith's response, according to this letter (pictured), was: "Congratulations Mr. Hollywood, you just made a deposite (sic) in the Anna Nicole sperm bank."

Well ... okay then.

Don't ask us to make heads, tails or fathers out of this absurdity. We just report the facts and rumors we hear them. All we know is this:

Give Dannielynn to Larry Birkhead. The guy actually seems like a decent, normal human being. Not to mention the obvious dad of this poor little girl.

Can the story involving Anna Nicole Smith get any stranger?

Of course it can.

Forget the battle between every other man on the planet for paternity rights to Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern for a moment - and let's focus on how Anna Nicole may have died.

Meet Dr. Sandeep Kapoor. He's the doctor who prescribed methadone to a very pregnant Anna and had it shipped to the Bahamas. But that's not even all.

Kapoor, who practices in Los Angeles, wrote a prescription for methadone on August 25, 13 days before Anna Nicole gave birth.

TMZ then searched the Internet and found a description of Dr. Kapoor's practice in an advertisement for someone who has worked "in an outpatient based setting." In the description of his practice, Dr. Kapoor lists "Entertainment Medicine."

What does that mean? Who knows for sure? But you can bet Pete Doherty wants a batch.

Long before Anna Nicole Smith became the center of controversy - first her son's tragic passing away, then her infant daughter's paternity scandal, then her own mysterious death - she was a vivacious model and personality America was fascinated by.

Even when she was the brunt of jokes, there was little doubt that we all loved Anna Nicole. Following her life was the ultimate guilty pleasure. From her days as a Playboy centerfold to her own reality show, she always left her mark.

Here's a brief photo retrospective on the late mother of Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern. May this Hollywood Gossip icon forever rest in peace.

ROW 1: Smith was often in the company of famous pals such as Hulk Hogan or Dennis Rodman (left). At right, a slender Anna flashes a smile as she waves to the cameras.

ROW 2: At left, Smith and son Daniel, who died in 2006 at the age of 20. The circumstances surrounding the strange death of Daniel Smith in the Bahamas are still uncertain. At right, an exuberant Anna shows off her enormous breasts emblazoned with dueling MTV logos. Some speculate that her boob job may have played a role in her death.

ROW 3: In her years as a young woman, Anna Nicole fashioned herself as a modern day Marilyn Monroe. She paid homage to the late icon in her 1993 Playboy Playmate of the Year cover. Later, she was given her own reality show on E! The tagline - "It's not supposed to be funny. It just is" - pretty much sums it up.

ROW 4: Three of the men in Smith's controversial life that her name will be forever linked to. At left, J. Howard Marshall, the oil tycoon 63 years her senior that Smith married in 1993. Smith was awarded $449,754,134 in a battle for his estate that still rages on.

In the middle, we see Smith and Howard K. Stern, the man she claimed was the father of Dannielynn and who many believe is somehow involved in her mysterious and tragic death. At right, Smith is with Larry Birkhead, the photographer who also claims paternity.

Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern isn't going anywhere.

The multi-fathered baby will be staying in the Bahamas after a judge slapped Howard K. Stern with a court order forbidding him from taking her out of the country.

After an impassioned plea from Smith's mother, Virgie Arthur, Justice Stephen Isaacs granted a request for an injunction preventing Stern from whisking her away from the island, according to the New York Daily News.

Arthur - like just about every other human being - blames Stern for the deaths of her daughter and her grandson, Daniel.

A source said the estranged mother believes "there's two common denominators in the deaths of her daughter and her grandchild â€" drugs and Howard K. Stern."

It's safe to assume Larry Birkhead agrees with that assessment.

Meanwhile, Stern told Entertainment Tonight that he's the executor of the late Anna Nicole's will, and is the legal guardian of Dannielynn. The 5-month-old is the sole beneficiary of Anna Nicole's fortune.

As one would expect, this makes her more popular than a Kim Kardashian sex tape.

While there's still a lot we don't know about the death of Anna Nicole Smith, more and more details are leaking out.

Among them is the tape of the 911 call made moments after Anna Nicole was discovered unconscious in her Florida hotel room last Thursday. Click here to listen to it on TMZ.com.

The caller is oddly calm during the call. A lot more calm than Howard K. Stern pretended to be in a recent interview, at least.

And a lot more calm than Britney Spears on ... well, any night of the week.

While Howard K. Stern is working on an Oscar nomination for his ability to conjure up fake tears, the real baby's daddy is working on moving forward with his life.

Larry Birkhead says he tried to save his former lover from the ravages of drug addiction, while also saying that seeing the ultrasound of his baby with Smith was "one of the happiest moments of my life."

But Birkhead won't say anything about his last meeting with Anna Nicole Smith - because it could "come back to haunt" him later.

In an interview with the New York Daily News, Birkhead claims that he tried to force Anna Nicole to kick her drug habits after she got pregnant with Dannielynn Hope, but that his efforts just got him "pushed to the side," and that he had no control over what she did after that.

Before that, however, Birkhead says that he and Anna Nicole shopped for baby clothes together and that Smith "made [him] sing to the baby at night."

Birkhead wouldn't talk about his last meeting with Anna Nicole. He did admit to crying when he saw the birth certificate with Howard K. Stern's name on it. Real tears, that is.

Probably similar to those of Britney Spears after reading this Isaac Cohen interview.

We can't say for sure if Howard K. Stern murdered Anna Nicole Smith or not.

But we can state for the record that this lawyer's crying is pretty much as fake as Tara Reid's boobs. And those are really fake!

Here is the supposed father of Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern in an interview he gave on The Insider. The show paid Howard $1 million for these crocodile tears.

The only question remaining, therefore, is: Who is less respectable, Stern or David Hans Schmidt?

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