by Free Britney at . Comments

Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie planning a secret wedding in France? No. Chance.

Still, why let facts stand in the way of a great cover story? In Touch isn't about to.

Then again, they've got a nice red ribbon claiming It's Official. Maybe we're just being cynical ... or his publicist is the one getting married in France.

Secret Wedding!

You have to love the bullet points, each of which can be explained away. Angelina's stunning attire and Brad's vow are not necessarily wedding related.

The surprising celeb guest? That could be anyone at any event.

While they treat each other like life partners and their non-married status always provides for good speculation, we feel confident saying three things:

  1. Angelina Jolie will continue to help refugees however she can.
  2. Brad looks the part of Billy Beane in the Moneyball trailer.
  3. They will remain unwed when their European trip ends.

by Free Britney at . Comments

The tabloids are off the proverbial hook this week.

Based on this Star cover story, not only is the celebrity news rag making up stories, they're also doctoring photos, superimposing Angelina Jolie's cranium onto what appears to be a skeleton as "evidence" of her "relapse."

Of course, in tiny print atop the ANOREXIA & HEROIN RELAPSE proclamation are the words "new fears of." Someone's worried about this ... somewhere. Basically, just enough of a loophole to avoid a giant lawsuit. Score!

  • Angelina Jolie: Heroin Addict!
  • What an Emotional Reunion

With Ange looking like that, no wonder Brad's seeking Jen's counsel!

So much for all that marriage talk. Brangelina appears to be on the cusp of unraveling altogether, from the looks of these (entirely made up) reports.

Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston may be dating Justin Theroux, but he may not want to get comfortable, 'cause Brad's making a move on his ex! Again!

Clever work with the separate photos of Brad and Jen on the phone, In Touch. That totally means they're talking to each other. Bring on the Pulitzer!

by Free Britney at . Comments

What about us?!

That's basically what Star is saying by recycling its old standby, Brad Pitt cheating on Angelina Jolie with the hired help. This BS has been their bread and butter for years - then Arnold Schwarzenegger has to go and actually do it!

This magazine alleges that Angelina caught him red-handed with the “young, sexy, Jen look-alike” nanny. Of course she looks like Jennifer Aniston. Nice touch.

Angie’s revenge? Insisting on only hiring “hunky bodyguards.” That'll teach him!!!

Snooze. Perhaps if they hadn't run this exact story 10-15 times in recent memory, it would come as more of a shock to us. Eh, no, it still probably wouldn't.

Brad Cheating on Angelina!

Brad's been caught so many times at this point, it's pretty miraculous they're still together. He's got to be reaching double-digit affairs, according to Star.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Angelina Jolie is a sexual being. No one can deny this.

Still, we imagine the denials will come fast and furious with the star's camp gets wind of the new cover story in Invent Brangelina Gossip Touch Weekly.

Angelina Jolie has been running around on Brad Pitt, according to this unreliable, but hilarious tabloid report. The new twist to this age-old rumor?

She has mistresses. As in multiple, female partners.

Angelina Cheating on Brad!

Ever since she was a teen, Jolie has been known as one of Hollywood’s wildest, most profoundly sexual women - and not even Brad can quench that carnal thirst.

According to a "friend," Angelina harbors strong bisexual desires and continues to engage in flings with women behind Brad’s back. She even has a girlfriend!

And got rejected by a stewardess! We call BS on that part. Who's gonna turn down hot, heavy, girl-on-girl, Mile High Club action with Angelina Jolie?!

No flight attendants we know, that's for sure.

by Free Britney at . Comments

According to Star Magazine, who must have an entire firm of attorneys on retainer, celebrity power couple Brangelina is embroiled in scandal once again. 

Amazingly, Jennifer Aniston is not involved!

It's Brad Pitt doing the cheating this time - the magazine dubiously claims - with his gorgeous, much younger Cogan's Trade co-star Bella Heathcote.

The best thing about Star's latest made-up rumor is the wording:

Brangelina Scandal!

First off, why write “nude scandal" and not "sex scandal"?

Were they just hanging out naked, sharing drinks and conversation, but no bodily fluids? Second, why is the age difference important in a fake affair?

Finally, Angie flew in to break it up ... then dumps the kids on him!?

We're imagining her walking in on the naked party, kicking Bella out, chastising Brad Pitt, then ordering him to watch the kids while she gets a pedicure.

Thanks for the laughs, Star. You always make our week.

Angelina Jolie Biography

Angelina Jolie: Is She Pregnant Again? Angelina Jolie is mind-numbingly gorgeous. She also likes adopting kids and taking her clothes off in movies. We approve of both those... More »
Born
Birthplace
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Angelina Jolie Voight

Angelina Jolie Quotes

I'm very happy. Unlike most women, I love being pregnant... You just feel like everything about your body is there for your baby.

Angelina Jolie

Yeah, yeah, we've confirmed that already.

Angelina Jolie [after being asked if she's having twins]
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