Alex Rodriguez Tale of the Tape

The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world. The following battle has been brewing for years - and not just because of an on-field rivalry.

Since his trade to the Yankees in 2004, Alex Rodriguez has been a lightning rod (haha) for controversy, choking in the playoffs and boinking manly strippers. Star teammate Derek Jeter, meanwhile, just quietly does his (play) thing(s).

It's so on. Which of these prime-time players will emerge victorious in a grueling, 10-round slugfest? Let's find out. Ding, ding!

Who's the better player - off the field - Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez?

1. MOST RIPPED GIRLFRIEND

Alex Rodriguez: Joslyn Morse / Alicia Marie (tie)
Derek Jeter: Jessica Biel
Edge: Jeter

2. MOST FAMOUS UNION

Alex Rodriguez: Soon-to-be dissolved marriage to Cynthia Rodriguez
Derek Jeter: Gabrielle
Edge: A-Rod

3. "FRIEND" SEEN MOST ON MTV

Alex Rodriguez: Madonna
Derek Jeter: Vanessa Minnillo
Edge: A-Rod

4. MEMORABLE TRADES

Alex Rodriguez: From Texas to New York for Alfonso Soriano
Derek Jeter: Mariah Carey for Jordanna Brewster
Edge: Jeter

5. HATED BY

Alex Rodriguez: Believers in the tenets of marriage
Derek Jeter: Red Sox fans
Edge: A-Rod

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The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world you probably never considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Two of our favorite athletes, Yankees slugger A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez) and tennis star A-Rodd (Andy Roddick) are no stranger to media attention - but it's their lovely significant others who have been getting equal exposure of late.

Let's see how Roddick's fiancee, model Brooklyn Decker, stacks up against Alex's better half, Cynthia Rodriguez, in a grueling 10-round bout. Ding, ding!

1. AGE

Brooklyn Decker: 20
Cynthia Rodriguez: 34
Edge: Brooklyn

2. FREQUENTLY WEARS ...

Brooklyn Decker: Bikini
Cynthia Rodriguez: Scowl
Edge: Brooklyn

3. NICKNAME

Brooklyn Decker: B-Deck
Cynthia Rodriguez: F-Rod
Edge: Cynthia

4. SPORTS ILLUSTATED SWIMSUIT ISSUES

Brooklyn Decker: 3 (2006-2008)
Cynthia Rodriguez: 1 (2004)
Edge: Brooklyn

5. HANGS WITH ...

Brooklyn Decker: SI's Dr. Z
Cynthia Rodriguez: Daughter Natasha
Edge: Cynthia

6. KNOCK ON FIANCE/HUSBAND

Brooklyn Decker: Can't win the big one; Return game, backhand and volleys are suspect for top ten player
Cynthia Rodriguez: Greedy, self-centered, bad teammate, not clutch
Edge: Cynthia

7. LIPS

Brooklyn Decker: Quite possibly the most perfect thing ever created
Cynthia Rodriguez: Umm... not purple like her husband's, at least
Edge: Brooklyn

8. HER MAN PREVIOUSLY PINED FOR ...

Brooklyn Decker: Mandy Moore
Cynthia Rodriguez: Jessica Canseco
Edge: Brooklyn

9. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T MENTION ...

Brooklyn Decker: Roger Federer
Cynthia Rodriguez: Joslyn Noel Morse
Edge: Cynthia

10. SPORTS TERM THAT MAY ALSO APPLY TO SEX LIFE

Brooklyn Decker: Love-love
Cynthia Rodriguez: Getting to third base
Edge: Brooklyn

THE VERDICT: A strong fight all the way to the end by both competitors, but like her husband, Cynthia just couldn't come through when it matters most. It's Decker, the Sports Illustrated hottie, dispatching Mrs. Rodriguez, 6-4!