Paul Ryan burn! Joel McHale Quotes: Best of the White House Correspondents' Dinner
Joel McHale: Good evening, Mr. President. Or as Paul Ryan refers to you: another inner-city minority relying on the federal government to feed and house your family.
I'm a big fan of President Obama. I think he's one of the top great Presidents. Definitely in the top 50. Please explain that to Jessica Simpson.
Every year, the White House doctor checks the president's colon for polyps and George Clooney's head.
Now, over 8 million people have signed up for Obamacare, which is impressive, until you realize that Ashley Tisdale has 12 million Twitter followers.
Joel McHale: Fox News is the highest rated network in cable news. And it's all thanks to their key demographic: the corpses of old people who tuned into Fox News and haven't yet been discovered.
In nine months we will officially have a sequel to Bad Grandpa. When the baby is born, do you give Bill Clinton a cigar?
It's crazy to think that Joe Biden is only one heartbeat away from no one taking him seriously as President.
Joel McHale: People are asking, 'will Donald Trump run again?' And the answer is: 'does that thing on his head crap in the woods?' I actually don't know. I don't know if that thing on his head has a digestive system.
Hillary Clinton has a lot going for her as a candidate. She has the experience, she's a natural leader and as our first female president, we could pay her 30 percent less. That's a saving this country could use!
Joel McHale: Between Rob Ford, Justin Bieber and Ted Cruz, you just want to tell Canada: "Hey, hey. Relax. We already have a Florida.
Joel McHale: CNN is desperately searching for something that's been missing for months: their dignity.
I also host a show called The Soup, which is on the E! network. To Republicans in attendance, E! is the channel that your deeply-closeted gay son likes to watch. Democrats, it's the same channel that your happy, openly-gay son likes to watch.