Heidi Montag: Honey, I'm home.
Spencer Pratt: Oh, my favorite part of the day!

[Spencer bails on Brody's BBQ]
Brody Jenner: Just stop flaking out. I mean if you're going to make plans with me then just stick with it.
Spencer Pratt: You're a lot like LC over here.
Brody Jenner: I understand that you're in love. But it just sucks when you just flake out on your homies like this all the time.

[on Stephanie hanging out with Lauren Conrad]
Spencer Pratt: Don't you have any sense of family loyalty?
Stephanie Pratt: I can't believe how hypocritical you are - you who became best friends with my ex-boyfriend in high school even though I hated him!
Spencer Pratt: [looooooong pause] He wasn't your boyfriend, I hate to break it to you. He was your semi-formal date. You can call it what you want.

Stephanie Pratt: [crying] You're making me feel so guilty.
Spencer Pratt: No, you're making YOURSELF feel guilty. Thinking about what YOU did.

You want beef in the streets?

Spencer Pratt [following an altercation at Hyde]

[on the phone]
Brody Jenner: I have no problem with you. I have no problem with Lauren. What's your issue?
Spencer Pratt: You are hanging out with MY enemy. That makes YOU my enemy.
Brody Jenner: What the hell are you talking about? I feel like we're back in grade school with this stuff.
Spencer Pratt: I have nothing to say to you. [hangs up]
Brody Jenner: [pauses] What a bitch!

Heidi and Spencer are gossip machines. Every day, it's like, 'What did Heidi and Spencer do?'

Anybody who wants to promote our brand, negative or positive, give me a call.

I would never watch that! I would rather throw up... but I know for a fact, and I would take a lie detector test.

regarding a Lauren Conrad sex tape
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