I blinked and I cured my brain. Can't is the cancer of happen.

Let me say this about the Goddesses, I don't think the term is good enough, but when you're bound by these terrestrial descriptions, you must use the best term available. So if you think about it, dude, I'm 0-for-3 in marriage, but like in baseball, the scoreboard doesn't lie. Never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the hearts. And to sully, contaminate, or radically disrespect this unit with a shameful contract is something I'll leave to the amateurs and bible grippers.

Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words - imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. It's too much.

I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.

I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars. People can't figure me out. They can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain.

Defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock.

I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there. Now what? If I'm bipolar, aren't there moments where a guy like crashes in the corner like, 'Oh my God, it's all my mom's fault!' Shut up! Shut up! Stop! Move forward.

I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people, people who aren't special, people who don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.

You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can't handle it, unplug this bastard. It fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm. When you've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program dude.

Maybe two guys just sit in a room and say, look, we hate each other, let's continue to make some great television.

Charlie Sheen [on working with Chuck Lorre]

It's the greatest trip because they save it for last. It sucks that I have to do it, too.

Charlie Sheen [on death]
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