Favorite Charlie Sheen Quotes
I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars. People can't figure me out. They can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain.
You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can't handle it, unplug this bastard. It fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm. When you've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program dude.
All these words just sound cool together. They come from my grand wizard master.
Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words - imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.
Now that I have your lazy f***ing attention world, sit back and rejoice. For the Malibu Messiah, the Condor of Calabasas, the f***ing warlock of the jealous face that is before you.
You picked a fight with a warlock you little worm, remember this after that first drink back. The drink you know you want. The drink you can't avoid any longer. How does it taste? How does it feel? Are you whole again, at peace, in love at peace in love?
You are no match for this warlock . My power will consume you every losing day ugly whore.
I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. It's too much.
I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there. Now what? If I'm bipolar, aren't there moments where a guy like crashes in the corner like, 'Oh my God, it's all my mom's fault!' Shut up! Shut up! Stop! Move forward.
I don't understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of.
Let me say this about the Goddesses, I don't think the term is good enough, but when you're bound by these terrestrial descriptions, you must use the best term available. So if you think about it, dude, I'm 0-for-3 in marriage, but like in baseball, the scoreboard doesn't lie. Never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the hearts. And to sully, contaminate, or radically disrespect this unit with a shameful contract is something I'll leave to the amateurs and bible grippers.