"I think in general, I have an issue with wanting people to like me." - Tori, in a rare moment of self-awareness, stating one of her many obvious issues

"I'm miserable and I'm unhappy." - Dean, getting right down to business, and not just because a lizard crawled onto him (which did happen obviously)

"What's keeping you in this marriage?" - True Tori producer to Tori, who cried and said that when there are children involved, you look at it differently (on reality television if at all possible)

"I was feeling really bad about my potato-making skills." - Tori, after Dean felt that she had microwaved a potato incorrectly, sending her plunging into an existential crisis and a state of instant self-loathing

He is an older Jewish man who, before deciding to inspect ladies down there for a living, played for the Mets. He inserted the speculum as he described his wife’s commitment to her spin classes.

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The coolest clique at school was a group of rugby-playing, neon-wearing lesbians.

There I am, drunk on a spring night, yanking my tampon out and hurling it into a bush outside the church.

I'd create my own schedule that served my need to eat a rich snack every 5-15 minutes.

I was allowed to take my puppy to gym class. My best friend played a didgeridoo he bought off the Internet.

marriage, the afterlife, Woody Allen.

Over time, my belief in many things has wavered

If you have a vagina, by birth or by choice, you will be called 'mami' or 'sweetie' or 'Britney Spears.'

I associate pain in the vagina with weakness and sadness.