Most people’s jobs don’t consist of slamming your vagina against the flaccid, nylon-wrapped penis of a guy wearing massive amounts of foundation to conceal his assne.
- Permalink: Adam Driver Rules
drama, jealousy, drunkenness, friendships ended and cats inherited.The story has everything
- Permalink: The Ultimate Story
I am thinking particularly of a shower I took where the lower half of my body was under the running water and the upper half was laid out on the bath mat, eating a loaf of bread.
- Permalink: Shower Thoughts
This was the same year that I became a vegan. This was inspired by a love of puppies and also a cow who winked at me on a family vacation to Saint Vincent and the Grenadines.
- Permalink: Veganism FTW
Revulsion can quickly become desire when mixed with the right muscle relaxants.
- Permalink: A Thin Line
My mother invented the selfie.
- Permalink: #INVENTED
Once, when I was five, I was at an art opening talking to a fabulous drunken British lady.
- Permalink: Who Hasn't Been There?
My earliest memory of sexual arousal is watching Jackie Earle Haley as Kelly Leak in Bad News Bears.
- Permalink: So Arousing
One night I put on a nightgown, stepped onto the porch, looked up at the moon, and said, 'Who am I?'
- Permalink: Self Reflection
Barbie’s disfigured. It’s OK to play with her just as long as you keep that in mind.
- Permalink: Barbie is What?
A year later I have to change my screen name because a boy at school, a massive hairy boy with a face like a Picasso painting, sends me an email saying he’s going to rape me and cover me in barbecue sauce.
- Permalink: Early Male Admirers
I was being desexualized in slow motion, becoming a teddy bear with breasts.
- Permalink: A Teddy Bear With Boobs