"My parents, rule wise, were really strict. 18 years old, I was on a hit TV show." - Tori on her rough upbringing
- Permalink: Strict Parenting
"They kind of sit together and hash out old things and I usually sit there, feeling really awkward." - Tori, watching Dean and Mary Jo
- Permalink: The Other Woman
"I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I continue to make a lot of mistakes in my life. It would be really hypocritical of me to come down on him for making a mistake like that." - Dean, comparing his teenage son inviting too many people to his party to his own "mistakes"
- Permalink: We All Make Mistakes
"Being a step-mom is usually a no-win situation." - Tori, in the truest words ever spoken on True Tori
- Permalink: No-Win Situation
"It’s like Alice & Wonderland, but like the rave slash Halloween nighttime version." - Tori, on a totally appropriate 16th birthday party for stepson Jack
- Permalink: Event Planning Goddess
"It's a lie. I don't know what to tell you, babe. The whole thing about having her on the show too … the more she comes across is as this wonderful, loving person, people are watching going like 'Yeah what the f--k is Dean's problem?'" - Dean, on Mary Jo joining True Tori and compounding Dean's f--king problems
- Permalink: What's Dean's F--king Problem?!
"I gave her a great life. She's f--king crazy. She's f--king delusional, now I'm starting to get really mad." - Dean on ex-wife Mary Jo Eustace
- Permalink: Dean is Gettin' Upset!
"Can you and Daddy take turns taking me to cheer?" - Kid, reading the cue card fairly convincingly
- Permalink: Can You Guys Take Turns?
"Oh no, there's paparazzi!" - Tori, to the camera guy in the backseat of her car, without irony, because OMG she did NOT want anyone to see her crying.
- Permalink: Oh No, Paparazzi!
"Charlie refused to meet Tori on camera." - Lifetime caption after Tori's ex-husband Charlie Shanian refused to be filmed for the confrontation she hyped up so much. You can't make this stuff up.
- Permalink: Charlie Refused
"I have hot pink lips. That's gonna annoy me the whole time. I thought they were berry-colored." - Tori, expressing a huge concern on her way to meet Charlie
- Permalink: First. World. Problems.
"I think in general, I have an issue with wanting people to like me." - Tori, in a rare moment of self-awareness, stating one of her many obvious issues
- Permalink: A Serious Issue