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• Foul Fourplay: Rachel Uchitel Claims Affair with Tiger Woods; Golfer Hurt in Car Crash (12/25/2009)

  Tiger’s Night Before Christmas Twas the night before Xmas and all over the course not a member was stirring, there was no remorse; The clubs were all scattered around on the grass in hopes that poor Tiger would present his sad ass. His chicks were atwitter awaiting the press with visions of millions within their caress; And Elin in Sweden with children in tow awaited the lawyers, dividing the dough. When out on the tee their arose such a clatter the PGA Tour screaming “What’s the hell’s the matter”; Away to the marina he flew in a flash Attempting to flee another press crash. The engine was running aboard the new yacht Oh how he hoped he wouldn’t be caught. When what do his shifty eyes now assess, but the twelfth of his harem found out by the press, a little cute hooker all snug in her ‘gee’ asking Scum-Bag News “now what’s in it for me?” He sprang to his gangplank, to his crew gave a shrug, And away they departed with a smirk on his mug. And I heard him exclaim as he sailed into the sun “ F___ you all now, I’m still number One.” ph