Kim Kardashian's ass may have its own zip code, but it's also about to have its own national stage: season seven of Dancing with the Stars.

As a result, the reality television and sex tape star says she has goals for her most famous body part (no offense to her giant breasts).

“I’m hoping that it’ll firm it up and shape it up,” she said. “Everyone is asking if I’m worried it’s going to go away. No, it’s going to tone it up. I can use that.”

Like Barack Obama, Kim Kardashian promises changes. She's just referring to her ass, not middle class tax cuts.

Okay then. What sort of fashion can we expect to see this aspiring dancer wear with her new, supposedly taut rear end? Kardashian said she expects to show off more skin as the competition moves forward.

“Today the costume that I tried on wasn’t as crazy, [but] the better shape that I get into they will be a little more sexy and risqué,” she said. “I’m starting off with maybe a ball gown, something a little bit more elegant and a little bit more covered up.”

You gotta hand it to Michael Lohan.

The awful father and terrible human being has managed to use an event such as his father passing away to garner publicity for himself and to bash his ex-wife.

Indeed, the grandfather of Lindsay and Ali Lohan died yesterday, and we'd like to express our sympathy to the family. But Michael wouldn't. He'd like to hate on Dina Lohan, as he did in the following statement, released to OK! immediately after the death of his own father:

My father just, literally, died in my arms. I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina's attorney. Let's see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral. THIS will show her true colors! She didn't even send a card or visit when he was sick.

Only Michael Lohan could swing public opinion in the direction of Dina Lohan. We hope he breaks both kneecaps.

Michael Lohan alerted celebrity gossip reporters to his so-called charity efforts.

Face, that is. As well as in the figurative sense, of course.

Really, who can blame Spencer Pratt for his inability to keep his hands (or mouth) off of Heidi Montag? Sure, she has no original body parts left, or any talent to speak. But dating her has allowed him to make millions!

Spencer Pratt locks lips with Heidi Montag. You may vomit at will ...

Chris Brown was out for a run the other day and after a difficult start, it finally it occurred to him that he doing wrong. Hey, better late than never. Fortunately, the Rihanna boy toy and possible roommate came through at the end...

The glory that is Chris Brown shirtless. You're welcome, girls.

The battle lines have been clearly drawn for years. But since a recent TV Guide photo spread has actually pitted The Hills' respective "teams" - captained by stars Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag - in tight-fitting football uniforms and ready to rumble, we're forced to ask this time-honored celebrity gossip question once again:

WHICH TEAM ARE YOU ON?

Having already overcome a dangerous foot injury, Kim Kardashian is getting down to Dancing with the Stars business.

The large-boobed reality TV star told Us Weekly that she's been practicing her moves for the show on boyfriend Reggie Bush.

"I went to New Orleans a few days ago... just for the night," she said. "I have a brace that helps me with my posture and I was wearing it and he was looking at me like I was crazy."

Kim Kardashian likes to dance for Reggie Bush. We bet she does!

From there, Kim got really personal.

"I was doing my full dance in front of him, but it's hard because I kind of have to teach him and I'm just learning myself - so I couldn't confuse him. He gets so excited."

Somewhere, Ray J nodded in agreement, having experienced that feeling many times himself with Kardashian.

Apparently Lynne Spears isn't the only person publishing a "tell-all" to try and make a quick buck on Britney Spears' recent craziness.

In Touch Weekly has the inside scoop on a new book apparently (and rather amazingly) titled Stalking Britney: Britney Under Siege.

This book was written by a journalist by the name of Ian Halperin - a New York Times best-selling author who followed the troubled singer around, undercover, for 18 months masquerading as a celebrity gossip photographer.

“She’s on a high right now, but her life goes in circles,” Halperin said in an interview with the celebrity news magazine. “It’s like a roller coaster ride. She's highly sensitive, and just one little thing could set her off.”

Wonder if the author of Stalking Britney got any good crotch shots.

Lynne Spears must be pissed. She gives birth to Britney Spears and milks money out of her for 26 years and what does she get?

Someone stepping on her gold-digging turf, that's what. The nerve of people.

Keeley Hazell is desperate.

The British model was one of the first quasi celebrities to film a sex tape, yet she hasn't been rewarded with the same reality TV fame as other amateur porn stars, such as Kim Kardashian, Ray J and Paris Hilton.

So, what does a busty blonde for attention now? She poses paints her naked body gold. Seriously.

Follow this article's jump now to see what we mean...

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Tara Conner doesn't need cocaine anymore.

Miss USA 2006 has the high of reality TV to keep her going!

The disgraced beauty queen has been hired by MTV to host a series called LaDette to Lady, which will teach young women how to act like ladies. Isn't that sort of like asking Tila Tequila to host a program based around how to keep your clothes on?

Cheer up, Tara Conner. You're about to make a comeback!

Joey Vanas has a tough act to follow.

The Las Vegas club promoter is rumored to be dating Sarah Larson, the ex-girlfriend of George Clooney.

According to Page Six, the aspiring model attended a preview of Lavo in the Palazzo Saturday night with her new man. Vanas, that sly dog, kept his hand on Larson's leg all night.

Sarah Larson: George Clooney used to totally hit this.