by Mischalova at . Comments

Curious how The Sports Gal - wife of ESPN columnist Bill Simmons - feels about Katie Holmes? She's happy to tell you:

Katie Holmes is now a robot. I always liked her acting and enjoyed her work on Dawson's Creek, although that show is never on anymore because the Scientologists destroyed the tapes so we'd forget old Katie and embrace Jackie O. Model 3000 XT.

Cruisin' For Bad Hair

Three years ago, Bill called me from a Super Bowl party because he'd been waiting to use a locked Port-O-Potty and Katie was the one who came out of it. Bill was excited because it made her seem more "attainable" - I think this pissed me off and we ended up getting into a fight. (Why do guys say things like that?) Although I did admire her for using a port-o-potty.

Now, she'd never dare walk into a Port-O-Potty -- not because she's a snob, but because robots don't pee or poop.

She probably goes to a Scientology Jiffy Lube and gets her oil changed once a year and she's good to go.

Anyhoo, the [recent Good Morning America] interview bothered me because Katie once had a playful personality that I liked. Now she answers questions in a careful monotone and peppers her sentences with words like "lovely" and "wonderful" and "beautiful."

She's about 6 months away from developing a British accent like Madonna did. What really bothered me was when she talked about how "creative" [Suri Cruise] is. She's not even two! What does she create, dirty diapers? Nothing inspires creativity like having a mom who talks like a robot.

"That's a beautiful Playdoh lump you made, Suri. It's wonderful. It's so lovely."

by Mischalova at . Comments

Zac Efron is planning life after High School Musical.

Already signed on to star in a movie called Seventeen, the young stud is now confirmed to star in Me and Orson Welles, according to Movie Fanatic.

Beautiful with a Beard?

The movie is set in 1937, centering on high school student Richard Samuels (Efron). While strolling the streets of New York, Samuels happens upon the yet-to-open Mercury Theatre and is noticed by its mercurial founder, Orson Welles (Christian McKay).

Me and Orson Welles will shoot mid-February; Disney's High School Musical 3: Senior Year will begin filming April 21.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Forget Six Feet Under.

This is an example of two giant boobs under.

Put On Ya Boots

As part of her community service for drunk driving, Lindsay Lohan will spend two, four-hour days inside a morgue. From there, she'll try not to spread any STDs by working in an emergency room.

The idea is to show people the dangers of drinking and driving. Which we think Roger Avary has already done, to tragic consequences.

Lohan reached a plea agreement in August based on charges from two separate DUI incidents, one in May in Beverly Hills and one in July in Santa Monica.

She has sex with many men.

by Mischalova at . Comments

No opponent has been able to stop Randy Moss all season.

But Rachelle Washington is giving it her best shot.

Having accused the Patriots wide receiver of assault, and filed for a restraining order, Washington is now responding to Moss' claims that this is a "situation of extortion."

"Ms. Washington has been unfairly characterized as someone simply seeking financial gain. In fact, it was Mr. Moss' representatives who first contacted our office to offer a 'six figure' settlement with hopes of not having this incident become public record," a statement by Washington's lawyer reads.

"It has never been her intention to hurt Mr. Moss in any way. However, she has suffered mental and physical harm as a result of his actions. She simply wants him to take responsibility for what he has done. As a battery victim, she has shown great strength throughout this entire ordeal.

Which side do you believe?

by Mischalova at . Comments

Listen closely and you'll be able to hear the screams of millions of teenagers.

What's their excitement over? Just look at the photo below, pitting a pair of their favorite people in the world side by side: Miley Cyrus and Ashley Tisdale.

Peace, I Guess

Miley, meanwhile, recently said she thought Britney Spears needed serious help.

"I think it's so crazy and I think that she [Britney] needs help," she told Extra. "If I didn't have [my family], I'd probably be in the same position.

"You just got to know who your true friends are, and I think for me, is my mom. If you have sisters, I mean any girls that are in your family, that can understand and relate to you, I think is the best."

by Mischalova at . Comments

Chess prodigy and formed world champion Bobby Fischer has passed away.

The recluse - who became an unlikely Cold War hero after defeating Soviet grandmaster Boris Spassky in 1972 - died in Reykjavik yesterday. He was 64.

Fischer - who was the subject of Searching for Bobby Fischer, a surprisingly great film about chess - actually renounced his U.S. citizenship later in life.

by Mischalova at . Comments

As previously reported, American Idol producers are receiving a bit of flak this season for allowing so many singers with professional backgrounds to audition for the show.

One early favorite, Kristy Lee Cook, and another who has been rumored to advance to Hollywood (Carly Hennessy) were each signed to recording contracts a few years ago.

Now, we've received word that Kady Malloy - our favorite singer so far - actually released an album awhile back. Unfortunately, songs from the CD have been whitewashed from the Internet, likely by American Idol higher-ups.

But a post on the MySpace blog of indie music store Amie Street reads: "Kady Malloy's powerful voice and Hip Hop-influenced pop songs bring to mind a cross between Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson, and The Pussycat Dolls.

Kady's been working with Nick Trevisick, a producer and writer for artists like Mandy Moore and Natalie Imbruglia, so remember: you heard her on Amie Street first!"

Does this bother you, folks? Are you okay with the fact that Kady Malloy and so many others are not the type of undiscovered talent that American Idol has claimed to promote?

by Mischalova at . Comments

Possibly being divorced by Blake Fielder-Civil is taking its toll on Amy Winehouse.

Following a visit to her jailed husband this week, the deranged singer absolutely snapped at a celebrity gossip photographer, as described by a witness to the event:

Trapeze Artist

"(Miss Winehouse) ended up punching a photographer and being escorted away by passing police."

No word yet on whether the reporter will file charges.

We know life in the spotlight can suck, Amy. But take a lesson from Vanessa Hudgens and just go with it. It's the price of fame and money.

by Mischalova at . Comments

We're extremely sad to report that Lily Allen as suffered a miscarriage.

A source as The Sun says that the British singer and boyfriend Ed Simons are "in a state of shock," while Allen's publicist has confirmed the news:

Lily Allen Image

"We can confirm that Lily Allen has suffered a miscarriage," said the rep. "She and her partner Ed Simons will be making no further comment and we ask that their privacy be respected during this difficult time."

Our thoughts are with them.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Ever wanna be a celebrity? Here's the price of fame:

High School Musical sweetheart Vanessa Hudgens just wants to fill up her gas tank. It's as mundane an act as there is in life, really.

100% Clothed

But it's earth-shattering to a gaggle of entertainment news reporters, all of whom make a pathetic living following around celebrities and catching them in exciting acts such as taking out the garbage and pumping gas.

Hey, we might reports on celebs after they make news. But you'll never catch us interrupting their day-to-day lives.

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