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By their fruits - or at least their cahoots - ye shall know them as Tonica.
Tonica, as in Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson, according to a new Sporting News football column. Tonica, as in a more scrutinized and entertaining, if slightly less beautiful, couple than Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen.
Tonica, as in the single organism that threatens to devour the Super Bowl dreams of the Dallas Cowboys. Perhaps you've heard that Romo and Simpson - with some of his Cowboys teammates - vacationed in Mexico last week.
If you're a Cowboys fan, that means you'll be subjected all week to deathly serious speculation that Tonica's powers of distraction are too potent for the QB to complete the task at hand - beating the rival Giants Sunday.
Is Jessica Simpson a distraction for Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo?
Dallas has been the better of the two teams all year, but lately, celebrity gossip mongers have hit the TV and radio airwaves and the blogosphere to forge a link between Simpson and Romo - and any of the Cowboys' imperfections.
The strains of angst rose up at Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve and now this week, resuscitating talk that Romo fumbled away last year's playoff game because of another celebrity girlfriend - Carrie Underwood - on hand.
Even star teammate Terrell Owens got in on the act after the Cowboys' loss to the Philadelphia Eagles last month - a game attended by Simpson that was, wouldn't you know it, the worst statistical game of Tony Romo's career.
"Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite in this locker room," Terrell Owens joked. "I think a lot of people feel like she's taking his focus away."
Can Tony Romo keep his focus? Or is this oversexed QB destined to implode Sunday? Wouldn't it be good to be Matt Leinart and focus only on partying?
Having gone off the deep end, Britney Spears spoke with a British accent during a meltdown and subsequent hospital stay at L.A.'s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Friday, according to a new report by Entertainment Tonight.
What does it mean?
"She's gone bat$h!t having some identity issues," a psychologist tells Us Weekly regarding the pop star, who recently lost custody of her mistakes children, Sean Preston Federline, 2, and Jayden James Federline, 1.
Driving Miss Crazy: Britney struggles at driving, life.
"What it definitely says is she doesn't really like being where she's at â€" there's a part of her that wants to escape who she is really is. Britney is in an adolescent mode of thinking ... [she's] trying on different personas to see what feels good."
In any case, Spears left the hospital Saturday after a strange meeting with Dr. Phil, and then somehow fled L.A. unnoticed with paparazzi beau Adnan Ghalib.
But not to fear. Last night, Britney was up to old tricks - driving around aimlessly, flashing a lot of skin, begging for attention and having car trouble.
Who cares if Tony Romo and Tom Brady actually excel on the football field? Matt Leinart is intent on following in their celebrity gossip footsteps!
The former USC star was in Vegas partying over the weekend with old flame Kristin Cavallari, who was celebrating her 21st birthday.
Laguna Beach fans may recall that Kristin Cavallari and Matt Leinart dated during the second season, when he was at USC and she was... in high school.
And if you're keeping score at home, Matt Leinart's Hollywood resume, both real and topics of celebrity gossip, includes the likes of Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Shannen Doherty, Alyssa Milano and Brynn Cameron.
Brynn Cameron is really cute, but they've already broken up and had a kid, so she's probably out of the picture for Matt. Kristin Cavallari would therefore be his best conquest of the ladies above, for two reasons:
- She is actually hot.
- She is not insane.
Sorry Britney. Anyway, if Leinart really did score with Kristin Cavallari, he'd be giving Romo and Brady a run for their money. Minus the NFL wins.
A little bullet has made Mary Jo Buttafuoco a prude.
The ex-wife of Joey Buttafuoco - and victim of an Amy Fisher gun shot - is sick over the fact that Fisher is peddling a sex tape.
"She's no Jenna Jameson, she's just a porn star [out] to make money. She tried to kill somebody, and now you're making money off it," Mary Jo said, causing us to wonder if Jameson got into that business for the orgasms, as opposed to the dollars.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco won't be purchasing the Amy Fisher sex tape.
Mary Jo - who still has Amy's bullet lodged in her head the same way Amy has husband Lou Bellera's unit lodged inside her on video - said that as she watched Fisher on TV promoting the sex tape, "I was a little surprised at her flippant attitude."
It must have been like opening your front door to the sight of a loaded gun or something.
Meanwhile, the producers of the Fisher tape announced they were putting out a video starring Joey and his new wife next month. Seriously. How will Olivia Mojica ever keep up with this sex tape parade?
Bar Refaeli is having a tremendous start to 2008.
First, she was spotted making out with her former flame, and perpetual hottie, Leonardo DiCaprio on New Year's Eve.
Now Arena Magazine has named the model its "Body of 2008."
Jennifer Love Hewitt and Britney Spears have a lot in common:
- Each have been famous since they were teenagers;
- Each have amble bosoms;
- And each have turned down offers to pose in Playboy, crushing the spirits of men around the world.
Of course, Hewitt is yet to squeeze out any children or go insane, but she can still sympathize with Spears.
"I think that sometimes in this business, stuff happens and sometimes the only cure for it is to get out," the actress said. "I feel bad because everyone kind of judges her and splatters her business everywhere. No one goes, 'Why is this happening?' They just judge and judge and judge. It's too bad."
Jennifer Love Hewitt and her two, large, personal friends support Britney Spears.
Thankfully again, this is not a Miley Cyrus nude photo scandal.
Or even a supposedly racy Miley Cyrus picture scandal.
Instead, the young singing sensation is faced with a body double scandal. Huh?!?
While millions of fans have forked over years of allowance money to see the star perform her Hannah Montana concert live, not all are pleased with the results. And it's because not all songs are actually sung by Cyrus.
Check out the video below (around the 2:30 mark): it's evident Miley uses a body double during one song so she can make a costume change.
Understandably, this act has upset at least one fan in attendance.
"When it got the to bridge of the song "We Got the Party," her dancers began to crowd around her. Then they covered her with a black sheet and she went through a secret door. Within a second, a new 'Hannah' came out of a different door wearing oversized white glasses," a concert-goes said.
The same fan added:
"The whole time this was happening Miley's vocals were still playing. It was obvious that the song was being lip-synched. The new imposter had her back turned from the stage while she danced trying to hide that fact that was not Miley Cyrus."
"I paid good money to see the concert. I was disappointed and I felt like I was played for a fool," the angered fan concluded.
We wonder how Priscilla Ceballos feels about this development.
Seriously. Britney Spears can't drive a car to save her life, but at least her breasts are safe, ample and accounted for. We were worried there...
After spending a hot weekend in Santa Barbara and Palm Desert with Adnan Ghalib, Britney was back to her old self last night - driving around with no purpose, looking for attention and getting a flat tire. Standard.
Britney and her assistant got a flat while driving down Sunset Blvd, and, of course, kept going for about two miles before pulling over.
It gets better. Britney Spears and her assistant abandoned the car in the middle of the street and got into a car of one of the celebrity photo agency people that was chasing her as usual. He took them home.
It gets better yet. After getting back to her home in Beverly Hills, Spears left again, driving her assistant's beat up Toyota Camry, and headed for the Four Seasons Hotel - which is apparently letting her in again?
Britney's white Mercedes was impounded, by the way, because it was blocking the road. She will face a steep $105 fine and $32 for every day it sits in the lot. Good to see Spears back on her game - and reloading for the next meltdown.
Not all celebrity gossip revolves around Britney Spears wearing no pants. It can sometimes takes radically different forms, such as Hillary Clinton crying or a star pitcher defend himself against damaging allegations of steroid use.
On that note, a recording of a conversation last Friday between Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee - the trainer who accuses him of taking steroids - was played Monday at Clemens' news conference as he tries to clear his name.
Roger Clemens' lawyers said that because Brian McNamee didn't deny Clemens' claims that he never used steroids during the 17-minute tape, it amounted to proof that Clemens is telling the truth that he is clean. But does it?
Roger Clemens and his attorney defend the pitcher's reputation.
"I'll go to jail, I'll do whatever you want," McNamee said.
"I need somebody to tell the truth," Roger Clemens said, yet without actually asking why McNamee said what he did, or urging him to recant it.
Also noteworthy: McNamee never said he lied when he told baseball investigator George Mitchell that he injected Clemens with steroids several times from 1998-2001. This information was published in the Mitchell Report.
"I'm in your corner," Brian McNamee said. "I'd also like not to go to jail."
Clemens filed suit against McNamee for defamation of character on Monday. Both will testify before Congress later this month. Here's the first part or Roger Clemens' press conference, before the McNamee was played...