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You've finally met your match, Robert Pattinson.

While tickets for The Twilight Saga: New Moon have been selling out faster than Kim Kardashian when faced with a QuickTrim offer, the film is no longer Fandango's most popular selection.

Instead, the film site ranks Michael Jackson's This Is It as the most anticipated flick of the fall season. MovieTickets.com agrees; it's already recoreded over 550 sellouts of the behind-the-scenes concert documentary.

This Is It

This Is It opens on October 28. It will only run for two weeks and will show footage of Jackson rehearsing for his final tour; an event, sadly, that never took place.

Last year, of course, Disney billed Best of Both Worlds, starring Miley Cyrus, as a one-week-only event. It earned $31 million opening weekend - and ended up running for four months.

In other words: if you don't have tickets for the MJ documentary yet, don't worry. We have a feeling it will be around for awhile.

** UPDATE: New autopsy results have been leaked out, and the coroner has determined Jackson weighed 136 pounds at the time of his death; was actively producing sperm; and has been deemed "fairly healthy" at the time of his passing.

This won't help Conrad Murray's case. It sounds like the doctor's dose of Propofol really did Jackson in.

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Finally, Miley Cyrus has an idea of what it's like to sit through her endless, self-serving stream of Twitter posts.

Having come down with a case of strep throat, the singer has taken to her message board like never before; which is saying a lot for someone that cries herself a river on Twitter pretty much every day already.

Miles Photo

Since being diagnosed with the ailment (which millions of people get every year and for which there's a simple antibiotic) late Tuesday night, Miley has Tweeted the following:

  • "Woke up with a sore throat. Why am I always sick? Strep is the worst thing ever."
  • "Laying in bed with @mommytish. She is my patience, my peace, and my LOVE. She is a miracle worker. Her 'cuddle time' is the best medicine."
  • "These are the times that my daddy REALLY comes in handy. He made me smile through the worst pain I've ever felt."
  • "Nurse Noah is taking good care of me tonight. I just put on a 'Snuggie' and ate a popsicle."

You know, Miles, it's hard to respect your privacy when you let us into every minutiae of your life.

We can say one nice thing about Cyrus:

During a performance in Salt Lake City on Tuesday, she turned pale, ran offstage - and managed to return to the stage 15 minutes later. Gotta give her props for that toughness.

But not much else.

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Thanks to what her rep is referring to as a "medical miracle," Padma Lakshmi is pregnant with her first child.

The Top Chef host has struggled for years with endometriosis, a problem in which the uterus' lining grows irregularly, causing pain, bleeding and possible infertility.

"As a result of her condition, this pregnancy has been referred to by her physician as nothing short of a medical miracle, and due to its delicate nature, we ask/implore the press to respect Ms. Lakshmi's privacy at this time," said her representative.

The father is unknown at this time, but please join us in wishing Lakshmi a hearty congratulations!

Padma Lakshmi Picture

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

In an update to the story of a man so immature and self-centered he makes his five-year old kids look like adults, TLC has suspended shooting on Kate Plus 8.

The network has been forced to do so by Jon Gosselin, who had no problem exploiting his children and introducing them to young new play thing Hailey Glassman... as long as he received a paycheck in return.

But now that he's been let go from the series that made him famous, Gosselin has sent a letter threatening legal action if cameramen step foot on his property.

A Crying Baby

His pathetic wish has been granted, but at least the network got in a few shots at the overweight numbskull in the process. It released the following statement:

We are aware of Jon Gosselin's recent statements, and remain deeply disappointed at his continued erratic behavior. He and the family were shooting as recently as last Friday, without incident, and his latest comments are grossly inaccurate, without merit and are clearly opportunistic.

Despite Jon Gosselin's repeated self destructive and unprofessional actions, he remains under an exclusive contract with TLC.  Direct filming of the children has been currently suspended, pending further conversations between both parents.

Translation: if you see Jon Gosselin on the street, throw mud at him. This guy sucks.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Looks like Madonna won't be getting married again after all.

With rumors swirling over a possible engagement to boyfriend Jesus Luz, the 51-year icon appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman last night and responded to a question about re-marrying with this nugget:

I'd rather get run over by a train.

Among other topics covered between Madonna and the host, who clearly have great chemistry together:

  • The singer's history with Alex Rodriguez;
  • Letterman's controversial joke about ARod and Bristol Palin;
  • Madonna's favorite pizza toppings (when asked what she likes on her pie, the sex-minded star replied: "That's a very personal question.")

Watch clips from the segment below, which included a dinner date between the pair at an actual NYC pizzeria:

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Might this put to rest the Lady GaGa hermaphrodite rumors?

(We can't believe we just wrote that sentence.)

But the controversial singer sparked controversy in early August by appearing on stage and posing with a certain appendage seemingly hanging from her crotch.

She's since said her vagina is "very offended" by the penis chatter, but such a defense hasn't quieted all critics. Perhaps the following images will.

During a concert at Washington D.C.'s Constitution Hall this week, the last stop on her Fame Ball Tour, Lady GaGa performed without pants - and, based on visual evidence, without any male private parts. Where would they be hiding in the pictures below?

  • Penis Free
  • Smooth Buttocks

Lady Gaga appears to be well-shaven, oddly dressed and penis free. [Photos: Splash News]

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We already knew Jon Gosselin was a douchebag, a womanizer and a terrible father.

Now, we've learned he's also a cry baby.

The reality TV star - who was essentially fired from the TLC series that made him famous, as it will be renamed Kate Plus 8 and focus on his ex-wife, starting next month - has taken legal action to halt production on the program.

Jon's attorney, Mark Jay Heller, sent the following letter to TLC this week, following the announcement that his client would be booted as a star of the show:

"Effective immediately, no production crews are to enter Jon's family home for any reason. In the event that anyone enters the marital property, Jon Gosselin will notify the local authorities to effectuate police action against any trespassers."

Here's the best part. Check out the actual sign on the family gate, courtesy of INFDaily.com:

Sign

Let's hope Jon's children learn grammar from their mother. This not how you spell "penalty." Or "Jonathon." [Photo: INF Daily]

Said Heller, in an attempt to defend his immature client:

"Jon realized his family was like a trainwreck, so he decided to put the brakes on the divorce and on the show... because if he didn't the family would be in a mortal accident... the victims of a trainwreck."

Note to Jon: if your family is like a trainwreck, it's because you're its self-centered, publicity-starved conductor.

Meanwhile, you've gotta read the nonsense Jon's manager, Mike Heller, is spewing.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Yesterday, Jon Gosselin said he regretted fondling so many women in public since his separation; and asked a judge to delay divorce proceedings against his estranged, annoying ex-wife.

The douchebag of a reality star claimed he wanted to "regain control over the future of our family" by postponing the official end to his marriage.

Now, Kate Gosselin has a response to this PR move: Bite me!

  • Hey, Kate!
  • Limo Rider

An friend of the grating mother says "Kate sees no reason to wait and drag this out. She doesn't think Jon is being sincere in his comments. She thinks it's all a publicity stunt."

And Kate Gosselin knows a thing or two about publicity stunts! Almost as much as Jon knows about tagging every piece of tail that comes his way.

Now that this union appears headed for an official, legal end, only one question remains: Who will get divorced first, Jon and Kate; or Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian?

Actually, a second question is also pressing: Who sucks harder?

 

** UPDATE: Jon is now trying to ban the TLC show from continuing. A letter from his attorney has surfaced, which reads:

"Effective immediately, no production crews are to enter Jon's family home for any reason. In the event that anyone enters the marital property, Jon Gosselin will notify the local authorities to effectuate police action against any trespassers."

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

She isn't the most popular woman on the planet, but Elisabeth Hasselbeck will be welcomed back to The View with open arms.

The blonde, opinionated conservative will return to her seat - alongside Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Sherri Shepherd and Barbara Walters - on October 19, a date that can't come fast enough considering the guest hosts that have occupied her spot since Hasselbeck left for maternity leave.

Photo of Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Such reality TV stalwarts as  Heidi Montag, Kate Gosselin and Khloe Kardashian have joined the all-girl gabfest at various points this summer, each more nauseating than the last.

Hasselbeck gave birth to her third child, Isaiah Timothy in August. Her return to The View will mean big money for at least one former governor from Alaska.

There's little doubt Elisabeth will pimp out Sarah Palin's ridiculously titled upcoming book, Going Rogue: An American Life. Hard.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Lindsay Lohan still can't find work on the big screen or in the recording studio.

It's shocking that no studio wants a drugged out, temperamental, attention-starved quasi lesbian to anchor any of its movies.

But this isn't the case in the fashion world, apparently, where the trainwreck is in high demand.

Earlier this month, Lohan was named "Artistic Advisor" for French designer Emanuel Ungaro. It's unclear what this means, but if the company needs advisement as to which drugs to mix with which, Lindsay is its woman!

Meanwhile, the former tabloid fixture is the face of a spring campaign for 6126 clothing line. She's seen below, modeling some strange ensemble for the brand:

Would you ever wear these leggings?

 

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