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As Paul “Pauly D” Delvecchio famously said in one of the classiest Jersey Shore quotes of Season 1, "I want girls to c*m in their pants when they hear my music."

The man is serious about his craft, clearly. So while he has no problem being labeled a reality star, he resents assertions that his career as a DJ is a mere novelty.

The Rhode Island native knows people think he’s getting gigs thanks to his exposure on MTV’s hit show, but “I’ve been doing this for 12 years,” he told People.

“I was DJ'ing six nights a week before the show, and I'm DJ'ing six nights a week now. A lot of people think I’m a reality-show DJ and that’s just not true at all.”

Pauly D Poster

Don't mistake this guido for a small-timah!

What has changed, undeniably, are his work locations and the crowd's response. Pauly D recently signed on to spin this Spring at Las Vegas’ Palms Casino Resort.

“I do get to spin in places I probably never would have been able to,” he said. “People want to take pictures with you and it’s great now. I’m having a lot of fun."

"I’m just living the dream right now.”

He gets to DJ in Las Vegas and he's seen J-Woww nude, all while experiencing the glory of a daily GTL routine. If that's not living the dream, people, then what is?!

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In joining Dancing with the Stars, does Nicole Scherzinger have an unfair advantage? As a member of the Pussycat Dolls, the girl sort of dances for a living already.

Whatever. She may have the edge over Buzz Aldrin and Kate Gosselin, but Season 10 (premiering Monday) is wide open. Think Nicole has what it takes to triumph?

Niecy Nash Picture

Here's a brief rundown on this DWTS contender ...

Full name: Nicole Prescovia Elikolani Valiente Scherzinger
Professional partner: Derek Hough
Best pre-DWTS partnership: with Snoop Dogg on "Buttons"
Age: 31
Hails from: Honolulu, Hawaii
Recently broke up with: Lewis Hamilton, other Pussycat Dolls
Album title / possible DWTS tagline: Her Name Is Nicole
Fun fact: Starred in a Nike commercial with LeBron James
Celebrity doppelganger: Kim Kardashian
Odds of winning: 7-1

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If you don't know who Kaitlin Olson and Rob McElhenney are, we're not surprised. But maybe you should, because they may just have the funniest baby ever.

The stars of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, who are married, are expecting a new addition to "the gang" - their first child in August, the couple's rep says.

"Rob and I are so excited it's stupid," Olson said in a statement. "The last few years have been pretty amazing for us and just when we thought things couldn't get any better, the greatest little thing in the world happened!"

"We're totally beside ourselves."

So are we, at the possibility of the ridiculous It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes that could result from this. We put nothing past the cast of the FX cult hit.

Kaitlin Olson and Rob McElhenney

Kaitlin Olson and Rob McElhenney married in September 2008.

It's Always Sunny, which McElhenney created, stars in and executive produces, returns for Season 6 in September. Olson recently appeared in Leap Year with Amy Adams.

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In news that shouldn't be shocking for someone that has posed in Playboy and dated a senior citizen, Kendra Wilkinson reveals the following personal details of her life in her new E! True Hollywood Story:

She once dabbled in cocaine and was hospitalized as a teenager for drug abuse and suicidal thoughts.

Around 13, Kendra says she started to hang out with a "rebel group."

"All of a sudden they broke out this white stuff," she said. "I did it, and I started feeling this big ball of chalk going down my throat and I was like 'what is this ****! Ew this is so gross.'. After that I started feeling pretty good. That was the start of my drug days."

Due to these issues, Kendra's mother admitted her daughter for two weeks to a secured psychiatric facility.

"It was crazy in that place," Wilkinson says in the TV special. "A lot of those kids were suicidal like me and we didn’t see daylight. We weren’t allowed outside. It was basically a jail, but it was a hospital."

Kendra says the experience actually "made me worse," as she ran away from home her sophomore year of high school.

"I was still on drugs," she says. "All throughout sophomore year I lived with this guy and I did drugs for that long. Every day, every minute."

The model has turned things around now. We may mock her for her constant tabloid coverage, but we're glad to see Kendra is on the mend.

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Actor Corey Haim was laid to rest today at a private funeral in Canada. His best friend, Corey Feldman, is putting together a public memorial for him in the U.S.

Also today, the 911 call placed by his mother the morning he collapsed at her apartment has been released, and paints a tragic picture of March 10 events.

Judy Haim apparently had a difficult time understanding the 911 dispatcher, and it's hard to understand what he's saying, but clearly the mood is very frantic.

Corey was not breathing at the time, and was pronounced dead an hour and 15 minutes after the 911 call was made. The former child star was just 38 years old.

Click to hear the Corey Haim 911 call (it's upsetting) ...

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Jessica Simpson's career has hit a new low with The Price of Beauty, which premiered last night, and that is really saying something considering recent years.

The show, which chronicles Simpson and BFFs CaCee Cobb and Ken Paves traveling around learning what people consider beautiful, was worse than expected.

Jessica Simpson Covering Her Baby Bump

A lot worse. And again, that's saying something!

What resulted is boring at best, and embarrassing at worst, a pathetic display of rude Americans uncomfortable in foreign cultures and making tasteless jokes.

When Jessica Simpson burst out laughing while meditating with monks in a Buddhist temple, that about sums it up. Bad TV has pretty much been redefined.

This line was also indicative of the night: “I thought Thai massages had happy endings. I’m wondering where mine is.” Yep, Jess apparently wants a hand job.

That's half an hour of our lives we'll never get back.

Later, they meet the host of Thailand’s Next Top Model and visit an outdoor market where he insists they sample fried bugs. The Price of Beauty meets Survivor.

Then it was time for the "serious" portion of the program. Jessica, Ken and CaCee meet young women who lost all their facial skin when creams burned it off.

In Thai culture, lighter skin is considered a sign that you aren’t lower-class. Another tribe wraps rings around their necks to elongate them, signifying wealth.

There was probably a point to this in there somewhere, but if so, it was lost by the fact this show is hosted by Sexual Napalm, a.k.a. Jessica freaking Simpson.

The fact that she hosts a show about beauty standards around the world is absurd in itself, given what a shill she is for so many superficial cosmetic products.

Let's be clear, Jessica Simpson is no Heidi Montag. At the same time, is a girl famous only for looking like a stereotypical blonde pinup a positive role model?

Next thing you know, Tiger Woods will host The Price of Marriage.

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Michael Jackson just scored the biggest contract in music history and he's not even alive to see it - one that could be worth up to $250 million with incentives.

His estate will earn $200 million guaranteed for 10 projects in seven years. The landmark contract extends through 2017 and could pay his estate much more.

One of the albums will be of never-before-released Jackson recordings that will come out in November. Enough unreleased material may exist for 2-3 albums.

Projects may also include a video game, a DVD compilation of videos and a re-release of Off the Wall, Jackson's fifth studio album, which debuted back in '79.

Before Jackson's tragic death in June at age 50, he wanted to re-issue the album, people familiar with the deal said. Now he's getting his wish, posthumously.

One project already counted in the contract was a two-disc album that accompanied This Is It, the film based on footage of Jackson's 2009 concert rehearsals.

Perfecto

Michael Jackson announcing the 2009 This Is It tour.

Including the more than 5 million copies of that special release, Jackson sold some 31 million albums since his death, about two-thirds of them outside the U.S.

"During his life, Michael's contracts set the standard for the industry," said John Branca, the co-administrator of the Jackson estate, in a statement Tuesday.

"By all objective criteria, this agreement with Sony Music demonstrates the lasting power of Michael's music by exceeding all previous industry benchmarks."

The landmark contract is worth more than all other benchmarks, such as the deals Live Nation signed with Madonna at $120 million and Jay-Z for $150 million.

Jackson's deal is more remarkable because it does not include royalties from merchandise, and comes at a time of widespread decline for the industry.

The money will go a long way toward paying off Jackson's considerable debts, and providing a future for his three children (and Omer Bhatti, for that matter).

Continue reading about the record contract here ...

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The world's embattled top golfer, Tiger Woods, announced today that he's planning his golf comeback at the year's first major championship, The Masters, in April.

It will mark Woods' return to golf action for the first time since a 9-iron was wielded by his crazed wife after his many infidelities were exposed Thanksgiving eve.

Tiger announced the news on his website: "The Masters is where I won my first major, and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I'm ready to start my season at Augusta."

"The major championships have always been a special focus in my career and I think Augusta is where I need to be, even though it's been awhile since I last played."

Woods has already started prepping for his return with Ari Fleischer behind the scenes, and briefly alluded to his ongoing rehab and reconciliation with Elin Woods, saying:

"I have undergone almost two months of therapy, and am continuing treatment. While I'm returning to competition, I still have a lot of work to do in my personal life."

Tiger, who did not have a return date in his recent press conference, added in today's post that it became "apparent that the Masters would be the earliest I could play."

"I called both Joe Lewis and Arnold Palmer and expressed regret for not attending the Tavistock Cup and the Arnold Palmer Invitational. I want to thank them for their support. Those are fantastic tournaments I look forward to competing in again.

In conclusion, Woods thanked the people ofThe Masters: "I would also like to thank the Augusta National members and staff. I have deep appreciation for everything that they do to create a wonderful event for the benefit of the game."

The Masters begins on April 8. We wouldn't bet against him.

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Spencer Pratt is not retiring from The Hills to combat cyber threats, despite a hilarious, apparently serious report from People magazine Monday suggesting this.

The website cited a statement from Pratt himself claiming that he was joining the cyber security division at the American Defense Enterprise in the near future.

"All that stuff about him leaving The Hills to fight cyber crime is not true," an insider tells Us. "He is leaving The Hills for six weeks because he was asked to."

Asked to for what reason?

The source explains that Spencer Pratt recently "flipped out" on the set of the show after a female producer made a request to which the evil one objected.

GET A GRIP: Spencer Pratt will attempt to.

"He got so crazy that he screamed at [her], 'I should kill you for even asking me to do that!'" the source says, noting that she was "very rattled" by Spencer.

The producer filed a complaint with the show's top producers, who then threatened to kick Pratt off the show. Spencer's management offered a compromise.

"The show agreed that Spencer would leave The Hills for six weeks to do anger management training at home. If he completes it, he can return to the show."

He'll certainly have time to fit in the classes.

On top of his Hills leave, it was just announced that Pratt is no longer the manager for his wife, Heidi Montag, who hired some psychic "healer" nut job instead.

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Angelina Jolie cannot help herself. This is just what she does.

Being a world-famous actress and raising a half dozen kids isn't enough. She spends remarkable amounts of time and money trying to make the world a better place.

Today's example of her good deeds? The UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador started up a school for refugee returnees, mostly from Pakistan, in Tangi, Afghanistan.

Having visited there in 2008, Angelina Holie learned from the displaced people about their concerns about a lack of educational facilities in the war-torn area.

So, according to the UNHCR website, the star donated over $75,000 to get an all-girls school up and running. The building will be inaugurated on Thursday.

As she exhibited recently in Haiti, Angelina Jolie is awesome.

Angelina Jolie is a true ambassador of our nation, and humanity.

Classes start Monday at the school, which boasts eight classrooms, four administrative buildings, a well and eight latrines, and can accommodate up to 800 students.

The UNHCR is working with UNICEF to recruit teachers and books. Plans are also under way to offer secondary education, as only two Tangi girls are currently enrolled.

We're guessing that if asked, or even if not, we know someone who might volunteer her resources, financial or otherwise. Talk about using your celebrity admirably.

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