by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Just call her Fraulein Clooney.

That's what FHM Germany has dubbed Elisabetta Canalis, George Clooney's breathtaking model of a girlfriend. She covers the latest issue of the magazine, which writes about the beauty:

Wenn Elisabetta jemand so sexy sehen durfte wie jetzt die Leser von FHM, dann war das eigentlich nur dem Hollywoodstar vorbehalten. Doch ist sie ihm auch treu? Das beschäftigt heute die Frauenwelt weltweit.

In FHM zeigt das Cover-Girl der Kalender-Ausgabe (Dezember 2009) derweil allen Männern sehr viel mehr...

In Italien ist Elisabetta schon längst keine Unbekannte mehr.

Editor's note: does anyone out there speak German?

Fortunately, sexiness is a universal languae. Drool over Canalis (and curse Clooney under your breath) now:

FHM Germany Cover

by Free Britney at . Comments

The Tiger Woods scandal keeps leading to more shocking reports, such as this new one about Tiger's kinky sex life with - and dreams about - Rachel Uchitel.

Uchitel was the first woman named as a Tiger Woods mistress (he also saw Jaimee Grubbs nude 20 times and was linked to Kalika Moquin) late last week.

Rachel told pals she did drugs with the golf star before sex. Specifically, Uchitel told her friends that she and Tiger liked to get their freak on while taking Ambien.

"You have crazier sex on Ambien - you get that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex,'" a pal quoted her as saying regarding the insomnia medication.

Some people claim it enhances sexual experiences immediately after ingesting it, and apparently, Uchitel told friends that "Tiger Woods loves Ambien sex!"

Those "friends" then blabbed to the press. Trustworthy folk.

Rachel Uchitel needs some new friends. Good luck with that.

One of the reasons why Tiger loves the pills? The erotic dreams. According to a friend of Rachel Uchitel, Tiger dreamed of his mistress ... in a menage a trois!

The other two participants: Yankees star Derek Jeter and Bones actor David Boreanaz.

Uchitel reportedly boned Boreanaz, who is married, and was linked to Jeter in the past. She got a sexy email from Woods in which he referenced the flings.

Woods' email said, according to Rachel's so-called friend (via Us Weekly): "I had a dream that we were married and I was leading the tournament."

Then, "I came home, excited to see you, and there you were getting f--ked by Derek and David [Boreanaz]. Part of me thinks you would like that."

Naturally, this imagery took its toll on Tiger: "Now I can't get back to sleep. My body is tired, but my mind is wide awake ... need an Ambien."

Tiger Woods was apparently into kinky stuff. Stuff that has nothing to do with this random picture of him with a razor. Well, probably. Who knows with him!

So this is what Tiger Woods' life has come to. A week ago, he was probably the world's most recognizable, successful athlete, and had a stellar reputation.

Now magazines and celebrity gossip sites are talking about crazy Ambien sex and dreams he allegedly had about David Boreanaz nailing his mistress.

Just making sure everyone's clear on this.

If Nike ever cuts ties with Tiger, maybe he can secure an endorsement deal with Ambien. Think of the pitch he could give after his many experiences:

Hi. I'm Tiger Woods, winner of 14 major golf titles. Rest and relaxation are crucial to my success. When I need to get a good night's sleep, or have crazy sex with my mistress, or have lucid dreams about said mistress getting tag-teamed by a World Series champion and a fairly well-known actor, there's only one drug I turn to...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

In case you haven't heard, there's a pretty big Tiger Woods scandal burning up the Internet.

The golfer's stunning affairs have taken up most of our staff's time, as we were hunkered down in the office last night, shaking our heads in disbelief and refreshing our browsers for rumored Jaimee Grubbs nude pics.

Fortunately, our friends at TV Fanatic watched the latest episodes of Thursday night television for us and have reviewed each below. Follow the links to be take a break from coverage of Tiger's trangressions...

  • We almost lost faith in the show, but FlashForward aired its best hour since the pilot this week.
  • It's the second funniest new comedy on TV. Catch up on Community now!
  • After last night's episode, Tom is on the market on Parks and Recreation!
  • Michael Scott has always been a bumbling idiot, but his latest confession of wrongdoing was more depressing than funny. Almost worse than Jim's theory that he killed someone on The Office.
  • There were TWO full hours of Private Practice!
  • When Liz flounders as a fledgling talk show host, Devin Banks returns to sabotage Jack again, and Tracy decides to be a serious actor, funny 30 Rock quotes are sure to follow.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Nude photos of Tiger Woods' mistress - the second one - have surfaced.

That would be Jaimee Grubbs. Anyone out there surprised at this point?

According to Radar Online, Grubbs, who revealed her affair with Tiger this week, is seen wearing only a thong in at least four photos that she took herself.

The alleged Jaimee Grubbs nude (or semi-nude) pictures were taken with a phone and feature the Tool Academy tool posing provocatively in the mirror.

Jaimee, who says she's had sex with Tiger 20 times since 2007, was the one who leaked a voicemail of Tiger Woods panicking about his wife finding out.

Rumor has it there's also a sex tape of Jaimee in existence. Tiger didn't co-star in it, unfortunately. It's unclear if that's real, but the pics? They sound legit.

In one of the new Jaimee Grubbs pictures that has surfaced but not yet been published, sources report she is seen from the front, topless and in a thong.

The photo is taken in a mirror and she is staring down into her phone, looking at the image. Another photo shows her from the back, also in the thong.

A third picture features Jaimee with her back toward the camera, while topless and wearing boy shorts imprinted with the words, "wish you were here."

Were these nude pics meant for Tiger Woods?

That's unclear, but the fact that he was there - 20 times, ohhhh yeah!!! - there has helped Jaimee make a lot of money by selling him out hard core.

The alleged waitress, who Radar says actually works in a medical marijuana store, is definitely the Tiger mistress most happy about her status. Idiot.

by Free Britney at . Comments

"I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet." - Sammi

"After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off." - Jenni

"Guidos... when we stop, our chrome keeps spinnin'! I was born and raised a Guido. It's just a lifestyle. It's about bein' Italian. It's representin' family, friends, tanning, gel, everything. Dude I got a f**kin' tanning bed in my place, that's how serious I am about bein' a Guido and living up to that lifestyle. My tagline is 'I'm Your Girl's Favorite DJ.' I want the girls to c** in their pants when they hear my music." - Pauly D

It suddenly makes perfect sense why MTV renewed The Hills and The City despite sagging ratings and dwindling fan bases. The network's new shows are worse!

On this week's debut of Jersey Shore, which we've been waiting for since the Guido-hyping promo, eight roomies moved into a Seaside Heights, N.J., home.

The quotes above sum it up as well as we can in this space. Here's the full Jersey Shore premiere, which really has to be seen to be believed ...

If we were residents of New Jersey, we'd probably be incredibly offended ... unless we were the types who had tanning beds in our homes. Then we'd be all for it.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Yesterday, readers were given the challenge of writing the best caption for this photo of Tiger and Elin Woods celebrating, plotting, or arguing ... whatever.

That was up to you - and our THG Caption Contest winner is LA Reed.

Elin Nordegren's New House

Congratulations on a job well done! The winning entry appears below the photo, and you can click here to read the full list of submissions sent in for it.

Thanks for playing! Good luck in our next Caption Contest - and follow these links for the latest on Tiger's prenup and why mistress #1 has gone quiet.

"I said gimme the keys! You know my car is in the shop!"

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Stop us if you've heard this before: Sources say Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are moving in together.

Of course, some tabloids have stated these two already share a home and are willing to give tours to any magazine that comes calling.

However, there's less truth to that story than there was in Tiger Woods' wedding vows.

“They’re not ready for a huge commitment, but right now the best thing to do seems to find a home with a lot of privacy and security where they can find out how compatible they really are,” a friend told In Touch Weekly of Robsten's plans.

So far, this imaginary search has taken Kristen and Rob to residences in Beachwood Canyon and the Hollywood Hills.

  • Pumped!
  • Lip Biter

Robert Pattinson seems excited, and Kristen Stewart nervous, about the possibility of cohabitation.

Adds the anonymous, totally real pal:

“Even if you are head over heels in love with each other, you never really know if one of you has habits that will drive the other crazy. They want to give it their best shot, and that’s a big deal.”

A very big deal. Our advice to Robert and Kristen: be open, be honest and don't keep any golf clubs around the house. Right, Tiger?

by Free Britney at . Comments

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren had a prenuptial agreement in place when they tied the knot in 2004. But how do the shocking events of the past week impact it?

He's not buying silence from Rachel Uchitel - but what about from his wife?

Fight For the Kids

Amid reports of numerous affairs by Tiger, the couple is undergoing marital counseling, but they're also negotiating. Big time. And Elin is in the driver's seat.

According to reports, Tiger Woods' prenup would have guaranteed Elin $20 million after 10 years of marriage. But she could get a $5 million payout instantly.

That much deposited into an account she alone controls, plus a promise of at least $55 million more to stay with him two more years, are the rumored sums.

Quoting "a lawyer familiar with the couple's negotiations," The Daily Beast says the prenup was shortened to seven years and the payoff upped to $75 million.

YES, HE CHEATED: And yes, he'll be paying for it.

But it's a negotiation, rather than the scorned wife merely bilking her cheating hubby for all he's worth, so Tiger stands to gain something from this, too.

There's also a behavioral component to the new prenup: Elin Woods must "be a dutiful wife in showing up with him at social events and in public, and sign a nondisclosure form that will prevent her from ever telling her story."

That's the key factor. She'd stand to become filthy rich if they ever split up (assuming she wants to), but could never breathe a bad word about Tiger.

To date, there's no evidence that Elin Woods has ever been anything but the perfectly dutiful wife - until she went after him with a golf club, that is.

Tiger would like nothing more than to portray domestic calm to the world, and if that means giving Elin tens of millions of reasons to do so, so be it.

But should she? Or dump the cheating bastard? Vote below!

Elin Woods should ...

 

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Attention, readers: there's been a Taylor Squared sighting!

Rumored couple Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner were spotted on the set of their upcoming movie, Valentine's Day, looking as cute and as cozy as ever.

We can't verify the pair is "so in love," as irreponsible tabloids have reported, but we can confirm the following: we hope they are! Take a look at Taylor and Taylor driving away from the film's set... together:

Also, mark your calendars for February 12. On that date, Valentine's Day hits theaters and rumors about this pair will only grow stronger.

Check them, filming scenes for the flick, below:

  • Taylor Squared Photo
  • Pair of Taylors

Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift: A cute couple? Or the cutest couple? [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

by Free Britney at . Comments

Actor Eddie Cibrian became best known (or known at all) earlier this year when his affair with LeAnn Rimes was exposed. Both were married to others at the time.

Well, aspiring actress/model Scheana Marie wants the world to know that before LeAnn, she totally hit it with the CSI: Miami star and married father of two!

Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes Photo

Way to go, Scheana!

“He would tell me and he would tell Brandi anything we wanted to hear,” Marie told Access Hollywood, referring to Cibrian's scorned wife, Brandi Glanville.

Scheana (who also goes by Scheana Marie Jancan, and who has also been linked to John Mayer), claimed Cibrian never told her he was married at first.

She found out, naturally, via celebrity gossip - and her mom.

Eddie Cibrian is pretty much the Tiger Woods of acting. Well, except for the part where he's not the most successful actor in history. But his mistress is actually cute.

“It started as an every other Tuesday thing. He would come to my work, we’d go get drinks and after, hang out at my house,” says the young brunette.

“But then mom calls me and she’s like, ‘So that guy Eddie that you're hanging out with ... I just picked up the [paper] and it says he and his wife Brandi of like, I don’t know five years at the time, are expecting their second child.’”

It was at that point Scheana Marie says she stopped seeing Cibrian. However, after a few months, they ran into each other and romance was rekindled.

She claims Cibrian told her that he and Brandi separated. Not so: “I always wanted him to be just mine. But I knew that there was something else.”

According to Marie, Cibrian ultimately cheated on her and Brandi right around the time he and Rimes were filming Lifetime’s movie, Northern Lights.

Things are over with Brandi and Eddie, as well as between Scheana and Eddie, who's dating LeAnn now. "I haven’t seen him in months,” she says.

Eddie actually filed a defamation suit over reports that he was still banging Scheana Marie as of October ... because his reputation is so sterling.

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