Ashton Kutcher is smarter than he looks.

The former host of Punk'd wasn't messing around a couple months ago when he warned his step-daughter, Rumer Willis, to avoid the skanky, alcohol-laden ranks of people such as Lindsay Lohan.

It doesn't appear as though Rumer was listening, though. The Hollywood Gossip has unearthed partying pictures of Willis that make Katie Rees look tame.

Okay, that's impossible. But, still, the child of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis is doing her best to star in her father's next film, Die Hard: With a Condom.

The hope here is that Rumer soon calms down. And this is an encouraging start: She was recently spotted out with a far more innocent influence than Lohan could ever dream to be: Hayden Panettiere.

Thanks to US Weekly for the following celebrity quote round-up from the past week ...

"He was a really fun partner-in-crime, but I didn't take him seriously, and he didn't take me seriously...We just made fun of each other."
- Jennifer Garner, on first meeting husband Ben Affleck

"I'm sick of myself to tell you the truth."
- Julia Louis-Dreyfuss on Seinfeld reruns

"His smile has turned into sort of a grimace because I don't think even he thinks he's supposed to be there anymore."
- Neil Patrick Harris on American Idol's Sanjaya Malakar

"I feel like I just married myself basically. At one point I thought, 'It's time. It's time to have some really beautiful dishes.'"
- Kate Walsh, joking about her full china cabinet

"I don't talk to anyone about my problems with my husband. The ritual Will and I have is to talk about everything. You can't expect people to understand your relationship."
- Jada Pinkett Smith, on husband Will Smith

"Of course I don't want to be on a failing show after being on a successful show for 10 years, so I was nervous."
- Courteney Cox, on post-Friends pressure

"When we began working on it, I was like, 'Wouldn't it be great to have a song that I could sing to a baby one day?"
- Jennifer Lopez, on her song "Tu" (You), which started out as a lullaby

"I have to go to therapy all the time. I need therapy. Or drugs. You quit for a while and then you know, it's like, 'I'm getting crazy again. Maybe I should go back."
- Chris Rock

"As much as I've explored this guy, I don't know what else to really do with him. I've been in one place for 10 years. That's enough. It's time for me to do other things."
- James Gandolfini, on playing Tony Soprano

"Noooo! [Lindsay is not an alcoholic.] She is just a 20-year-old who had to reel it in. And she's from an addictive personality genetically. And in that world, they give you things like candy. Hurt your ankle? 'Let's give her something.'"
- Dina Lohan, on daughter Lindsay Lohan

"He's suffering from stomach flu. It's a common side effect from Botox injections."
- Adam Sandler on filling in for David Letterman on The Late Show

"I feel like after the second child you lose your mind, which is how we got the third child."
- Kelly Ripa

We apologize ahead of time for this edition of Photo Finish.

Typically, we aim to give readers a challenge, to pit two reasonably attractive celebrities against each other in some type of fashion face-off. Half nude Kim Kardashian vs. haf nude Matthew McConaughey? There's a battle!

Christina Aguilera vs. Fergie? You can't really lose, either way.

Conversely, we're not sure how anyone can win when Kimberly Stewart is involved. The spoiled daughter of rock legend Rod likes to curse random people off, as well as pole dance really badly. Quite the combination.

She only stands a chance in this Boone's Farm T-shirt tussle because her competition is Cisco Adler. The Weird Al-lookalike is really only known for two things:

1. Dating Mischa Barton
2. Taking awful nude pictures

In other words: Good luck voting, readers!

Good riddance, Heather Mills!

No, we're not referring to Dancing with the Stars. The one-legged former call girl is still a contestant on that show ... for now.

But it looks as though her ex-husband - some former Beatles member named Paul McCartney - is moving on from his psychotic divorced wife.

The singer has been spotted a lot lately with Sabrina Guinness, of, of course, the Guinness Stout beer empire. Guinness, 52, was seen recently with McCartney, his daughter Stella and her husband Alasdhair Willis.

"I realize everyone wants to see me with a new bird right now and that's very flattering," Sir Paul said. "We enjoy each other's company."

The politically progressive McCartney then added that he and Guinness woo each other by talking about "stuff like the environment and Al Gore, things like that."

In related news: Jason Filyaw and Britney Spears talk about stuff like how hot she used to be.

Stay sober, Rachel Smith. That's the best advice we can give the new Miss USA.

Smith, 21, will no longer be known simply as Miss Tennssee any longer, as she beat out finalists Meagan Yvonne Tandy of California; Cara Renee Gorges of Kansas; Helen Salas of Nevada; and Danielle Lacourse of Rhode Island.

The true focus of the evening, of course, wasn't Smith. It was the woman placing the tiara on her head: Tara Conner.

"It has been the most unforgettable year of my life and I'm back, and better than ever," Conner proclaimed after she took the stage at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood to answer questions from cohosts Nancy O'Dell and Tim Vincent of Access Hollywood.

She also revealed her future plans included writing a book, doing correspondence work and trying some acting. Perhaps Tara and Antonella Barba could team up for some sort of stage performance. Who wouldn't by tickets to that?

Before the show, Conner summed up her year by following in the third person footsteps of Jennifer Hudson: "The reign of Tara was miraculous. Literally, because I got sober during it, and that's the most important thing."

Donald Trump, who co-owns the Miss Universe and Miss USA pageants with NBC (where the pageant will stay for the next three years), told People magazine before the telecast, "We're very happy with Tara, very proud, and hopefully she will have set the example for many people that have problems with drugs and alcohol."

We can only hope Jesse Metcalfe is listening.

 
Oprah Winfrey is NOT gay.

Just in case you still were unsure.

Now, we're finding out that the talk show goddess is not alone in her un-gayness. According to actress Shana Wall, her ex-boyfriend is straight. Once you find out who it is, though, you'll see why this is news.

"[Ryan Seacrest] is not gay, nor is he bisexual," Shana said. "We had an amazing and passionate relationship for a few years, and we are still very close."

Got that, Simon Cowell?!? Ryan Seacrest is a very, very good lover of women!

For all we know, this year's best looking American Idol contestant, Haley Scarnato, has already found that out. In other news, word of Seacrest's manly attributes has a certain D-list celebrity very mad.

That's right, Ryan: Ray J is prepared to out sex you any day of the week.

Sometimes, a headline just says it all.

While we previously thought nude Winona Ryder only shows up to fight back against cancer, it looks like her boobs simply pop out every now and then.

We're sure large breasted women such as Victoria Beckham can relate.

Anyway, this is all the news we have on Ryder. It's good to see her out in society again, not robbing any more stores and stuff. Maybe this quick flash was a way for her to jump start her career. As Kim Kardashian could tell you, it only helps to get nude.

Unless you're Janice Dickinson. Because that's just absoluteley frightening.

Remember how we said we missed slutty Lindsay Lohan in the news?

You should. That was yesterday.

Well, The Hollywood Gossip staff has also missed the unqualified rage of Mel Gibson. But we can finally relax. The Jew-hating drunk is back ... and Mayan experts are his next target!

According to TMZ.com, the Michael Richards sympathizer was at Cal State University at Northridge in the San Fernando Valley last night. Gibson was speaking to a film class about his movies and several members of the Mayan community came to hear the famous director.

After Gibson's presentation, the crowd was allowed to ask questions. Which is a recipe for disaster akin to asking Nicole Richie to move for more than five consecutive minutes.

Alicia Estrada, an Assistant Professor of Central American Studies at CSUN, challenged Gibson, asking him if he had read about the Mayan culture before shooting the controversial film. Mel said he had.

Estrada persisted, stating that representations in the movie that the Mayans engaged in sacrificial ceremonies and had bloodthirsty tendencies were both wrong and racist. Estrada and others tell TMZ that Gibson exploded in anger, responding, "Lady, F**k off."

Even his publicist, Howard Rubenstein - who's job seems more difficult than Sanjaya Malakar vocal coach - said: "He needs more anger management training. It's time to be cool."

We still have faith in you, Mel. If Heather Mills can dance and dig gold on one leg, anything is possible.

Let's hope Nick Lachey is ready to change diapers.

There may not be any little ones on the wa just yet - but girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo tells People magazine she's looking forward to the day there is.

"I can't wait to be a mother one day," the TRL host said at the Bacardi Limon Express Your Style Design Competition Thursday night in Manhattan. "I want to bring three boys up to be good men in this world and then one little girl. I always say I want three boys and a girl, but at the end of the day I just want healthy kids."

Sounds like a brood capable of competing with that of Brangelina to us.

Looking flirty in a figure-hugging Nanette Lepore sleeveless dress and gold lamé Hollywould shoes, Minnillo, who has been dating Lachey for almost a year now, said her beau "is a nice guy. He's in the studio recording right now [in] L.A., Nashville, New York. All over, with something for everyone to look out for."

She also said it's the couple's "privacy" that helps them click, perhaps a dig at Nick's former, publicized marriage to Jessica Simpson.

Minnillo helped pick the night's winning design: a pale yellow chiffon 'Retro Cocktail Dress' designed by Patricia Samaniego. "Her inspiration was Vegas," said Minnillo. "One of the sexiest things on a woman's body is her back and her shoulders ... That's why I love her dress. It is very flowy and comfortable in the front and the back is exposed. The legs are open and exposed."

If Vanessa is half as good with kids as she is with fashion, we have no doubt she'll be a better mother than that of Jayden James, who will remain nameless. And bald.

Lauren Conrad is warm and forgiving. She has no problem staying friends with her exes ... or most of them, that is.

"I'm friends with almost everyone I've dated," The Hills star told People magazine at a party for the Lisa Kline Beverly Hills boutique. "I mean, you liked them in the beginning, [so] as long as they didn't do anything ..."

Like, we don't know, get sentenced to two months in jail for the battery of two men like her ex, Laguna Beach bad boy Jason Wahler?

"Well Jason's a different story," Conrad said. "I tried. I do talk to him every once in awhile, just to check in on him. I think he's doing a little better. He's got a lot of demons to work out, but he's a good person. He'll figure it out eventually."

Oddly enough, LC says there are no hard feelings directed toward Brody Jenner - who she dated briefly last year and who hooked up with Conrad's pal Jen behind her back on a recent episode of The Hills.

"No, we're friends," she said. "We all just went to Cabo!"

Wait, there were no hard feelings over a recent article in Details in which Jenner and his pal Spencer Pratt made some unflattering remarks?

"Honestly, I was nauseous reading it," Conrad said. "I do feel a little bad because if you read almost every quote, it's Spencer. He's a better person without Spencer."

The currently single Conrad, who says she's "dating a lot," might be friendly with her exes, but does she still have a good relationship with her Hills roommate Heidi Montag? LC says yes.

Even though Montag is often shown ditching Conrad for her boyfriend, Pratt, and actually pushed Jenner to make out with Jen? "I mean, these are all things I didn't know," Conrad said. "You have to understand when you watch things, this is our first time seeing it, but it happened months and months ago."

Plus, after her fallout with Kristin Cavallari, LC knows she has to keep as friends friends close by as she can,