Hey, Hilary Duff doesn't pay the billz with her mad vocab skillz.

The singer tells Maxim Magazine that she has "OCD" because she likes to clean a lot. That's like saying Lindsay Lohan is a helpless addict instead of a spoiled brat.

Hilary Duff says of her supposed disorder:

"I'm OCD when it comes to cleaning. I can't go to bed with a messy room. That would totally wig me out… It freaks me out to have dishes in the sink."

"I practically clean my hotel room before I check out," the younger sister of Haylie Duff continues. "I wish I weren't psychotic like that, but I am."

Hey, she could be a total train wreck like some people we know.

While she probably just likes the room neat, and doesn't know the meaning of OCD, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Hilary Duff is all good with us.

It says a lot about a young star when the worst we can say about Duff is that she and Gym Class Heroes handed out X-Rated goodie bags at a show, or that she possibly hooked up with Brody Jenner once. Not exactly a long rap sheet.

The actress steers clear of scandal (for the most part) and appears to have her head on straight. In a world full of Paris Hilton pussy photos, that's a breath of fresh air.

Natalie Portman is no Kim Kardashian.

While the latter is unafraid to show off her unusually large buttocks and giant boobs at all times, in all places, the former is a respected actress and Harvard student.

Of course, Portman did get mostly naked in the movie, Closer, pictured below. But that doesn't mean you'll be seeing this young beauty bare it all - like Vanessa Minnillo nude or Tila Tequila nude - in her next film.

In fact, the actress gets mighty peeved at any notion that she gets naked in Goya's Ghost.

"There's a long shot of a nude woman," Portman said. But, sadly, she adds, "It's not me. ... You do see some parts of me unclothed, but if they end up on Web sites making it look like I'm nude, I'm going to be really, really angry."

Hear that, Perez Hilton and other dishonest, immoral celebrity news outlets that doctor pictures and show stars looking their worst? Do not show Natalie Portman nude pictures anywhere.

The same, though, can't be said for Eva Mendes naked. That actress is down with the birthday suit.

Stop hogging all the Spice Girls' headlines, Victoria Beckham! Scary Spice has something to say...

Melanie Brown says that ex-boyfriend Eddie Murphy not only knew about the baby the couple made together, but had promised to marry her after the birth of their now 3-month-old daughter.

"This was a completely planned pregnancy," Brown said, as reported by People magazine. "This wasn't some random, 'Oops I fell over and I'm pregnant.' I don't live my life like that. I'm a responsible parent and have been a responsible single parent since I got divorced."

The singer then got into detail regarding how, like Usher and Tameka Foster, her and Murphy conceived: "As soon as I had my IUD removed we proceeded to get pregnant. It happened quicker than we expected but it was perfect timing."

Well, maybe not perfect. You know, considering Murphy denied he was the father of Angel Iris Murphy until a DNA test proved it.

Like Larry Birkhead must have felt at someone actually not wanting to be a dad, Brown says that seeing the Dutch TV clip sparked a variety of reactions.

"I laughed because that wasn't the guy that I knew who told me he wanted to have a baby and get married," she said. "I just didn't believe it. When I saw it my heart dropped down to my gut."

In the end, though, Brown cryptically talked about the differences in her and Eddie's lifestyles.

"I have a house where it's about my kids and me. I don't have people knocking on my door at 3 and 4 in the morning."

We know that sounds shady, but it was probably just Lindsay Lohan wanting to know if Murphy was interested in a drunken, late-night drive.

It's a battle of epic proportions.

Literally. These guys are huge!

Some of our celebrity look-alikes are a stretch. Okay, most of them. But we think we've got something here with this large and gruesome twosome.

We're not calling Jason Davis fat, but let's just say that when his beeper goes off, people assume he's backing up. His nickname is also Gummi Bear.

But the brother of Brandon Davis (a.k.a. Greasy Bear) might have nothing on the former comedian and new host of The Price Is Right, Mr. Drew Carey.

The price may be right for the dude with the prop glasses and famous for The Drew Carey Show, but whatever the scale says in the morning is definitely wrong. So wrong.

Who do you like better, Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis or Drew Carey?

Yesterday, we learned that the Gummi Bear will be attending outpatient detox treatment to deal with a plethora of issues (such as brawling with Perez Hilton), but his rep insists, "Jason is not in rehab. He did not check himself into any treatment. He's not receiving outpatient treatment or counseling."

Clear on that? We're not.

Chock full of credibility, Linday Lohan is claiming she did not drunkenly chase her assistant before being arrested for drunk driving early yesterday morning... and that the cocaine found IN HER POCKET belonged to someone else.

First lies first: Sources connected to the actress tell TMZ both Lindsay, who was driving a Denali, and the Escalade in front of her, driven by the mother of Lindsay's former assistant, were both being chased in a "unsafe and threatening" manner.

There are no photos of the evening, so it's unclear if perhaps a celebrity gossip reporter was actually on Lohan's tail during the incident. Even if this was the case, of course, it doesn't change the fact that a drunk, high Lohan got behind the wheel.

But, wait! The girl who now makes Pete Doherty look clean is claiming those drugs found on her were actually someone else's.

In an email to Access Hollywood's Billy Bush, Lohan said: "I am innocent... did not do drugs they're not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin's mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy."

Lindsay Lohan really is a role model of generosity, isn't she? Who among us would be so kind as to hold on to a friend's bag of cocaine? Brynn Cameron should really hire this actress as a baby sitter.

We can assure Lindsay, however, that privacy shall soon be all hers. We promise never to visit this lawbreaking skank in jail.

Break dancing.

Bumping and grinding.

Butt slapping!

No, we're not talking about what goes on inside Paris Hilton's bedroom when Tyler Atkins rolls over there. We're talking about Tom Cruise getting down and dirty on the dance floor!

Which is kind of strange. Not because he's older, because the man is still a bona fide hunk. There's just something about TomKat that gives our team of celebrity news writers the heebie-jeebies.

Anyway. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and their pals had few inhibitions at the July 22 "Welcome to America" party the couple threw for Victoria and David Beckham in L.A.

As guests like Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Eva Longoria and Brooke Shields mingled, Jim Carrey pretended to spank girlfriend Jenny McCarthy (really, who wouldn't) as they boogied â€" as Will Smith rapped.

"I can't believe Will can move like that!" marveled Jim Carrey.

But, as Us Weekly reports in its new issue, the real showstopper came when the DJ (Lindsay Lohan's gal pal Samantha Ronson) played "Old Time Rock & Roll."

That's when Cruise re-enacted one of his famous movie scenes.

At one point, he got on his back and kicked his legs in the air, just like in Risky Business! In real life, however, there were no tighty-whities as the star kept his pants on.

Suri Cruise will thank him for that later.

Lindsay Lohan is a careless, reckless, spoiled, drug-addicted princess with mediocre singing and acting talent.

Instead of reciting the obvious, however, we'll reveal the details our staff has pieced together regarding this trash bag's most recent arrest. Combing through various celebrity gossip sources has helped us discover the following:

• At around 2:15 this morning, Lohan was was arrested in Santa Monica for possession of cocaine, driving under the influence, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility and driving on a suspended license. Sources say her blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13.
• She was placed behind bars, like Jason Wahler, and freed later on $25,000 bail.
• While in jail, a law enforcement official told TMZ that Lohan "did just about everything we asked." However, a different official said Lindsay was "a real bitch in the field" and was "uncooperative and showed obvious signs of intoxication."
• According to police, Lohan's assistant quit just hours before Lohan was arrested; and when the assistant's mother came to pick her up, the red-headed moron gave chase. The assistant's mother called the police, warning them that Lindsay was hot on their tail, and that she was headed for the nearest police station.
• Somewhere, Harry Morton thanked the heavens he has gotten away from this mess in time.
• The actress is now back in an undisclosed treatment facility.

Of course, her lawyer wants us to believe that addiction has something to do with getting behind the wheel drunk and stoned. The following statement by Blair Berk makes it seem like we should feel sorry for Lohan:

"Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease. Since Lindsay transitioned to outpatient care, she has been monitored on a SCRAM bracelet and tested daily in order to support her sobriety. Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies.

Unfortunately, late yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care."

She ought to be receiving judicial care as quickly as possible. Let's lock her up with Mindy McCready and throw away the key.

As Tom Brady awaits the birth of his son to an ex-girlfriend, he best read this story of NFL love gone ... not so stellar.

Matt Leinart's ex-girlfriend, Brynn Cameron, tells the Ventura County Star that when it comes to parenting, she's the star quarterback.

"It's kind of hard for me as the mom, I'm with Cole" - her 9-month-old son with Matt Leinart - "probably 99.9 percent of the time, to open a magazine or read a newspaper article with Matt saying something like, 'Oh, I love being a dad. I love changing diapers. I love doing this.' I'm like, Wait, what?" Cameron said.

"It's been hard. I'm doing all the work, but he gets all the credit."

Leinart, 24, starred at the University of Southern California, where he won the Heisman Trophy and saw PLENTY of bush. Star tailback Reggie Bush, that is.

He and Cameron dated but later split in 2006. Brynn currently lives with her parents and the baby, Cole Cameron Leinart, as Matt plays with the NFL's Arizona Cardinals.

Although Matt Leinart recently gushed about being a father, Brynn Cameron has her own strong feelings. The quarterback "comes and goes whenever he wants," she says.

"I don't want to sit here and bad-mouth his lifestyle," she says, "but it is hard because we are different people. He likes that Hollywood stuff and I don't like that."

Hey, lighten up. At least he's not Michael Vick, okay, Brynn?

It's easy to see what she means, though. Leinart is pals with boy band singer / sex god Nick Lachey, and has been romantically linked to Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavallari.

In any case, Matt Leinart will join his Cardinals teammates at training camp in late July. Brynn Cameron, meanwhile, plans to return to campus this fall.

"It's hard, but I have to raise Cole to be a strong, secure kid so he knows what's right and wrong, what's good and bad and what matters in life, which isn't what's going on with [celebrity gossip] or who's dating who," says Cameron.

"That's not what it's all about, and I think he'll know that being raised by me."

Oh, snap! Matt Leinart has been sacked, ladies and gentlemen! Which is good, in a way, as he can get used to it ... it'll happen about 10 times every Sunday come September.

Yes, it's true. * tear * Reality TV stars Brody Jenner and Spencer Pratt have ended their friendship of more than 10 years, an inside source reveals.

"It's been messy," a well-placed insider tells Perez Hilton.

Not surprisingly for anyone who watches MTV's hit show The Hills, the lovely Lauren Conrad is supposedly at the center of the rift between these former best friends.

In Season Two, Heidi Montag began dating the slimy Pratt, and his pal Jenner was thus introduced to Heidi's then-BFF, Lauren.

Briefly, Lauren and Brody dated, while Heidi and LC saw their friendship deteriorate as she became closer to the manipulative Spencer, who she is now engaged to.

Just so you're all caught up.

Sources say Spencer Pratt, the weasel who was working as Jenner's "manager" and who supposedly masterminded Jenner's brief courtship of Nicole Richie, has ended their friendship because he "feels betrayed" by Brody.

Yes, Spencer is said to be furious that Brody Jenner is spending time with LC again and says it is just so that he can be on the upcoming third season of The Hills.

This from a guy who appears in staged photos with his fake-looking fiancee every time you turn around. Good riddance, Spencer. Good man, Brody. Hope the hand feels better.

You'll have to wait at least 27 days before you can think of Hayden Panettiere nude and not be considered a complete pervert.

But you can drool over her Heroes co-star, Ali Larter, naked below.

On the show, Larter possesses unique strength and a fairly unstable personality. But this picture reveals this actress' true super power: beauty.

Wearing nothing but a sheet, the former Varsity Blues cheerleader ditches the whipped cream biking for something even hotter: nothing at all. Tila Tequila must be proud.

If you thought past Ali Larter photos were gorgeous, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Based on her recent trouble, it sounds as though Britney Spears could learn a thing or two dozen abut how to pose by taking a look at this image. It really isn't that hard, Brit.