Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria said ‘Oui' to basketball star Tony Parker on Friday as the couple were married in a civil ceremony in Paris.

The Hollywood actress, 32, turned up at the city hall of the fashionable Marais district 10 minutes before 25-year-old Parker, seven years her junior but a foot taller.

Outfitted in a short pink Chanel haute couture dress, Eva Longoria was excited as she made her way to the afternoon ceremony in a white stretch limo.

Tony Parker, who plays for the San Antonio Spurs, said he considers himself to be "the luckiest guy in the world."

He added: "I feel blessed, really lucky."

Longoria gave a wave to large crowds before heading inside the ancient, gold stoned building to exchange vows before the city's mayor, Bertrand Delanoe, and family members.

One-and-a-half hours later, the pair emerged as man and wife.

More than a 100 French policeman, including CRS riot squad officers, were on duty outside the town hall, and at least two roads were closed.

Because of fears about a possible terrorist threat, dogs were also used to sniff for explosives. See? We knew Paris Hilton had some redeeming worth.

A civil ceremony was required by French law - it is a secular country - and was a prelude to Saturday's religious ceremony, held at Paris's Église Saint-Germain l'Auxerrois.

Longoria and Parker said their vows again Saturday - this time in front of over 250 friends and family in a lavish church ceremony.

Celebrity guests included Ryan Seacrest, Sheryl Crow, Jessica Alba (with boyfriend Cash Warren), William H. Macy and Longoria buddy (and subject of many a rumor) Mario Lopez.

Longoria's co-stars Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman and Nicolette Sheridan were also on hand to witness Eva and her basketball champion beau say, "I do."Too bad Jesse Metcalfe couldn't make it.

Longoria walked down the aisle in a couture Angel Sanchez mermaid gown made of silk wool with silk metallic embroidery, a scoop back and a long train. We have no idea what any of that means, but she's hot.

Longoria and Parker got engaged in November of 2006, after two years of dating. Since their engagement, they've been plagued with rumors of a breakup, and even a sex-strike.

Now, those rumors are squashed for good. We now return to debating whether Nicole Richie will wed Joel Madden and if her being with child will keep her skinny ass out of jail.

But backstage, he had some global warnings, if you will. For one, don't you dare ask the pretty boy about Jessica Simpson.

"I'm going to practice some conversation conservation right now and try to minimize my bull$h!t footprint," a coy Mayer quipped to a reporter who asked if he still spoke to Simpson.

Also, don't ask him if he has any "eco-sins" (as many of Live Earth's electricity-using, private-jet-flying rockers readily confessed to). We've seen him pumping gas, but it's not clear whether he drives a Hummer (or simply receives them from hot girls). Anyway.

"What is my eco-sin?" John Mayer asked.

"I don't know if that is that provocative a question for me. I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out what my motivation is, what is the positive side to the things that I could do?"

Huh? He later added: "If you want to peg me as not being entirely eco-friendly, you'll win. We have a tour, which is inherently carpooling."

We can only conclude from his remarks that John Mayer is...

1. Stoned.
2. A total loser.
3. Both #1 and #2.

Still, he didn't get pulled over with a small cartel of drugs in the car, like Al Gore III - son of Live Earth creator and former Vice President of the United States Al Gore - so there's something to be said for that.

Less confrontational was Kelly Clarkson, who says that while she recycles and carpools, she's still learning the best ways to conserve resources.

"We need just as much information as the audience," she said. "We're not brilliant. I'm not the most educated on the process, but I'm learning."

It's the kind of reply we're accustomed to from the American Idol star, and the honesty (even at her own expense) that we've come to love.

Meanwhile, Rosario Dawson said backstage that not only is she "that person who turns off the light every time I walk out of a room," but that she'd seriously question dating anybody who isn't green.

"I'd probably have a really huge problem with that," she said.

While all these stars are doing their part to help the environment, rumor has it that Britney Spears is simultaneously leading the anti-conservation movem ent.

After all, the lights are on, but there is definitely nobody home up in that piece.

Singer Adam Levine, who's been linked to stars like Jessica Simpson and Natalie Portman, among others, is now dishing out dating advice.

His first tip on getting noticed?

Put out. Stand out from the crowd.

"Say or do something that's out of the ordinary," the 30-year-old man whore says in the August issue of Seventeen magazine.

"It's not about what perfume you're wearing or if your shoes are cute. If you do something with purpose that is different than what everybody else does, then it makes you stand out."

The Maroon 5 frontman, who is currently on tour with his band to promote their latest album (It Won't Be Soon Before Long), also reveals his major turn-offs:

1. Not making eye contact.
2. A lack of self-confidence.
3. Wanting to sleep over after sex.
4. Drama.

Guess Heidi Montag is SOL.

"I've been with girls who are very dramatic, and to me it's a waste," he says. "When there's constant drama all the time, it's such a drain on your energy."

Levine also admits he isn't attracted to only one type - an opinion corroborated by the fact that he's slept with many, many girls - and that he believes in love at first sight.

And to answer one of the great mysteries of dating - how to judge a man's intentions - Adam Levine says women can trust their friends.

"They can provide you with an unbiased opinion of a guy, and if an overwhelming majority of your friends don't like him, chances are he's a moron and you shouldn't date him," he says.

Another secret? Pay attention to a man's relationship with his mother. He means his actual mother, not his mother-in-law (cough, K-Fed and Lynne Spears).

"I'm a mama's boy," Levine admits. "That's why I'm nice."

Guess that's why Kristin Cavallari is so into Nick Zano.

Spencer Pratt is the most hated man in the world of The Hollywood Gossip.

Joel Madden is inching up the rankings, however, especially when he impregnates an underweight alien Nicole Richie.

So who do celebrity gossip fans root for when these two morons tussle? It's no longer a hypothetical question after a recent argument at a Beverly Hills hotel.

According to TMZ, Mr. Nicole Richie allegedly stormed over to Pratt's table, where he was lunching with Heidi Montag and screamed, "you've been talking s**t about my girl!" before Madden - who was there Richie - had to be forcibly separated and removed.

Spencer Pratt and Joel Madden recently got into a fight. And Heidi Montag probably called celebrity news outlets to guarantee coverage of the event.

The one and only Spencer Pratt himself said: "It all stems from an interview in Details ages ago where I was misquoted, calling Nicole a skinny bitch. It's all a misunderstanding. I've always thought she's a really nice girl and I wouldn't call her that."

Hey, Joel: we've called Nicole far worse names than that. What are you gonna about it, huh? Get in a fight with another pathetic loser from The Hills? We're sure Jason Wahler is up for some fisticuffs.

Pratt, meanwhile, needs to not throw stones (i.e. skinny bitch taunts) when he lives in a glass house (i.e. dates a skinny bitch named Heidi Montag).

We'd like to stick a drunk Sean Stewart on each of these spoiled punks.

Sorry, Lindsay Lohan. You and AJ Lamas are not the only new couple heating up this summer.

Life is also shaping up nicely for Lance Bass, who recently landed a new job â€" and a new man.

The former 'N Sync star celebrated the 4th of July in New York's Hamptons drinking Ciroc vodka with his new beau, model Pedro Andrade.

The two were at a party in the Hamptons, one actually not attended by Diddy for once. Maybe the man who typically reigns over festivities in that area was at home, lamenting the loss of Kim Porter.

"You could tell they're very happy with each other," a People magazine source says of Bass and Andrade. "Pedro is beyond good-looking ... so hot. Pedro is spunky, full of life. They're a perfect match."

Asked about Bass and Andrade, the singer's press rep, Cindy Owen, said, "I have no comment about his personal life at this time."

But we do: Good for you, Lance! We admire you for showing Isaiah Washington that gay men can have normal love lives, too.

Last winter Bass split from Amazing Race winner Reichen Lehmkuhl â€" and, in April, he told People he was loving the single life: "It's nice to be able to just date, because I had never been on a date in my life."

Meanwhile, on August 14 Bass will join the cast of Broadway's long-running musical Hairspray. He'll play the role of a Dick Clark-like TV host named Corny Collins. The movie version of this remake, starring John Travolta and Zac Efron, will also be in theaters soon.

If Alex Rodriguez can hit home runs in the face of his affair with Joslyn Noel Morse, while his wife Cynthia Rodriguez looks on in an obscenity-laced shirt, Amy Polumbo can overcome the latest scandal to embroil a beauty queen.

And that's exactly what this beauty is doing.

Just crowned Miss New Jersey last month, Amy Polumbo is being threatened by someone who claims to have Katie Rees-like pictures of this beauty getting drunk and naked.

This loser is blackmailing Amy, telling her to forfeit the crown or have her giant boobs and other body parts exposed for the world to see.

But Amy Polumbo isn't taking such a threat lying down!

Holding a press conference that was far more impressive than the one Tara Conner put together months back, this Jersey girl said she would not give in to any demands.

"Being crowned as Miss New Jersey is a dream come true. But that dream has now turned into a nightmare. I am presently the victim of blackmail and possible extortion," she began. "It would certainly be easier for me to simply succumb to these unlawful and immoral threats, and quietly disappear."

But that won't happen. We commend Amy Polumbo for taking a strong stance.

It's one thing when Amanda Beard nude pics get publicized because she posed for those; it's quite another when an innocent beauty queen is blackmailed simply because she had a fun, naked night out with friends.

This development might cause celebrity gossip readers to wonder, though: What's in the beer water in New Jersey? Remember, Antonella Barba also hails from that state. And need we remind you about that photo scandal?

This week's issue of People magazine features Chris Benoit on the cover. It examines his personal life and tries to make sense out of the tragedy that happened with the Benoit family…

Friends searching for clues to what went wrong have focused on Benoit's relationship with Nancy Benoit, 43, who often complained she felt like a single mother because of her husband's constant touring.

Former neighbor Melissa Coppage recalls asking Nancy recently if she had any vacation plans:

"She said, ‘No, it's all wrestling, all the time.' "

But several of Benoit's friends describe the 40-year-old as a devoted father and husband â€" who, apparently at Nancy's request last year, took a four-month leave from work to be with her while she recovered from surgery.

"He wasn't a monster," Benoit's friend and former wrestler Dean Malenko tells People.

"We're talking about a guy who, a month ago, was in Jacksonville and rather than drive down to Orlando, where he needed to be the next day, he took a flight to be home with [his son] Daniel."

In 2003, Nancy filed for divorce from Benoit, saying he had threatened her. But the couple then reconciled.

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Sorry, guys. But we're not talking about Jessica Alba nude photos here.

Instead, the striking actress complained to Britain's GQ magazine that she never sees enough male nudity, causing us to wonder where's she's been during the recent Nick Lachey nude picture hullabaloo. She elaborated:

"Men's magazines have nipples so why don't women have a magazine where men show their penises? There's Playgirl, but not a fashion magazine like Elle."

She makes an interesting point. You can see an almost naked Jessica Biel within the pages of almost any publication, but where are the private parts pictures of Matthew McConaughey or Patrick Dempsey?

"If there was a magazine like that I'd buy it," Alba said. "Nudity's not a big deal to me."

We don't get to see Jessica Alba nude in this issue. But we do hear her thoughts on guys getting naked.

Awesome! So, can we expect to see Jessica getting nice and naked any time soon on screen? Not exactly. She just likes to see other people bare all in the name of entertainment. But she may change her mind when she looks at any photo of Cisco Adler in the buff.

"I've said I won't go naked in any of my movies, because I don't want to. But that doesn't mean I don't want to see other people strip off," the actress said.

Okay, okay, we hear you. Take a gander at David Beckham nude in that case, Jessica. The man oozes sex appeal.

Nooooooooooo!

Say it ain't so, LC. Please?

The Hills star Lauren Conrad was reunited with her ex-boyfriend, Jason Wahler, for a walk down Sunset Boulevard on Thursday in Los Angeles.

Wahler, 20, is said to be dating tennis player Katja Decker-Sadowski. He's also has been at Chapman House, Orange County's inpatient rehab facility.

Lauren Conrad, 21, has reportedly visited J-Wahl in rehab.

According to reports, MTV was filming portions of Season 3 of Lauren Conrad's hit MTV reality show, The Hills, which is due to air beginning in August.

Sadly, Jason and Lauren were seen side by side and deep in conversation during the recent taping, which occurred outside the eatery Ketchup.

LC's enemies, former BFF Heidi Montag and her conniving, slimy fiance, Spencer Pratt, were also spotted inside the restaurant. Sounds like night full of winners!

At least Josh Henderson was nowhere to be found. Although compared to the likes of Jason Wahler, perhaps we should be wishing he were on LC's arm.

For those of you not familiar with the dating history of LC and Jason, they broke up when he cheated on her with ex Jessica Smith... then again on Season 2 of The Hills.

Wahler has since been arrested four times ... in four different states!

The amazing Britney Spears apologized this week to X17 for her umbrella bashing rage last February, blaming it on a movie part she was trying out for.

Now, on her official site, she posted a note… again apologizing to X17 (though not in name) … for her infamous, furious pre-rehab, head-shaved umbrella attack.

Why Britney Spears is bringing up, and making light of this now, 4-5 months after the incident, is beyond this distributor of celebrity news.

But she explains that her insane, bald-headed umbrella attack was merely part of a "stunt" while preparing her "character" for a role in a movie ….

"I take all my roles very seriously and got a little carried away," quips the train wreck, echoing her apology to the celebrity photo firm. "Unfortunately, I didn't get the part."

Stunning.

The website, as we previously reported, also asks the few remaining die hard fans (of Britney, not the new Die Hard movie) to help name her upcoming album.

The choices "fans" can make? "Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like," "What if the Joke is on You," "Down boy," "Integrity," and "Dignity."

Suuuure. Wonder how AJ Lamas feels about his new babe's inclusion on this weird list. In any case, it's another day in the life of Jayden James Federline's crazy mama.