Remember when being compared to Britney Spears was a compliment?

There was a time when Britney Spears pics were actually hot, as opposed to scary and dirty.

Sadly, that time has passed. And, unfortunately for Kimberly Stewart, stating that she resembles the modern-day Spears in the picture below is far from endearing.

All that Rod's daughter is missing in order to complete the transformation to complete train wreck is a baby named Jayden James slung over her shoulder and a mystery man who may or may not be John Sundahl by her side.

An angry poem to her mom in her pocket wouldn't hurt, either.

Is that Britney Spears or Kimberly Stewart?

But, hey, who are we - aside from a celebrity gossip authority - to judge Stewart's look? Maybe this is how Tommy Lee likes his women.

Perhaps Kim needs a disguise in case a naked Cisco Adler tries to track her down and rekindle their romance.

All we can say for certain is that a new Britney Spears crotch shot may be in order. The former pop singer needs to keep upping the ante, lest other talentless, rich women keep trying to emulate her looks.

We cried tears of joy over Eva Longoria nude photos a few months ago.

But Ryan Seacrest, being our favorite metrosexual, saved the tears for Eva's first dance with new husband Tony Parker.

"I am crying," confessed wedding guest Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show Monday morning.

In a 17th Century French castle where the reception was held Saturday night, People magazine reported Peter Gabriel's cover of the Magnetic Fields song "Book of Love" played, and the bride and groom â€" who had a church wedding earlier â€" "were just staring at each other," Seacrest said. "Then Tony dipped Eva right then and there, pulled her back up and gave her a kiss."

That's when the American Idol host, standing with Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman and Jessica Alba, lost it. "They are smiling and I am a disaster," he said.

We wish Simon Cowell had been there to mock this blubbering fool.

Supposedly, though, wasn't a mess during the week leading up to the Paris nuptials when Longoria and Parker entertained their guests in Parker's native country.

At one dinner, Ryan Seacrest got all giddy about a French painter who Tony Parker hired to create a celebrity picture of his future bride at the party.

"He did it in like two minutes and it was perfect," Seacrest said. Against a black canvas, "he did this Cirque du Soleil type dance with two white paint brushes...He starts to paint and paint and what you see is Tony playing basketball and everyone is thinking: OK that is kind of cool.

Then he runs back up to the canvas and messes it up like he screwed up. ... Then he flips the painting over and make two dots with his brush, left and right, and it is Eva Longoria in every detail."

In other words: it's a gorgeous painting. We may hire this dude to do one of Megan Fox nude.

As Dr. Elliot Reid from Scrubs might put it, who the frick is this guy? He has been seen driving Britney Spears around town, but no one seems to know his name - or his frickin' deal.

Men seem to come and go in Britney Spears' life, after all. There's Perry the Manny, J.R. Rotem, Isaac Cohen, Jason Filyaw, Columbus Short, John Sundahl and the two losers she married.

Now the buzz is building around the identity of the chiseled, square-jawed man with tousled brown hair who's been out with Britney in recent days.

This weekend marked the latest in a string of public sightings of Britney Spears with the mystery gentleman, who is often seen hiding behind dark sunglasses.

They turned up at Bel Air Presbyterian Church on Sunday, with Brit carrying son Jayden James, 10 months, and the man toting a crying Sean Preston, 22 months.

So he's handsome and good with kids. But who and what is he? Is he just a driver or has he seen Britney Spears naked? The Internet has been abuzz with speculation, but no ID.

No, the no-neck mystery man is just there, doing his thing, driving Britney Spears around in her black Mercedes and helping her with the kids.

The church visit followed some poolside frolicking and a night out with Spears in which they went to LA's Pantages Theater see the musical Wicked ... or at least the first part.

Britney Spears and the mystery man ducked out about an hour into the show. Classy/No offense was taken by the producers, fortunately.

"She came in late, and stayed for about an hour and left," says Wicked rep Tim Choy. "She loves the show. She's seen it several times."

Can you help us identify Britney Spears' no-neck new boyfriend / bodyguard / chauffeur / whoever he is? Please leave us a comment if you can give us the exclusive scoop!

What better way to celebrate the freedom of the United States of America than a photo finish featuring two of this great country's hottest bodies?

How about a photo finish pitting the preening, bikini-wearing Heidi Montag from The Hills against Andy Baldwin in a Speedo?

On July 4, The Hills star was casually snapped in a red, white and blue bikini (what are the odds), showing off her attention-craving patriotic side and causing male onlookers to roll their eyes turn their heads. Yes, with Heidi Montag, every day is a new photo op.

Sadly, this pic shows that was plenty of trash on the beach with Montag that day, including the Styrofoam cup in the foreground and Spencer Pratt. Littering really isn't enforced enough.

Meanwhile, The Bachelor star, Lt. Andy Baldwin, showed off his signature ripped six pack and ... well, other things. That's some bathing suit, man. When you wear a Speedo, you gotta be ready to take the abuse. Then again, Andy Baldwin could kick our asses.

The Navy diver competed in a swim contest in Hawaii on Saturday and ... oh, who gives a crap! Just go back to looking at Baldwin's bulge in all its soaked, spandex glory!

Which hot body do you prefer? Who's the luckier fiance(e), that douchebag Pratt or Baldwin's future bride, Tessa Horst? Leave us a comment with your thoughts.

Is Zanessa in trouble?

High School Musical star Zac Efron is seen here kissing someone... who is NOT girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens. Is this ultra cute young couple on the outs?

Of course not. The girl in question here is Nikki Blonsky, Efron's co-star in the movie Hairspray. The peck is all in the name of good fun and publicity, as fans of Zanessa needn't worry that this couple is going the way of Paul Sculfor and Jennifer Aniston any time soon.

Quite the opposite, in fact. Celebrity gossip rumors have been swirling that these two will be pulling a Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo. No, they won't be having sex in a hot tub.

But they may be moving in together sometime in the near future.

It's okay, Vanessa Hudgens. You boy Zac Efron is only smooching Nikki Blonsky here in jest. He still loves you a lot.

While such news may upset those who believe Efron's true love is actually Ashley Tisdale, we're happy for Zac and Vanessa. They seem perfect for one another.

They're as opposite as you can get from Anne Heche and Coley Laffoon.

Some celebrities aren't that attractive and lie about drug use (we're looking at you, Paris Hilton).

Others are drop dead sexy and up front about their pot-smoking past (we're picking our jaws up off the floor, Megan Fox).

Below, Megan Fox - the star of Transformers and the hottest new actress in Hollywood - talks to Maxim about her penchant for drugs and more.

How have you avoided the cliched road to rehab? I've done drugs, and that's how I know I don't like them. Cocaine is back with a vengeance - everyone in every club is doing drugs. A lot of people are on prescription drugs. Celebrities aren't trying to hide it, except where people have camera phones.

Did you go through an experimental phase? I wanted to try several things and make an informed decision, but I didn't enjoy anything other than marijuana. I don't even think of it as a drug; it should be legalized. I know about five people who aren't on drugs today, and I'm one of them.

* The Hollywood Gossip note: Lindsay Lohan? Not so much one of them.

Finally, a celebrity who isn't afraid to tell the truth! I'm blunt and maybe too honest. But being outspoken is good for women, particularly when it come to sex. Women are supposed to be on magazine covers dressed provocatively, but they're not allowed to talk about sex? That double standard angers me.

I really enjoy having sex, and that's offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women sluts, which is sad. I haven't met a lot of men who've said, "You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are!" That's because they wish their wives or girlfriends would have more sex with them.

* The Hollywood Gossip note: Megan Fox for President!

A half nude Megan Fox is heating up the pages of Maxim.

What kinds of things put you in a good mood? I'm young and have a lot of hormones. I'm always in the mood. But I like sex with one person in a relationship. Sex with random-ass people at clubs isn't what I'm about.

* The Hollywood Gossip note: Amen, Megan. Just beware of random photographer snapping sex photos of you and your mate, as Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo could warn you about.

You've got nine tattoos. Are you trying to break Angelina Jolie's record? Every time I get a tattoo, it's a little ****-you to anyone who tells me not to. It's weird to be part of Hollywood, which tries to control every aspect of people, from what they say to the color of their hair. And I like the way getting a tattoo feels. If I'm depressed, it's nice to get one and deal with the pain. I have one all the way down to my ribs. It hurt, but it felt goodâ€"like twisting a loose tooth.

I'm not kidding when I say that if I ever lose a role because of my tattoos, I'll quit Hollywood and go to work at Costco.

According to a fan site devoted to the underage hotness that is Hayden Panettiere, we only have 42 days (41.5, actually) left until we can feel slightly less dirty about discussing her.

Specifically, the kinds of thoughts she conjures up while strutting around town in ludicrously hot red dresses, like the one she sports in the photo taken at right of her at Nickelodeon Studios.

She may not be able to carry a tune, but the petite 17-year-old Heroes actress dropped jaws in this tight-fitting outfit over the weekend, making us think she's on her way to bigger and better things.

Like Cinemax.

Anyway. When August 21 rolls around, the junior varsity Hollywood bad girl will be considered an adult, and will finally able to vote, buy cigarettes or join the military.

Oh, and have legal sex with Stephen Colletti. For that guy, 42 days has to feel like an eternity. Well, unless he's hit that already. Which he has, in all likelihood.

Come on. Guy two-timed Lauren Conrad with Kristin Cavallari for crying out loud. Clearly he knows a thing or two about sneakily getting some from hot teenagers.

First, it was strippers and porn. Then gambling and choking of the proverbial chicken.

Now it's a footstool, rugs and a king-size bed that have taken center stage in the divorce case of Anne Heche and estranged buffoon Coley Laffoon.

In documents filed in L.A. Superior Court, Coleman "Coley" Laffoon accuses Anne Heche of taking a number of items - including the master bedroom and yoga-room rugs - from the L.A. home they share.

Under the terms of a judge's temporary order, they alternate use of the house they share whenever Heche is in L.A. That's about as normal as Britney Spears' relationship with her mom.

Coley Laffoon is now asking that the court order the actress to return the property and prohibit her from removing any more items.

Laffoon also alleges that when he returned to the home July 1 and found the furniture missing, he "discovered that [Anne Heche] had gone into my closet and ripped the buttons off of 19 of my shirts and removed some of my pants."

As crazy as Anne Heche clearly is, come on man. Who needs pants when you just sit around and download nude celebrity photos online and ... well, you know.

You know what we're saying, right, Kevin Blatt?

Anne Heche denies Laffoon's claims, and says that all the items she took - her list includes four pillows from Bali, pink bedding and a "picture of saint" - were hers.

"All of the furniture, furnishings, artwork, etc. that was acquired during marriage and paid for with funds earned during the marriage remains at the home," she says in court papers.

The furniture fracas comes weeks after a judge ruled the former couple's 5-year-old son Homer will live with his loser father in L.A. while Heche films Men in Trees in Canada.

He will have alternate weekend visits with Anne Heche, a one-time and possibly future lesbian, while she shoots the ABC show.

Laffoon, 33, a former videographer who married Heche in 2001, filed for divorce in February, triggering a war of words and custody dispute.

He has questioned Heche's lack of parenting and sanity, and accused the actress of resorting to lies to win custody of - and destroy his relationship with - their son.

Heche, who is dating her Men In Trees co-star, James Tupper, has defended her parenting and accused Laffoon of making outrageous financial demands.

Brooke Hogan fakes being a quality singer every time she takes the stage. But does the daughter of wrestling legend Hulk Hogan also fake the possession of natural breasts?

The following photos appear to make a strong case for such an accusation. Brooke used to have a chest that was smaller than the chances of Britney Spears actually be sorry for whaling on paparazzi with an umbrella.

Now, though? Well, Victoria Beckham and her giant boobs have nothing to worry about - but Hogan is definitely packing some new cleavage. 

At least Kellie Pickler, who has also been rumored to have undergone a breast enhancement, can actually carry a tune. But combine Brooke's fake boobs with her phony career as an artist and we're left to wonder which is faker:

Professional wrestling or anything related to Brooke Hogan?

It's the same thing we often ask ourselves about Heidi Montag and her chest: Are the new large boobs as fake as her smile whenever celebrity gossip photographers are around her and Spencer Pratt?

We may never know.

Lionel Richie says he "doesn't know" if his daughter, Nicole Richie, is pregnant. Obviously, he doesn't read this or any other celebrity gossip site.

After all, it's pretty well confirmed that Nicole is pregnant.

Nonetheless, Lionel Richie poked fun at himself for being an out-of-touch father of late, pleading to People, "Nicole, baby, call me!"

The pop legend was serious, though, in discussing how his life might change if his daughter is pregnant - and she definitely is.

"Grandpa, man, that's wild," Lionel Richie said at the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans on Saturday. "I don't know if I'm going to be grandpa. I don't know if I'm ready to be called grandpa."

Lionel, you can drop the "if," man. Sure as summer days are long and Paris Hilton's pussy seems to pop up in many celebrity photo galleries, your daughter's got a bun in the oven.

As for his daughter's fame, Lionel says that Nicole Richie is "living her life under a microscope, but it's the kind of life you live at that age."

Richie also told a group of reporters he believes Nicole is fabulous.

"She keeps apologizing [about being in the news so much], I tell you, she's doing exactly what you're supposed to do... she's living her life. If we had cell phones, MySpace, Internet back then, God knows what my parents would have known about The Commodores."

Lionel Richie, looking fit in blue jeans and a white dress shirt, played several of his hits from Commodores era at the Superdome on the final day of the Essence Music Festival.

The festival returned to New Orleans this year after a one-year move to Houston while the Katrina-damaged Superdome was being repaired.

"There comes a time in your career when people tell you that you've made it, and that's what I feel has happened to me," Richie said. "I just feel completely honored to apply these songs to be part of helping New Orleans recover, and I'm humbled by how this city has embraced me."

Saturday's concert for the city of New Orleans also featured Mary J. Blige, Kelly Rowland, Ne-Yo and Maze featuring Frankie Beverly.

"That, what you heard tonight, was pure foundation. I'm just sorry I didn't have my platform shoes and Afro," Lionel Richie said.

Lionel Richie says his immediate plans are to work on an album with Ne-Yo and go on tour in Europe and Australia.

Rowland, who performed snippets of several songs for about 20 minuets as the first act on Saturday, was also ecstatic to be in the Big Easy as a solo artist.

Said Kelly Rowland: "When I was four, I told my momma, 'I want to sing on stage like Whitney Houston with a red dress on.'"