Rosie O'Donnell may have laid into Paula Abdul this morning, but her former rival laid into an animal with far more supporters:

Chickens.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck revealed this morning that she's chopped off a chicken's head - and then proceeded to gross out the audience with how this is actually done.

The right chicken winger used hand motions to describe how to accurately decapitate one of these animals, something just a tad more disgusting than Paris Hilton making out with Cisco Adler.

As a result, The View host is the latest celebrity to incur the wrath of PETA. She can talk to Beyonce and Michael Vick about what it's like to be on the receiving end of a press release such as the following:

PETA has two words for Hasselbeck, ‘Cluck you!' Next to Barbara and Joy, who expressed compassion, Elisabeth sat there chirping about the joys of killing defenseless birds. Conservatives love animals too, and she ruffled a lot of feathers today. Now that [Whoopi Goldberg] has joined the show, maybe it's time for Hasslebeck's head to go on the chopping block.

Look out, Elisabeth. Pamela Anderson and Holly Madison nude will soon be on your case, as well.

On second thought, perhaps we should start talking about murdering chickens instead of celebrity gossip if it means those fine ladies will pay attention to us.

The celebrity gossip rumors are true:

Kim Kardashian and her spoiled family are getting a reality show. And it couldn't come at a better time, either; with Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton's The Simple Life off the air now, what waste of space was gonna fill that primetime void?

Enter the Kardashian clan. They may make Britney Spears, Ali Sims and that family look normal. Okay, maybe not.

Kim Kardashian and her giant boobs: Coming to a TV screen near you!

Here's what Kim had to say about the stars of the untitled show:

"We're all so different. Khloe's, like, hysterical and says these ridiculous things. Kourtney is such a bitch. I'm in between. Brody's so wild. The two little ones are adorable... It's just such a good mix."

Yep, that's Brody Jenner, The Hollywood Gossip's favorite ladies man himself. He and Kim are step-siblings, for those not aware of these important details.

We wish we could say this show wouldn't get any ratings, but people love watching Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag splash around on the beach. So anything starring Kim Kardashian will probably be a hit, as well.

The Ray J sex tape certainly was.

She's been best known for hanging with Britney Spears, but now her cousin / BFF / personal biatch, Alli Sims, is aiming for a career of her own.

Many celebrity news outlets have been watching Sims' official website closely, and on Monday, Spears' former assistant updated it to include her first song - a cover of "On My Own," from the stage musical Les Misérables.

The newly launched singer says she has a staunch supporter in Britney Spears.

Shrugging off the typical celebrity gossip and rumors that Britney resented her decision to pursue her lifelong dream, Alli Sims, 26, says:

"She heard my songs on the laptop and was like, 'I love this song! This is you singing?' She has always been supportive."

Sims' comments are in slight contrast to recent reports of her estrangement from Spears and collaborations with K-Fed to protect their kids from the train wreck.

As for Spears' parenting skills, which have come under fire from Kevin Federline, his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan and others, Sims tells People, "She's a wonderful mom and she is so hands-on. ... Britney loves those babies to death. And they adore her."

Maybe Alli should read our stunning report on Sean Preston and Jayden James from yesterday and see if she's still willing to sing that tune afterward.

When it comes to her music, the Southerner is after a "soulful" sound, and the single on her Web site is "more of a filler song until I get my new stuff recorded. Honestly, we put that one up there because all the other ones I had put down in the past had a little more of a country vibe, and I do not want to go there at all."

Further distinguishing herself from Spears, Alli Sims also says, "I don't dance, I'm not pop. I'm more bluesy, more Norah Jones-ish. I don't want to appeal to just my age group."

Having moved to L.A. after college with a music career in mind, Sims made ends meet by working with noted wedding planner Mindy Weiss and, more recently, for Britney Spears.

"I was doing that for a while, and we had a great time together," Alli Sims says of Britney. "Now I hope everything falls into place, and maybe by January I will have a lot of things under my belt and get to release something. I just want to do what I love. Music is my passion."

Reports say that a solo Alli is making music with the likes of such in-demand producers as Evan Bogart and J.R. Rotem.

No word on whether Rotem has making the same kind of "music" he's made with Alli's "cousin" in the past. We're talking about J.R. tanging Britney wheelbarrow style!

And you think you've seen it all.

Some spontaneous, all-natural Heidi Montag bikini pictures have surfaced on the Internets. We never saw this coming. The girl keeps such a low profile!

It's good to see that Heidi Montag and her totally awesome boyfriend (or future husband?), Brody Jenner's ex-pal Spencer Pratt have finally decided to allow photos of themselves to be taken. Really, you two are too gorgeous to remain hidden from the public.

Please take a long look at the photos of Heidi Montag in a bikini below. As you can see, Spencer Pratt is doing exactly that as he pushes his "fiancee" on  a surfboard and inspects that surgically-enhanced booty thoroughly.

Also, note her "Girls Gone Wild" bikini. Emblazoned on the ass of a girl desperately pleading for attention, the name of Joe Francis' video empire certainly seems appropriate in this pic.

Surely he would agree, but he probably too busy trying to avoid being violated in prison to comment on anything regarding The Hills at this time.

So, to sum up, it's the same old "yes, we are really happy couple - we're not just publicity crazed brats posing for the cameras" (no they're not, and yes they are) "water sports" photo shoot - only with a new bikini and a new activity (surfing).

Hope you enjoyed. And have joined the unofficial Lauren Conrad fan club.

Long before Keeley Hazell has ever though of putting a camera in the hands of her lover as she gave him a blow job, Pamela Anderson was perfecting the art of the sex tape.

Or was she?!?

Ten years after the former Baywatch star and ex-husband Tommy Lee filmed themselves during many sexual romps on a boat, the large-breasted actress is claiming she never knew the recording was taking place.

At a taping of Tom Green's internet talk show, Anderson said she didn't know film was in the camera. At all. During any of the hour-upon-hour footage. We'd believe Jodie Sweetin more if she claimed she wasn't desperate for attention.

Long before Uma Thurman and Arky Busson kissed in public, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee did the same.

In response to caller's question about breaking into the porn industry, Anderson playfully advised, "Just marry a rock star... Date a rock star and when they say there's no film in the camera, there really is."

Seriously, Pamela? You want us to believe that you weren't aware that this sex tape was being filmed, let alone that it would be released? Even Dustin Diamond eventually admitted he had planned his video all along.

Anderson and Lee were married in February of 1995. They have two children together, 11-year-old Brandon and 9-year-old Dylan.

We'd prefer if Pam following in the naked footsteps of Olivia Mojica and owned up to her sex tape actions. But she must figure it's not too late to recapture that wholesome image.

The day on which Whoopi Goldberg was officially named to the panel of The View, the show's old instigator could not keep her mouth shut again.

Rosie O'Donnell took to her fourth grade writing style again via her blog, this time focusing her wrath on Paula Abdul.

Writing in her immature and lame customary haiku style on her site, O'Donnell posted a lengthy message in apparent reference to Abdul's Bravo reality show Hey, Paula. She writes, in part:

right now
paula abdul would yell action
and the result would be
what we all see

there r times
u r so broken
fragile
pain filled
love less
desperate
raw
vulnerable
so needy for love ...

hey paula
we cringe
at r selves
thru u

Who does Rosie think she is, Candy Spelling? How is Abdul's lifestyle any of her business?

Of course, this is not the first time O'Donnell has taken Abdul to task. In January, when American Idol hosts Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Abdul were drawing fire for being too mean to season-six contestants, O'Donnell reprimanded the trio from her seat on The View.

"Isn't that what America thinks is entertainment?" O'Donnell asked. "To make fun of someone's physical appearance and then when they leave the room laugh hysterically at them â€" three millionaires, one probably intoxicated," she said, in apparent reference to Abdul, who had exhibited some odd behavior while promoting the FOX show.

The truth is, of course, that Paula Abdul is undoubtedly spoiled and insane. Good luck with that, JT Torregiani.

But we're also sick of Rosie O'Donnell constantly sticking her nose into other people's lives. You're off TV now. Go be a good mother to your adopted children and stop passing judgments on every individual that doesn't agree with you.

And learn how to write like an adult.

As Britney Spears' parenting skills are coming under intense scrutiny, Kevin Federline's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, talked to Us Weekly about it.

In addition to having a cool sounding name, the attorney shed light on the couple's divorce, custody situation, and K-Fed's concerns about the safety of his children when with Spears.

Us Weekly: Is Kevin Federline happy with Monday's court proceedings finalizing the divorce?
Mark Vincent Kaplan: I think that he was pleased that that phase of the case could be finalized.

Us: How does he feel about the current 50/50 shared custody agreement?
Mark Vincent Kaplan: I think that Kevin would like to have as much custody as he could get because he feels that the children would benefit by that. I'm sure Britney Spears wants more custody as well. I don't think anyone should draw any presumption or conclusion from the fact that the judgment was entered on Monday, that everything is fine as of Monday.

Us: Is the question of custody still open?
Mark Vincent Kaplan: The judgment could be filed but it might not relate to the current circumstances, it might relate to prior ones, and there's always an ability to at least apply to the court that you need to change in the interest of the kids.

Us: What's Kevin like as a father?
Mark Vincent Kaplan: I don't want to talk about the kids, but I can say that he is a hands-on dad and I think that he is a very focused parent who believes that any kids, but especially kids of this young age, need to have structure and consistency and that he has always provided that and wants to make sure that they get the benefit of that as much as possible.

Us: Is he concerned when Sean Preston and Jayden James aren't under his care?
Mark Vincent Kaplan: Well I can't say how he feels about it, but I can say that all of these things that come out [about Britney], if true, are cause for concern to me. He is someone who has gone out of his way to protect his kids as much as possible. I don't recall ever seeing a picture of him with his kids in tow out in public because he feels that could subject them to an unnecessary risk and doesn't benefit them. His desire is that these kids have a chance to grow up free, in as normal an environment as possible. He's somebody that never has tried to boost his appearance in public through his children.

Once you see Kim Kardashian nude, no task seems too daunting.

Therefore, Nick Cannon - one of Kim's many, many ex-boyfriends - must feel relaxed heading into this year's Teen Choice Awards, where he'll join Hilary Duff as the program's hosts.

Duff won Teen Choice awards in 2003 (Choice Movie Breakout Star, for The Lizzie McGuire Movie) and 2005 (Choice Movie Blush Scene, for A Cinderella Story). The 19-year-old actress and singer has been nominated eight other times, a feat new boy toy Mike Comrie must be very proud of.

Cannon has earned four nominations of his own, including one this year, for Choice TV Personality. The 26-year-old comedian has yet to win, a disappointment that fiancee Selita Ebanks must feel every night.

Other celebrities due to appear at the event on August 26 include Jessica Alba, Megan Fox, Emmy Rossum, Lauren Conrad, Miley Cyrus, Ashlee Simpson, Anna Paquin, Dane Cook, Jared Padalecki and Taylor Kitsch.

Justin Timberlake has won a record 18 surfboards since 1999, and got four more nods this year.

First-time nominees this year include Lily Allen, Shia LaBeouf, Sacha Baron Cohen, America Ferrera and Sanjaya Malakar.

For some reason, neither Hayden Panettiere nor Kristin Cavallari was nominated for Best Bikini Body. We demand a recount.

Hayden Panettiere and Kristin Cavallari have some things in common.

They're among the more attractive celebrites we talk about, for one, and far too young for some readers to start thinking about in that way without feeling dirty.

Also, Stephen Colletti has gone there. Both times.

What we're here to talk about today, however, is their respective looks while wearing bikinis. After all, Hayden Panettiere is a self-proclaimed bikini girl!

People spotted Hayden in an adorable striped bikini recently, and she's been hitting the beach in Malibu on lunch break from filming her hit show Heroes in a gold-trimmed number (right).

Which bikini-clad cutie is your favorite?

Meanwhile, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari, soaking up the sun - thanks to that revealing suit, wow - enjoys a visit to Malibu's Polaroid Beach House with beau Nick Zano.

Kristin, who dated Stephen Colletti (boyfriend of Hayden Panettiere) while in high school, recently moved in with Nick Zano, her boyfriend of about a year.

So it doesn't look like there's any bad blood between the two. In fact, Kristin and Hayden were all smiles when they ran into each other shopping fairly recently!

Kristin Cavallari and Lauren Conrad, though? That's another story.

Melanie Brown has learned a lot from Brynn Cameron:

Complain to celebrity gossip reporters about your lazy baby's daddy and watch the money pour in!

Scary Spice, however, has taken it up a notch from lessons learned from the former girlfriend of Matt Leinart: she and her lawyer Gloria Allred, addressed ongoing paternity issues with Eddie Murphy during a press conference yesterday.

People reports that Allred, who claims that Murphy "has not paid one penny of child support" for the former couple's daughter, said she plans to ask the court to award child support and "to decide what is reasonable."

Allred said she has filed a paternity case against Murphy to legally establish that he is the father of their nearly 4-month-old daughter, Angel Iris Murphy Brown, a celebrity baby with far less air time than Sean Preston or Jayden James.

"We've had communication with his attorney, and now we're moving forward," she said at the press conference. The papers are sealed because they concern a child, she added.

"[The fiance of Tracey Edmonds] was promising to do the right thing, but to date he has not done the right thing," said Allred. "Mr. Murphy can have all the babies he chooses to have, but his responsibility needs to be to his own children. [Brown] is seeking sole physical and legal custody."

Allred referred to the "big diamond ring" Murphy bought Edmonds as proof that this actor is very well off... despite the performance of Norbit at the box office.

Brown, wearing a white dress and trying to look at innocent as Jessica Simpson, told the gathered reporters:

"I am here for one reason and one reason only â€" her name is Angel. Angel is my baby and Eddie's. She will always know that she was planned and wanted by both of us, but I want her to know that she has two parents who desire to be responsible for her during her life and who love her so much that they want to be a part of it."

Brown gave birth to the baby girl on April 3. She said from the beginning that Murphy was the father, but he reacted oppositely from Larry Birkhead, initially questioned that claim. He finally took the DNA test in June.