Michael Lohan is a tool.
Seriously. He may very well want his daughter Lindsay to get help. His intentions there may be genuine. But he remains a Grade A fame-obsessed loser.
When he's not emailing THG, he can't refrain from trashing Lindsay Lohan to any media outlet that will listen, regarding any topic that comes to mind.
After hearing that Lindsay's new acting role - as Deep Throat star Linda Lovelace in an upcoming biopic of the porn star - Mike couldn't hide his disgust.
"Oh, I don't even want to go there!" he said Friday - but then he went there.
"Come on! Seriously - why? She did Parent Trap, Confessions [of a Teenage Drama Queen], Freaky Friday, Mean Girls, Just My Luck and Herbie. And you know what? Georgia Rule was a fantastic movie. People don't give her credit for it."
1. No it wasn't, and 2. Thanks for reading her IMDB page, Mike.
You know these two pictures are really old because 1. Lindsay Lohan and Michael Lohan are both in them, together, and 2. She looks really happy and alert!
"Now this? Why? Who makes these decisions? If I was there, it would never happen, believe me. There's no way to resurrect your career after that."
"So many people have come to me with offers for Lindsay for great family-style films, general audience kind of releases, but you know ... whatever."
Earth to Mike: The career has already bottomed out. Girl might as well get paid, and have you ever heard of typecasting? Lindsay Lohan. Linda Lovelace.
They've got more in common than alliterative names, let's just say that.
Still, Michael remains hopeful that better days lie ahead.
"Don't give up hope. I am telling you now, if she gets the help that she needs, she is going to be right back on top, just like Robert Downey, Jr."
On top of Samantha Ronson, maybe. That's about it.