He's one. She's 25. Yet the precious little Jayden James Federline seems to have a better grasp of reality than does his crazy mama these days.

Not only that, but he seems more adept at everyday tasks. Such as putting on pants (at least diapers) and leaving the house fully clothed.

It's a state of affairs that's not lost on l'il Jayden ...

Britney Spears is falling out of her clothes. Again. Who knows if she's got any pants or underwear on. Sigh. Even Jayden James has to be shaking his head by now.

Being the focal point of celebrity gossip can be trying, but Jayden James, who turned one Wednesday, and his older bro Sean Preston, who's two years old today, can take solace in the fact that they somehow survived another year - while appearing smarter than Britney Spears and Kevin Federline combined.

And in a few years, they'll be able to make a run for it.

Talk about a misguided Cash deposit!

Celebrity gossip circles are reeling from the news that Cash Warren may slept with Russian model Vera Mishina, thereby screwing up his rekindled relationship with Jessica Alba.

Reportedly, the actress now regrets taking Cash back.

Mishina told her story to The National Enquirer, even passing a lie detector as she described "the night he picked me up and got me into his bed... acting like the world's biggest single man."

The random model went on to say: "But I found out that only hours after being with me, he was on a plane back to L.A., where he was then photographed having dinner with her (Alba) and acting affectionate."

That's true. We have the Jessica Alba picture to prove it.

No Money Shot, Honey: Cash Warren tries to explain away rumors of his cheating. Will Jessica Alba buy it? Will she give Cash credit for honesty? Can we come up with any more puns related to his name? Stay tuned!

"If he had told me they had gotten back together there's no way I would have allowed him to sleep with me," Mishina whined. "I now feel like all he wanted was a one-night stand. I feel used. Cash wasn't very honest to lead me along like he did. Jessica may want to rethink taking him back. He cheated on her the minute he was away from her."

Sounds like Cash will need to be pretty money to talk his way out of this dalliance.

Hey, at least one person is still on Team Britney!

Well, two if you're gonna count that nut Chris Crocker.

Ding dang, wouldn't you know it, Britney Spears' "cousin" and "assistant," the aspiring "singer" Alli Sims, has jumped to her ol' boss' defense.

Alli Sims doesn't know why people don't weave Britney alone, and says Sarah Silverman's opening remarks at the MTV Video Music Awards just "mean."

"Have you seen Britney's kids? Oh my god! They are the most adorable little mistakes you will ever see!" Silverman said at the VMAs. "They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of."

THG NOTE: Britney had a C-section for both births, making Sarah's jokes off the mark. But the fact remains Britney goes clubbing with no underwear, so one can excuse Silverman's error. A comedian can't not go there, you know?

Anyway. Alli Sims was making a run to the grocery store for the 25-year-old star Wednesday when photographers asked if she had anything to say.

Alli Sims: Britney's cousin? Assistant? Pal?

"What about Sarah Silverman?" one guy asked Sims (on behalf of the venerable celebrity news agency X17 online. "Do you have anything to say to her?"

Alli's reply: "She's mean... MEAN! She'll have kids one day and she won't appreciate that crap."

THG NOTE: Sarah Silverman has said in the past that she does not want, and believes she won't ever have, children. But again, neither here nor there.

In any case, it's good to see Alli and Britney back together again. Maybe Sims' "solo" career didn't gain much traction? Here's hoping they can get Shannon Funk to come over for a some three-way girl-on-girl action and videotape it.

Look away, Stephen Colletti.

Just a few days after the Laguna Beach alum had his heart broken by Hayden Panettiere, a possibly revealing picture of the Heroes actress and her co-star has popped up.

Based purely on this photograph, Hayden looks quite chummy with Milo Ventimiglia, doesn't she? The pair may be related on Heroes... but they may be relating between the sheets in real life. If you know what we mean!

It's okay. We can make that joke now because Hayden is 18.

Pssst: I'll show you my super power if you show me yours.

Bashing Britney Spears is so September 10.

Yes, most of the online community has moved on, and now it's time to take cheap shots at the random-ass loons we only know exist because of her - namely her most famous Internet defender: Chris Crocker.

By now you've surely seen Crocker's tearful defense of Britney Spears ("She had two f*%king kids! Her husband was a USER!") circulating on the web.

Yes, Chris Crocker. Britney is a human being. An absurd one, not unlike you. Funny how that works. That said, everyone is lining up to poke fun at both.

Even Seth Green.

Sporting enough eyeliner to resemble Pete Wentz, Seth Green went on MySpace TV and screamed into the camera, skewering the effeminate, teenage Chris Crocker by begging fans to just leave him alone, man!

"You have not spent a mile walking in his sneakers ... or platform pumps," Green shrieks. "I don't know what he wears but I bet it's stylish!"

Just a guess here, but it's probably pumps. Or stiletto heels.

And yes, Seth Green has gone from an actor best known for some of the great Can't Hardly Wait quotes 10 years ago to a guy on our site solely because he lampoons a guy who defends Britney. As The Hollywood Gossip world turns....

Here's Seth Green impersonating Chris Crocker:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiqkDm9UoKo[/youtube]

Justin Timberlake may be seeing Jessica Biel nude a lot these days.

But anyone who read Gear magazine a few years ago enjoyed a rather full glimpse of this knockout when she was just 17. Biel posed topless for the publication - and now admits she regrets the decision.

"It was horrible. I embarrassed my family, I embarrassed myself. I felt humiliated and taken advantage of," Biel recently said.

The actress is trying to learn from the experience, however, and would probably tell Vanessa Hudgens to also toughen up through her current troubles.

"Now I can look at the pictures and not be disgusted with myself. I don't have to cry about it. I consider it to be a really good learning experience," Biel added.

Las Vegas police say O.J. Simpson is a suspect in a Thursday night break-in of a Palace Station hotel room ... involving sports memorabilia.

Was good ol' Orenthal the knife-wielding maniac trying to get his #32 jersey or Heisman back? Is that six-figure NFL pension not enough? Who knows.

The ex-NFL star was supposed to be in Miami today, according to TMZ, for a deposition in a bankruptcy case involving his eldest daughter, Arnelle - but it was canceled because the Juice said he was going out of town.

Hotel sources in Las Vegas report that O.J. did not have a room booked for himself, but confirm that Simpson was spotted in the hotel Thursday night.

Most scumbags of this nature would be content committing a double murder and getting off, but apparently, O.J. Simpson is intent on continuing the crime spree.

Las Vegas Police spokesman Jose Montoya said O.J. Simpson was released, and is believed to still be in Sin City. Sounds like a regular Ocean's 11 caper to us!

Except for the fact that, you know, none of the people in that movie ever killed two people in cold blood, then rubbed it in the world's face.

We know we're in the minority here, but we frickin' despise this guy? Could yuo tell? Man, only O.J. could make Michael Vick look like a patron saint.

The staff at The Hollywood Gossip is proud to report that a pair of our favorite celebrities have survived to mark another year on this Earth.

It wasn't always easy.

Calling Amy Winehouse a big partier doesn't do it justice. There's having a good time, and there's doing hard drugs so often that the only good veins you've got left to shoot up in are between your toes. And there's the self-mutilation thing.

She's got a ton of singing talent, but this gal is bonkers! Suffice it to say, given the lifestyle Amy Winehouse and husband Blake Fielder-Civil lead, it's a small miracle this singer made it to 24. Happy birthday, girl - and a least a few more.

But Amy Winehouse lasting to the big 2-4 isn't it for today's milestones. It may be less amazing than l'il Sean Preston Federline making it to the big ... 2.

Gosh. Think about it. Every day is sure is an adventure for Sean Preston and his brother Jayden (who also celebrated a birthday this week).

Residing in Britney Spears' Malibu house of horrors, Sean Preston not only has to worry about malnourishment, neglect, and his teeth rotting out, but having his head split open when his insane mom drives with him on her lap or knocks him out of a high-chair (or almost tosses him on a sidewalk, above).

But through it all, Sean Preston is a survivor. Props to you, kid. And think about it - as your motor skills improve, you'll be able to physically defend yourself.

A sexy Evan Rachel Wood kept her white (hot!) gloves on during a special screening of her new musical romance, Across The Universe, Thursday.

The film opens in theaters nationwide next Friday, September 21. Oh, Evan's boyfriend, Marilyn Manson, waited on the sidelines during the screening.

Evan Rachel Wood says she isn't a fan of celebrity gossip, but she also recently told reporters that she doesn't see much of a point in complaining about it.

"I don't buy when people say [being harassed by celebrity photo agencies] is not their fault, because there is a way to control it. My experience with being famous and other celebrities has convinced me I wasn't built for it," she said.

"Maybe it was the way I was brought up, but it is really terrifying for me when a bunch of people are staring at me or chasing me. The other night, people were jumping on the car and banging on the windows. I don't think people know how scary that is. It is like a strange dream. It becomes animalistic to me, and creepy. But I try my best to stay out of it."

As for Marilyn Manson, he's a weird guy. But he's seen both Evan Rachel Wood and Dita Von Teese nude, so you have to kinda give him props.

Come on, admit it, Jennifer Lopez.

You're knocked up like Nicole Richie.

You're expecting like Halle Berry.

You're with child like Christina Aguilera.

Fellow celebrities aren't ashamed to come clean about their pregnancies. So phrase it however you want, but isn't it about time you let us know you've got a bun in your much-publicized oven?

Otherwise, we're just gonna assume this is a beer gut...