Kirsten Storms barely had time to enjoy her time in the drunken spotlight before another soap opera star stole it away.

The latest guilty party? Former General Hospital and The Bold and the Beautiful star Sean Kanan. He was busted by LAPD last month on suspicion of DUI.

Kanan posted $30,000 bail after he was caught during the wee hours of August 18. TMZ says He was charged with two counts: driving under the influence of alcohol and driving with a blood alcohol of .08 or greater.

The actor is due back in court on September 17 and faces a maximum penalty of one year in jail and a $1,000 fine, per count. He was also was convicted of DUI in 1998, making him extra sucky.

Who will you be rooting for this season on Dancing with the Stars?

The pair below is doing its best to earn your vote, as Melanie Brown and Maksim Chmerkovskiy pose seductively for the camera.

Melanie Brown is one of a few celebrities Dancing with the Stars this fall. Sabrina Bryan is another.

Man. Just when your smoking hot girlfriend turns 18 and you can legally tap that, she goes and breaks things off. We feel bad for Stephen Colletti.

Well, as bad as we possibly could feel for any dude who has hooked up with Lauren Conrad, Kristin Cavallari and Hayden Panettiere.

Point being: Hayden Panettiere is back on the market.

The Heroes hottie, 18, and her boyfriend of over a year, Laguna Beach alum Stephen Colletti, 21, have gone their separate ways, Us Weekly confirms.

The actress (who spent the end of August promoting Heroes in Europe with co-stars Milo Ventimiglia and Adrian Pasdar) seems to have moved on.

When celebrity news reporters asked, "Where's Stephen?" at the MTV VMAs September 9, she furrowed her brow and replied, "I don't know. California?"

Maybe it's because Hayden and Stephen Colletti had been drifting apart.

"Their breakup has been a long time coming," a pal told Us.

That doesn't mean the former sweethearts are feuding and ready to go all Kid Rock on each other's new boyfriends/girlfriends, though.

"We are still very close friends and talk to each other frequently. We appreciate and support each other's careers," Hayden Panettiere said.

Not to scare Jodie Sweetin, Halle Berry and other pregnant celebrities, but giving birth can be hard work. It's like the Iraq war in that way.

Take the case of Trista Sutter:

After struggling to conceive for two years, the former star of The Bachelorette stayed the vaginal course and finally became pregnant in November 2006.

"EPT sent me about 100 pregnancy tests, and I discovered I was pregnant with the very last one," Trista told Us Weekly in its latest cover story.

However, things got scary during Trista's ninth month. Her doctor found protein in her urine and tested Sutter for preeclampsia, a potentially fatal hypertensive disorder that typically occurs toward the end of a pregnancy. It wasn't fun.

"I was terribly nauseous and in a lot of pain," she said.

Trista was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome (a complication of preeclampsia).

"The risks are seizures and coma, so they kept me overnight for observation," the female version of Brad Womack explained. "I can't remember much of the next day. My liver was failing. The only cure for HELLP syndrome is to have the baby, so they induced me."

After six hours Trista's levels kept getting worse.

"I knew something was wrong when the doctor looked worried." Ryan, her husband, said. "They said there was a chance her liver could rupture. They were trying to get us to make a comfortable decision to go with a C-section. Eventually we said if Trista's health is deteriorating and we're jeopardizing the baby's health, then do what you have to do."

Fortunately, everyone in the new family is now safe and home resting.

Only Nick Zano gets to see Kristin Cavallari nude. Bastard.

But hey, at least we get to see the California cutie halfway there.

With all the constant attention paid to Lauren Conrad and The Hills, we were starting to wonder where her high school rival disappeared to. Then we came across this Kristin Cavallari photo and it heated up our office like the Laguna Beach sun.

So here you go. Enjoy this picture of a topless, half-naked Kristin Cavallari, but don't expect to finish that project you were working on beforehand ...

Man, Kristin is a hottie. Damn. We've seen enough of Vanessa Hudgens naked by now. Here's a former teen idol we wouldn't mind seeing take her place.

It's been a long year, but Jayden James Federline has defied critics and unlikely odds in surviving a full calendar year and turning one today, September 12!

Let's take a look back at Jayden James Federline's first year:

September 12, 2006: Born at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A. at 2 a.m., weighing 6 lbs., 11 oz. Cloaked in mystery (and blankets) immediately.

September 20, 2006: Goes home from the hospital and into Britney's Malibu house of horrors. We were thinking his name was Sutton Pierce Federline.

October 24, 2006: We learn Sutton Pierce is really Jayden James. Yeah, we will never live that down. Unless we stop bringing it up.

February 2007: Grainy pics of Jayden James start to emerge here and there, while the tyke visits mom in rehab a couple of times.

March-May 2007: Agencies take many more celebrity photos purportedly of Jayden James, but no confirmed sightings occur.

June 6, 2007: Played in the pool with Brit's quote-unquote cousin, Alli Sims. In other news, Sean Preston had an epic wedgie.

July 9, 2007: Swam naked with Daimon Shippen.

July 21, 2007: The first real, clear photos of Jayden James Federline are released. At 10 months, kid already has more hair than Britney's vagina.

August 1, 2007: Jayden James and Sean Preston appear on their first big magazine cover: Us Weekly! Begging for help, and to be set free!

August 14, 2007: Accompanies mom to dinner, where he has an accident and gets changed as celebrity gossip photographers watch and take pics.

September 4, 2007: Recoils in horror from the back seat of the car as his increasingly insane mom kisses his Spider-man doll.

September 9, 2007: While his crazy mama imploded on stage at the MTV VMAs, then partied in no pants, JJ and his big bro Sean P. celebrated his birthday with a pool party at the home of his relatively sane parent.

Aww. Look at Jayden James. Happy birthday, l'il fella. We're pulling for you.

Please, no one tell Chris Crocker the following.

We fear for what that insane YouTube poster and Britney Spears fan would do if he discovered that terrorists were out to murder his beloved train wreck. And this was before they saw her MTV Video Music Awards performance!

According to Aaron Klein's new book, "Schmoozing with Terrorists," our nation's enemies love celebrity gossip as much as we do.

In an interview with hater Muhammad Abdel-Al, the bad guy referred to Britney and Madonna as "prostitutes" and said: "If these two... keep doing what they will do, we of course will punish them... We can stone them and even we can kill them."

It's true. Check out the book's table of contents for yourself:

 

Of course, there are some celebrities the terrorists love, such as Richard Gere, Jane Fonda and Sean Penn. We're also guessing they won't do harm to Miss Iran, Sepideh Haftgoli... although she is dating an American in Andy Baldwin. So it's hard to say.

Naturally, the book also claims Jihadists love Mel Gibson.

Which is ironic. Because they hate freeeedooooom!

Fans of The Hills may disagree on whether they support Team Lauren or Team Heidi (heaven only knows why), but everyone wants to see more Whitney Port.

Why is this beautiful, expressive, funny and surprisingly sage gal so sparingly seen on The Hills? In large part, because that's how Whitney wants it.

Despite being featured - and listed as a star - on all three seasons of The Hills, Whitney appears primarily in the familiar context of her Teen Vogue office.

Whitney has said specifically in several episodes of the MTV The Hills Aftershow that she prefers to keep her personal life - which includes a year-long relationship with one seriously lucky guy - away from the cameras.

Contrast that with Heidi Montag, who can't get in front of them enough.

As far as Whitney's career goes, we all know she was an intern at Teen Vogue for two years, along with her friend and The Hills biggest star, Lauren Conrad.

As documented at the end of Season Two of The Hills, Whitney Port applied for a full-time position at Teen Vogue, which she got, now making her LC's boss.

Before working at Teen Vogue, Whitney Port interned for Women's Wear Daily. She graduated from the University of Southern California in 2007.

She currently lives in L.A. with Christina Schuller, who was also a cast member on Laguna Beach. Rumor has it that she was considering moving in with LC.

Whitney Catherine Port was born March 4, 1985, and raised in Los Angeles, Calif. Whitney's parents, along with her brother, Ryan, and her sisters, Paige, Jade and Ashley, still live in Los Angeles.

No one was more shocked watching Britney Spears' stinking up the joint at MTV's Video Music Awards Sunday night than the 25-year-old pop "star" herself.

"She was also able to see video of herself playing throughout the auditorium," a backstage source tells Us Weekly.

"She flipped out. She came running off the stage, yelling ‘Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!' She was inconsolable."

We wouldn't that far, but clearly, Spears has no one to blame but herself for her incredibly hyped and disastrous performance at the VMAs.

The lip-synching pop tart showed up late for her big comeback, reports the New York Post - completely unprepared and with a drink in her hand.

On Saturday, the day before the VMAs, Britney Spears was scheduled to arrive at rehearsal at around 1 p.m. You know where this is going.

"She didn't even get to Las Vegas until 4:30 p.m. It was ridiculous," an inside source tells the Post. "The production people at MTV were freaking out. Nobody can tell Britney what to do anymore. No one can control her. She is a mess."

To make matters worse, when she arrived in Vegas, Britney Spears didn't go straight to rehearsals, but instead to the mini-bar.

"She went to her hotel and ordered a bunch of food and some margaritas," the spy said. "She came down an hour later with a frozen margarita in her hand."

When Spears preformed, she stumbled a couple times and couldn't remember the words she was lip-syncing. She covered her mouth at one point but by the end of the song simply gave up any pretense of singing.

"The dance number was spectacular ... without Britney," said a Post source who witnessed the rehearsal. "When a stand-in was rehearsing with the dancers, in the hours they were all waiting for her, it was amazing. Then Britney showed up and refused to do anything."

Reportedly, the dancers were supposed to lift and twirl Spears in the air a few times, and that just wasn't going to happen in her condition. All of the more complicated dance moves had to be erased because she couldn't cut it.

Meanwhile, Britney Spears grew increasingly agitated because she didn't like the outfit MTV had selected for her. Says a source:

"MTV wanted her to wear a corset. It would have looked great and covered a lot of things up, but she hated it and didn't think it was sexy enough."

Instead, Spears changed into a bra-and-underwear outfit she'd brought with her - one that emphasized her weight gain over the last year.

Yes, Chris Crocker. We know she "had two f*%king kids." We're just sayin' there's a little more junk up in that trunk nowadays.

MTV execs weren't the only ones worried about the impending debacle. Another spy said worried dancers were texting pals, asking them to pray for them.

After the debacle, she allegedly broke down in tears but then partied until 3 a.m. and once again was photographed by paparazzi wearing no underwear.

You know, standard operating procedure.

You learn something every day in the celebrity news biz.

Today's lesson is that a "cocky, enigmatic frontman" for a legendary rock band looks very much like Kevin Federline with a Mohawk.

Well, at least in the One Tree Hill universe.

Britney Spears' former husband donned a spiky hairdo for his guest-starring gig on the CW series, according to Extra, which visited FedEx on the set.

"I'm really into the acting thing," Kevin Federline said. "I'm loving it!"

Who can blame him? He's probably getting paid money - an unfamiliar and surely enjoyable concept for a man of his ilk.

Also happy K-Fed is there are the producers, who cast him for a two-episode arc but may want him back for more, calling him a "perfect fit" to play the singer for No Means Yes, a rock band from the fictional town of Tree Hill, N.C.

"I kind of play this self-obsessed wannabe rock star," said the father of Sean Preston and Jayden James.

"A guy that really takes himself too seriously."

Federline, whose only other credits were a guest spot on CSI and a hilarious turn in an insurance commercial, says the new work suits him.

Asked about his music aspirations, Kevin Federline, who released an album last year, answered: "[I'm] definitely more focused on the acting thing."

Probably a good thing, given how the album worked out. We're sure he will deliver some of the best One Tree Hill quotes in the series' history.