It's been a long year, but Jayden James Federline has defied critics and unlikely odds in surviving a full calendar year and turning one today, September 12!

Let's take a look back at Jayden James Federline's first year:

September 12, 2006: Born at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A. at 2 a.m., weighing 6 lbs., 11 oz. Cloaked in mystery (and blankets) immediately.

September 20, 2006: Goes home from the hospital and into Britney's Malibu house of horrors. We were thinking his name was Sutton Pierce Federline.

October 24, 2006: We learn Sutton Pierce is really Jayden James. Yeah, we will never live that down. Unless we stop bringing it up.

February 2007: Grainy pics of Jayden James start to emerge here and there, while the tyke visits mom in rehab a couple of times.

March-May 2007: Agencies take many more celebrity photos purportedly of Jayden James, but no confirmed sightings occur.

June 6, 2007: Played in the pool with Brit's quote-unquote cousin, Alli Sims. In other news, Sean Preston had an epic wedgie.

July 9, 2007: Swam naked with Daimon Shippen.

July 21, 2007: The first real, clear photos of Jayden James Federline are released. At 10 months, kid already has more hair than Britney's vagina.

August 1, 2007: Jayden James and Sean Preston appear on their first big magazine cover: Us Weekly! Begging for help, and to be set free!

August 14, 2007: Accompanies mom to dinner, where he has an accident and gets changed as celebrity gossip photographers watch and take pics.

September 4, 2007: Recoils in horror from the back seat of the car as his increasingly insane mom kisses his Spider-man doll.

September 9, 2007: While his crazy mama imploded on stage at the MTV VMAs, then partied in no pants, JJ and his big bro Sean P. celebrated his birthday with a pool party at the home of his relatively sane parent.

Aww. Look at Jayden James. Happy birthday, l'il fella. We're pulling for you.

Please, no one tell Chris Crocker the following.

We fear for what that insane YouTube poster and Britney Spears fan would do if he discovered that terrorists were out to murder his beloved train wreck. And this was before they saw her MTV Video Music Awards performance!

According to Aaron Klein's new book, "Schmoozing with Terrorists," our nation's enemies love celebrity gossip as much as we do.

In an interview with hater Muhammad Abdel-Al, the bad guy referred to Britney and Madonna as "prostitutes" and said: "If these two... keep doing what they will do, we of course will punish them... We can stone them and even we can kill them."

It's true. Check out the book's table of contents for yourself:

 

Of course, there are some celebrities the terrorists love, such as Richard Gere, Jane Fonda and Sean Penn. We're also guessing they won't do harm to Miss Iran, Sepideh Haftgoli... although she is dating an American in Andy Baldwin. So it's hard to say.

Naturally, the book also claims Jihadists love Mel Gibson.

Which is ironic. Because they hate freeeedooooom!

Fans of The Hills may disagree on whether they support Team Lauren or Team Heidi (heaven only knows why), but everyone wants to see more Whitney Port.

Why is this beautiful, expressive, funny and surprisingly sage gal so sparingly seen on The Hills? In large part, because that's how Whitney wants it.

Despite being featured - and listed as a star - on all three seasons of The Hills, Whitney appears primarily in the familiar context of her Teen Vogue office.

Whitney has said specifically in several episodes of the MTV The Hills Aftershow that she prefers to keep her personal life - which includes a year-long relationship with one seriously lucky guy - away from the cameras.

Contrast that with Heidi Montag, who can't get in front of them enough.

As far as Whitney's career goes, we all know she was an intern at Teen Vogue for two years, along with her friend and The Hills biggest star, Lauren Conrad.

As documented at the end of Season Two of The Hills, Whitney Port applied for a full-time position at Teen Vogue, which she got, now making her LC's boss.

Before working at Teen Vogue, Whitney Port interned for Women's Wear Daily. She graduated from the University of Southern California in 2007.

She currently lives in L.A. with Christina Schuller, who was also a cast member on Laguna Beach. Rumor has it that she was considering moving in with LC.

Whitney Catherine Port was born March 4, 1985, and raised in Los Angeles, Calif. Whitney's parents, along with her brother, Ryan, and her sisters, Paige, Jade and Ashley, still live in Los Angeles.

No one was more shocked watching Britney Spears' stinking up the joint at MTV's Video Music Awards Sunday night than the 25-year-old pop "star" herself.

"She was also able to see video of herself playing throughout the auditorium," a backstage source tells Us Weekly.

"She flipped out. She came running off the stage, yelling ‘Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!' She was inconsolable."

We wouldn't that far, but clearly, Spears has no one to blame but herself for her incredibly hyped and disastrous performance at the VMAs.

The lip-synching pop tart showed up late for her big comeback, reports the New York Post - completely unprepared and with a drink in her hand.

On Saturday, the day before the VMAs, Britney Spears was scheduled to arrive at rehearsal at around 1 p.m. You know where this is going.

"She didn't even get to Las Vegas until 4:30 p.m. It was ridiculous," an inside source tells the Post. "The production people at MTV were freaking out. Nobody can tell Britney what to do anymore. No one can control her. She is a mess."

To make matters worse, when she arrived in Vegas, Britney Spears didn't go straight to rehearsals, but instead to the mini-bar.

"She went to her hotel and ordered a bunch of food and some margaritas," the spy said. "She came down an hour later with a frozen margarita in her hand."

When Spears preformed, she stumbled a couple times and couldn't remember the words she was lip-syncing. She covered her mouth at one point but by the end of the song simply gave up any pretense of singing.

"The dance number was spectacular ... without Britney," said a Post source who witnessed the rehearsal. "When a stand-in was rehearsing with the dancers, in the hours they were all waiting for her, it was amazing. Then Britney showed up and refused to do anything."

Reportedly, the dancers were supposed to lift and twirl Spears in the air a few times, and that just wasn't going to happen in her condition. All of the more complicated dance moves had to be erased because she couldn't cut it.

Meanwhile, Britney Spears grew increasingly agitated because she didn't like the outfit MTV had selected for her. Says a source:

"MTV wanted her to wear a corset. It would have looked great and covered a lot of things up, but she hated it and didn't think it was sexy enough."

Instead, Spears changed into a bra-and-underwear outfit she'd brought with her - one that emphasized her weight gain over the last year.

Yes, Chris Crocker. We know she "had two f*%king kids." We're just sayin' there's a little more junk up in that trunk nowadays.

MTV execs weren't the only ones worried about the impending debacle. Another spy said worried dancers were texting pals, asking them to pray for them.

After the debacle, she allegedly broke down in tears but then partied until 3 a.m. and once again was photographed by paparazzi wearing no underwear.

You know, standard operating procedure.

You learn something every day in the celebrity news biz.

Today's lesson is that a "cocky, enigmatic frontman" for a legendary rock band looks very much like Kevin Federline with a Mohawk.

Well, at least in the One Tree Hill universe.

Britney Spears' former husband donned a spiky hairdo for his guest-starring gig on the CW series, according to Extra, which visited FedEx on the set.

"I'm really into the acting thing," Kevin Federline said. "I'm loving it!"

Who can blame him? He's probably getting paid money - an unfamiliar and surely enjoyable concept for a man of his ilk.

Also happy K-Fed is there are the producers, who cast him for a two-episode arc but may want him back for more, calling him a "perfect fit" to play the singer for No Means Yes, a rock band from the fictional town of Tree Hill, N.C.

"I kind of play this self-obsessed wannabe rock star," said the father of Sean Preston and Jayden James.

"A guy that really takes himself too seriously."

Federline, whose only other credits were a guest spot on CSI and a hilarious turn in an insurance commercial, says the new work suits him.

Asked about his music aspirations, Kevin Federline, who released an album last year, answered: "[I'm] definitely more focused on the acting thing."

Probably a good thing, given how the album worked out. We're sure he will deliver some of the best One Tree Hill quotes in the series' history.

They say the best couples start out as friends.

If that's the case, then Zac Efron and Nikki Blonsky should have a wonderful life together.

While promoting Hairspray in Australia, Zac was asked about his on-screen chemistry with his co-star. Did it reflect their bond in real life?

"Well, there's no one better to work with. We honestly became best friends," Efron said. "It's cool that there's all these great older actors, but it's not like were gonna go, "Let's go hang out with Chris Walken, let's go to the mall.' You don't do that. Also, her family was so nice to me, they were like my other parents."

You mean, like your in-laws, Zac?

Might this be a direct shot at Vanessa Hudgens and a sign that Zanessa is on the ropes?

We can't say for sure. But we can say that Efron and Blonsky look quite chummy below:

Best Friends Forever alert! Zac Efron and Nikki Blonsky are closer these days than Kirsten Storms and a bottle of vodka.

Kanye West prides himself on being an educated, thinking man's rapper, a class act a cut above the typical gangsta-thug lyfe hip-hop fare.

That he may be. But he's also a raging, petulant egomaniac.

West has been on the warpath since being blanked at the MTV Video Music Awards yet again, taking issue with the voters as well as the program itself, chiding an unprepared Britney Spears as well as his own relegation to performing in a Palms luxury suite rather than the main stage.

And that's just on the record.

The rage of Kanye West is evident in a video sweeping the Internets, in which the rapper has a backstage meltdown punctuated by profanities toward MTV ...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-631TgPP2s[/youtube]

Yikes. Accentuating the positives (if there are any), MTV responded to Kanye West's blistering criticism about his treatment by lavishing him with praise.

"MTV has a long and collaborative relationship with Kanye and we hope and look forward to continuing that meaningful relationship," MTV' said in a statement.

Good to see they're taking the high road. Hopefully, Alexis Phifer can convince her talented, arrogant fiance to do the same.

Before Vanessa Hudgens naked photos hit the Web, the High School Musical actress was selected as the latest Neutrogena spokeswoman.

Will she keep this job after the scandal?

"We are aware of the situation, and until we know more information, we will refrain from making further comment," a Neutrogena rep said.

Fair enough.

Below, you can watch as Hudgens cleans her face with Neutrogena Oil-Free Acne Wash in one of the company's commercials. As for her image? Well, that's still almost as dirty as Rebecca Loos.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jABkWAG9wX0&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Epopcrunch%2Ecom%2Fneutrogena%2Ddropping%2Dnude%2Dvanessa%2Dhudgens%2F[/youtube]

Vanessa Anne Hudgens sells Neutrogena.

Lock up your husbands, women: Rebecca Loos is coming to America.

The British model - who is sort of known for her looks, but mostly known for having an affair with David Beckham a few years ago - wants to make it big in the States.

Of course, this hasn't really worked for David's wife, Victoria Beckham, so we're not sure why it would work for his ex-mistress. But, hey, America is the land of opportunity and all.

Loos was hired as the Beckhams' nanny and assistant, but she ended up playing with the soccer star's step-children a lot more than his actual kids... if you know what we mean!

Rumors have it that Rebecca is now hoping to go above and beyond the careers of other British beauties, such as Gemma Atkinson and Lucy Pinder. She wants to make it in movies, not just in naked photo spreads.

And, to paraphrase a famous announcer of Beckham's chosen sport, we wish her the best with that goooooaaaaaallll!

Wouldn't it be great if every time one of our favorite celebrities had a meltdown, Hayden Panettiere were there to weigh in on it?

Similarly, if every time a celebrity were asked a question about Sarah Silverman, the foul-mouthed comedian magically appeared?

Well, Hayden Panettiere was at LAX last night, returning from the VMAs in Las Vegas, when celebrity news photographers started asking her about - what else - Britney Spears' awful VMA performance and Sarah Silverman's jokes.

Regarding Silverman's effect on Spears, Hayden just turned around and said, "You can go ask her yourself, she's right there!"

Sure enough, there she was! What a neat trick! You don't see cheerleader Claire Bennet pulling off anything that cool on Heroes.

The photographer then went over and asked Sarah Silverman if she thought she was hard on Britney Spears.

"I hope not," she replied, simply.

Asked if she thought her routine (calling her kids mistakes, making references to Britney's oft-exposed vagina) threw Britney off, Sarah explained, "Since I didn't do any of my jokes until my performance, it couldn't possibly have."

Another Britney Spears excuse out the window. Sorry, Chris Crocker. We know you were holding out hope that this one was true.