Don't worry, ladies, The Hollywood Gossip isn't reserved for photos such as Alicia Machado naked.

We wanna please the fairer gender, as well, which is why our staff has come up with the following topless tussle between TV stars.

On the left, Patrick Dempsey is looking McDreamy in black, white and nary a shirt. The Grey's Anatomy star is featured in this week's Entertainment Weekly photo issue - and it's easy to see why.

On the right, Heroes' Milo Ventimiglia appears to be overwhelmed by his hands. Most women are focused on other body parts of this half-nude hunk, however.

Which shirtless stud do you prefer?

In a bit of an upset, but certainly a worthy win, actress Jenna Fischer has been named the number-one most eligible divorcee according to a new Maxim poll.

Best known as Pam Beesly on The Office, Fischer was married to screenwriter James Gunn, but recently came back on the market. Holla at her divorce lawyer!

Jenna Fischer beat out buxom pop "singer" Jessica Simpson, who was once Mrs. Nick Lachey and is now single after dating rocker John Mayer, among others.

Jenna Fischer: The hottest divorced celebrity out there. Call us!

Also in the running in this scientific contest were the sexually ambiguous Carmen Electra and recently divorced country crooner Sara Evans, who had to take herself out of last season's Dancing With The Stars to focus on the nasty split with her long-time, alleged pervert husband Craig Schelske.

Other contenders included Lost's blonde-locked Aussie Emilie de Ravin, the ex of many rockers Heather Locklear, and Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi, who recently split from controversial author Salman Rushdie.

Way back in the pack at an unimpressive #15 is Britney Spears. With a pair of little "mistakes" to drag around, a history of substance abuse and no career prospects to speak of, Britney's not the catch she once was!

The also-divorced Lynne Spears, on the other hand? MILF central!

This would be downright adorable if it weren't so digusting.

Lindsay Lohan and new play thing, Riley Giles, were spotted at a shopping center in Salt Lake City, Utah yesterday.

The couple hit up Overland for some fine sheepskins and leather, Starbucks for some caffine and Victoria's Secret for, well, you know.

Giles is competing with Javier Bardem this week for which random boyfriend can be seen with his famous girlfriend most often. It's a close battle so far.

But if it makes Riley feel any better, he's got Barden beaten by a mile for which random boyfriend needs to get tested for the most sexually transmitted diseases.

Today's emergency hearing in the Britney Spears and Kevin Federline custody case ended without any ruling.

After meeting in court, the cafeteria, and in chambers regarding Spears' request for overnight visits with her sons Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, supervised by her mother, Lynne Spears, lawyers for both have "indicated they need to meet further" and will contact the court at a later date.

Earlier, Judge Scott M. Gordon questioned the validity of today's hearing, which was called by lawyers for Britney Spears, and said that the pop "singer" had put herself in this predicament through her own choices.

Gordon told Britney Spears' attorney, Anne Kiley, that he didn't consider this an emergency situation. "Your client made a conscious choice not to do what was ordered," Gordon said. "A choice that put us in this position."

Oh. No. He. Didn't.

The hearing reaffirms last week's decision to give Kevin Federline custody of the former couple's sons until the exes' next court date October 26.

Britney Spears is allowed visits with Sean Preston and Jayden James, but only during the day and if supervised by a court monitor.

Federline's attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, said in response to Britney's request to have Lynne Spears monitor overnight visits: "I do not favor family members as monitors. It's an inherent conflict of interest."

In a display of how seriously she takes this, Britney Spears decided not make an appearance in person at the hearing, which took place at 8:30 a.m. in L.A.

Fortunately, no Britney Spears upskirt pic was entered into evidence. Wednesday night, Spears left her house around midnight, drove around town, and arrived at a private house at 2 a.m. She appears to have stayed there all morning.

UPDATE - STORY DEVELOPING: As of 5:30 p.m., Britney Spears will now be allowed one overnight visit with her kids per week - at least for the time being.

A court spokesman said today was the result of a compromise. Kaplan met with Britney's lawyers during lunch and the attorneys agreed to "slightly increase" her visitation. In other words, K-Fed agreed to give Brit a break... and a chance.

A judge said Wednesday that a celebrity gossip blogger may be questioned about a report claiming Lindsay Lohan's friend planted cocaine in the actress' car.

DJ Samantha Ronson has sued Perez Hilton for defamation after he repeated a report that first appeared on the Web site CelebrityBabylon.com.

"I am not now and have never been a drug user," Samantha Ronson stated in a declaration filed with the court Monday. "I have never handled or touched cocaine. I did not place any cocaine at any place at any time."

According to the $20 million lawsuit, both postings defamed Ronson by stating she planted drugs found in Lohan's car after it crashed into a tree in Beverly Hills on May 26, and that she set up her friend to be photographed while under the influence.

Superior Court Judge Elihu M. Berle said Ronson's attorneys can take a four-hour deposition from Perez Hilton (real name Mario Lavandeira).

Hilton's attorney, Bryan J. Freedman (no relation to Britney Spears' friend and choreographer Brian Friedman) said his client made sure the data was "accurate and trustworthy" before he published it on his Hollywood gossip blog.

"He stands by his actions as being legal and proper and believes that the First Amendment protects him," Freedman said.

Ronson must prove that even if the report was erroneous, Perez Hilton acted maliciously, Freedman said after the hearing.

"The judge, at this point, found that they didn't provide any evidence of malice... so the judge was going to give them one more bite of the apple" by allowing the attorneys to question Hilton, he said.

"If Ms. Ronson is attempting to get some sort of relief in court and to show that Mario Lavandeira had any malice, I think she's going to a hardware store for milk. It's not going to happen," Freedman said.

Samantha Ronson also sued celebrity photo agency head Jill Ishkanian, whose Sunset Photo and News Agency operates CelebrityBabylon.com.

However, the judge was told Wednesday that Ishkanian's attorneys settled with Ronson, whose lawyer, Martin Garbus said the case may be dismissed Thursday.

Remember Drew Carey? The rotund funny man reportedly has a new fiancée: Nicole Jaracz, a recent graduate of culinary school.

That's a convenient choice. The man can eat! Nicole Jaracz had better be ready to put those culinary skills to proper use!

"It will be the first marriage for both. No date for a wedding has been set yet," said a statement from Drew Carey's publicist Christina Papadopoulos. "They are both very happy and excited about their future together."

Drew Carey proposed to Nicole Jaracz October 9.

On October 15, Drew Carey, 49, will officially begin his new game show host gig as successor to Bob Barker as host of The Price Is Right, now in its 36th season.

The Gummi Bear look-alike previously hosted CBS' The Power of 10 and created and starred on ABC's The Drew Carey Show. His glasses are actually just a prop.

Billionaire businessman Richard Branson was a busy guy yesterday, launching the first of Virgin America's three daily flights from San Francisco to Las Vegas.

Naturally, he brought Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge along.

In need of some star power to help build up press for the affair, Branson looked to Lauren and Audrina, the stars of MTV's reality show The Hills, along with former centerfolds Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra. Hey, whatever works.

Richard Branson is flanked by Hills babes Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge.

In related news, The Hollywood Gossip is looking to launch a sister website next year and plans to invite D-list "stars" such as J.R. Rotem, Javier Bardem and Kimberly Stewart to help build up press at its huge premiere night bash.

At least when Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt decided to be media whores... there was no pretense of them being anything but media whores.

But Rachael Ray, once a respected face on the Food Network, has taken heat - and many people think she should get out of the kitchen - for selling out.

Celebrity food/travel guru Anthony Bourdain is the latest to turn up the heat on Ray over taking untold millions to star in a new Dunkin' Donuts ad campaign.

"She's hugely influential, particularly with children," Anthony Bourdain says in the November issue of Outside magazine. "And then she goes around endorsing Dunkin' Donuts. It's like endorsing crack for kids."

Anthony Bourdain, host of No Reservations on the Travel Channel, is never one to hold back his thoughts. The topic of Rachael Ray selling out is hardly off limits.

"I'm not a very ethical guy. I don't have a lot of principles," he adds. "But somehow this seems over the line. Juvenile diabetes has exploded. Half of Americans don't have necks. And she's up their saying, 'Eat some [...] Dunkin' Donuts. You look great in that swimsuit, eat another donut! Evil."

It's true. Ray shilling for DD is like Lauren Conrad being nominated for a Best Actress Emmy or Jenna Jameson getting a similar Oscar nod.

Rachael Ray's rep responded: "Anyone who knows Rachael and watches her on TV is aware she promotes balance and moderation, instead of living life in extremes."

In fact, when the company announced her ad deal, Dunkin' Donuts said it asked Ray for insight in creating what it calls its "better for you" food and beverage options ... lighter fare that includes smoothies and low carb bagels.

Seriously. It's getting a tad old.

Who would have thought, back in 2000, that we'd one day get tired of Britney Spears upskirt photos. But how much of a train wreck singer's axe wound do we really need to see? How many times can a hairless vagina be thrust in one's face without the recipient saying "enough is enough."

There is no reasoning. At this point, more people have seen Britney Spears with no underwear or no pants than know what her last hit song was. Come on, Lynne Spears. We thought you were getting your daughter under control!

But anyway, for those of you aren't bored with this yet and who want another (censored) Britney Spears crotch shot, take a gander at this baby (factory) ...

PHOTO CREDIT: JFX Images / STORY: TMZ

Maybe Britney just needed to get some fresh air for the ol' coin slot after all the stress this custody battle and new album release are putting on her.

Either way, it's not entirely hot, in our opinion. And the court is not likely to give her overnight visits with Jayden James and Sean Preston with a Britney Spears upskirt pic as Exhibit A. Or similar ones that might be Exhibits B-Q.

Looks like Javier Bardem has something in common with Penelope Cruz's ex-boyfriend, Matthew McConaughey: neither man likes to wear a shirt.

Also, each likes to plant a big, wet kiss on Cruz. But can you really blame them for having such taste? Assuming Tom Cruise didn't poison Penelope with any Scientology spells when those two dated, she's a wonderful catch.

Fortunately, McConaughey has found happiness with Camila Alves. So everyone wins! Especially voyeurs...