Joanna Krupa is not British.

But that isn't stopping the model from following in the beautiful footsteps of English models such as Lucy Pinder and Gemma Atkinson.

That's right, Krupa has her own 2008 calendar.

In need of a stocking stuffer? Consider Joanna Krupa nude. It beats the heck out of chocolate Santas.

Just in case you were wondering at home: Spencer Pratt wants to be disgustingly rich (possibly even rich enough to buy a real engagement ring) ... but is also content entertaining viewers as reality TV's most hated villain.

"The bottom line is I'm making people react and ultimately not think about that we are in a war in Iraq and are trying to pick leaders," he says in the November issue of Radar magazine. "The Hills is a good breath of fresh air for people. I do not take it a little bit seriously. I'm an entertainer."

What Spencer Pratt does take seriously is his future, however.

"I'm trying to be a billionaire by age 30. Once you find an open market, that's where you can make billions to trillions of dollars," says the vile one.

Acne-riddled reality TV pests don't typically become trillionaires, at least to our knowledge, but you go ahead and believe that, Spencer.

The 24-year-old, best known as the despised fiance of The Hills co-star, Heidi Montag, also admits to political aspirations and tells Radar that while his antics are for show, his love for Montag is the real deal.

"She is an angel, I'm honored to be with her. People don't even know!" Spencer Pratt says of the 20-year-old "singer."

"I'm the new villain, and that's hilarious! It's so cool to be alive ... I would be on reality TV until I am 100. It's the coolest thing."

The talentless hack did not comment on Heidi's website getting hacked. But he did add: "It's cooler to have people come up and be like, 'Spencer Pratt' and know my name, than to be Orlando Bloom, who's famous for being some pirate."

And for a possible hit-and-run in which he allegedly walked away from the scene of a car crash. But that's neither here nor there.

Suri Cruise is pumped up.

Look at her arms raised triumphantly on the latest cover of Us Weekly. What does she have to be happy about? The fact that her parents actually keep her shielded from the press a lot of the time (unlike, say, Jayden James)?

Well, there's no question that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' adorable little daughter leads a charmed existence. But just how big a role does TomKat's controversial religion play in the life of Suri Cruise on a daily basis?

Suri Cruise - who was fed a mixture of barley water, milk and corn syrup instead of formula and breast milk - is too young for classes at the Scientology Centre, but the 18-month-old is constantly surrounded by believers, including her nannies.

Additionally, Katie Holmes, 29, and Tom Cruise, 45, reportedly have a hard time saying no to little Suri Cruise. But it's not simply because they're pushovers.

"It's all about being positive and supportive," says a friend. Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard advises parents to "try to be a child's friend." As for discipline, one former member tells Us that Scientologists do not scold their children, but rather explain that bad behavior is the "wrong action."

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, says their pal, are lenient and do not like to give Suri Cruise too many rules: "Suri pretty much does whatever she wants, whenever she wants. If she fusses before bed, they let her stay up later. If they want her to go swimming and she cries, they take her out. If she whines about food, they'll ask what else she wants to eat. They always want to please her."

In other words, they're pretty standard parents. Who would have guessed.

We never thought we'd be able to make a Britney Spears joke at the expense of Orlando Bloom, but the hunky actor is reportedly following in the train wreck's footsteps and becoming part of a hit and run investigation.

The LAPD is investigating a weekend car crash involving Orlando Bloom, and cops are still looking at the possibility that he acted illegally.

The accident occurred just after 2:00 AM Friday, after Orlando Bloom left a Hollywood club. The woman in the back seat, prominent fashion stylist Cher Coulter, suffered a fractured neck in the crash.

Just minutes after leaving the club, Orlando smashed into a parked Porsche, then began walking away from the scene. But X17 has this video of paparazzi members urging Bloom to return, which he eventually did.

Orlando Bloom and stylist Cher Coulter were involved in a car wreck. She was riding in the back seat and after he crashed his car, he may have acted illegally.

Ironically, right as Cher Coulter left the club, before getting in the car, she said to Orlando, "What, are you gonna leave me on the street?" Minutes later, it turns out, that's exactly what he did ... when he walked away.

As to why the police did not administer a field sobriety test to the Lord of the Rings star, one detective says that even if an officer saw "minor objective symptoms" of intoxication, it's still a subjective judgment call.

Detectives say Orlando Bloom has been interviewed by cops, and he said an SUV with celebrity news reporters cut him off and caused the crash. The LAPD is investigating that claim as well, and the investigation is open and active.

Those are the worst of ESPN's The Sports Gal, not us. Although we so agree! A costumed Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott recently went back in time - to the '20s - to film an episode of their reality TV show, Tori and Dean: Inn Love.

Perhaps they should have instead traveled back to 1997... to the day Donna Martin graduates! Oh yeah! We're here all day folks. We're here all day.

In any event, here's a picture of Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott, their son Liam and their dog. We never thought we'd say this, but maybe Tori should stick to working with the Pussycat Dolls. This reality thing? Not working...

Tori Spelling: Eking out a living any way a talentless hack can.

After being outed by Brody Jenner in last night's enthralling episode of The Hills as the source of vicious rumors, the plastic Heidi Montag posted this blurb this morning on her website regarding the Lauren Conrad sex tape:

Her words, with typically bad grammar: "Me and Spencer did spread the false rumors about Lauren Conrad's sex tape." Spencer and I, girl. Spencer and I.

But a few hours later, apparently, Heidi Montag has retracted the Lauren Conrad sex tape rumor admission we all know is true. She claims her official site was hacked! The mea culpa above has been removed. Check out her latest post...

Wow. Whoever hacked Heidi Montag's official site, if that's what happened, gets major props from The Hollywood Gossip. Next time, we hope to see a post in which Spencer endorses his favorite brands of tampons and yeast cream.

But what do you think? Do you believe Heidi Montag's hacker claim? We never know what to believe in The Hills universe, except three things:

1. Jen Bunney is really annoying.
2. We need to see more Whitney Port!
3. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt need to take a course in web design. Come on, people. You claim to be celebrities and these are your sites? Losers.

Must you really ask why we felt the need to publish this Megan Fox picture? There hasn't been one on the site in weeks.

And that's far too long for the best looking celebrity this side of Jen Bunney. Just kidding. That spoiled co-star of The Hills sucks.

Drew Carey recently got engaged to Nicole Jaracz, but that's not the only exciting new beginning on tap for the rotund funny man.

With an "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" attitude, Carey has officially assumed Bob Barker's hosting duties at The Price Is Right.

On this particular afternoon, Carey is biding time in Bob Barker's old dressing room before a taping.

Finishing touches are being made on a new dressing room that will be Carey's alone. For years, Bob Barker shared his with The Young and the Restless actresses and talk-show host Bill Maher.

There also are changes to the set, though it would take a most loyal viewer to identify them: a slightly altered color scheme, pastel curtains, a new re-carpeted turntable. Only The Price is Right's legendary Showcase Showdown wheel has been spared any retouching.

Drew Carey isn't wearing his signature black specs, and though he appears more youthful without them, he slips them on as soon as he is on stage. He had Lasik eye surgery years ago but says he still needs bifocals to read prices.

"It really does get blurry," he said.

Unlike his love for Nicole Jaracz. We can only hope that other recently engaged comedians, such as Jimmy Fallon (to Nancy Juvonen) are as happy as Drew.

The great Britney Spears was already looking for the next party as she left an LAPD police station after being booked on charges of hit-and-run and driving without a valid license in California on Monday night.

The 25-year-old pop star turned herself in for an August 6 incident in which she hit someone else's car with hers, parked and walked away without leaving a note.

At the station, Britney Spears mug shot was taken, then she was fingerprinted and released on the promise to appear in court later this month.

While exiting the police station (wearing sunglasses at night), she submitted to a quick Q&A with a CBS reporter. Needless to say, it was a riveting exchange.

How did it go?
"Amazing."

What was the experience like?
"They were nice."

Do you feel relieved?
"Yeah."

What are you guys doing tonight?
"Where's the party at?"

Any plans for Halloween?
"Not yet."

No outfits for the kids?
"Um, not yet."

Yeah. Perhaps Britney Spears should just zip it and leave all future comments to Sam Lutfi, Alli Sims or whomever her personal assistant is at that moment.

You can't exactly call this a nipple slip, but Victoria Beckham can't seem to be photographed without her nipples / large breasts as the focal point.

Perhaps this is why she brought along a new accessory to divert attention. Yes, that's little Cruz Beckham with mom at The Grove outdoor mall Monday. Now that is one cute celebrity baby... er, toddler. Eat your heart out, Sean Preston.

Maybe Victoria has been watching Lucy Pinder or her new pal Dita Von Teese get naked a little too often.  Regardless, how cute is Cruz Beckham!? Awww.