by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Even unparalleled beauty is no match for malaria.

Soon after a trip to Tanzania last week with boyfriend Derek Hough, Cheryl Cole came down with a case of this dangerous disease. Friends told The Daily Mail that The X Factor judge was rushed to the hospital after a bout of "sweating and shaking" at home.

Cole will remain in the hospital for a few days and will need many weeks to recover from the ailment. Said a source:

"Cheryl hadn't been feeling herself for about a week. She was feeling tired and listless... During Sunday afternoon, Cheryl went downhill quickly. She was sweating and shaking and in a bad way."


Get better soon, Cheryl! Send in your best wishes to this malaria-stricken sex symbol today!

A spokesman says a mosquito likely bit his client and added: "Following doctors' advice, Cheryl Cole will be canceling all work commitments for the next week."

In related news, we've never been so jealous of a mosquito in all our lives.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Lauren Conrad is finally returning to The Hills ... right after it ends.

One week from tonight, the girl who made the MTV reality show a hit will be on hand for the Live Reunion Show after the now-sagging series mercifully goes off the air.

Lauren Conrad Smiles in Blue

The reunion will immediately follow the series finale of The Hills and the season finale of The City. Whitney Port reported the LC news, as well as her own attendance:

"I am so happy to tell you all that I will be attending the reunion, as will Lauren!" Whitney wrote on her official site. "I am so excited to see everyone and catch up."

"I am so excited to see what's next for them," the former Hills star and current City leading lady continued. "It's been so long since we have all been together."

REUNITED: For one night and one night only, next Tuesday.

What remains unclear is whether Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, exiled from the show in recent weeks without notice, will appear between now and July 13.

The gruesome twosome was featured prominently in the first part of this season, but then Spencer went haywire, they supposedly broke up in real life, etc.

It's not clear why, but there has been no explanation of their vanishing from the series. Tonight, the penultimate episode of The Hills airs, followed by The City.

The former will likely focus on Kristin and Audrina's predictably boring romantic drama. Sigh. We can only hope Speidi returns to liven things up one last time.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Forget fireworks, beach visits and barbecues.

There's only one real way to celebrate the Fourth of July: by sitting back and listening to the melodic sounds of the two most adorable singers alive today.

That's what lucky concert attendees in New York City and Washington D.C. enjoyed on Sunday, as Justin Bieber performed for the former and David Archuleta for the latter.

Fortunately, THG is your hook-up for footage from these events, as you can watch Bieber belt out a version of "Somebody to Love" below and Archuleta follow it up with a rendition of "Stand By Me." Happy birthday, America, thanks for giving us these talented young stud muffins...

[video url="" title="Stand By David"] [/video]

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

So close.

Eclipse came ever so close to knocking Spider-Man 2 from its top perch and establishing a new box office record for a film's first six days in release.

Alas, the third Twilight Saga installment will have to settle for a mere $175 million in domestic earnings so far.

That figure actually falls short of New Moon's opening six-day haul, as it grossed $178 million in less than a week. Still, Eclipse has set a quartet of benchmarks:

  1. Biggest midnight gross of all-time.
  2. Biggest Wednesday ever.
  3. Widest release in cinematic history.
  4. Loudest screams from fans in attendance.

Despite a mixed bag of reviews, the movie has made over $275 million worldwide.

While Toy Story 3 continues to bring in the bucks, we'd be surprised if Eclipse wasn't the highest-grossing film of the summer when all is said and done. Instead of staring each other down, Jacob and Edward should really be high-fiving in the photo above.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Only four men remain on The Bachelorette now. Maybe you noticed.

Last night's episode of the reality TV saga was dominated by a Jake and Vienna interview for the ages, making everything else seem boring and irrelevant.

Follow the above link for an entire recap devoted to that nonsense. Below, we give Ali Fedotowsky and crew their due as her quest for love hits Portugal.

Here's THG's patented plus-minus rundown of the episode ...

Ali and Roberto Martinez take pictures of each other, hear music on the street and start dancing right there. SO romantic and NOT AT ALL staged. Minus 4.

They make nice conversation about Roberto's family, the hunk says really nice things to Ali, they kiss and we think he's the favorite, hands down. Plus 8.

Cute New Bachelorette

Who will The Bachelorette star choose?

Ty and Frank go on the awkward two-on-one date ever. Minus 5, 'cause they just bitch about the format the whole time. You're on The Bachelorette, guys.

Frank lives with his parents. Minus 4, but Ty does him one better by saying he's "tickled" Ali has a plan and a career of her own. Sexist much? Minus 20.

Kirk's date takes place in a big castle, at which he talks about his illness and how it made him reexamine his life. Again with the mold poisoning. Plus 9.

Minus 12, or approximately one point for each use of the word "hometown." Like saying "wrong reasons" ad nauseam, guess they stick to the script.

Fortunately, Chris Lambton not only refers to his town's name (Dennis, Mass.), he knocks it out of the park on his date. Moped skills aside. Plus 13.

Chris and Roberto can do no wrong.

The narrative of Chris' mom's death is a wee bit overblown, but he seems so genuinely sweet about it, how can you not give the guy another Plus 11?

Minus 7 for blurring out Chris' Boston Red Sox shirt.

If you're up on The Bachelorette spoilers, you knew that Ty or Kirk was going home at the rose ceremony, and it was Ty in a bit of a surprise. Plus 5.

Again, see the link above for the full rundown, but for all her flaws, sad Vienna Girardi came off 100 times better than pompous Jake Pavelka. Wash.

How funny was next week's preview, considering how much Frank whines about not getting time with Ali, the alleged girl of his dreams?! Minus 15.

TOTAL: -9. SEASON: +130.

Roses: Chris, Roberto, Frank and Kirk.

Out: Ty.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

If you thought Miley Cyrus hated clothing, look at the step her ex-boyfriend has taken.

Justin Gaston is featured in the latest naked PETA ad, posing in his birthday suit alongside some girl named Giglianne Braga and some dude named Ben Elliott.

The trio star on If I Can Dream, an online reality show that chronicles their attempts to make it big in the music world. Of course, if that doesn't work out, there's clearly a career in soft porn ahead for these three.

It's unclear what message PETA is trying to send with these posters, but they practically make the Danielle Staub sex tape look PG by comparison...

Naked Reality Show Cast
Random Nudists for PETA

Just when you thought PETA ads couldn't get more random and pathetic.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

You know I love you, I try to stick it to you whenever I can.
- Scott Disick

Not even Fourth of July Weekend could slow down the writers of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. They penned such winning lines as the one uttered above and came up with a new episode of this E! reality show last night. We forced an intern to watch and she filed the following report...

It’s honestly hard to get through KKTM these days without Khloe speaking like a 4 year old.  It’s really effing killing me, which makes it harder to write this review, but here goes.

Scott and Kourtney are a bipolar couple. The polo event they went to was so staged it was ridiculous.  Congrats, producers, for coming up with new locations and storylines to paint the exact story you want.  So Kourtney flirts with a hot polo player and Scott doesn’t even care.  As she laments to Khloe that it felt sexual to be on the horse with a polo hottie, Scott is in the backseat with the baby deciding aloud that he’s “really in the mood for a taco.”

Khloe Kardashian Wallpaper

The Kardashians are such pros at working the camera and Scott has picked up the tricks of the trade pretty quickly.  He knows it makes for better television if he resists Kourtney’s taunting and forces her to take her game to the next level. 

This brings us to Kourtney staging a lesbionic reunion with season one fling Jackie.  Scott smells BS the second he walks in the door and upstages her.  I truly was laughing when he came outside in his robe and suggested a threesome.  He’s fully bucko, swinging his dong at these ladies, with his microphone cord visibly hanging behind him. 

Scott’s crazy, but he’s definitely amusing.  Kourtney calls him a sicko, Jackie leaves, and Scott tells her that he always wants to get down with her, there’s no need to play these games.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Last night's episode of The Bachelorette was essentially scaled back to an hour and 15 minutes to make room for the Jake Pavelka-Vienna Girardi smackdown.

This left us with two thoughts: 1. This could easily be a one-hour show every week, and 2. This interview was likely the greatest 45 minutes in show history.

There were so many ridiculous comments made and insults traded, The Hollywood Gossip has devoted a separate Bachelorette recap to their joint interview.

Our traditional Bachelorette rundown will follow shortly. Now, for the blow-by-blow of the much-hyped reunion that followed the Breakup of the Century ...

Future Mrs. Pavelka

Introducing the segment on a somber note, venerable host-pimp Chris Harrison pretends not to be ecstatic this fell in ABC's lap. What a great job. Plus 8.

Jake comes out to tell "his side" first. Jerry Springer-esque. Minus 4, if only because a screaming audience and/or chairs thrown would have enhanced this.

Oh, if you have this on DVR, have one person do a shot every time she says "fame whore" and another take one every time he says "undermined." Plus 10.

After Jake Pavelka says he was "blindsided" by the split, Vienna Girardi alleges "emotional abuse." Hard to tell who's lying more in the early going. Minus 3.

Jake seems genuinely surprised, even now, that Vienna is trashy and not that smart. Plus 4, because 10 million viewers knew this on his season's premiere.

We've never been big fans, per se, but when Jake starts being all condescending about text messages, her family, her dog, etc., we feel bad for V. Minus 7.

Vienna, on Jake complaining that she remeasured their room: "I never picked up a tape measure. I never picked up a tape measure in my life." Plus 12.

For whatever reason, they bleep out Gregory Michael's name, even though Vienna's alleged cheating with Gregory Michael was widely reported. Minus 18.

That story about Jake throwing the GPS into the back seat was pathetic and disturbing, but Minus only 5, because you know how guys are about directions.

Chris: "We don't really care about the dog." LOLOLOLOL. Plus 10.

Asked by Chris what they loved about each other, Jake says Vienna "challenged him." Plus 14, because he definitely just became "the biggest fake liar ever."

Jake: "I believe there is more to relationships than sex and intimacy." Like updating one's Twitter and going on as many reality shows as possible. Minus 9.

Near tears and vehemently denying Jake's accusations of her "flings with other men," Vienna asks Chris if she can take a "poly-o-graph" test. Plus 1,000.

How the HELL has Chris kept a straight face for a HALF HOUR? Plus 7.

When she interrupts Jake, in the midst of apologizing no less, he raises his hand in rage (not quite making a fist, but close) and berates her. Minus 250.

As she storms off in tears, Jake just shakes his head condescendingly. "There she goes again." How would these two EVER work as a couple?! Minus 40.

Minus 200 more, because as entertaining as this was, these morons both need to go away forever now ... and we have a strong suspicion they won't.

Wow. We always knew Jake was an uptight stiff, but we didn't peg him for a misogynistic a$$hole. We can't believe we're saying this, but ... Team Vienna?

TOTAL: +534.

Whose side are you on?


by Free Britney at . Comments

Finishing 14 shots back and in a tie for 46th place at the AT&T National tournament this past weekend, Tiger Woods is clearly not playing his best golf.

There's a reason for that, and the legend took a rare moment to disclose his feelings to the press. What did we get from the famously private star?

That he's "frustrated."

Understandably so. His golf comeback has netted some decent rounds, but no titles, and a big part of that can be traced to his imminent divorce.

Various Tiger Woods divorce reports have fueled speculation, as the disgraced golfer's breakup is all but official, and he was having a rough week.

He offered this cryptic comment at a news conference after a bad round: "Outside the ropes there are certainly still distractions. It is what it is."

NO LOVE: Tiger Woods' putter hasn't been active lately.

Sources say Elin Woods will be bound by a confidentiality agreement as part of the divorce, while Woods can't bring any girlfriends around their kids.

The two will share legal custody of their two children, although Elin will have primary physical custody as she works out visitation schedules with Tiger.

She is set to receive a $100 million settlement as well.

Woods didn't offer any comment on the proceedings after the AT&T National, though he did acknowledge his desire to put his mistakes behind him.

"You're not always going to go through life perfect. No one does," he said. "When you make a mistake, step up to the plate and take ownership of it."

"I think everyone has had distractions in their lives [but] I think that my life out here on tour is becoming more normalized," he told the media.

by Free Britney at . Comments

It may be a tall order to tame a wild man like Russell Brand, but when you have assets (two in particular) like Katy Perry, that gives you a fighting chance.

Said assets can also help one achieve a music career.

The Katy Perry pictures in the August edition of Esquire are proof positive of that, with her hair dyed jet black and suggestive outfits (or no outfits) galore.

Here's the cover photo, which gives you an indication .,..

Katy Perry Esquire Cover

In one pic, Russell Brand's fiance sexes it up in a LBD and knee-high boots, while in another she dons a laced body suit - as she seductively licks her lips.

In two others, Katy strips down to just a pair of high-waisted cut-out, laced briefs and killer heels as she covers herself with her hands. At least partially.

Katy says she's utilized her special skills to tame Russell.

“He used to basically be a professional prostitute, now he’s not. He’s an extremist and that can be good and bad. I need someone stronger than me. And I am, like, a f**king strong elephant of a woman. I say that hopefully in the humblest way I can.”

Alright then. Nice. Click to enlarge more photos below!

  • Vampish Katy
  • Katy Perry Topless Picture
  • Hot Hot Katy
  • Katy Perry Topless

[Photos: Esquire]

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